Mostly venting and agonizing. Triggers for rape and shit like that, sorry.

[hanaurimusume]

I don't know. I've been really positive about life lately, and I manage to be cheery, and I like myself better this way. I like helping people out and helping them feel happy and trying to help them with their problems. I haven't been breaking down that often, but lately it happens now and again and I think that's ok. I'm going to just do that

Comments

[derekja]

<3

Sorry you're having a rough time of it. Anxiety sucks. But I hope you just have an anxiety issue because it beats the alternatives!

Heh, and I come a little bit closer to understanding the evil cookie...

[hanaurimusume]

Loopholes would be amazing. If not, I think I'll try applying for state healthcare (even though I was denied before, maybe I won't be now), and if that doesn't work, check out the postgrad application I got in the mail or research affordable private insurance that I'll eventually be able to afford.

I think I just needed to break down about this stuff tonight, so that tomorrow maybe I'll be able to function better and start figuring stuff out. But when I think about the situation, it's really really fucked up that trauma caused by sexual assualt would be a relief to me instead of a medical problem because the US doesn't have universal healthcare. It's like, 'well, if I have to be fucked systematically, I might as well go with an option I'm familiar with.'

Thank you. Also, sometimes you are poetic. You are like my favourite thesaurus.

[medicalfairy]

So now that I work in this industry you should take my recommendation and move out of the country. Just like I'm attempting to do.

FUCKING LEECHES.

[mewmewmew_]

Do any of the jobs you're applying for offer health care? That sounds like it would be the best bet for you. I really want you to be able to get that MRI as soon as possible. I still suspect it to just be stress, as stress is a powerful state, however for your own piece of mind I hope that a tumor can be ruled out, and that you also don't have postural orthostatic tachycardia syndrome. I took Fluoxetine for a year or two and I found it helpful. I know it's not of much comfort, but you know that I experience a lot of the same symptoms you do. My MRI was clean. What about your hearing or vision? When were they last tested

[david_feuer]

You're being assaulted two to three times a week????

[mewmewmew_]

Not sure what's going on. Maybe the planets are aligned strangely. Or maybe it's always been this way and because I'm fed up with shrugging it off, I've become hyper sensitive and am now calling it out when it happens. Either way, I've been having a lot of rough situations happen since I've been home and it's making it difficult to reconcile all the situations from my past.

[david_feuer]

Shit, man, maybe you should leave home. Wish I had a couch to offer. Let me know if there's anything I can do to help.

[bleucitrus]

I'm sorry you're going through this right now, I can't imagine how scary and hard it must be. I really really hope that you get a job that offers insurance so you can get your tests done. Our health care system sucks serious ass.

I hope it's just anxiety and stress, I know from personal experience that they can be far more debilitating then I ever thought possible (I get horrible stomach problems as well as migraines from anxiety)

I agree with the person who commented above me that it sounds like you are suffering from PTSD, it's amazing how the brain works to bury things like that only to hit you with the aftereffects years later.

I wish I could be more help to you. It upsets me how much you've had to go through. No one should have to deal with this.

[david_feuer]

And migraines can cause visual disturbances. When I get migraine-like tension headaches, my eyes often fill up with blind spots.

[bleucitrus]

Oh man, same here...it used to scare me terribly until I talked to a doctor and found out a few of my friends had the same problems

[david_feuer]

That sucks ass, Art. Just so you don't freak out too much, the MRI is to rule out stuff that's frankly pretty unlikely. Yes, you could have brain cancer, but no, that's probably not the problem. Yes, you should get an MRI, but no, you absolutely shouldn't stress over that when you can't do anything about it. I'm sorry you're dealing with such heavy traumatic memories-I haven't been through anything comparable, trauma-wise, but I am intimately familiar with what can happen when painful, unprocessed memories suddenly decide they're going to take over your head and make you live them over and over again for a while, and it does suck mightily. Unrelated, but sort of related: do you have anyone who can give you a good head, neck, and shoulder massage? If not, can you dedicate some time to stretching and self-massage? Those muscles can cause all sorts of nasty problems when they get mad.