Hahahaha, there wasn't as much cooking lesson as I expected xDDDD but it doesn't change the fact that it was very good. Although it was surprising because I had no idea you'd come back to making out before Hikaru got to the finals. xD As always I await next part. xDDD
Haha! I made you blush with just this little bit of smut? Then you'll likely be bright red when they get to the real deal. But, that will be fun in and of itself.
Why do you think Hikaru and Akira have never really taken a lot of time for their games? They're relieving their frustration. ::knowing nod::
You mean you didn't worship me before? *cries* But, hey, at least I redeemed myself. *grin* Glad you liked. Hopefully, after this, the boys can take their time on a couple of games.
Very hot indeed. I shutter a bit at the word "cock" though, but only because my personal preference does not enjoy the use of that word.
I'm half tempted to read it again... which I probably will. ^.~
You have a very nice style, and you don't really make many mistakes at all. With as fast as you get them up, I know you couldn't have a beta reader. That's a feat all by itself.
The only possible mistake in this one is this line:
unable to keep up this constant stream of kisses and glancing licks.
I don't think glancing is the word you're looking for. Maybe glazing?
All in all, outstanding stuff here. It's not too often you come across people who can actually WRITE. You and svz_insanity are both exceptional writers. I feel privileged to have come across such fine fan-fiction.
With all of the smut that I've written in my "career" as a fanfic writer, I've used a lot of words for the penis. I can't say that "cock" is my favorite, but it has become the one I use mostly because the vast majority of other words sound crass without even having the decency to sound dirty in the right way. I could certainly use euphemisms, but sometimes they're too flowery for their own good, or get repetitious... And "penis" is entirely too clinical. ^_
( ... )
I completely understand the repetition problem. I have that problem myself. I only dislike the word cock because it seems almost too dirty for a love making scene. It just feels out of place to me.
I also agree on the beta readers, however, as I have seen time and time again, many people who need them don't have them. There are very few people with a good grasp on grammar, sadly enough. I myself have just recently acquired a beta for my long term fluff epic, but only because she offered. I still don't wait to post. *Chuckles* I let her beta after it's posted. I'm way too impatient for that. Then again, she told me I'm her easiest author. My main problem is with commas.
As for 'glancing', that's interesting. I haven't seen it used in that context before.
I'm glad you enjoy my comments. That's why I leave them. ^.^
Oh yeah, I did read it again. And I'll probably read it again... again. Heh.
Most Americans actually don't add anything to their scrambled eggs. But, milk doesn't really change the flavor... it just makes them fluffier.
I'm glad you liked the smut. ^_^ There will definitely be more of that, but Akira has to angst about all of this first.
Call the Cooking Channel a convenient plot device. I know that no such thing exists in Japan, but as this is set in the future, I can pretend it will. And, while the Iron Chef idea was tempting to do, I didn't want to turn this into the comedy that it keeps trying to take turns toward. ^_^
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As always I await next part. xDDD
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Yep Akira should know that practice makes perfect.. ;)
Hikaru and his speed go are definetely.. interesting XD
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Why do you think Hikaru and Akira have never really taken a lot of time for their games? They're relieving their frustration. ::knowing nod::
Thanks for commenting!
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I worship you now. Oh, wow ! What a thing to come home to. <333
*snickers* I second divinepocky's comment. Hikaru and his speed go. <3
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Now it's "OMG. Let's make babies. NOW." worship. See? Difference! <3 ^_^
I can't wait for Aja to catch up.
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Aja will crack. I swear. *grin* Who knows what I may have up by the time she's actually back?
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Very hot indeed. I shutter a bit at the word "cock" though, but only because my personal preference does not enjoy the use of that word.
I'm half tempted to read it again... which I probably will. ^.~
You have a very nice style, and you don't really make many mistakes at all. With as fast as you get them up, I know you couldn't have a beta reader. That's a feat all by itself.
The only possible mistake in this one is this line:
unable to keep up this constant stream of kisses and glancing licks.
I don't think glancing is the word you're looking for. Maybe glazing?
All in all, outstanding stuff here. It's not too often you come across people who can actually WRITE. You and svz_insanity are both exceptional writers. I feel privileged to have come across such fine fan-fiction.
Reply
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I also agree on the beta readers, however, as I have seen time and time again, many people who need them don't have them. There are very few people with a good grasp on grammar, sadly enough. I myself have just recently acquired a beta for my long term fluff epic, but only because she offered. I still don't wait to post. *Chuckles* I let her beta after it's posted. I'm way too impatient for that. Then again, she told me I'm her easiest author. My main problem is with commas.
As for 'glancing', that's interesting. I haven't seen it used in that context before.
I'm glad you enjoy my comments. That's why I leave them. ^.^
Oh yeah, I did read it again. And I'll probably read it again... again. Heh.
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I'm glad you liked the smut. ^_^ There will definitely be more of that, but Akira has to angst about all of this first.
Call the Cooking Channel a convenient plot device. I know that no such thing exists in Japan, but as this is set in the future, I can pretend it will. And, while the Iron Chef idea was tempting to do, I didn't want to turn this into the comedy that it keeps trying to take turns toward. ^_^
Thanks for commenting!
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