Comments | hd_worldcup: Team AU: 20. Close your eyes and think of Hogwarts.

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Team AU: 20. Close your eyes and think of Hogwarts.

Apr 06, 2009 14:21

Title: primum mobile, or ten forgotten things
Team: AU, baby!
Author: kirinin
Prompt: 20. Close your eyes and think of Hogwarts.
Wordcount: just over 4,000
Rating: PG
Warnings: None, really.
Summary: The truth: logic isn't in the lump in his throat, in his stuttering pulse. He needs the certainty of his name on someone else's lips, which means he needs ( Read more... )

team au, prompt: 20. close your eyes, pg, fic, round ii

Comments 124

maggie2mw April 6 2009, 12:27:33 UTC

This is amazing, each step on the way is simple but effectively done. Just one thing, why is it "ten things" when the story has only 8 parts?

kirinin April 6 2009, 15:54:20 UTC

If you count them up, there are ten things that Harry and Draco have forgotten: Hogwarts Castle, ticket, scarf and tie, Galleons, pocketwatch, wand(s), first meeting, Hermione's face, Quidditch, and Potions.

Thanks so much! I'm glad you liked it. ;)

-K

secretsolitaire April 11 2009, 01:56:30 UTC

Oh, interesting...I thought there were eight parts because the other two were forgotten...

Enjoyed this, though the scenario is rather terrifying!

kirinin April 11 2009, 05:23:14 UTC

Thanks so much! I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

-K

al_hazel April 6 2009, 12:32:41 UTC

OMG, wow. The gradual losing of memories, the gradual losing of stuff, just WOW.

kirinin April 6 2009, 15:54:38 UTC

Thank you so much. I'm glad you enjoyed it!

-K

primum mobile, or ten forgotten things catsintheattic April 6 2009, 12:32:58 UTC

OMG, that was brilliant! What an eerie, dystopian feeling you've created - *shudders*

I feel so sorry for them, the gradual losing of their memories and of the world as they know it.

I wish you would write a sequel and explain it all, if it really was a spell by Voldemort, if they are in a parallel time, what has happened to the wizarding world...

Thank you for sharing!

Re: primum mobile, or ten forgotten things kirinin April 6 2009, 15:55:24 UTC

I considered adding more, but I was going over it with one of my betas, and literally, they said, "there. Stop. Now."

"Really?" I said.

"Yes. Do not write another word on pain of death."

So there it is. :)

-K

phoenixacid April 6 2009, 13:14:27 UTC

I really enjoyed how you build the dream-like atmosphere in this story. The way they're slowly losing their memory and their identity is pretty darn eerie. I wish that it's a reversible curse of some sort, but if it isn't, then I guess it isn't too bad because they have each other.

kirinin April 6 2009, 15:56:22 UTC

:) Thanks. I'm glad the atmosphere worked for you! It was kind of difficult to maintain that 'voice' of creepy.

-K

nolagal April 6 2009, 13:20:21 UTC

beautifully written. The way everything disappears and slowly shifts is phenomenal. The story is eerie and haunting and heartbreaking. The characters growing closer as their world collapses is so telling and wonderful.
I was confused by the title unless the other 2 forgotten things are Harry and Draco. I'd love more just for clarification as to what had happened but I also love the ending as it is.

kirinin April 6 2009, 15:56:53 UTC

Darn - a lot of people are asking about that. Guess I should've put it in the Author's Notes:

Hogwarts Castle, ticket, scarf and tie, Galleons, pocketwatch, wand(s), first meeting, Hermione's face, Quidditch, Potions.

Those are the ten forgotten things.

-K

nolagal April 6 2009, 16:02:58 UTC

silly us focusing on the 8 parts! I didn't even think about what they'd forgotten. Great story!

kirinin April 6 2009, 16:05:54 UTC

Still... I like your idea - that the other two lost things are H + D - every bit as well.

-K