last night was weird.
really weird.
everything is okay.
and i have plans for today.

Kat is really sick and i want to be sick instead of her. she can't be sick right now, she has enough going on... so i wish it was me instead. i am trying to be strong for her but i'm not sure how to do it... especially since she is one of the strongest people i know. it ( Read more... )

this is the longest i've been in one place without running.
i'm not sure what or who i'm running from, but i feel like i need to pack my shit.
there are people i will never leave behind, so maybe i can convince them to leave with me.

in all reality, it's a sign of growth that it's been a year since i have left.
i'm not going anywhere, i have too much ( Read more... )

i enjoyed today greatly.
i couldn't really bare the thought of three more hours at school, so i left.
and i got the see some of my best friends
band practice was entertaining as always.... but never in the same way
in the car i opened up and poured a million of my thoughts out. i think she understood what i was trying to say, which made me happy.

( Read more... )

it's what i do ( Read more... )

 last night was full of beauty and destruction. tears and smiles. hugging and shivering. but honestly, it was a good night... and only Kat can understand what i mean when i say that ( Read more... )

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i tried to make it something it wasn't. i tried to become something i'm not. Kat saw through my apology and told me i just seemed sad. yes, i am sad, but i'm not familiar with this feeling. it's not like depression or something i have dealt with, it's... well, it's pointless to describe... either you don't care or dont believe me. i'm going to go ( Read more... )

i have so much to say.  i want to scream at the top of my lungs and tell you so many things but it's like i have no air or voice to get it out, and even if i do get it all out, none of it will even make sense, so it will be a wasted effort that went unheard and uncared for.  i just can't get this crawling sensation out of my heart to my throat and ( Read more... )

Wicked was fucking amazing.

i was doing so well, then i gave in.

lyrics for tonight...
I could have died, maybe I should have died
When I saw you walk inside
And as you shut the door I put my eye back on the floor
When all I really wanted was to look some more
Does a wallflower play or does a wallflower stay on his wall?

You see, I live alone, but I've ( Read more... )

opiates are pretty evil... whether they are prescribed or not has no bearing...
my organs are about to crawl through my flesh... except for my heart, i don't think it can move.
i'm a sort of paralyzed, but not with fear, more with reality and acceptance.

i'm aware of what you want - i just don't care.