Today wasn't too bad of a day, I guess ( Read more... )

Sometimes I just sit back and realize, how fucked up I really am. Seriously, honestly could anyone fuck up as bad as I do. The guilt I feel is overwhelming. I just can't deal with doing that any longer. I don't want to hurt him. This is the man that I care about for the entire world. Today more than ever I have been thinking deeply, the deepest I' ( Read more... )

Oh some days I just feel like not waking up ( Read more... )

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if you were just to disappear?
Who would care if you were gone?
Who would actually miss you and remember you, after a month,a year, forever?

I'm really starting to wonder,
is life really worth it?

Josh has changed, not necessarily for the worse, but it kind of makes me un-easy ( Read more... )

i've been rather sick lately.
headaches,restlessness,tired (even though i can't sleep)
the one i dislike the most is throwing up every morning.
i need to go to the doctor.

I really really hate this.
I hate the un-fair treatment I'm receiving.
I really fucking hate that this band even exists.
It changed him for the worse.
It's also really sad when you learn about someones past and horrible things they've done.
Why can't he be like he used to a year or so ago?

Things have not been getting better. Things have not been getting any easier. Yesterday, and the night before I felt brief feelings of happiness, but those were taken away from me when I returned home from school. Why can't I sleep anymore? Why can't I function like a normal person? Why can't I be happy? Why does everything I do have to be a fuck ( Read more... )

This morning and last night I've had panic attacks. Last night was really really bad, almost to the point in which I was thinking about going to the hospital. I had another one this morning, not as bad but still really hard to deal with. For the past week or so I really haven't been able to sleep, and I really haven't been able to eat. I can't ( Read more... )