In which Lexaeus is the invisible man.
Title: Blood and Flowers.
Author: SparkedSteel.
Rating:
One for the EPITHETS dear sweet gods, one for failing at Zexion forever, one for OOC love triangle that is OOC, one for the incredible screaming gap in the world where Lexaeus should be (and also sundry sins of OOC).
Full Name (including any titles): Zexion/the Schemer/Six/the thin male/the smaller male/the younger male/the small male/Zexy/the male, Xemnas/the other man/the Superior/the silver haired man/the man/the larger man, Marluxia/the Assassin/Marlu/the man (presumably not the same man)/the other man (the other other one)/Eleven, Vexen/the Academic/the blonde/the blonde man. Yes, all that.
Full Species(es): Nemo Mobilis Enervatus (Spineless Emotional Nobody), Nemo Raptor Sanguinarius (Bloodthirsty Rapist Nobody), Nemo Amatorius Blandiloquentulus (Romantic Sweet-talking Nobody), Nemo Amatorius Medicus (Romantic Doctor Nobody).
Hair Color (include adjectives): Undescribed, 'silver', 'a sea of pink', 'blonde'.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Undescribed, 'golden', both not described, presumed as canon.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: Marluxia--smells like dead flowers when stressed, 'like fresh flowers after a run over with a hose on a nice summer day' when content. Vexen--smells like 'propane and bleach' when stressed, 'clinical' otherwise. Zexion--has exceptionally fast-renewing blood.
Special Possessions (if any): Xemnas has a knife. Vexen has a medical kit. Marluxia has a bed. Zexion has negative possessions.
Origin: See, Zexion was running a high fever, and when an illusionist hallucinates...
Connections To Canon Characters: None. Allegedly are them.
Special Abilities: Zexion has negative abilities. Xemnas has the ability to prevent anyone from thinking that his repeated rape, abuse, and stabbing of one of his original associates is a bad thing and something should be done about it. Marluxia seems to have the ability to completely replace Lexaeus. Vexen has an imaginary MD and the special ability to be too psychologically clinical for Zexion.
Other Annoying Traits: Calling Marluxia 'Marlu'. Rape, violence, stabbity. Zexion losing his powers of illusion and generally fucking your shit up. Xemnas being Sadistic McRapist. Marluxia being the source of comfort and also a complete enabler. Vexen being the bitchy other woman. Marluxia responding to, "Would you defy Xemnas?" with "I don't suppose so..." -150 IQ points all around.
I Say/Notes: Epithets for the lose. 'He' and proper names are all you need most of the time. Really. I swear. And everyone's characterization was so far off I couldn't find it with a telescope. And no one ever explained why the entire rest of the Org didn't gang up to kill Xemnas on the grounds that they might be next. And, believe it or not, Marluxia/Vexen requires some kind of explanation beyond, "O HAI LOVE TRIANGLE". And did I mention the OOC? And the epithets? If it weren't still significantly better than my last selection, this might've gotten the Ansem. But it's not that bad.
And did I mention the Lexaeus-shaped hole in the universe? I know I did. LEXAEUS IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF ZEXION'S EXISTANCE, KTHX. Please to be respecting the canon marriagefriendship!
Sample:
[Scene: The sporking theatre, as per usual. Four portals open, three of which disgorge black-coated figures.]
Vexen: It's official: Naminé’s powers are the best ever.
Zexion: Indeed. Fortunately she is highly amenable to bribery.
Marluxia: Why bother with bribery when you have threats?
Vexen: This is why no one likes you, Marluxia.
Marluxia: Larxene does. …Sort of.
Vexen: That’s because you let her follow through on your threats for you.
Marluxia: It’s true. And what’s wrong with that?
Zexion: I could have sworn Lexaeus was-wait a minute, Lexaeus?
Empty air: Yes?
Zexion: …
Vexen: Is he invisible?
Marluxia: I can see him.
Lexaeus: No, you can’t.
Marluxia: What makes you so sure?!
Lexaeus: Because you’re looking over there and I’m over here.
Zexion: This is all entirely beside the point. Lexaeus, why are you invisible?
Lexaeus: Your guess is as good as mine.
Vexen: When did you last see Xigbar?
Lexaeus: Yesterday. He bumped into me and didn’t seem to realize I was there.
Zexion: How odd…
[Lexaeus has been rendered invisible by the Management as a visual representation of his role in the three-story sporking series of which this is the second.]
Marluxia: A ‘visual’ representation? But he’s invisible!
Zexion: *in tones of deepest gloom* Exactly.
Marluxia: Exactly what?
Lexaeus: I’m often mysteriously absent in contexts where I should be around.
Zexion: *cough*EveryMe/DemyxFicEver*cough*
Lexaeus: Indeed.
Vexen: I will trade you everything I may ever possess for the ability to be mysteriously absent from badfic. Everything. Ever.
Lexaeus: It was really that bad?
Marluxia: It really, really was. Why weren’t you suffering too?
[…After We turned him invisible We had some difficulty in locating him. Shut up or it’ll be a six-story sporking series and you’ll be sporking all of it.]
Vexen: Whatever happened to the fourth wall?
[Deadpool. Don’t ask.]
Zexion: *picks up script* ‘Domestic Abuse For the Lose, Part Two’. Lovely. Now we know what to expect.
Marluxia: At least it can’t possibly be worse than the last one.
Lexaeus: You really shouldn’t say that…
Marluxia: Well, it can’t! You weren’t there!
Vexen: As much as I hate to admit it, I can’t imagine how it could be worse either. Even with Naminé making the memories blurry.
[They sit. Invisible Lexaeus occupies the seat between Zexion and Vexen. Marluxia sits on Zexion’s other side.]
“Please, Sir!” an alarmed voice said, frantic and begging.
Marluxia: Please, Sir, I really want some more!
The thin male squirmed unpleasantly, pinned to the floor by darker hands.
Lexaeus: ‘The thin male’.
Vexen: Not the epithets again!
Zexion: How does one squirm unpleasantly? Or pleasantly, if it comes to that?
Marluxia: ‘Pleasantly’ is when the writer got turned on imagining it.
Golden eyes were glued onto him, almost laughing.
Vexen: Well, no wonder he’s squirming! Someone glued eyeballs to him!
Marluxia: Wait just one minute. ‘darker hands’…’golden eyes’…
Lexaeus: So many bad options, so little time.
“Yes, Zexion?”
Zexion: No.
the other man asked, bemused by the smaller male’s struggle.
Lexaeus: How many people are in this scene?
Zexion: I’m going to keep track. So far, there’s ‘the thin male’, ‘the other man’, and ‘the smaller male’.
Zexion gave Xemnas an infuriated look, obviously angry at his current position.
Marluxia: As he had every right to be!
Vexen: But none of the ability.
Zexion: I’m faking it.
Marluxia: *sniggers* *whapped by invisible hand*
Pinned under his Superior, cloaked ripped down the middle, chest coated in scratches and marks from the effort made to detach the garment from his body.
Lexaeus: Ripped? But it unzips down the middle! It really isn’t that difficult to remove.
Marluxia: Apparently zippers are just too difficult when you’re in the heat of passion.
Vexen: And ripping thick cloth is effortless.
Marluxia: Naturally.
Needless to say, it was not a place the Schemer ever wanted to be.
Zexion: If it is ‘needless to say’ (which, by the way, it is), then why say it?
Vexen: *goes to pay phone* *attempts to dial Department of Redundancy Department*
Phone: That number is not accessible from this device.
Vexen: Stupid contraption.
“Get off me!” Zexion yelled, struggling with all the might he had.
Zexion: I hope Not!Xemnas enjoys the full-sensory illusion of Cthulhu rising from the deep to devour him.
Marluxia: Why isn’t Xemnas here suffering?
Lexaeus: Do you want to deal with him seeing this?
Marluxia: Well, no.
Xemnas laughed a bit, helping his own attempt to hold the Schemer down by placing a knee on the smaller male’s lower stomach.
Vexen: Schemers have two stomachs, a lower and an upper. It’s a little-known fact.
Zexion: ‘People in this scene’ count is at seven so far.
Zexion only struggled more, trying to worm his arms away from Xemnas’ grip.
“You act like yelling and demanding will force me to stop,” Xemnas said, bending his face close to Zexion’s.
Vexen: I’m thinking more that force will force him to stop.
“I was hoping it would,” the Schemer snapped. Xemnas smirked against the smaller male’s skin, breathing hot air into the crook of his neck.
Zexion: *rubs at side of neck reflexively*
Marluxia: I don’t know who ‘the smaller male’ is, but Xemnas seems to be all over him.
“Hoping for things is futile,” he said softly.
Vexen: We are the Nobody Borg.
Lexaeus: Hoping for things is futile. You will be assimilated into Kingdom Hearts.
“Hope is all we have,” Zexion responded, glaring up at his superior.
Zexion: Also incredible elemental powers and the ability to teleport, which I find much more relevant to this situation.
Xemnas smirked lightly again, watching Zexion’s every movement with careful scrutiny.
“I wonder how you’d react if I crushed that hope?”
Marluxia: Which hope?
Vexen: That one.
Marluxia: The blue one?
Vexen: No, the orange one!
The silver haired man released one of the Schemer’s hands and dug into his own cloak.
Zexion: Eight people.
Zexion took his advantage, now that one of his hands was free and moved to get his other hand out of Xemnas’ grip booked Xemnas so hard he didn’t realize the cake was a lie for a month.
Zexion: There was a minor typographical error. I repaired it.
Vexen: Characterization error.
Zexion: I choose to believe the writer simply mistyped.
Xemnas made a lurching movement and a sudden fiery pain shot through the Schemer’s hand.
Marluxia: Is Axel ‘the taller male’, then?
Lexaeus: Either that, or Xigbar just shot Zexion in the hand.
Vexen: Zombie!Xemnas lurches through badfic, seeking the brains of its writers, only to find they have none.
Lexaeus: Pity poor Zombie!Xemnas, doomed to starvation.
A knife pinned it to the ground, crimson blood slowly coating the hand, blade and floor.
Vexen: Adda-wibba-beeble- *staring fixedly ahead*
Marluxia: *twitches* Shut up and eat your goddamned shortcake! *curls up in seat*
Lexaeus: …?
Zexion: It seems Naminé’s treatment was insufficient in their cases. Not, however, in mine. *hands not shaking at all no precious*
Lexaeus: Of course not. *reaches over and shakes Vexen by the shoulder, purely coincidentally brushing Zexion’s arm reassuringly at the same time*
Vexen: *flails* What?! What?!
Zexion: You had a flashback of some kind.
Vexen: Oh, that’s all.
Lexaeus: *prods Marluxia less gently* You’re not in the fic yet.
Marluxia: …Promise?
Lexaeus: And here I thought you’d enjoy watching Xemnas be as mischaracterized as you were.
Marluxia: *sits up straight* That never happened.
“That,” Xemnas said, driving the blade in harder, “will stop now.”
Zexion: I’m very pleased to hear it! Please stop now, then.
Zexion gasped in pain, eyes large.
Vexen: As opposed to before, when they were tiny. Because ‘Zexion’ and ‘tiny eyes’ just go hand in hand.
Marluxia: ‘Eyes’? You mean he has more than one?
Zexion: Hah. Hah. Hilarious.
The Superior leaned close to the Schemer’s shocked face. “Correct, Six?”
Zexion: Nine people.
Vexen: I’m not sure that counts.
Zexion: Are you the one being tortured here?! Nine. People.
Zexion nodded. Xemnas yanked the knife back out of the Schemer’s hand, causing the smaller male to squeak in pain again.
Lexaeus: Sympathy pains, apparently.
Marluxia: Of course.
Xemnas looked over Zexion’s face for a moment, watching the pained expression slowly leave the Schemer’s face.
Vexen: …as the fight-or-flight reaction kicked in, dulling the sense of pain so that it would not impede getting the fuck away.
His eyes were scrunched together as if he were afraid to look at the Superior.
Xemnas lightly pressed the knife against Zexion’s jaw, smiling in amusement when the smaller male tensed, eyes squeezed shut still.
Zexion: *eyes squeezed shut* Tell me when it’s over.
Marluxia: Why, are you scared?
Zexion: I take no pleasure in watching myself be tortured! Is that so very strange?
He drug the knife along, scraping skin.
“You’re such a precious thing, aren’t you?” the Superior whispered, his voice mocking, belittling Zexion.
Lexaeus: Thank you so much for telling us. We never would have guessed otherwise.
Vexen: I think they left a few letters out of ‘precocious’.
Marluxia: …No, ‘precious’ is a word.
Vexen: I know that! I’m not stupid, thank you very much! It’s just not a Zexion word by any stretch of the imagination.
Lexaeus: Ienzo’s aunt-
Zexion: Hey!
He jerked suddenly with the knife, puncturing Schemer’s neck.
All: AHH!
Vexen: Forget Surprise!Buttsex, this is a Surprise!Tracheotomy.
Zexion cried out in shock, expression contorting into the pained expression that Xemnas seemed so amused by.
Bending his head down, he licked at a fleck of blood that had been leaking down the Schemer’s neck.
Lexaeus: Only dried blood has ‘flecks’, and dried blood does not ‘leak’.
Marluxia: Silence, basic science user!
Zexion made a whimpering sound, trying to move his neck away from the silver haired man’s mouth.
Vexen: Was ‘the silver haired man’ included in our count? I forget.
Zexion: Yes.
Lexaeus: It really needs a hyphen. I’m visualizing a man made entirely of silver who happens to have hair.
Marluxia: *visualizes* *snickers*
“Sir…” he whined faintly. Xemnas smirked against the Schemer’s skin, adding another gentle lick across the wound.
Zexion: *still not looking* Please no vampires, please no vampires…
It stung, although Zexion wouldn’t admit it. Not with the Superior getting off on the pain inflicted upon the Schemer.
Marluxia: Who body-swapped Xemnas and Larxene? This sounds more like her. Not that there’s anything wrong with that!
Lightning Bolt: *forestalled!*
Instead, Zexion remained silent, breathing heavily through grit teeth.
Vexen: His teeth are made of grit?
Marluxia: And this is why Mother always told me not to grind my teeth.
“Awh, do you like that, Six?” the Superior asked, lifting the tip of the blade up to the Schemer’s cheek.
Zexion: *snaps* Of course not!
“Of course not,” Zexion snapped, voice cold. “I’m not a masochist.”
Marluxia: Aww, look who’s in character!
Lexaeus: Except for the uncharacteristic helplessness.
Xemnas smirked at the remark.
“No, you’re not, my dear Zexion. Or you’d be moaning. Yes?” Zexion made a disgusted face.
All: *disgusted face*
“Interesting way of putting it, Sir…” he said coldly. Xemnas smirked. The expression was slowly becoming very annoying to Zexion, especially Xemnas’ amusement that bloomed from the younger male's annoyance and pain.
Lexaeus: The word ‘smirked’ is quickly becoming very annoying to me.
Vexen: Xemnas smirked, and will continue smirking until further notice.
Marluxia: Is that their ‘rapist characterization’? A smirk?
Zexion: *annoyed* Ten.
The knife played across his thin chest, a gentle line of crimson blood bubbling up in its wake.
Lexaeus: Zexion, why is your blood bubbling?
Zexion: It’s Axel’s fault. Somehow.
Zexion’s eyes squeezed shut again, his body squirming unpleasantly under the knife’s tip.
“S-stop…” he whispered, but it was nothing more than an idle demand.
Vexen: What is an idle demand?
Marluxia: Like an empty threat, but lazier.
Xemnas knew as well as Zexion did that there would not be any stopping. The smaller male wasn’t going to force the other off.
Zexion: Eleven.
Marluxia: What?
Zexion: Not you, the participants-in-this-scene count.
“Useless words, Six, don’t waste your breath,” Xemnas said calmly. Zexion gave the man a dirty look.
Zexion: *through gritted teeth* Twelve.
He simply smirked in response.
Lexaeus: *invisible tomahawk!*
Screen: *immune*
Lexaeus: Drat.
Suddenly, the blade drove deep into Zexion’s upper stomach.
Vexen: Here we see the second of the Schemer’s two stomachs in action.
He cried out in pain, body jerking, trying to move away from the source of the unpleasantness.
Marluxia: I think that’s a bit more than unpleasantness!
Zexion: I am not yet too badly injured to employ understatement. Next: litotes.
The knife only dug in more, causing more cries of pain.
Zexion: Oh, I see. The knife did it all on its own. *skeptical eyebrow*
Lexaeus: Look at it this way: passive construction or another terrible epithet?
Zexion: …You know me too well.
Lexaeus: Yes.
Tears welled up at the edges of the Schemer’s eyes, spilling over and leaking down his face, getting into small cuts and stinging like hell.
Lexaeus: But he barely noticed, considering the multiple stab wounds.
[I’m just going to snip this paragraph because it made me ill.]
Zexion groaned, eyes closed tight and teeth clenched. Xemnas smirked a bit,
Lexaeus: *the silence of an invisible Nobody glowering*
drawing a line down the Schemer’s stomach until he hit the edge of the younger male's pants.
Zexion tensed a bit, drawing a quick breath. The knife left skin and clattered on the ground next to Zexion.
Zexion: *finally looks up* Whew!
The Schemer relaxed, daring to open his eyes. The Superior’s face was no longer hovering above his own.
Lexaeus: A distant cousin of the Face of Boe is the Face of Superior. It can hover on its own, apparently.
Vexen: I was about to pursue the reference, but terrible mental images happened.
Lexaeus: *thinks* Oh. I see what you mean.
Marluxia: I don’t.
Lexaeus: Good for you.
In alarm, Zexion glanced around, looking for where Xemnas had gone. He did not trust the Superior to do anything good.
Vexen: As he was right to do, this being a badfic.
Marluxia: Who trusts Xemnas to do anything good anyway?
Lexaeus: We do. *looms*
Looming: *ineffective while invisible*
He felt it before he saw it. The larger man had hold of Zexion’s hips; dark hands eased under his pant line and unlatched the front.
Zexion: Fucking thirteen.
Marluxia: Not Axel any more, from what I saw.
Vexen: What is this? Without Axel, Marluxia takes over off-color, terrible pun duties?
Marluxia: It’s a burden.
Lexaeus: ‘Unlatched’?
Zexion: Chastity belt. And do you blame me?
Vexen: Not a bit.
Zexion squirmed a bit, already worn from the abuse only moments prior.
Vexen: Not to mention still bleeding.
He could feel the leather pants slide down his hips, cool hands dealing with undergarments.
Lexaeus: Why does everyone think our pants are leather?
Vexen: It’s the Cassie Claire Effect.
Lexaeus: The who effect?
Vexen: Part of switching from evil antagonists with some redeeming characteristics to just misunderstood emo heroes is the acquisition of leather pants. It’s ‘hawt’.
Lexaeus: Ah.
The Schemer gasped in shock when the hands found their prize.
Zexion had half a mind to just give in, trying so hard to ignore the waves of pleasure moving over him in addition to the pain.
Marluxia: Not a masochist, huh?
Lexaeus: *tomahawks*
Marluxia: I may have deserved that. Just a little.
“S-Sir….” The Schemer whispered. He could taste blood. A tan finger pressed to his lips, and Xemnas’ face appeared over the smaller male.
Zexion: *child* I saw the face of Xemnas in my smaller male! Now it’s a holy relic!
Marluxia: Hey! Not cool! *scythes* *forgets Lexaeus is in the way*
Lexaeus: *blocks* We’re Nobodies. We don’t respect your beliefs.
“Shh,” Xemnas simply replied.
With that, Zexion’s world went dark.
Zexion: And then I woke up and discovered it was all just a really bad dream the end.
Vexen: That never works.
Lexaeus: So, how many people were participating in that scene?
Zexion: ‘the thin male’, ‘the other man’, ‘the smaller male’, ‘Zexion’, ‘Xemnas’, ‘the Superior’, ‘the Schemer’, ‘the silver haired man’, ‘Six’, ‘the younger male’, ‘the other’, ‘the man’, ‘the larger man’. Thirteen. One for each of us. For all I know, this was one of those orgy stories and no one else deserved a name.
Marluxia: I hope it wasn’t.
xXx
Vexen: What is that?
Zexion: Three headless stickfigures.
Marluxia: An ad for a porn shop.
Lexaeus: Saïx making a face.
Marluxia: *awaits claymore of smiting*
Claymore: *fails to appear*
Marluxia: How come he gets away with it?
Lexaeus: Because I’m not a traitor.
“Do you think he’ll be alright?”
Zexion: That depends, Lexaeus. Do I still have a trachea deserving of the name?
“With all the work I did to get those bandages on, he’d better be.”
Zexion: Wow, Vexen, it’s good to know you ‘care’.
Vexen: You got bandaged, didn’t you?
There was a clacking noise of a plastic case being closed. Zexion winced and rolled his head to the side. He groaned, trying to block out the noise.
Marluxia: Making more noise isn’t going to help with that.
“Oh look what you’ve done. You’ve woke him up.”
Zexion: Oh look what you’ve done. You’ve did grammar a grievous wrong.
“Oh shut up, Marluxia. You’re loud enough to wake up the entire castle,” an angry voice said.
Lexaeus: I suppose one out of two isn’t bad, strictly speaking.
Zexion: Actually, it is. It’s only fifty percent.
Lexaeus: But it could be worse.
Vexen: Marluxia is always bad.
Marluxia: Says the paragon of virtue.
The smell of the room nearly bowled the Schemer over as it rushed at him at once.
Zexion: It is a smell, not a football team. It does not work that way.
It was almost flowery, sickly sweet almost, but not quite.
Marluxia: But what was it actually? It was ‘almost’ flowery, ‘not quite’ sickly sweet...
Zexion: I resent the implication that I would have no better idea of its composition by this point.
Zexion coughed. The action itself brought fresh stabs of pain in his stomach.
Vexen: And this is why we do the medical treatments in the lab. Fewer allergens.
Lexaeus: Good-bye, medical science. I hardly knew you.
Someone came up next to his side and the smell increased by ten-fold, causing Zexion to cough again.
“Look at you...” Zexion suddenly found himself being hugged; his head nestled in a familiar sea of pink.
Zexion: *flails* I do not require hugs!
Marluxia: *flails also* I don’t want to hug you!
Vexen: Not to mention that you do not want to hug a person whose wounds have only just been bandaged.
Lexaeus: Marluxia, your hair is the ocean? I had no idea.
Marluxia: You know how it is-go to the beach for an afternoon, pick sand out of my scalp for a week.
Normally, he’d have rather enjoyed this.
Zexion: LIES AND CALUMNY.
Normally, he’d be fully conscious and not heavily bandaged.
Zexion: Well, yes, I would have enjoyed that.
Normally.
“Marlu, you smell like a rotting flower.
Vexen: I speak truth!
Marluxia: Except for my name. Is three more letters that hard?
Vexen: I consider it a gross breach of protocol for your name to have more letters than mine.
Lexaeus: Why?
Vexen: I have no idea.
Give the kid some breathing room.”
Zexion: I am no longer a ‘kid’.
Vexen & Lexaeus: We know.
Zexion: I resent being referred to as such.
Same: We know.
Zexion: By ‘resent’ I mean ‘cause perpetrator to hallucinate the existence of solid ground where such does not exist’.
Same: We know.
Zexion: Unfortunately, Xigbar doesn’t really care if there’s ground or not.
Vexen: Shame.
Marluxia: Are you a hive mind or something?
Lexaeus: Only occasionally.
Zexion identified the speaker as Vexen. He smelled distinctly of propane and bleach,
Lexaeus: What did Axel do?
Vexen: Quite possibly set me on fire. Again.
Lexaeus: You should do something about that.
Vexen: I would, but right now it’s too amusing to watch him follow Roxas around all but begging for his best friend back.
Zexion: *smirk*
Lexaeus: Please don’t do that just now.
Zexion: Oh, apologies. *does not smirk*
obvious against the backdrop of dying flowers.
Marluxia: My flowers are what?!
Marluxia backed off, looking pestered at the demands made of him.
Marluxia: No, I will not drive you to soccer practice! Get a ride with someone!
Lexaeus: But Moooom!
Marluxia: That’s final! Walking builds character!
Zexion: Mom, when’s dinner? Can I have a cookie? Vexen drew on the walls again.
Vexen: It’s art.
Marluxia: Now this, this is ‘pestered at the demands made of me’. ‘Please stop hugging Zexion’? Not pestering.
A couple more coughs and Zexion was finally able to breathe. Vexen sat down next to the flustered Schemer, offering a reassuring smile.
Zexion: *himself* I do not want this. Take it back.
Vexen: *himself* Well, fine. *offers reassuring glare*
Zexion: Much better.
“How’re you feeling?” he asked.
Zexion: Like I have just been stabbed? I need my hands!
“I’m fine,” Zexion responded. “Why am I here?” Marluxia came up behind Vexen and placed a hand on the Academic’s shoulder.
Marluxia: *head in hands* Oh, please no.
Lexaeus: What?
Marluxia: Look at that image. Now answer the question.
Lexaeus: …Oh.
Vexen: It would, of course, be too much for Marluxia to be not touching me.
“Xemnas instructed me to deal with the mess he made of you.
Vexen: This is common knowledge? Why hasn’t somebody done something?
Marluxia: Like who? You? Because the rebelling-against-authority thing worked out so well for you.
Vexen: Grrr…Actually, I was mostly thinking ‘Xigbar would go spare’. With added ‘invisible SMITE’.
Lexaeus: Indeed.
I got Vexen to help because I don’t know much about first aid,” he said. He gave Vexen’s shoulder a gentle squeeze, and the blonde smiled sheepishly.
Vexen: *wide eyes* Plz no kthx.
Marluxia: Not. Again. Please, no more.
Lexaeus: Flashbacks again?
Zexion: I think we’ve all heard ‘the blonde’ enough for any past or future lives we might ever have.
Zexion could feel his chest tighten a bit.
Lexaeus: And now a heart attack? This is just not your day, is it?
He looked down, trying not to look at the two.
Marluxia: *Zexion* The OOC, it burns! Unholy! Unholy!
“Oh…” the Schemer mumbled his voice faint. “Sorry for troubling you, then.” He sunk into the blankets and pillows.
Vexen: …which swiftly ripped the flesh from his bones and-
Lexaeus: Vexen!
Vexen: Sorry.
They all smelled distinctively like Marluxia, but less awful.
Vexen: *cackles* Inadvertent truth!
Marluxia: I resent this!
Perhaps the Assassin smelled like dead flowers because he was stressed?
Zexion: Scent does not work that way. I am affronted.
The Schemer missed the wonderful floral scent Marluxia usually had.
Marluxia: So there!
Vexen: Soon, Zexion will realize you just forgot to put on your perfume after you did your nails this morning.
Marluxia: Why, you!
Lexaeus: Vexen, what have I told you about perpetuating fandom stereotypes?
Vexen: Not to except for Marluxia who deserves to suffer?
Lexaeus: Vexen…
Vexen: Fine. Spoil all my fun, why don’t you?
Zexion: He always does.
Lexaeus: I always do.
He felt something warm brush across his face.
All: AUGH!!
The Assassin was nearly sitting on him, his hand resting on Zexion’s forehead.
Marluxia: Oh, it was just my hand. Okay.
“Get well, alright?” he said. The Schemer’s face turned a slight red, barely noticeable in the dark room. He didn’t reply. After a few moments, Marluxia took the hint and decided to retreat, leaving a light kiss on Zexion’s warm cheek.
Zexion: Wonderful. Now I have cooties.
Marluxia: Now I have cooties.
Vexen lingered in the room for a moment after Marluxia had left, surveying Zexion with careful scrutiny.
Vexen: *Vexenbot* This one could be a danger to our evil plans. We must replace him with one of our own as soon as possible.
Then he too left, leaving Zexion alone in the dark room.
xXx
Marluxia: Still porn.
Lexaeus: --holic. An excellent manga.
Vexen: A winning game of tic-tac-toe.
Zexion: A rudimentary pyramid.
Continued in Part Two...
Author: SparkedSteel.
Rating:
One for the EPITHETS dear sweet gods, one for failing at Zexion forever, one for OOC love triangle that is OOC, one for the incredible screaming gap in the world where Lexaeus should be (and also sundry sins of OOC).
Full Name (including any titles): Zexion/the Schemer/Six/the thin male/the smaller male/the younger male/the small male/Zexy/the male, Xemnas/the other man/the Superior/the silver haired man/the man/the larger man, Marluxia/the Assassin/Marlu/the man (presumably not the same man)/the other man (the other other one)/Eleven, Vexen/the Academic/the blonde/the blonde man. Yes, all that.
Full Species(es): Nemo Mobilis Enervatus (Spineless Emotional Nobody), Nemo Raptor Sanguinarius (Bloodthirsty Rapist Nobody), Nemo Amatorius Blandiloquentulus (Romantic Sweet-talking Nobody), Nemo Amatorius Medicus (Romantic Doctor Nobody).
Hair Color (include adjectives): Undescribed, 'silver', 'a sea of pink', 'blonde'.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Undescribed, 'golden', both not described, presumed as canon.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: Marluxia--smells like dead flowers when stressed, 'like fresh flowers after a run over with a hose on a nice summer day' when content. Vexen--smells like 'propane and bleach' when stressed, 'clinical' otherwise. Zexion--has exceptionally fast-renewing blood.
Special Possessions (if any): Xemnas has a knife. Vexen has a medical kit. Marluxia has a bed. Zexion has negative possessions.
Origin: See, Zexion was running a high fever, and when an illusionist hallucinates...
Connections To Canon Characters: None. Allegedly are them.
Special Abilities: Zexion has negative abilities. Xemnas has the ability to prevent anyone from thinking that his repeated rape, abuse, and stabbing of one of his original associates is a bad thing and something should be done about it. Marluxia seems to have the ability to completely replace Lexaeus. Vexen has an imaginary MD and the special ability to be too psychologically clinical for Zexion.
Other Annoying Traits: Calling Marluxia 'Marlu'. Rape, violence, stabbity. Zexion losing his powers of illusion and generally fucking your shit up. Xemnas being Sadistic McRapist. Marluxia being the source of comfort and also a complete enabler. Vexen being the bitchy other woman. Marluxia responding to, "Would you defy Xemnas?" with "I don't suppose so..." -150 IQ points all around.
I Say/Notes: Epithets for the lose. 'He' and proper names are all you need most of the time. Really. I swear. And everyone's characterization was so far off I couldn't find it with a telescope. And no one ever explained why the entire rest of the Org didn't gang up to kill Xemnas on the grounds that they might be next. And, believe it or not, Marluxia/Vexen requires some kind of explanation beyond, "O HAI LOVE TRIANGLE". And did I mention the OOC? And the epithets? If it weren't still significantly better than my last selection, this might've gotten the Ansem. But it's not that bad.
And did I mention the Lexaeus-shaped hole in the universe? I know I did. LEXAEUS IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF ZEXION'S EXISTANCE, KTHX. Please to be respecting the canon marriagefriendship!
Sample:
[Scene: The sporking theatre, as per usual. Four portals open, three of which disgorge black-coated figures.]
Vexen: It's official: Naminé’s powers are the best ever.
Zexion: Indeed. Fortunately she is highly amenable to bribery.
Marluxia: Why bother with bribery when you have threats?
Vexen: This is why no one likes you, Marluxia.
Marluxia: Larxene does. …Sort of.
Vexen: That’s because you let her follow through on your threats for you.
Marluxia: It’s true. And what’s wrong with that?
Zexion: I could have sworn Lexaeus was-wait a minute, Lexaeus?
Empty air: Yes?
Zexion: …
Vexen: Is he invisible?
Marluxia: I can see him.
Lexaeus: No, you can’t.
Marluxia: What makes you so sure?!
Lexaeus: Because you’re looking over there and I’m over here.
Zexion: This is all entirely beside the point. Lexaeus, why are you invisible?
Lexaeus: Your guess is as good as mine.
Vexen: When did you last see Xigbar?
Lexaeus: Yesterday. He bumped into me and didn’t seem to realize I was there.
Zexion: How odd…
[Lexaeus has been rendered invisible by the Management as a visual representation of his role in the three-story sporking series of which this is the second.]
Marluxia: A ‘visual’ representation? But he’s invisible!
Zexion: *in tones of deepest gloom* Exactly.
Marluxia: Exactly what?
Lexaeus: I’m often mysteriously absent in contexts where I should be around.
Zexion: *cough*EveryMe/DemyxFicEver*cough*
Lexaeus: Indeed.
Vexen: I will trade you everything I may ever possess for the ability to be mysteriously absent from badfic. Everything. Ever.
Lexaeus: It was really that bad?
Marluxia: It really, really was. Why weren’t you suffering too?
[…After We turned him invisible We had some difficulty in locating him. Shut up or it’ll be a six-story sporking series and you’ll be sporking all of it.]
Vexen: Whatever happened to the fourth wall?
[Deadpool. Don’t ask.]
Zexion: *picks up script* ‘Domestic Abuse For the Lose, Part Two’. Lovely. Now we know what to expect.
Marluxia: At least it can’t possibly be worse than the last one.
Lexaeus: You really shouldn’t say that…
Marluxia: Well, it can’t! You weren’t there!
Vexen: As much as I hate to admit it, I can’t imagine how it could be worse either. Even with Naminé making the memories blurry.
[They sit. Invisible Lexaeus occupies the seat between Zexion and Vexen. Marluxia sits on Zexion’s other side.]
“Please, Sir!” an alarmed voice said, frantic and begging.
Marluxia: Please, Sir, I really want some more!
The thin male squirmed unpleasantly, pinned to the floor by darker hands.
Lexaeus: ‘The thin male’.
Vexen: Not the epithets again!
Zexion: How does one squirm unpleasantly? Or pleasantly, if it comes to that?
Marluxia: ‘Pleasantly’ is when the writer got turned on imagining it.
Golden eyes were glued onto him, almost laughing.
Vexen: Well, no wonder he’s squirming! Someone glued eyeballs to him!
Marluxia: Wait just one minute. ‘darker hands’…’golden eyes’…
Lexaeus: So many bad options, so little time.
“Yes, Zexion?”
Zexion: No.
the other man asked, bemused by the smaller male’s struggle.
Lexaeus: How many people are in this scene?
Zexion: I’m going to keep track. So far, there’s ‘the thin male’, ‘the other man’, and ‘the smaller male’.
Zexion gave Xemnas an infuriated look, obviously angry at his current position.
Marluxia: As he had every right to be!
Vexen: But none of the ability.
Zexion: I’m faking it.
Marluxia: *sniggers* *whapped by invisible hand*
Pinned under his Superior, cloaked ripped down the middle, chest coated in scratches and marks from the effort made to detach the garment from his body.
Lexaeus: Ripped? But it unzips down the middle! It really isn’t that difficult to remove.
Marluxia: Apparently zippers are just too difficult when you’re in the heat of passion.
Vexen: And ripping thick cloth is effortless.
Marluxia: Naturally.
Needless to say, it was not a place the Schemer ever wanted to be.
Zexion: If it is ‘needless to say’ (which, by the way, it is), then why say it?
Vexen: *goes to pay phone* *attempts to dial Department of Redundancy Department*
Phone: That number is not accessible from this device.
Vexen: Stupid contraption.
“Get off me!” Zexion yelled, struggling with all the might he had.
Zexion: I hope Not!Xemnas enjoys the full-sensory illusion of Cthulhu rising from the deep to devour him.
Marluxia: Why isn’t Xemnas here suffering?
Lexaeus: Do you want to deal with him seeing this?
Marluxia: Well, no.
Xemnas laughed a bit, helping his own attempt to hold the Schemer down by placing a knee on the smaller male’s lower stomach.
Vexen: Schemers have two stomachs, a lower and an upper. It’s a little-known fact.
Zexion: ‘People in this scene’ count is at seven so far.
Zexion only struggled more, trying to worm his arms away from Xemnas’ grip.
“You act like yelling and demanding will force me to stop,” Xemnas said, bending his face close to Zexion’s.
Vexen: I’m thinking more that force will force him to stop.
“I was hoping it would,” the Schemer snapped. Xemnas smirked against the smaller male’s skin, breathing hot air into the crook of his neck.
Zexion: *rubs at side of neck reflexively*
Marluxia: I don’t know who ‘the smaller male’ is, but Xemnas seems to be all over him.
“Hoping for things is futile,” he said softly.
Vexen: We are the Nobody Borg.
Lexaeus: Hoping for things is futile. You will be assimilated into Kingdom Hearts.
“Hope is all we have,” Zexion responded, glaring up at his superior.
Zexion: Also incredible elemental powers and the ability to teleport, which I find much more relevant to this situation.
Xemnas smirked lightly again, watching Zexion’s every movement with careful scrutiny.
“I wonder how you’d react if I crushed that hope?”
Marluxia: Which hope?
Vexen: That one.
Marluxia: The blue one?
Vexen: No, the orange one!
The silver haired man released one of the Schemer’s hands and dug into his own cloak.
Zexion: Eight people.
Zexion took his advantage, now that one of his hands was free and moved to get his other hand out of Xemnas’ grip booked Xemnas so hard he didn’t realize the cake was a lie for a month.
Zexion: There was a minor typographical error. I repaired it.
Vexen: Characterization error.
Zexion: I choose to believe the writer simply mistyped.
Xemnas made a lurching movement and a sudden fiery pain shot through the Schemer’s hand.
Marluxia: Is Axel ‘the taller male’, then?
Lexaeus: Either that, or Xigbar just shot Zexion in the hand.
Vexen: Zombie!Xemnas lurches through badfic, seeking the brains of its writers, only to find they have none.
Lexaeus: Pity poor Zombie!Xemnas, doomed to starvation.
A knife pinned it to the ground, crimson blood slowly coating the hand, blade and floor.
Vexen: Adda-wibba-beeble- *staring fixedly ahead*
Marluxia: *twitches* Shut up and eat your goddamned shortcake! *curls up in seat*
Lexaeus: …?
Zexion: It seems Naminé’s treatment was insufficient in their cases. Not, however, in mine. *hands not shaking at all no precious*
Lexaeus: Of course not. *reaches over and shakes Vexen by the shoulder, purely coincidentally brushing Zexion’s arm reassuringly at the same time*
Vexen: *flails* What?! What?!
Zexion: You had a flashback of some kind.
Vexen: Oh, that’s all.
Lexaeus: *prods Marluxia less gently* You’re not in the fic yet.
Marluxia: …Promise?
Lexaeus: And here I thought you’d enjoy watching Xemnas be as mischaracterized as you were.
Marluxia: *sits up straight* That never happened.
“That,” Xemnas said, driving the blade in harder, “will stop now.”
Zexion: I’m very pleased to hear it! Please stop now, then.
Zexion gasped in pain, eyes large.
Vexen: As opposed to before, when they were tiny. Because ‘Zexion’ and ‘tiny eyes’ just go hand in hand.
Marluxia: ‘Eyes’? You mean he has more than one?
Zexion: Hah. Hah. Hilarious.
The Superior leaned close to the Schemer’s shocked face. “Correct, Six?”
Zexion: Nine people.
Vexen: I’m not sure that counts.
Zexion: Are you the one being tortured here?! Nine. People.
Zexion nodded. Xemnas yanked the knife back out of the Schemer’s hand, causing the smaller male to squeak in pain again.
Lexaeus: Sympathy pains, apparently.
Marluxia: Of course.
Xemnas looked over Zexion’s face for a moment, watching the pained expression slowly leave the Schemer’s face.
Vexen: …as the fight-or-flight reaction kicked in, dulling the sense of pain so that it would not impede getting the fuck away.
His eyes were scrunched together as if he were afraid to look at the Superior.
Xemnas lightly pressed the knife against Zexion’s jaw, smiling in amusement when the smaller male tensed, eyes squeezed shut still.
Zexion: *eyes squeezed shut* Tell me when it’s over.
Marluxia: Why, are you scared?
Zexion: I take no pleasure in watching myself be tortured! Is that so very strange?
He drug the knife along, scraping skin.
“You’re such a precious thing, aren’t you?” the Superior whispered, his voice mocking, belittling Zexion.
Lexaeus: Thank you so much for telling us. We never would have guessed otherwise.
Vexen: I think they left a few letters out of ‘precocious’.
Marluxia: …No, ‘precious’ is a word.
Vexen: I know that! I’m not stupid, thank you very much! It’s just not a Zexion word by any stretch of the imagination.
Lexaeus: Ienzo’s aunt-
Zexion: Hey!
He jerked suddenly with the knife, puncturing Schemer’s neck.
All: AHH!
Vexen: Forget Surprise!Buttsex, this is a Surprise!Tracheotomy.
Zexion cried out in shock, expression contorting into the pained expression that Xemnas seemed so amused by.
Bending his head down, he licked at a fleck of blood that had been leaking down the Schemer’s neck.
Lexaeus: Only dried blood has ‘flecks’, and dried blood does not ‘leak’.
Marluxia: Silence, basic science user!
Zexion made a whimpering sound, trying to move his neck away from the silver haired man’s mouth.
Vexen: Was ‘the silver haired man’ included in our count? I forget.
Zexion: Yes.
Lexaeus: It really needs a hyphen. I’m visualizing a man made entirely of silver who happens to have hair.
Marluxia: *visualizes* *snickers*
“Sir…” he whined faintly. Xemnas smirked against the Schemer’s skin, adding another gentle lick across the wound.
Zexion: *still not looking* Please no vampires, please no vampires…
It stung, although Zexion wouldn’t admit it. Not with the Superior getting off on the pain inflicted upon the Schemer.
Marluxia: Who body-swapped Xemnas and Larxene? This sounds more like her. Not that there’s anything wrong with that!
Lightning Bolt: *forestalled!*
Instead, Zexion remained silent, breathing heavily through grit teeth.
Vexen: His teeth are made of grit?
Marluxia: And this is why Mother always told me not to grind my teeth.
“Awh, do you like that, Six?” the Superior asked, lifting the tip of the blade up to the Schemer’s cheek.
Zexion: *snaps* Of course not!
“Of course not,” Zexion snapped, voice cold. “I’m not a masochist.”
Marluxia: Aww, look who’s in character!
Lexaeus: Except for the uncharacteristic helplessness.
Xemnas smirked at the remark.
“No, you’re not, my dear Zexion. Or you’d be moaning. Yes?” Zexion made a disgusted face.
All: *disgusted face*
“Interesting way of putting it, Sir…” he said coldly. Xemnas smirked. The expression was slowly becoming very annoying to Zexion, especially Xemnas’ amusement that bloomed from the younger male's annoyance and pain.
Lexaeus: The word ‘smirked’ is quickly becoming very annoying to me.
Vexen: Xemnas smirked, and will continue smirking until further notice.
Marluxia: Is that their ‘rapist characterization’? A smirk?
Zexion: *annoyed* Ten.
The knife played across his thin chest, a gentle line of crimson blood bubbling up in its wake.
Lexaeus: Zexion, why is your blood bubbling?
Zexion: It’s Axel’s fault. Somehow.
Zexion’s eyes squeezed shut again, his body squirming unpleasantly under the knife’s tip.
“S-stop…” he whispered, but it was nothing more than an idle demand.
Vexen: What is an idle demand?
Marluxia: Like an empty threat, but lazier.
Xemnas knew as well as Zexion did that there would not be any stopping. The smaller male wasn’t going to force the other off.
Zexion: Eleven.
Marluxia: What?
Zexion: Not you, the participants-in-this-scene count.
“Useless words, Six, don’t waste your breath,” Xemnas said calmly. Zexion gave the man a dirty look.
Zexion: *through gritted teeth* Twelve.
He simply smirked in response.
Lexaeus: *invisible tomahawk!*
Screen: *immune*
Lexaeus: Drat.
Suddenly, the blade drove deep into Zexion’s upper stomach.
Vexen: Here we see the second of the Schemer’s two stomachs in action.
He cried out in pain, body jerking, trying to move away from the source of the unpleasantness.
Marluxia: I think that’s a bit more than unpleasantness!
Zexion: I am not yet too badly injured to employ understatement. Next: litotes.
The knife only dug in more, causing more cries of pain.
Zexion: Oh, I see. The knife did it all on its own. *skeptical eyebrow*
Lexaeus: Look at it this way: passive construction or another terrible epithet?
Zexion: …You know me too well.
Lexaeus: Yes.
Tears welled up at the edges of the Schemer’s eyes, spilling over and leaking down his face, getting into small cuts and stinging like hell.
Lexaeus: But he barely noticed, considering the multiple stab wounds.
[I’m just going to snip this paragraph because it made me ill.]
Zexion groaned, eyes closed tight and teeth clenched. Xemnas smirked a bit,
Lexaeus: *the silence of an invisible Nobody glowering*
drawing a line down the Schemer’s stomach until he hit the edge of the younger male's pants.
Zexion tensed a bit, drawing a quick breath. The knife left skin and clattered on the ground next to Zexion.
Zexion: *finally looks up* Whew!
The Schemer relaxed, daring to open his eyes. The Superior’s face was no longer hovering above his own.
Lexaeus: A distant cousin of the Face of Boe is the Face of Superior. It can hover on its own, apparently.
Vexen: I was about to pursue the reference, but terrible mental images happened.
Lexaeus: *thinks* Oh. I see what you mean.
Marluxia: I don’t.
Lexaeus: Good for you.
In alarm, Zexion glanced around, looking for where Xemnas had gone. He did not trust the Superior to do anything good.
Vexen: As he was right to do, this being a badfic.
Marluxia: Who trusts Xemnas to do anything good anyway?
Lexaeus: We do. *looms*
Looming: *ineffective while invisible*
He felt it before he saw it. The larger man had hold of Zexion’s hips; dark hands eased under his pant line and unlatched the front.
Zexion: Fucking thirteen.
Marluxia: Not Axel any more, from what I saw.
Vexen: What is this? Without Axel, Marluxia takes over off-color, terrible pun duties?
Marluxia: It’s a burden.
Lexaeus: ‘Unlatched’?
Zexion: Chastity belt. And do you blame me?
Vexen: Not a bit.
Zexion squirmed a bit, already worn from the abuse only moments prior.
Vexen: Not to mention still bleeding.
He could feel the leather pants slide down his hips, cool hands dealing with undergarments.
Lexaeus: Why does everyone think our pants are leather?
Vexen: It’s the Cassie Claire Effect.
Lexaeus: The who effect?
Vexen: Part of switching from evil antagonists with some redeeming characteristics to just misunderstood emo heroes is the acquisition of leather pants. It’s ‘hawt’.
Lexaeus: Ah.
The Schemer gasped in shock when the hands found their prize.
Zexion had half a mind to just give in, trying so hard to ignore the waves of pleasure moving over him in addition to the pain.
Marluxia: Not a masochist, huh?
Lexaeus: *tomahawks*
Marluxia: I may have deserved that. Just a little.
“S-Sir….” The Schemer whispered. He could taste blood. A tan finger pressed to his lips, and Xemnas’ face appeared over the smaller male.
Zexion: *child* I saw the face of Xemnas in my smaller male! Now it’s a holy relic!
Marluxia: Hey! Not cool! *scythes* *forgets Lexaeus is in the way*
Lexaeus: *blocks* We’re Nobodies. We don’t respect your beliefs.
“Shh,” Xemnas simply replied.
With that, Zexion’s world went dark.
Zexion: And then I woke up and discovered it was all just a really bad dream the end.
Vexen: That never works.
Lexaeus: So, how many people were participating in that scene?
Zexion: ‘the thin male’, ‘the other man’, ‘the smaller male’, ‘Zexion’, ‘Xemnas’, ‘the Superior’, ‘the Schemer’, ‘the silver haired man’, ‘Six’, ‘the younger male’, ‘the other’, ‘the man’, ‘the larger man’. Thirteen. One for each of us. For all I know, this was one of those orgy stories and no one else deserved a name.
Marluxia: I hope it wasn’t.
xXx
Vexen: What is that?
Zexion: Three headless stickfigures.
Marluxia: An ad for a porn shop.
Lexaeus: Saïx making a face.
Marluxia: *awaits claymore of smiting*
Claymore: *fails to appear*
Marluxia: How come he gets away with it?
Lexaeus: Because I’m not a traitor.
“Do you think he’ll be alright?”
Zexion: That depends, Lexaeus. Do I still have a trachea deserving of the name?
“With all the work I did to get those bandages on, he’d better be.”
Zexion: Wow, Vexen, it’s good to know you ‘care’.
Vexen: You got bandaged, didn’t you?
There was a clacking noise of a plastic case being closed. Zexion winced and rolled his head to the side. He groaned, trying to block out the noise.
Marluxia: Making more noise isn’t going to help with that.
“Oh look what you’ve done. You’ve woke him up.”
Zexion: Oh look what you’ve done. You’ve did grammar a grievous wrong.
“Oh shut up, Marluxia. You’re loud enough to wake up the entire castle,” an angry voice said.
Lexaeus: I suppose one out of two isn’t bad, strictly speaking.
Zexion: Actually, it is. It’s only fifty percent.
Lexaeus: But it could be worse.
Vexen: Marluxia is always bad.
Marluxia: Says the paragon of virtue.
The smell of the room nearly bowled the Schemer over as it rushed at him at once.
Zexion: It is a smell, not a football team. It does not work that way.
It was almost flowery, sickly sweet almost, but not quite.
Marluxia: But what was it actually? It was ‘almost’ flowery, ‘not quite’ sickly sweet...
Zexion: I resent the implication that I would have no better idea of its composition by this point.
Zexion coughed. The action itself brought fresh stabs of pain in his stomach.
Vexen: And this is why we do the medical treatments in the lab. Fewer allergens.
Lexaeus: Good-bye, medical science. I hardly knew you.
Someone came up next to his side and the smell increased by ten-fold, causing Zexion to cough again.
“Look at you...” Zexion suddenly found himself being hugged; his head nestled in a familiar sea of pink.
Zexion: *flails* I do not require hugs!
Marluxia: *flails also* I don’t want to hug you!
Vexen: Not to mention that you do not want to hug a person whose wounds have only just been bandaged.
Lexaeus: Marluxia, your hair is the ocean? I had no idea.
Marluxia: You know how it is-go to the beach for an afternoon, pick sand out of my scalp for a week.
Normally, he’d have rather enjoyed this.
Zexion: LIES AND CALUMNY.
Normally, he’d be fully conscious and not heavily bandaged.
Zexion: Well, yes, I would have enjoyed that.
Normally.
“Marlu, you smell like a rotting flower.
Vexen: I speak truth!
Marluxia: Except for my name. Is three more letters that hard?
Vexen: I consider it a gross breach of protocol for your name to have more letters than mine.
Lexaeus: Why?
Vexen: I have no idea.
Give the kid some breathing room.”
Zexion: I am no longer a ‘kid’.
Vexen & Lexaeus: We know.
Zexion: I resent being referred to as such.
Same: We know.
Zexion: By ‘resent’ I mean ‘cause perpetrator to hallucinate the existence of solid ground where such does not exist’.
Same: We know.
Zexion: Unfortunately, Xigbar doesn’t really care if there’s ground or not.
Vexen: Shame.
Marluxia: Are you a hive mind or something?
Lexaeus: Only occasionally.
Zexion identified the speaker as Vexen. He smelled distinctly of propane and bleach,
Lexaeus: What did Axel do?
Vexen: Quite possibly set me on fire. Again.
Lexaeus: You should do something about that.
Vexen: I would, but right now it’s too amusing to watch him follow Roxas around all but begging for his best friend back.
Zexion: *smirk*
Lexaeus: Please don’t do that just now.
Zexion: Oh, apologies. *does not smirk*
obvious against the backdrop of dying flowers.
Marluxia: My flowers are what?!
Marluxia backed off, looking pestered at the demands made of him.
Marluxia: No, I will not drive you to soccer practice! Get a ride with someone!
Lexaeus: But Moooom!
Marluxia: That’s final! Walking builds character!
Zexion: Mom, when’s dinner? Can I have a cookie? Vexen drew on the walls again.
Vexen: It’s art.
Marluxia: Now this, this is ‘pestered at the demands made of me’. ‘Please stop hugging Zexion’? Not pestering.
A couple more coughs and Zexion was finally able to breathe. Vexen sat down next to the flustered Schemer, offering a reassuring smile.
Zexion: *himself* I do not want this. Take it back.
Vexen: *himself* Well, fine. *offers reassuring glare*
Zexion: Much better.
“How’re you feeling?” he asked.
Zexion: Like I have just been stabbed? I need my hands!
“I’m fine,” Zexion responded. “Why am I here?” Marluxia came up behind Vexen and placed a hand on the Academic’s shoulder.
Marluxia: *head in hands* Oh, please no.
Lexaeus: What?
Marluxia: Look at that image. Now answer the question.
Lexaeus: …Oh.
Vexen: It would, of course, be too much for Marluxia to be not touching me.
“Xemnas instructed me to deal with the mess he made of you.
Vexen: This is common knowledge? Why hasn’t somebody done something?
Marluxia: Like who? You? Because the rebelling-against-authority thing worked out so well for you.
Vexen: Grrr…Actually, I was mostly thinking ‘Xigbar would go spare’. With added ‘invisible SMITE’.
Lexaeus: Indeed.
I got Vexen to help because I don’t know much about first aid,” he said. He gave Vexen’s shoulder a gentle squeeze, and the blonde smiled sheepishly.
Vexen: *wide eyes* Plz no kthx.
Marluxia: Not. Again. Please, no more.
Lexaeus: Flashbacks again?
Zexion: I think we’ve all heard ‘the blonde’ enough for any past or future lives we might ever have.
Zexion could feel his chest tighten a bit.
Lexaeus: And now a heart attack? This is just not your day, is it?
He looked down, trying not to look at the two.
Marluxia: *Zexion* The OOC, it burns! Unholy! Unholy!
“Oh…” the Schemer mumbled his voice faint. “Sorry for troubling you, then.” He sunk into the blankets and pillows.
Vexen: …which swiftly ripped the flesh from his bones and-
Lexaeus: Vexen!
Vexen: Sorry.
They all smelled distinctively like Marluxia, but less awful.
Vexen: *cackles* Inadvertent truth!
Marluxia: I resent this!
Perhaps the Assassin smelled like dead flowers because he was stressed?
Zexion: Scent does not work that way. I am affronted.
The Schemer missed the wonderful floral scent Marluxia usually had.
Marluxia: So there!
Vexen: Soon, Zexion will realize you just forgot to put on your perfume after you did your nails this morning.
Marluxia: Why, you!
Lexaeus: Vexen, what have I told you about perpetuating fandom stereotypes?
Vexen: Not to except for Marluxia who deserves to suffer?
Lexaeus: Vexen…
Vexen: Fine. Spoil all my fun, why don’t you?
Zexion: He always does.
Lexaeus: I always do.
He felt something warm brush across his face.
All: AUGH!!
The Assassin was nearly sitting on him, his hand resting on Zexion’s forehead.
Marluxia: Oh, it was just my hand. Okay.
“Get well, alright?” he said. The Schemer’s face turned a slight red, barely noticeable in the dark room. He didn’t reply. After a few moments, Marluxia took the hint and decided to retreat, leaving a light kiss on Zexion’s warm cheek.
Zexion: Wonderful. Now I have cooties.
Marluxia: Now I have cooties.
Vexen lingered in the room for a moment after Marluxia had left, surveying Zexion with careful scrutiny.
Vexen: *Vexenbot* This one could be a danger to our evil plans. We must replace him with one of our own as soon as possible.
Then he too left, leaving Zexion alone in the dark room.
xXx
Marluxia: Still porn.
Lexaeus: --holic. An excellent manga.
Vexen: A winning game of tic-tac-toe.
Zexion: A rudimentary pyramid.
Continued in Part Two...