het yet again
i think het is now my goto place when i can't write stupid boy antics. i miss being able to write stupid boy antics.
when the best friend meets the girlfriend
the usual smattering of het suspects with a few surprise guests. 1845 words.
--this is an old old fic idea, old as last spring, revisited because of a sudden hit of inspiration from kami's fic . dedicated to the usual smattering of suspects, and you know who you are and which part is yours, but if you want names: calledinvain, kitsune714, blood_opal, amaikoryori, enerirenie, noble_scarlet, and tinyangl. also for swtjemz, who is not here at the moment but who was recently lamenting the lack of het and by the way wrote me cute massumaki fic for no reason at all.
LOLOL wow i am so cheap. sorry guys, that's less than 300 words apiece. also quickly written and not really looked over. forgive me.
i. when the best friend meets the girlfriend and things don't go as well as planned
There's an impatient rap on the door, three times in rapid succession, and then over and over and over until Maki finally peers over at Yamapi, chopsticks pausing by her mouth thoughtfully.
"Shouldn't you get that?" she asks, and Yamapi widens his eyes and shushes her with a finger to his lips.
"Don't say a word," he speaks in hushed whisper. "If we're quiet maybe he'll think we aren't here and go away."
Maki blinks. "Who?"
Yamapi shushes her again and the knocking finally stops. He lets out a sigh of relief.
"Pi! Pi! I hear you breathing in there! Open up! I have something to tell you! Come on, I'm your best friend!" The knocking increases, incensed, and Yamapi sighs and shakes his head, giving Maki a "look what you did" look. Maki blinks back, follows Yamapi with her eyes as he trudges to the door and unlocks and unbolts it. The second he's done the door slams open--into his face--and Jin plows his way inside, talking animatedly at a hundred words per minute. All Maki can make out are the words "sexy" and "triplets" and "boobs" before he stops short and stares at her with wide deer-caught-in-the-headlights eyes. She smiles and waves a little, but he turns away from her abruptly and pulls Yamapi into the kitchen.
"Yamapi, who is that?" he hisses angrily.
"Uhm, who?" Yamapi tries weakly.
"That--that little girl scout sitting in your living room eating Chinese takeout with--are those my chopsticks, Pi?" he asks, horrified. Yamapi rolls his eyes.
"Her name is Maki-chan and she is not a girl scout and those are my chopsticks, Jin."
"I bought them!"
"No you didn't!"
"Okay, but I pointed them out to you." Jin sulks. "Is this your idea of having a cold, Pi? Is this the reason you said you wouldn't go out clubbing with me on a Friday night when I know a pair of triplets with huge boobs and very low alcohol tolerances? For this little Mika?"
"Maki," Yamapi corrects wearily. "And three of a kind is not a pair, Jin. And yes I said no to you so I could have a quiet night with her."
Jin sniffs. "With her?" he repeats.
"Yes." Yamapi sighs. "I was going to introduce you guys later, but--"
Jin blanches. "What. Introduce? As in like, you're really seeing her seeing her? Like--dating?"
Yamapi nods, smiling a little. "Yeah--I guess. I guess we really are dating."
Jin slaps him in the face.
"Jin what the fuck--"
"Do you hear yourself, Pi?" Jin cries dramatically, throwing his arms in the air. "You are giving up the glories of bachelorhood for this--this one little girl with a flat chest? She's just--she's just like some little scrap of paper in the grand sea of--of busty bigger pieces of paper!"
"You know," Maki finally calls out from the living room, over the din of the movie playing in the background, "I can hear you when there's no door to the kitchen."
Yamapi facepalms and Jin wrinkles his nose.
-
What does Akanishi Jin remind you of?
A scrap of paper.
Jin instantly slams his hand down and sends Maki a withering glare. And when Maki just smiles impishly back and proceeds to tell some concocted story about her friend from high school, Jin meets her eyes and thinks, oh it's on.
ii. when the best friend meets the girlfriend and things go well
Shige is nervous. No wait, Shige is not nervous, Shige is a fucking train wreck. He fiddles with the straw of his drink and tries to keep it down as he checks his cell phone for the umpteenth time. He asked Koyama to be here by noon on the dot and it is now twelve-oh-one and Koyama was never late; this did not bode well for the rest of the day. Shige sighs and closes his eyes and takes a breath, before there's a hand at his shoulder and he freaks the hell out.
"Ah!" he exclaims.
"Ah!" Koyama exclaims. And then they burst out laughing as Koyama settles in across the table from him.
"So what's up?" Koyama asks, after signaling the waitress and ordering a drink.
"I--I have something to tell you," Shige replies, figuring it might be best to cut straight to the chase. Koyama blinks and Shige bows his head and wonders how exactly he's going to--
"Ohmigosh you're not gay are you?" Koyama blurts out. "I mean, not that it's a bad thing or anything, I mean, you can always tell me anything Shige, we're best friends, and I always kind of suspected, but I'm not--I mean, if you were trying to confess I just, I--we're best friends and maybe that should just be--"
"Uhm, what?" Shige asks intelligently, and Koyama instantly snaps his mouth shut.
"You--weren't going to confess?"
"No?" Shige blinks.
"Oh! Oh good! Because I was sort of--I mean, I know we joke around as KoyaShige and all and--"
"Koyama I'm straight."
"Really? Because I was always sort of wondering--"
Shige twitches. "I asked you here so you could meet my girlfriend."
Koyama blinks. And then his eyes light up and get all shiny the way they do when he's proud of Tegoshi for doing something good.
"R-really? And she's coming here? Who is she? How did you two meet?" And as Koyama continues to prattle on excitedly and asking questions, Shige thinks he was silly to have worried about his best friend and his girl friend not getting along; after all, his best friend is Koyama, and Koyama loves everyone.
And when Yui-chan arrives at the restaurant at exactly 12:15 on the dot, the three of them order iced teas and paninis and just have a very lovely lunch together.
iii. when the best friend meets the girlfriend and things go too well
"Nishikido Ryo, what the fuck are you doing here when you said you had to cancel," Sawajiri Erika growls when she sees none other than her boyfriend in the streets of Roppongi, waiting just within steps of Heaven's Hell, the newest club whose grand opening Ryo had dismissed tonight for some important "business matters" he had to attend to.
"I swear if you are fucking cheating on me, I will grind my heel so far up your--"
"Ryo-chan, the karaoke place has an opening!" someone says a distance behind Ryo, and Erika shoots him a blood curdling glare before shoving past him to see the offending mistress of her now ex-boyfriend.
The mistress is a mister.
Erika opens her mouth, then closes it, then groans and thinks she probably should have suspected this all along, despite all of his protests, because really, who can work in that kind of industry and environment and not turn and--
"Erika--chan?" The Other One asks, tilting his admittedly girlish face to one side and squinting, as if trying to recall something very important. And that's when it clicks.
"Ah! Uchi-kun, was it?" she says, recalling vaguely the name and the face belonging to her possibly ex-boyfriend's best friend.
"Oh it is you!" Uchi exclaims, delighted, before taking two steps and pulling her into a hug.
When he releases her, there is a huge smile on his face, and Erika somehow finds her anger slowly dissipating. "Sorry I monopolized Ryo-chan tonight. But filming ended early and we hadn't had much time to really catch up so we were going to go karaoke--but I've heard so much about you, Erika-chan! Ryo-chan talks about you a lot, ne."
"Don't believe a word that guy says," Erika huffs, wrinkling her nose, and Uchi laughs.
"No, no, nothing bad. Though he never mentioned that you were so much prettier in person."
Erika blinks, before a large smile curls over her lips, despite Ryo's gagging motions in the background. "Oh really?" Uchi nods and Erika laughs.
"He also never told me how tall you were," she says finally, looking him up and down and up and up with approval.
"Ah, that's not something Ryo-chan really likes to talk about. He never really hit his growth spurt until he was eighteen. I think I have a picture somewhere in my wallet still, actually--"
"Oh really," Erika drawls, raising her eyebrows and Ryo makes a noise of guttural discontent. She beams and takes Uchi by the arm. "Tell me more--you said karaoke right? Mind if I join you?"
"Not at all!" Uchi replies cheerfully, completely oblivious to Ryo's frantic x-gestures with his arms.
"Say, did you know Ryo-chan wet his bed until he was fourteen?"
Ryo groans.
iv. when the best friend is the girlfriend
"Why don't we ever go out anymore?" Tegoshi asks suddenly, handing Massu a plate of pizza from the delivery box. Massu takes the plate and offers him a glass of soda before settling back down into the sofa.
"Hm?" Massu asks, flipping the DVD player on with the remote. "What do you mean?"
"Well, that we don't go out anymore. Not to dinner, not to the movies or even shopping lately. Not even to karaoke." Tegoshi frowns a little as he nibbles half-heartedly on his slice of pizza. "Why is that?"
Massu pauses the DVD and glances over at Tegoshi thoughtfully, carefully, because Tegoshi is using his this is serious and I am unhappy voice and Massu doesn't really like it when Tegoshi is unhappy.
"Well, I mean. You're here, I'm here--and the food is here. What else do we need?"
Tegoshi blinks, before nodding, trying hard to hide his suddenly growing smile at Massu's simple and possibly oblivious sentiment.
"Okay," he replies, before settling back into the couch and touching his shoulder against Massu's. "But next week we go singing, okay?" he asks. Massu laughs.
"Okay, okay," he says, and flips the DVD on again.
"What are we watching anyway?" Tegoshi asks--before very familiar instrumentals begin and he groans. "Happy Feet again? Why?" he groans, embarrassed.
"I really like the part where your voice cracks that one time," Massu replies, grinning brightly. Tegoshi kicks him in the shins.
v. when the boyfriend is smarter than that
"Why is it that I've never really met any of your Jyannis friends?" Meisa asks, during one of their leisurely strolls around Harajuku on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Kame stops short in front of a display window of flat screen television sets and sends her an odd look, which she counters with an inquiring one.
"You don't like any of my friends," he replies matter-of-factly, stifling a yawn with his free hand. Meisa blinks, before laughing and giving his hand a light squeeze.
"Aw! I knew I was dating you for more than your looks!" she exclaims proudly. Kame rolls his eyes, but smiles and carefully tugs her away from the OXY commercial playing simultaneously on twelve screens in the storefront.
when the best friend meets the girlfriend
the usual smattering of het suspects with a few surprise guests. 1845 words.
--this is an old old fic idea, old as last spring, revisited because of a sudden hit of inspiration from kami's fic . dedicated to the usual smattering of suspects, and you know who you are and which part is yours, but if you want names: calledinvain, kitsune714, blood_opal, amaikoryori, enerirenie, noble_scarlet, and tinyangl. also for swtjemz, who is not here at the moment but who was recently lamenting the lack of het and by the way wrote me cute massumaki fic for no reason at all.
LOLOL wow i am so cheap. sorry guys, that's less than 300 words apiece. also quickly written and not really looked over. forgive me.
i. when the best friend meets the girlfriend and things don't go as well as planned
There's an impatient rap on the door, three times in rapid succession, and then over and over and over until Maki finally peers over at Yamapi, chopsticks pausing by her mouth thoughtfully.
"Shouldn't you get that?" she asks, and Yamapi widens his eyes and shushes her with a finger to his lips.
"Don't say a word," he speaks in hushed whisper. "If we're quiet maybe he'll think we aren't here and go away."
Maki blinks. "Who?"
Yamapi shushes her again and the knocking finally stops. He lets out a sigh of relief.
"Pi! Pi! I hear you breathing in there! Open up! I have something to tell you! Come on, I'm your best friend!" The knocking increases, incensed, and Yamapi sighs and shakes his head, giving Maki a "look what you did" look. Maki blinks back, follows Yamapi with her eyes as he trudges to the door and unlocks and unbolts it. The second he's done the door slams open--into his face--and Jin plows his way inside, talking animatedly at a hundred words per minute. All Maki can make out are the words "sexy" and "triplets" and "boobs" before he stops short and stares at her with wide deer-caught-in-the-headlights eyes. She smiles and waves a little, but he turns away from her abruptly and pulls Yamapi into the kitchen.
"Yamapi, who is that?" he hisses angrily.
"Uhm, who?" Yamapi tries weakly.
"That--that little girl scout sitting in your living room eating Chinese takeout with--are those my chopsticks, Pi?" he asks, horrified. Yamapi rolls his eyes.
"Her name is Maki-chan and she is not a girl scout and those are my chopsticks, Jin."
"I bought them!"
"No you didn't!"
"Okay, but I pointed them out to you." Jin sulks. "Is this your idea of having a cold, Pi? Is this the reason you said you wouldn't go out clubbing with me on a Friday night when I know a pair of triplets with huge boobs and very low alcohol tolerances? For this little Mika?"
"Maki," Yamapi corrects wearily. "And three of a kind is not a pair, Jin. And yes I said no to you so I could have a quiet night with her."
Jin sniffs. "With her?" he repeats.
"Yes." Yamapi sighs. "I was going to introduce you guys later, but--"
Jin blanches. "What. Introduce? As in like, you're really seeing her seeing her? Like--dating?"
Yamapi nods, smiling a little. "Yeah--I guess. I guess we really are dating."
Jin slaps him in the face.
"Jin what the fuck--"
"Do you hear yourself, Pi?" Jin cries dramatically, throwing his arms in the air. "You are giving up the glories of bachelorhood for this--this one little girl with a flat chest? She's just--she's just like some little scrap of paper in the grand sea of--of busty bigger pieces of paper!"
"You know," Maki finally calls out from the living room, over the din of the movie playing in the background, "I can hear you when there's no door to the kitchen."
Yamapi facepalms and Jin wrinkles his nose.
-
What does Akanishi Jin remind you of?
A scrap of paper.
Jin instantly slams his hand down and sends Maki a withering glare. And when Maki just smiles impishly back and proceeds to tell some concocted story about her friend from high school, Jin meets her eyes and thinks, oh it's on.
ii. when the best friend meets the girlfriend and things go well
Shige is nervous. No wait, Shige is not nervous, Shige is a fucking train wreck. He fiddles with the straw of his drink and tries to keep it down as he checks his cell phone for the umpteenth time. He asked Koyama to be here by noon on the dot and it is now twelve-oh-one and Koyama was never late; this did not bode well for the rest of the day. Shige sighs and closes his eyes and takes a breath, before there's a hand at his shoulder and he freaks the hell out.
"Ah!" he exclaims.
"Ah!" Koyama exclaims. And then they burst out laughing as Koyama settles in across the table from him.
"So what's up?" Koyama asks, after signaling the waitress and ordering a drink.
"I--I have something to tell you," Shige replies, figuring it might be best to cut straight to the chase. Koyama blinks and Shige bows his head and wonders how exactly he's going to--
"Ohmigosh you're not gay are you?" Koyama blurts out. "I mean, not that it's a bad thing or anything, I mean, you can always tell me anything Shige, we're best friends, and I always kind of suspected, but I'm not--I mean, if you were trying to confess I just, I--we're best friends and maybe that should just be--"
"Uhm, what?" Shige asks intelligently, and Koyama instantly snaps his mouth shut.
"You--weren't going to confess?"
"No?" Shige blinks.
"Oh! Oh good! Because I was sort of--I mean, I know we joke around as KoyaShige and all and--"
"Koyama I'm straight."
"Really? Because I was always sort of wondering--"
Shige twitches. "I asked you here so you could meet my girlfriend."
Koyama blinks. And then his eyes light up and get all shiny the way they do when he's proud of Tegoshi for doing something good.
"R-really? And she's coming here? Who is she? How did you two meet?" And as Koyama continues to prattle on excitedly and asking questions, Shige thinks he was silly to have worried about his best friend and his girl friend not getting along; after all, his best friend is Koyama, and Koyama loves everyone.
And when Yui-chan arrives at the restaurant at exactly 12:15 on the dot, the three of them order iced teas and paninis and just have a very lovely lunch together.
iii. when the best friend meets the girlfriend and things go too well
"Nishikido Ryo, what the fuck are you doing here when you said you had to cancel," Sawajiri Erika growls when she sees none other than her boyfriend in the streets of Roppongi, waiting just within steps of Heaven's Hell, the newest club whose grand opening Ryo had dismissed tonight for some important "business matters" he had to attend to.
"I swear if you are fucking cheating on me, I will grind my heel so far up your--"
"Ryo-chan, the karaoke place has an opening!" someone says a distance behind Ryo, and Erika shoots him a blood curdling glare before shoving past him to see the offending mistress of her now ex-boyfriend.
The mistress is a mister.
Erika opens her mouth, then closes it, then groans and thinks she probably should have suspected this all along, despite all of his protests, because really, who can work in that kind of industry and environment and not turn and--
"Erika--chan?" The Other One asks, tilting his admittedly girlish face to one side and squinting, as if trying to recall something very important. And that's when it clicks.
"Ah! Uchi-kun, was it?" she says, recalling vaguely the name and the face belonging to her possibly ex-boyfriend's best friend.
"Oh it is you!" Uchi exclaims, delighted, before taking two steps and pulling her into a hug.
When he releases her, there is a huge smile on his face, and Erika somehow finds her anger slowly dissipating. "Sorry I monopolized Ryo-chan tonight. But filming ended early and we hadn't had much time to really catch up so we were going to go karaoke--but I've heard so much about you, Erika-chan! Ryo-chan talks about you a lot, ne."
"Don't believe a word that guy says," Erika huffs, wrinkling her nose, and Uchi laughs.
"No, no, nothing bad. Though he never mentioned that you were so much prettier in person."
Erika blinks, before a large smile curls over her lips, despite Ryo's gagging motions in the background. "Oh really?" Uchi nods and Erika laughs.
"He also never told me how tall you were," she says finally, looking him up and down and up and up with approval.
"Ah, that's not something Ryo-chan really likes to talk about. He never really hit his growth spurt until he was eighteen. I think I have a picture somewhere in my wallet still, actually--"
"Oh really," Erika drawls, raising her eyebrows and Ryo makes a noise of guttural discontent. She beams and takes Uchi by the arm. "Tell me more--you said karaoke right? Mind if I join you?"
"Not at all!" Uchi replies cheerfully, completely oblivious to Ryo's frantic x-gestures with his arms.
"Say, did you know Ryo-chan wet his bed until he was fourteen?"
Ryo groans.
iv. when the best friend is the girlfriend
"Why don't we ever go out anymore?" Tegoshi asks suddenly, handing Massu a plate of pizza from the delivery box. Massu takes the plate and offers him a glass of soda before settling back down into the sofa.
"Hm?" Massu asks, flipping the DVD player on with the remote. "What do you mean?"
"Well, that we don't go out anymore. Not to dinner, not to the movies or even shopping lately. Not even to karaoke." Tegoshi frowns a little as he nibbles half-heartedly on his slice of pizza. "Why is that?"
Massu pauses the DVD and glances over at Tegoshi thoughtfully, carefully, because Tegoshi is using his this is serious and I am unhappy voice and Massu doesn't really like it when Tegoshi is unhappy.
"Well, I mean. You're here, I'm here--and the food is here. What else do we need?"
Tegoshi blinks, before nodding, trying hard to hide his suddenly growing smile at Massu's simple and possibly oblivious sentiment.
"Okay," he replies, before settling back into the couch and touching his shoulder against Massu's. "But next week we go singing, okay?" he asks. Massu laughs.
"Okay, okay," he says, and flips the DVD on again.
"What are we watching anyway?" Tegoshi asks--before very familiar instrumentals begin and he groans. "Happy Feet again? Why?" he groans, embarrassed.
"I really like the part where your voice cracks that one time," Massu replies, grinning brightly. Tegoshi kicks him in the shins.
v. when the boyfriend is smarter than that
"Why is it that I've never really met any of your Jyannis friends?" Meisa asks, during one of their leisurely strolls around Harajuku on a lazy Sunday afternoon. Kame stops short in front of a display window of flat screen television sets and sends her an odd look, which she counters with an inquiring one.
"You don't like any of my friends," he replies matter-of-factly, stifling a yawn with his free hand. Meisa blinks, before laughing and giving his hand a light squeeze.
"Aw! I knew I was dating you for more than your looks!" she exclaims proudly. Kame rolls his eyes, but smiles and carefully tugs her away from the OXY commercial playing simultaneously on twelve screens in the storefront.