Thinkin Bout You
Title: Thinkin Bout You
Pairing: ShinYoung
Word Count: 3,119
Summary: Sequel to Bad Religion. CNU falls in love with Jinyoung, who is gay. He still can't help but be afraid that he'll get rejected again. Also inspired by the Frank Ocean song of the same name.
Rating: R (for non-explicit sex)
It was a pretty typical day at the B1A4 household. The youngest members were frolicking around, the air surrounding them energetic and almost obnoxious. Jinyoung padded about in the kitchen, cooking breakfast and turning around to nag the kids every so often, as to make sure they didn't break anything. Even though the atmosphere in the dorm was undeniably homey, there was still something missing and it been for a long while. The eldest member, Shinwoo, was currently loitering in his bed well after the time everyone was supposed to get up, reading a manga that he wasn't even remotely interested in. Awkward (to say the very least) things had happened between him and the youngest, Chanshik, a couple years ago, and though he claimed to have gotten over it, he still wouldn't communicate with him... or anyone, really. No one else in the house was aware what had happened and were very sad over Shinwoo's lack of presence in their lives, but weren't sure how to talk to him... so they didn't. He just took it as not being needed, as he took most things.
Having taken to eating in his room, rather than with everyone else, Jinyoung brought in a plate and placed it on the bedside table. Shinwoo gave a small nod in response, but then looked up to notice that Jinyoung had closed the door and locked it. “Yah, what are you doing?” he demanded loudly, which caused a ruckus in the rest of the dorm, the others almost having mostly forgotten what Shinwoo's voice sounded like. Junghwan and Sunwoo started crowding around the door, pressing their ears against it. Chanshik had an inkling of what was happening, so he rushed his hyungs out the door, promising them ice cream.
The younger man, who still pulled rank over him, sat down on the bed, awkwardly putting his hands in his lap. He was slightly trembling and Shinwoo didn't want to know why. “We need to talk.”
Knowing where this was going, Shinwoo only replied with, “No, we don't,” and a glare, putting his manga over his face, so that he couldn't be looked at.
Heaving a heavy sigh, Jinyoung continued, “Look, I don't know what happened between you and Chanshik and I know it's none of my business, but you used to be best frien-” He couldn't finish his sentence due to Shinwoo throwing the comic book at the wall. The loud noise scared him and the red flush staining his hyung's faces, along with his clenched fists, only scared him even more.
“YEAH, well... we're not friends anymore, okay? I don't want to fucking talk about it and if you'd just leave me alone, that'd be great!” His breathing became harsh and he looked at the ceiling, trying to keep himself from crying. It had been two months, since he last cried over Chanshik and he was really proud of himself for it. Now Jinyoung was just ruining everything that he had worked so hard for.
A comforting hand reached out for Shinwoo's knee and he stared at it momentarily, before glancing up at Jinyoung who was wearing one of the saddest expressions that Shinwoo had ever seen. “I know something bad happened between you two,” he muttered softly, “And usually, I would just step away and let you work it out, but it's been so long since you stopped talking to each other. This is affecting the whole team, Shinwoo. If you need to talk about it, I'm here, but we need to take care of this and we need to take care of it now. Please, Shinwoo, what happened? I know that you've had it cooped up inside for so long... and you're gonna burst someday. I'm surprised you haven't yet.” Jinyoung's obvious level of concern wrapped itself like a safety blanket around Shinwoo's shoulders.
This conversation made him realize that the wound was still fresh, almost two years later. it was as if the bandage had been ripped off and he was now bleeding again. Before he knew it, he was blinking away tears and trying to look away from his leader, not wanting him to know just how truly weak he was. Jinyoung pulled him into a tight embrace and Shinwoo instantly started sobbing into the nook of his shoulder. After an hour of being reassured that it was okay to talk to him, that even though he was the oldest, he didn't have to be the strong hyung all the time, for the first time, since it happened all those nights ago, Shinwoo talked about it. His chest burst open and the long story: the falling, the rejection, the pain, the utter, bitter loneliness, all spilled on to the floor.
Tenderly, Jinyoung dabbed at Shinwoo's tears with his thumb, nodding, as if he understood. Then he chuckled a little, “S-sorry... I just... I never would have taken you for being gay...” This made Shinwoo start to feel nervous, since Chanshik was still the only person he'd come out to. He hadn't thought about that, when he was telling his story.
“I-I... is that a bad thing?” He wanted to hide forever. Was Jinyoung going to avoid him now? How stupid could he be to have forgotten not to talk about that hidden side of himself? He didn't think he could handle avoiding two members of his family. One was difficult enough.
Jinyoung just gave a small smirk, “No way...” His hand wrapped itself around Shinwoo's wrist, giving it a small squeeze, before continuing, blushing, “I'm gay too, it's okay.” W-wait.. what? This couldn't be real. How had Shinwoo been living with someone else like him for so long and not realize it? They both kept it hidden well, apparently. A slow smile spread across his face and Shinwoo realized that he'd never noticed the amount of wrinkles his smile caused. It was cute. “If you ever need anything, I'm here for you, okay? Obviously, we share somewhat of the same plight, so~”
Before Shinwoo could even try to stop himself, he muttered, “Uhm... I know you just made breakfast and all, but do you want to go out and get something to eat?”
“Sure!” There went that smile. Except this time, it was so big, that it caused a vein to show up under one of Jinyoung's eye. It was completely unattractive... and yet...
Oh boy. Here we go. Again.
After the very successful breakfast that occurred, Shinwoo and Jinyoung started going out for dinner on a week to week basis. It took a few motivational conversations, but eventually, Jinyoung was able to get his hyung to start eating with the whole group again. Shinwoo would never sit next to Chanshik, or even give him a passing glance, afraid that he'd only break again. The environment was tense, since everyone had questions that wanted to be answered, but being the close-knit family they were, they decided it was best to just rejoice over Shinwoo being back to his normal, happy self. Well... kind of anyway. Jinyoung cooked Shinwoo's favorite meal that night and it made him feel special. Everyone gave him a hug and played with his hair, while Chanshik just walked by, not saying anything and staring at the ground. Shinwoo didn't mind. He didn't think he'd ever be ready to deal with that.
It didn't take Shinwoo very long to start wondering if there was something more to these weekly outings. The way Jinyoung smiled gently at him, with only his perfect lips or the way he'd nudge Shinwoo's elbow and play it off as an accident, even as his fingers lingered on his skin long enough to make him feel as if the oxygen had left the room completely. He never said anything about it though, so Shinwoo never said anything either, not wanting to make the same mistake twice.
Even their fans started to catch on and there was a major spike in 91line fanfiction on the internet (not that Shinwoo paid any sort of attention to these things, of course). His heart, which had turned into an iceberg after everything that happened, slowly broke apart and melted when he checked his replies on Twitter, only to see a few tweets that stated things along the line of, “Oppa~ We're so glad to see you smiling again! ♡ ♡ ♡”, “You're so pretty, when you're happy ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ” and “Make sure that Jinyoung-oppa treats you well!!!” The last one made him smile, he couldn't help it. It was amazing how in tune to their lives the fans were sometimes. They were the only people Shinwoo wanted to kiss besides his maybe sorta kinda boyfriend.
Shinwoo was still too scared to ask what they were, when Jinyoung held his hand tenderly in the movie theater, making it impossible to pay attention to whatever they were watching. Shinwoo couldn't remember the name of the film for the life of him. But if you asked him, he could tell you the way Jinyoung's head felt on his shoulder and how his nose reacted when it buried itself in his hair.
Shinwoo was still too scared to ask what they were, when Jinyoung puckered up Those Perfect Lips and asked very sweetly for a kiss after rehearsals. He wasn't used to being pushed around, but when Jinyoung shoved him into a wall, before waiting for his reply and pressed his lips against his, well, it was a little more than a bit of a turn on. By the time his tongue slipped inside and brushed against his own, he was a whimpering mess. He tried to pull Jinyoung closer, but instead of obliging, he broke the kiss, gave a teasing smirk and walked away. That face was the image Shinwoo had in mind, when he touched himself that night.
Shinwoo was still too scared to ask what they were, when Jinyoung grabbed his hand and took him into the back of the company van and shoved his hand down his pants. “Don't touch yourself anymore, okay? Let me take care of you from now on,” he whispered in Shinwoo's ear, as he worked his long, slender fingers around his length. A deep blush rose on the singer's face and he felt embarrassed, but he just nodded. That was all he wanted anyway. When he moaned Jinyoung's name as he released into his hand and on his stomach, Jinyoung smiled, as if they had done something romantic. Then he licked his hand and said it tasted good, which turned on the still panting Shinwoo. After they left, their manager came out and wondered why the windows were foggy and why someone wrote the words, “Shin Dongwoo” on them with their finger. They watched from a safe distance, giggling.
Shinwoo was still too scared to ask what they were, when Jinyoung stopped sleeping in his bed and wrapped his arms around his waist every night; his scent, a mixture of sweet and sad, wavering in the air, driving Shinwoo completely mad, but in the best way possible. Often, he'd just stay up and stare at the younger male, wanting nothing more than to protect him and to appreciate the way his body fit perfectly against his.
The others didn't ask, they didn't even stare. They just took it as it was. And Shinwoo could notice Chanshik's soft smile, from the corner of his eye, when Jinyoung curled up in his hyung's lap one day after dance practice. Shinwoo smiled too, but not at Chanshik, as he was still nervous that these new feelings could never replace the old ones. Instead, he looked down at the beautiful boy in his lap and wondered about things that didn't matter, like what his favorite color was or what kind of cake he liked or what he thought about when he was alone.
(His favorite color was red. He liked every kind of cake. And apparently, he thought about Shinwoo when he was alone. Apparently apparently apparently.) Doubt was a disgusting thing, but it filled Shinwoo to his very core, leaving him constantly feeling ill and unneeded.
Jinyoung's body was long and angular, like an obtuse triangle. Though Shinwoo didn't quite recall ever wanting to lick the shapes he learned about in Geometry. One day, he asked if he could do this sometime and Jinyoung only blushed, before giving the younger members a day off.
Being inside Jinyoung made Shinwoo feel like he was a good person. The slick, tight heat and the way Jinyoung whimpered the older male's name had to be something that only angels could know about. Well, angels and one unworthy mortal, Shin Dongwoo. The sounds Jinyoung uttered when he came was something that not even god knew about, they were Shinwoo's and Shinwoo's alone. He wanted a snapshot of Jinyoung's face, wrinkled up in unabashed pleasure etched on to his entire being. It was the only time that stress and anxiety didn't eat away at the both of them, idol life being a heavy one to carry on your shoulders, and Shinwoo looked forward to the moments when the kids were away, so he could have his precious treasure all to himself. Even the rushed, tiny kisses they shared in the hallway made Shinwoo forget all the troubles that were crashing in on him.
They had a lot of the same worries and it gave Shinwoo a sick comfort. It didn't feel like suffering, when it was with Jinyoung. They both were afraid of not being good enough, though Shinwoo's worries were more shallow (Should I get a haircut? Do the fans think my glasses are stupid? Are my teeth too long?) (“No,” Jinyoung responded to everything.), while Jinyoung's were about things that Shinwoo considered more important (Is the song I'm working on any good? Do you think we could win an award our next comeback? Shinwoo, would you kiss me?) (“Yes,” Shinwoo responded to everything.).
Sometimes, Shinwoo would walk into the recording studio where Jinyoung mostly lurked, only to find him asleep in an obviously uncomfortable position in his office chair. Sometimes, Shinwoo would pick him up way too easily and lie him down on the couch. Sometimes, Jinyoung would pout and wrap his arms around Shinwoo's neck, pulling him down with him. Sometimes, Shinwoo would enjoy it too much, as he tickled Jinyoung's neck with kisses and nips.
One time though, he walked in on Jinyoung actually not sleeping and stared at the back of his head, while he called his name, increasingly loud and sexual, hoping he'd notice him, but not a word or a turn of his head occurred. To tease the fans that enjoyed 91line, also known as his favorite kind of fans, he took a picture and tweeted it, saying, “No matter how much I call for him, there’s no reply”. When he looked up from his phone, Jinyoung had swiveled around and also had a not so soft cock in his pants. The couch became one of their favorite places to make love.
Whispering Chanshik's name over and over caused Shinwoo to feel drunk and made him stumble over everything, his vision hazy. The more he said it, the more he felt like he was going to vomit. Whispering Jinyoung's name over and over caused Shinwoo to sit still and savor the taste of it on his tongue. He found it calming, rather than upsetting. Is this how things were supposed to be? But still, he knew Jinyoung didn't like him, because why would anyone like him? Even as Jinyoung pressed a gentle peck to his temple, cooing adoringly, Shinwoo wondered and worried.
When Shinwoo was in love with Chanshik (even now, saying that it was something from the past, saying that he was in love with Chanshik made Shinwoo feel oddly empty), it hit him like a steamroller, crushing him completely and ravaging at his insides until he couldn't breathe. But falling for Jinyoung was more akin to a slow burn, that started at the tip of his toes and it wasn't until it touched the very tip of his head that he realized... fuck...
“I'm in love with you.”
Quickly, he covered his mouth and somehow tried to rewind time, pressing all the buttons on the VCR in his mind, only to find that the damn thing was broken. He hadn't meant to say it really, it just slipped out. Waiting for his response gave Shinwoo terrible flashbacks to that moment a couple of years back and he was frightened that he'd be rejected again. But Jinyoung, lovely beautiful Jinyoung, just smiled that soothing smile of his and only said, “It's about time you said it, you dope,” while running his fingers through Shinwoo's hair and placing a gentle kiss on his forehead.
The day Shinwoo realized that he and Jinyoung had something (more than) real was the day that he was able to give Chanshik a smile from across the dinner table. A genuine smile. One that he hadn't given in what seemed like forever. Afterwards, Chanshik came up to him and pulled him into the tightest bear hug ever and Shinwoo knew that better than anyone, being the bear in the family. When he was able to run his fingers through Chanshik's soft, dark hair and inhale his almost spicy, sweet scent, without being in any sort of pain, he knew he was going to be okay. Chanshik whispered, “I missed you so much, hyung, I'm so sorry about everything... I hope Jinyoungie-hyung makes you happy, because you deserve it.” Shinwoo tightened his hold on his former (and now not so former) best friend and smiled. There was that preciousness that made his heart race not so long ago. Their friendship wouldn't be the same, it couldn't ever go back to the way it was, but he was glad to be able to have it in any sort of form again. They wouldn't have to be strangers in the same house anymore and it was more than enough for him.
One day, while holding hands, unable to keep away from each other even in public, the couple walked down a sidewalk, planning to relax at the park. They chattered amongst themselves happily, but then Shinwoo noticed a certain familiar priest on the other side of the street. There was no way that he remembered him, but he gave him a small nod and a smile anyway. The priest gave Shinwoo a small nod and a smile in return, remembering him and his problems exactly. He was happy that everything worked out. And so was Shinwoo.
Pairing: ShinYoung
Word Count: 3,119
Summary: Sequel to Bad Religion. CNU falls in love with Jinyoung, who is gay. He still can't help but be afraid that he'll get rejected again. Also inspired by the Frank Ocean song of the same name.
Rating: R (for non-explicit sex)
It was a pretty typical day at the B1A4 household. The youngest members were frolicking around, the air surrounding them energetic and almost obnoxious. Jinyoung padded about in the kitchen, cooking breakfast and turning around to nag the kids every so often, as to make sure they didn't break anything. Even though the atmosphere in the dorm was undeniably homey, there was still something missing and it been for a long while. The eldest member, Shinwoo, was currently loitering in his bed well after the time everyone was supposed to get up, reading a manga that he wasn't even remotely interested in. Awkward (to say the very least) things had happened between him and the youngest, Chanshik, a couple years ago, and though he claimed to have gotten over it, he still wouldn't communicate with him... or anyone, really. No one else in the house was aware what had happened and were very sad over Shinwoo's lack of presence in their lives, but weren't sure how to talk to him... so they didn't. He just took it as not being needed, as he took most things.
Having taken to eating in his room, rather than with everyone else, Jinyoung brought in a plate and placed it on the bedside table. Shinwoo gave a small nod in response, but then looked up to notice that Jinyoung had closed the door and locked it. “Yah, what are you doing?” he demanded loudly, which caused a ruckus in the rest of the dorm, the others almost having mostly forgotten what Shinwoo's voice sounded like. Junghwan and Sunwoo started crowding around the door, pressing their ears against it. Chanshik had an inkling of what was happening, so he rushed his hyungs out the door, promising them ice cream.
The younger man, who still pulled rank over him, sat down on the bed, awkwardly putting his hands in his lap. He was slightly trembling and Shinwoo didn't want to know why. “We need to talk.”
Knowing where this was going, Shinwoo only replied with, “No, we don't,” and a glare, putting his manga over his face, so that he couldn't be looked at.
Heaving a heavy sigh, Jinyoung continued, “Look, I don't know what happened between you and Chanshik and I know it's none of my business, but you used to be best frien-” He couldn't finish his sentence due to Shinwoo throwing the comic book at the wall. The loud noise scared him and the red flush staining his hyung's faces, along with his clenched fists, only scared him even more.
“YEAH, well... we're not friends anymore, okay? I don't want to fucking talk about it and if you'd just leave me alone, that'd be great!” His breathing became harsh and he looked at the ceiling, trying to keep himself from crying. It had been two months, since he last cried over Chanshik and he was really proud of himself for it. Now Jinyoung was just ruining everything that he had worked so hard for.
A comforting hand reached out for Shinwoo's knee and he stared at it momentarily, before glancing up at Jinyoung who was wearing one of the saddest expressions that Shinwoo had ever seen. “I know something bad happened between you two,” he muttered softly, “And usually, I would just step away and let you work it out, but it's been so long since you stopped talking to each other. This is affecting the whole team, Shinwoo. If you need to talk about it, I'm here, but we need to take care of this and we need to take care of it now. Please, Shinwoo, what happened? I know that you've had it cooped up inside for so long... and you're gonna burst someday. I'm surprised you haven't yet.” Jinyoung's obvious level of concern wrapped itself like a safety blanket around Shinwoo's shoulders.
This conversation made him realize that the wound was still fresh, almost two years later. it was as if the bandage had been ripped off and he was now bleeding again. Before he knew it, he was blinking away tears and trying to look away from his leader, not wanting him to know just how truly weak he was. Jinyoung pulled him into a tight embrace and Shinwoo instantly started sobbing into the nook of his shoulder. After an hour of being reassured that it was okay to talk to him, that even though he was the oldest, he didn't have to be the strong hyung all the time, for the first time, since it happened all those nights ago, Shinwoo talked about it. His chest burst open and the long story: the falling, the rejection, the pain, the utter, bitter loneliness, all spilled on to the floor.
Tenderly, Jinyoung dabbed at Shinwoo's tears with his thumb, nodding, as if he understood. Then he chuckled a little, “S-sorry... I just... I never would have taken you for being gay...” This made Shinwoo start to feel nervous, since Chanshik was still the only person he'd come out to. He hadn't thought about that, when he was telling his story.
“I-I... is that a bad thing?” He wanted to hide forever. Was Jinyoung going to avoid him now? How stupid could he be to have forgotten not to talk about that hidden side of himself? He didn't think he could handle avoiding two members of his family. One was difficult enough.
Jinyoung just gave a small smirk, “No way...” His hand wrapped itself around Shinwoo's wrist, giving it a small squeeze, before continuing, blushing, “I'm gay too, it's okay.” W-wait.. what? This couldn't be real. How had Shinwoo been living with someone else like him for so long and not realize it? They both kept it hidden well, apparently. A slow smile spread across his face and Shinwoo realized that he'd never noticed the amount of wrinkles his smile caused. It was cute. “If you ever need anything, I'm here for you, okay? Obviously, we share somewhat of the same plight, so~”
Before Shinwoo could even try to stop himself, he muttered, “Uhm... I know you just made breakfast and all, but do you want to go out and get something to eat?”
“Sure!” There went that smile. Except this time, it was so big, that it caused a vein to show up under one of Jinyoung's eye. It was completely unattractive... and yet...
Oh boy. Here we go. Again.
After the very successful breakfast that occurred, Shinwoo and Jinyoung started going out for dinner on a week to week basis. It took a few motivational conversations, but eventually, Jinyoung was able to get his hyung to start eating with the whole group again. Shinwoo would never sit next to Chanshik, or even give him a passing glance, afraid that he'd only break again. The environment was tense, since everyone had questions that wanted to be answered, but being the close-knit family they were, they decided it was best to just rejoice over Shinwoo being back to his normal, happy self. Well... kind of anyway. Jinyoung cooked Shinwoo's favorite meal that night and it made him feel special. Everyone gave him a hug and played with his hair, while Chanshik just walked by, not saying anything and staring at the ground. Shinwoo didn't mind. He didn't think he'd ever be ready to deal with that.
It didn't take Shinwoo very long to start wondering if there was something more to these weekly outings. The way Jinyoung smiled gently at him, with only his perfect lips or the way he'd nudge Shinwoo's elbow and play it off as an accident, even as his fingers lingered on his skin long enough to make him feel as if the oxygen had left the room completely. He never said anything about it though, so Shinwoo never said anything either, not wanting to make the same mistake twice.
Even their fans started to catch on and there was a major spike in 91line fanfiction on the internet (not that Shinwoo paid any sort of attention to these things, of course). His heart, which had turned into an iceberg after everything that happened, slowly broke apart and melted when he checked his replies on Twitter, only to see a few tweets that stated things along the line of, “Oppa~ We're so glad to see you smiling again! ♡ ♡ ♡”, “You're so pretty, when you're happy ㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠㅠ” and “Make sure that Jinyoung-oppa treats you well!!!” The last one made him smile, he couldn't help it. It was amazing how in tune to their lives the fans were sometimes. They were the only people Shinwoo wanted to kiss besides his maybe sorta kinda boyfriend.
Shinwoo was still too scared to ask what they were, when Jinyoung held his hand tenderly in the movie theater, making it impossible to pay attention to whatever they were watching. Shinwoo couldn't remember the name of the film for the life of him. But if you asked him, he could tell you the way Jinyoung's head felt on his shoulder and how his nose reacted when it buried itself in his hair.
Shinwoo was still too scared to ask what they were, when Jinyoung puckered up Those Perfect Lips and asked very sweetly for a kiss after rehearsals. He wasn't used to being pushed around, but when Jinyoung shoved him into a wall, before waiting for his reply and pressed his lips against his, well, it was a little more than a bit of a turn on. By the time his tongue slipped inside and brushed against his own, he was a whimpering mess. He tried to pull Jinyoung closer, but instead of obliging, he broke the kiss, gave a teasing smirk and walked away. That face was the image Shinwoo had in mind, when he touched himself that night.
Shinwoo was still too scared to ask what they were, when Jinyoung grabbed his hand and took him into the back of the company van and shoved his hand down his pants. “Don't touch yourself anymore, okay? Let me take care of you from now on,” he whispered in Shinwoo's ear, as he worked his long, slender fingers around his length. A deep blush rose on the singer's face and he felt embarrassed, but he just nodded. That was all he wanted anyway. When he moaned Jinyoung's name as he released into his hand and on his stomach, Jinyoung smiled, as if they had done something romantic. Then he licked his hand and said it tasted good, which turned on the still panting Shinwoo. After they left, their manager came out and wondered why the windows were foggy and why someone wrote the words, “Shin Dongwoo” on them with their finger. They watched from a safe distance, giggling.
Shinwoo was still too scared to ask what they were, when Jinyoung stopped sleeping in his bed and wrapped his arms around his waist every night; his scent, a mixture of sweet and sad, wavering in the air, driving Shinwoo completely mad, but in the best way possible. Often, he'd just stay up and stare at the younger male, wanting nothing more than to protect him and to appreciate the way his body fit perfectly against his.
The others didn't ask, they didn't even stare. They just took it as it was. And Shinwoo could notice Chanshik's soft smile, from the corner of his eye, when Jinyoung curled up in his hyung's lap one day after dance practice. Shinwoo smiled too, but not at Chanshik, as he was still nervous that these new feelings could never replace the old ones. Instead, he looked down at the beautiful boy in his lap and wondered about things that didn't matter, like what his favorite color was or what kind of cake he liked or what he thought about when he was alone.
(His favorite color was red. He liked every kind of cake. And apparently, he thought about Shinwoo when he was alone. Apparently apparently apparently.) Doubt was a disgusting thing, but it filled Shinwoo to his very core, leaving him constantly feeling ill and unneeded.
Jinyoung's body was long and angular, like an obtuse triangle. Though Shinwoo didn't quite recall ever wanting to lick the shapes he learned about in Geometry. One day, he asked if he could do this sometime and Jinyoung only blushed, before giving the younger members a day off.
Being inside Jinyoung made Shinwoo feel like he was a good person. The slick, tight heat and the way Jinyoung whimpered the older male's name had to be something that only angels could know about. Well, angels and one unworthy mortal, Shin Dongwoo. The sounds Jinyoung uttered when he came was something that not even god knew about, they were Shinwoo's and Shinwoo's alone. He wanted a snapshot of Jinyoung's face, wrinkled up in unabashed pleasure etched on to his entire being. It was the only time that stress and anxiety didn't eat away at the both of them, idol life being a heavy one to carry on your shoulders, and Shinwoo looked forward to the moments when the kids were away, so he could have his precious treasure all to himself. Even the rushed, tiny kisses they shared in the hallway made Shinwoo forget all the troubles that were crashing in on him.
They had a lot of the same worries and it gave Shinwoo a sick comfort. It didn't feel like suffering, when it was with Jinyoung. They both were afraid of not being good enough, though Shinwoo's worries were more shallow (Should I get a haircut? Do the fans think my glasses are stupid? Are my teeth too long?) (“No,” Jinyoung responded to everything.), while Jinyoung's were about things that Shinwoo considered more important (Is the song I'm working on any good? Do you think we could win an award our next comeback? Shinwoo, would you kiss me?) (“Yes,” Shinwoo responded to everything.).
Sometimes, Shinwoo would walk into the recording studio where Jinyoung mostly lurked, only to find him asleep in an obviously uncomfortable position in his office chair. Sometimes, Shinwoo would pick him up way too easily and lie him down on the couch. Sometimes, Jinyoung would pout and wrap his arms around Shinwoo's neck, pulling him down with him. Sometimes, Shinwoo would enjoy it too much, as he tickled Jinyoung's neck with kisses and nips.
One time though, he walked in on Jinyoung actually not sleeping and stared at the back of his head, while he called his name, increasingly loud and sexual, hoping he'd notice him, but not a word or a turn of his head occurred. To tease the fans that enjoyed 91line, also known as his favorite kind of fans, he took a picture and tweeted it, saying, “No matter how much I call for him, there’s no reply”. When he looked up from his phone, Jinyoung had swiveled around and also had a not so soft cock in his pants. The couch became one of their favorite places to make love.
Whispering Chanshik's name over and over caused Shinwoo to feel drunk and made him stumble over everything, his vision hazy. The more he said it, the more he felt like he was going to vomit. Whispering Jinyoung's name over and over caused Shinwoo to sit still and savor the taste of it on his tongue. He found it calming, rather than upsetting. Is this how things were supposed to be? But still, he knew Jinyoung didn't like him, because why would anyone like him? Even as Jinyoung pressed a gentle peck to his temple, cooing adoringly, Shinwoo wondered and worried.
When Shinwoo was in love with Chanshik (even now, saying that it was something from the past, saying that he was in love with Chanshik made Shinwoo feel oddly empty), it hit him like a steamroller, crushing him completely and ravaging at his insides until he couldn't breathe. But falling for Jinyoung was more akin to a slow burn, that started at the tip of his toes and it wasn't until it touched the very tip of his head that he realized... fuck...
“I'm in love with you.”
Quickly, he covered his mouth and somehow tried to rewind time, pressing all the buttons on the VCR in his mind, only to find that the damn thing was broken. He hadn't meant to say it really, it just slipped out. Waiting for his response gave Shinwoo terrible flashbacks to that moment a couple of years back and he was frightened that he'd be rejected again. But Jinyoung, lovely beautiful Jinyoung, just smiled that soothing smile of his and only said, “It's about time you said it, you dope,” while running his fingers through Shinwoo's hair and placing a gentle kiss on his forehead.
The day Shinwoo realized that he and Jinyoung had something (more than) real was the day that he was able to give Chanshik a smile from across the dinner table. A genuine smile. One that he hadn't given in what seemed like forever. Afterwards, Chanshik came up to him and pulled him into the tightest bear hug ever and Shinwoo knew that better than anyone, being the bear in the family. When he was able to run his fingers through Chanshik's soft, dark hair and inhale his almost spicy, sweet scent, without being in any sort of pain, he knew he was going to be okay. Chanshik whispered, “I missed you so much, hyung, I'm so sorry about everything... I hope Jinyoungie-hyung makes you happy, because you deserve it.” Shinwoo tightened his hold on his former (and now not so former) best friend and smiled. There was that preciousness that made his heart race not so long ago. Their friendship wouldn't be the same, it couldn't ever go back to the way it was, but he was glad to be able to have it in any sort of form again. They wouldn't have to be strangers in the same house anymore and it was more than enough for him.
One day, while holding hands, unable to keep away from each other even in public, the couple walked down a sidewalk, planning to relax at the park. They chattered amongst themselves happily, but then Shinwoo noticed a certain familiar priest on the other side of the street. There was no way that he remembered him, but he gave him a small nod and a smile anyway. The priest gave Shinwoo a small nod and a smile in return, remembering him and his problems exactly. He was happy that everything worked out. And so was Shinwoo.