(Untitled)

[hari_kari]

Strange Condition
by Harikari

AN: Much thanks to my flist (and to levitatethis, in particular) for reading this chapter before I thought it fit for comms and giving me some very helpful crit/suggestions. 
-----

Part Six

Comments

[levitatethis]

I actually like this chapter. At the very least it works as a set up--a stepping stone, if you will--between what's happened before and what's been hinted at (Harris now with Niki etc).

I like the quietness that permeates this chapter, especially if you're going to be moving into a more action oriented mode. Mohinder being lost in his thoughts resonates quite well and I like how irritated Sylar seems while trying to assert his own dominance (immediately getting the bill when Mohinder refuses to eat, insisting Mohinder only has five minutes in the bathroom). Love the scene of Mohinder in the bathroom thinking over what's happened and not only putting the pieces together of Sylar wants with him but connecting it to Zane and the truth that he (Mohinder) had been interested. Listening to the phone messages was both tense and anxious. Not knowing if Sylar would burst in there and knowing that people are looking for him...

So to clarify...Harris found Niki, DL, Molly? Hmmmmm...

One suggestion...this:

He held up his hand to get

[hari_kari]

Thanks so much for the comment/review! I really, really appreciate it. And yeah, Harris has found Niki and the others...I'm being kind of vague on that on purpose.

I appreciate the suggestion on that paragraph (that was one of the paragraphs I was worried about - I think I even rewrote it in one of my drafts, but forgot to put it in my final draft). I'll definitely make some changes there.

Thanks again! ^_^

[mabetini]

I couldn't help but blush and then giggle like an idiot when Mohinder had to go potty. I swear I'm a five year old in a twenty-one year old's body.
Anywho, I thought this was GREAT settup. I'm scared about where Sylar is taking Mohinder but I know he'll keep momo safe...right? This type of story always worries me in that aspect...

I can't wait for more!!!

[hari_kari]

Hee, I did the same thing while writing that scene. Thank you! I'm glad you liked this chap/set up, I'm gonna' try and get the next part finished and posted soon. :)

[megmatthews20]

GAH!! I was so excited to see this chapter up, and it didn't dissappoint!!

You have such a wonderful way of building up the situation, which is very subtle, but lets in just enough information that I know I'm chomping at the bit for more...

Guhness...

I love how you showed Mohinder's emotions in this chapter, his anxiety, his fears, the fact that he can't face Sylar in the eye, and what the bite on his neck has done to him emotionally...

Great chapter...can't wait for more!

cheers

[hari_kari]

Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed this chap, I'm going to try and post more soon. ^_^

[top_hatted_girl]

I just recently started reading this series, and it's bizarrely engrossing. You write action very well- it's terse, concise, and breath-taking at times. It's true to the source material and improves upon it at times, if that makes any sense at all (sometimes I think there are fanfiction writers who would better serve the show than some of its current writers). Molly's phone call in this chapter was the bit that cemented it for me- suspenseful, sweet, and sad at the same time.

Can't wait for the next installment!

[hari_kari]

Thank you so much! I really appreciate the kind words about my writing (I love writing action, so I'm ecstatic to hear you think I've done a good job on it here), and am glad you're enjoying this fic so far! I'll try and have the next part up soon. :)

[shimmeree]

HI!

I just read all 6 chapters and I am in LOVE! This is beautiful. I hope you update again soon!

[hari_kari]

Hi! Thanks so much for commenting and for the kind words! I'm glad you're enjoying it so far, I'll try and have the next part up soon. :)