fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck
i don't want to be sad. i don't want to be sad. i don't want to be sad...
please help me occupy my time until it doesn't seem so bad, so long, so scary.
please help me occupy my time haha i don't want to be alone.

life updates;

kyle and my cousin jay (who's been living with my parents the past few months) are supposed to move into an apartment on Saturday, meaning I'll actually be moving into kyles room as planned?
I talked to Austin and go the real facts. He's joined the army, but wouldn't be leaving until October or later, he wants to join the military ( Read more... )

okay, i'm moving home. that's really shitty in and of itself. Austins decided to join the army and if things go to plan i guess will be leaving this fall. and this of course has caused my mom to start drinking again sense she was just waiting for an excuse ( Read more... )

Things seem workable now. They seem like they'll be okay. And they will be I'm sure for a little while ( Read more... )

i'm moving home at the end of the month. For summer at least, maybe longer. I don't know if I'm going to try and commute or not for my gen ed's or what i'm going to do..  I'm trying to think about it positively because maybe its what i need to get my life together, i need to change something or i'm going to break down beyond belief. So hopefully ( Read more... )

i hope this week goes better then its looking.
I'm really tired, it'd be nice to get some sleep.

i really hope everything works out okay with this job and everything. I hate having two jobs but i need it. I just hope i can manage my life and not breakdown in between everything :/

i don't think it is possible for me to despise everything about my mother, more, ever. its done. we're through the second i'm back on my feet i will mail her every cent she has ever given me "out of the kindness of her heart" or let me borrow from an annoymous address. I'm done.

i need to slow the fuck down. friday was out of hand, like i'm not okay with this. and my coat and keys were stolen, cause that's my luck. it just seems like nothing goes right for me.
the rest of the weekend was okay, which the exception of my fucking crazy mother.

i just want a break from everything i know for a few days, why is that so hard?

This was so good, i miss you. Regardless, I'm as happy as i can be at the moment, its a nice feeling.

i can never fucking sleep.