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[harlequin_tears]

I've been thinking a lot recently about my eating disorder and how it relates to and possibly amplifies my other problems. I know a lot of people with EDs have a name for it, most common being Ana or Mia, but I've never done that. I've always thought of it as my "food issue" rather than giving it an identity. That always seemed to scary, to think

Comments

[moniusia]

Not sure I can say anything to help, but I wanna tell you you're a wonderful and amazing person - kind and loving, smart and amusing. You're all great characteristics wrapped up in a Holly package tied with a corset and decorated with black nail polish.

You've survived dealing with your problems and remember that you're strong and resistant.

Anytime you want to hang out, I'm your girl. My socially awkward loudness works with your awkward quietness

[harlequin_tears]

<3

[mia_noire]

I feel your pain. On the one hand, I want *so* badly, more than ever, to just feel normal. But even more than that, I have this thing that feels so much better, making those goals. Especially now, I feel so torn. I work in this industry where everyone is always commenting and evaluating everyone else's appearance. So, at the gym, I want to be the tiny one, I want to be the enviable one, I want to be my goal weight, and I'm closer to it than I've been in years. I work with 2 guys who just keep encouraging me (though they don't know it). Everyone around me is dieting and exercising and talking about food, and so I *need* to hang on to not eating and working out at the gym, and then coming home and working out more. But I'm deathly afraid of someone finding out, since I doubt I'd be able to keep my job as a trainer if they knew what I had going on. My nose has started bleeding without warning all the time, I get dizzy, and I am so exhausted. Sometimes, I get out of work and I'm so hungry, I just cry because I want to eat, and then I cry

[harlequin_tears]

I love you too my little Emily! I think and worry about you a lot. It worries me to think of all the awful damage we're doing to ourselves. I try and hold on to thoughts of recovery, especially since if I want to have children there's no way I can do it if I'm still like this. I love that you're riding again, I know how therapeutic that can be. Hold on to those things. Rocky Horror has been one of the best things that's happened to me, it's my little escape for a few hours. People on cast have become like family and with that comes such a release of trying to be perfect every single second of the day and I can finally just enjoy having fun. It's funny that I can run around in my underwear with no fear of how I look but once the show is over and if I'm even completely covered I feel that shame and guilt that plagues me everyday. You should come to a show soon, dress up and escape from your problems and yell and throw things and have fun! I miss you too, if ever you need to vent or cry, shoot me a message or text me, even if it's just