Zorg is not a human. He woke up in Humanland two years ago, looking and smelling like one, but he was still a Zorg. Zorg enjoys dancing because has a sense unique from those possessed by humans - a sense Zorg calls ‘vibrocation.’ This means Zorg knows what’s going on around him at all times via his acute Zorg perception of even the most subtle ( Read more... )

Dre wakes up around noon. He yawns, stretches, slips out last night’s jimmy hat and into some slippers. He chuckles to see the tattoo on his beautiful wife’s back ( Read more... )

So I’m sitting around thinking about how cool it is to write journal entries and I think I’ll just waste everyone’s (and I mean everyone’s) time by writing theological, self-indulgent bullshit. No, I’m just kidding. Today I want to talk to you about life, and the importance of being earnest. Sometimes I’m on the street and I’ll see a pigeon and ( Read more... )

Okay first off to you Americans reading or not reading y’all is pussy. You tried to invade this shit but you couldn’t ‘cause Laura Secord warned the Indians. Speaking of bitches, who relies on a bitch to support them in war time? Yo, Indians, y’all are bitches. Laura Secord’s all like “hey look you red bastards it’s the Americans, what are you ( Read more... )

I must admit from the onset that this is not the first time I have written to a corporate bakery. The difference between my comments today and my prior complaints, suggestions and demands of your competitors is that I do not write to you with any implicit revisions or accusations of degradation. I wish to explain to you my relationship with your ( Read more... )

Dear Girl Guides ( Read more... )

“You’re the least disgusting girl I’ve ever met.” Not an insult. She took it as one, though. She didn’t even wait for me to finish before she got up and left. Something like, “don’t call me!” as she left. “Whatever…” I said. “I won’t.” The stupid part is I meant what I said. But instead of chasing after her, which is what I decided later that she ( Read more... )

I shall today relay to you at his precocious request what I shall simply call the true story of Mr. Reineck. But first it is essential that I outline some of the circumstances under which we made each other’s acquaintance. It was 1797 - the year of the Nore mutiny and coincidentally, in what is today the Republic of Congo, a field rabbit was about ( Read more... )

Dear Mr. Christie ( Read more... )

I live in a cd case. What am I? Yes, that's true, I am, but what do i look like? do i have a picture on me? Am i blue or green, - bought or burnt? So many questions. Yes, that's true, none of it really matters to you, but it's a very big deal to me, you see. It's my life. What i'm sick of is people thinking that they can just use me and toss me on ( Read more... )