In which Zexion may or may not have tear ducts.

[cygna_hime]

Title: Blood and Flowers.
Author: SparkedSteel.
Rating:



One for the EPITHETS dear sweet gods, one for failing at Zexion forever, one for OOC love triangle that is OOC, one for the incredible screaming gap in the world where Lexaeus should be (and also sundry sins of OOC).

Full Name (including any titles): Zexion/the Schemer/Six/the thin male/the smaller male/the younger male/the small male/Zexy/the male, Xemnas/the other man/the Superior/the silver haired man/the man/the larger man, Marluxia/the Assassin/Marlu/the man (presumably not the same man)/the other man (the other other one)/Eleven, Vexen/the Academic/the blonde/the blonde man. Yes, all that.
Full Species(es): Nemo Mobilis Enervatus (Spineless Emotional Nobody), Nemo Raptor Sanguinarius (Bloodthirsty Rapist Nobody), Nemo Amatorius Blandiloquentulus (Romantic Sweet-talking Nobody), Nemo Amatorius Medicus (Romantic Doctor Nobody).
Hair Color (include adjectives): Undescribed, 'silver', 'a sea of pink', 'blonde'.
Eye Color (include adjectives): Undescribed, 'golden', both not described, presumed as canon.
Unusual Markings/Colorations/Physical Features: Marluxia--smells like dead flowers when stressed, 'like fresh flowers after a run over with a hose on a nice summer day' when content. Vexen--smells like 'propane and bleach' when stressed, 'clinical' otherwise. Zexion--has exceptionally fast-renewing blood.
Special Possessions (if any): Xemnas has a knife. Vexen has a medical kit. Marluxia has a bed. Zexion has negative possessions.

Origin: See, Zexion was running a high fever, and when an illusionist hallucinates...
Connections To Canon Characters: None. Allegedly are them.
Special Abilities: Zexion has negative abilities. Xemnas has the ability to prevent anyone from thinking that his repeated rape, abuse, and stabbing of one of his original associates is a bad thing and something should be done about it. Marluxia seems to have the ability to completely replace Lexaeus. Vexen has an imaginary MD and the special ability to be too psychologically clinical for Zexion.
Other Annoying Traits: Calling Marluxia 'Marlu'. Rape, violence, stabbity. Zexion losing his powers of illusion and generally fucking your shit up. Xemnas being Sadistic McRapist. Marluxia being the source of comfort and also a complete enabler. Vexen being the bitchy other woman. Marluxia responding to, "Would you defy Xemnas?" with "I don't suppose so..." -150 IQ points all around.

I Say/Notes: Epithets for the lose. 'He' and proper names are all you need most of the time. Really. I swear. And everyone's characterization was so far off I couldn't find it with a telescope. And no one ever explained why the entire rest of the Org didn't gang up to kill Xemnas on the grounds that they might be next. And, believe it or not, Marluxia/Vexen requires some kind of explanation beyond, "O HAI LOVE TRIANGLE". And did I mention the OOC? And the epithets? If it weren't still significantly better than my last selection, this might've gotten the Ansem. But it's not that bad.

And did I mention the Lexaeus-shaped hole in the universe? I know I did. LEXAEUS IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF ZEXION'S EXISTANCE, KTHX. Please to be respecting the canon marriagefriendship!

Sample: Continued from Part One.


It took Zexion ages to fall back asleep. His brain had refused to shut down, replaying Marluxia’s movements and words over and over again.

Zexion: A sure recipe for nightmares if I ever heard one.
Lexaeus: Who hit the ‘repeat’ mode on the Zexion?

Upon waking up again, he could hear Marluxia and Vexen again. They kept their voices low, barely audible to anyone but themselves.

Vexen: …I don’t want to know what he’s about to hear me doing, do I?
Marluxia: I know I don’t!

“Please, Marlu. Don’t do this here.”

Zexion: Yes, please don’t. I’ve been scarred enough. I don’t want to know how evil robotic alien pod-people have sex.

“Just a small kiss?”
“You’ll take advantage of it. We’re supposed to be watching over Number Six.”

Lexaeus: Oh, him? He’s down the hall, next to the silver haired man.

“Superior won’t come back. Don’t worry…”

Vexen: That’s not why he needs to be watched over! He needs to be watched over so he doesn’t rip the hole in his neck back open and die in the night!
Lexaeus: Alternatively, homicide watch.
Marluxia: He’s only going to kill Xemnas. Why bother?
Zexion: All part of your nefarious plan, I see.
Marluxia: Naturally. *hastily* Except for the part that involved harming you, of course! I just improvised based on that.

There was a sort of mumble and a small surprised noise.

Vexen: And then the sound of Marluxia dying in pain.
Marluxia: You only wish.

Zexion rolled over and hid his head deep into the pillow, burrowing deeply into the flowery scent.

Zexion: *sneezes*
Marluxia: Yech, snot on my pillows.

xXx
The dull, dead flower smell was the first thing he noticed when coming back into consciousness. Zexion groaned, trying to move. But- he couldn’t.

Zexion: Oh. I seem to have suffered spinal damage while I slept.
Lexaeus: And the moral of that is (said the Duchess)-
Vexen:-Those in critical condition should be kept still in a sterile environment.
Lexaeus: Also, Marluxia should be more careful about keeping the sweet pea where Zexion could eat it unwittingly.
Marluxia: *himself* Oh, that…no, I have no idea how he could have consumed any while sleeping in my room. So tragic.

“Don’t squirm or I’ll drop you,” said Marluxia, right next to Zexion’s ear.

Marluxia:-off a cliff. Now, swear fealty to me.
Zexion: *himself* No. I can teleport.
Marluxia: *himself* Curses, foiled again.

“W-what?” the Schemer asked, confused. He lifted his head up to see where he was.
The environment jumped a bit as it passed by. The Assassin was carrying him…But where?

Vexen: And, more importantly, why?

“Where are you taking me?” Zexion asked.
“…Superior wants to see you,” Marluxia responded, sounding stiff. Zexion tensed. No. He didn’t want to see that man again. Not then. Not when he still felt so pathetic, so vulnerable.

Marluxia: *himself* And for only your unswerving loyalty, I will tell him I was unable to find you and you must have left the castle.
Vexen: My imaginary MD says Zexion isn’t allowed to leave his bed.
Lexaeus: “Dear Xemnas, Please excuse Zexion from being beaten and raped today, as he has a bad cold. Sincerely, Zexion’s mother.”
Vexen: With the state the Superior’s in, it might just work.

“I don’t want to,” he said. Why, oh why did that man want to hurt him so?

Vexen, Lexaeus, & Zexion: Because he’s OOC.

“I know. If I had assumed you had wanted to, I’d have just opened up a portal.”

Zexion: But you’re still taking me to my doom.
Marluxia: More slowly, though, so you have time to reconsider my offer.

Zexion was silent for a moment, watching the dull coloured walls pass him by. Thinking of what he had heard, the mere thought ripped through him with considerable force.

Lexaeus: That sounds painful.
Vexen: It’s a good reason not to be a telepath.

“…You and Vexen…seem rather fond of each other,” he whispered.

Vexen & Marluxia: LIES! LIES! ALL LIES!
Lexaeus: ‘rather fond’. Of course. Homicide is a sign of affection. How could I have forgotten?

Marluxia tightened his hold on the Schemer, taking his turn at silence.
“How could we? We don’t have hear-”
“You know what I mean, Marluxia. It may not be a real feeling, but it’s all we have.”

Zexion: ASFSGHLKHJ; GO TO FAIL DO NOT PASS GO DO NOT COLLECT $200.
Lexaeus: To be fair, Nobodies are capable of being ‘fond’ of each other, comparatively speaking. Mostly, however, if they knew each other as Somebodies or are Axel.

Zexion seemed suddenly on the offensive. They paused.
“I didn’t mean for you to see anything,” the Assassin said. Zexion didn’t respond. “Zexion?”
“Shut up,” Zexion said. His voice was scratchy, like he was on the edge of simply breaking into tears.

Lexaeus & Vexen: *snort*
Vexen: Sometimes I wonder if Ienzo even had tear ducts.
Lexaeus: He had.
Vexen: …And you know this? From which incident?
Lexaeus: *silence*
Vexen: Figures you wouldn’t tell.
Zexion: That’s why he knows.

The Schemer squirmed about in Marluxia’s arms until the man was forced to set Zexion down. “I’ll go myself, thanks,” the smaller male said. He took a wobbly step away.
“Zexion…are you su-”
“Yes, I’m quite sure, Eleven. Thank you.”

Lexaeus: Most in-character interaction so far, do you think?
Vexen: Yes.
Zexion: Decidedly so.
Marluxia: Unless I really did poison him earlier.

The air of formality bugged the Schemer. He never was obsessed with it, like Vexen.

Vexen: Except for when he is.
Zexion: The difference is, no one fails to respect me as I deserve twice.
Lexaeus: It’s difficult to be disrespectful when you can’t see, it’s true.
Vexen: Except, of course, for Xigbar.
Zexion: Xigbar is an exception to everything.
Vexen: Isn’t he just?

But- he couldn't give the Assassin the impression that the younger male gave a care for his non-existence. Zexion turned around, and started moving away with a feeble gait.
Marluxia sighed. He could easily go and pick Zexion up again, but the smaller male would not be happy with it.

Marluxia: What exactly the relationship between you and ‘the smaller male’? He’s being rather possessive.
Lexaeus: This turned into Zexion/Roxas when no one was looking.
Zexion: *punches air where Lexaeus’s arm is* That was not funny.

Not as determined as he was.
Sighing again, Marluxia yanked open a portal, still watching the Schemer.
“Be careful,” he said softly, and disappeared into the dark portal.
xXx
He sighed. Vexen ignored it as best he could before another sigh escaped the other man.

Lexaeus: *Vexen* Must you breathe so loudly?!
Marluxia: Hey, that sounds just like him!
Vexen: *sulks*
Lexaeus: Bear in mind that you’re the one sighing.
Marluxia: Hmph.

It was starting to really annoy the Academic.

Vexen: Yes, yes the constant epithets were.

Another sigh.
“Oh come on!” Vexen snapped, his eyes boring into Marluxia. “Aren’t you cold?” he asked. He lessened his glare a bit.

Zexion: Was that all the same ‘he’?
Lexaeus: No way of knowing, really.

The Assassin shrugged. He was cold, sure. Vexen always kept his lab in nearly subzero temperatures, which was hard on Marluxia’s body.

Vexen: You know what you could do? Revolutionary new idea?
Marluxia: Call in Axel to warm things up a bit, if you know what I mean.
Vexen: Leave.

However- at the time- the Assassin could care less.
“I guess,” Marluxia mumbled.
“You’re an idiot. You’ll hurt yourself, staying in here,” Vexen snapped.

Zexion: *Vexen* Please, stay as long as you like.

Marluxia simply shrugged. “Do you have any sense of preservation?”

Marluxia: …I think formaldehyde is involved at some point?
Vexen: Not these days. It’s too toxic. *grumble* Why, back in my day-
Lexaeus: *Vexen*-we had to walk uphill both ways in blistering heat just to get our hands on formaldehyde, and we liked it.
Marluxia: *sniggers*
Vexen: I hate you, in a manner of speaking.
Lexaeus: Oh, you do not.

The Assassin sighed.
“I hope he’s alright.”
Vexen frowned.
“I’m sure he’ll be fine, Marlu…” The Academic set down the flask he’d been holding and scooted his wheeled chair over to where Marluxia was setting on a counter.

Vexen: I’m in a wheelchair?
Lexaeus: You’ve just been paralyzing people right and left, haven’t you, Marluxia?
Marluxia: All a part of my cunning plan.

[Vexen/Marluxia scene is shmoopy and therefore bad. One exchange remains.]

“I think he likes me.”

Vexen: But does he like you, or does he like like you?
Zexion: None of the above.
Vexen: You know that, I know that…

“He wouldn’t be able to. We don’t have hearts, and therefore as incapable of emotion.”

Vexen: I speak scientific accuracy! *beams, relatively speaking*
Lexaeus: If only it could last…

[Indeed. New scene.]

He hated it. The process the Superior put him through, time and time again. Oh, how he hated it.

Zexion: So why, why, why don’t I do something about it?
Marluxia: That would require you to be capable of taking independent action.
Zexion: Because I’ve certainly never done that before. */sarcasm*

Zexion hadn’t made it far from Xemnas’s quarters before he could scarcely walk, dragging his feet. Blood dotted the floor, the occasional smear on the wall from where the small male leaned to steady himself.

Vexen: *head in hands* Oh, look. It’s the return of the revenge of the blood all over the furnishings.

He didn’t even have the will power to yell, or to even just portal himself to his own quarters.

Zexion: If I have no will power left-
Lexaeus:-then why have you not faded back into nothingness?
Vexen: Because the plot demands it.

No one bothered actually walking in the halls, only when they did not want to go somewhere with a burning passion.
Zexion leaned on a door wincing a bit. The door vibrated a bit, shaking in tune with the muffled music, Demyx’s room. Not far from the Schemer’s own.

Zexion: *himself* Turn that thing down!
Marluxia: You and Vexen are both crotchety old geezers on the inside, yelling at those damn kids to get off your lawn, aren’t you?
Zexion: I admit nothing.

He groaned and slipped to the ground. He could not stand the burning sensation of pain all over his small body. Blurring all his other senses, dulling his ability to reason and think.

Zexion: I am, indeed, unfond of pain for this reason.

Not aware of how long he sat, it didn’t seem more than a few seconds before the dead flowery scent was pressing into him.

Lexaeus: *Zexion* Your unpleasant scent is oppressing me!
Marluxia: Tough.

Marluxia. The man seemed to still be stressed. Zexion couldn’t imagine why. Why would the man be so stressed about someone he didn't even have a true relationship with?

Marluxia: I do have other things to be stressed by, you know! Like my impending takeover. These things are highly stressful even when going well.

“Vexen, help me. He doesn’t look good.”
“God, look at all that blood.” Zexion made a small annoyed noise- the best he was going to produce to try and indicate that he was hurt and really didn’t enjoy their talking.

Vexen: Stop complaining when I’m trying to save your unlife.

He could sense he was being picked up. The floral scent seemed to envelope him, rendering him useless from the loss of blood and the pain.

Marluxia: *smirks* Lovely new chloroform perfume, don’t you think?
Lexaeus: *tomahawks* No. Smirking.

“In here.” The voice belonged to Vexen. He sounded urgent, worried. The room Zexion was brought into smelled like bleach and the stale smell of inactivity.

Lexaeus: Finally, an actual medical facility!
Vexen: Actually, I think it’s supposed to be my bedroom.
Lexaeus: Same thing, really.

“There, on the bed.”
“He’s bleeding a lot. Are you sure you want him on the bed?”

Zexion: Well, putting me on a chair isn’t going to help, now is it?

“It’s fine, set him down.” Cold sheets surprised Zexion, causing him to gasp. They were icy against his skin, uninviting. There was some clattering across the room.
“Marluxia, grab this.” More clattering sounded from across the room. Zexion whimpered feebly. The Assassin appeared beside the bed, a worried look on his usually smug face.

Vexen: But I though Zexion’s eyes were shut…?
Marluxia: Consistency? What’s that? Never heard of it.

“Just hold still, Zex,”

Zexion: *prepares book bludgeon* I’m sorry, I didn’t hear clearly. Would you repeat that?
Marluxia: *quicker on the uptake than Axel* Nothing. Not a thing. Me? I said nothing.

[Zexion gets medical treatment! And hopefully an Elixir! Because boy, does he need one.]

Despite the uncomfortable feeling bed, Zexion woke without that awful sick feeling that seemed to want to cling to him like a suction cup.

Vexen: That’s not a feeling, that’s one of those kitschy things people put on their windshields.

The first thing he noticed was the scent. It wasn't dead flowers but floral instead. Like fresh flowers after a run over with the hose on a nice summer day.

Zexion: What kind of flowers?!
Marluxia: Isn’t ranting about horticulture my job?
Zexion: Which do you think is more distinctive: the scent of a particular flower or ‘fresh flowers after a run over with the hose on a nice summer day’?
Marluxia: Point taken.
Vexen: Are dead flowers no longer floral?

Zexion glanced to his side. Marluxia lay there, fast asleep with a satisfied grin on his face.

Zexion & Marluxia: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!
Lexaeus: Quite a love triangle we’ve got here.
Vexen: Zexion can have him and welcome.

The Assassin’s cloak seemed to gone missing, his bare chest causing Zexion to go red in the face.

Lexaeus: *Zexion* Oh, I have never seen a man’s bare chest before! I am overcome!
Zexion: I am not a bodice-ripper heroine.
Vexen: I don’t know, your coat was ripped open in the first scene…*sniggers*
Zexion: I am not a heroine of any variety you die now. *books him*
Vexen: …There isn’t really an alligator sitting on my head, correct?
Marluxia: No?
Vexen: Good. I’d be quite worried if there was.

It was nice to be free of the dead scent, but Zexion could not help but feel a bit odd about the new one. What could have possibly caused the shift?

Marluxia: You don’t want to know the answer to that question.
Zexion: I was beaten and bleeding! I physically couldn’t have-
Marluxia: Healing buttsex.

Pushing himself up, the Schemer examined the rest of the room. What seemed to be Marluxia’s cloak was draped over a chair sitting next to the bed. Another was draped across a chair at a desk. Vexen’s…?

All: …
Lexaeus: This is certainly an…interesting development.
Vexen: Why must I always be living in interesting times?

A pair of pants was crumpled up at the base of the chair.
“Oh…” Zexion whispered, creeping realization coming over him.

Zexion: *creeping realization coming over him* Is the story really implying that the three of us…?
Vexen: Why me?

“He seems to be really comfy there.” Zexion jumped, looking around for the source of the voice.
Vexen sat in an arm chair, a book in his lap, dressed in a robe that the Schemer was surprised even existed.

Lexaeus: I for one thought that robe fell to pieces years ago.
Vexen: They have this wonderful invention called a ‘store’, where you can get new clothes in the same exact pattern as the old ones.
Marluxia: Was the robe a Nobody? Is that why he’s surprised it exists?

He smelled clean, almost painfully so, but- like Marluxia- not a dead scent.

Vexen: So…I’m the only one in this story who showers regularly?
Zexion: It’s hard to shower with stitches!
Marluxia: I…don’t even know.

Clinical, but not the harsh bleach and ammonia like before.
Zexion glanced down at the sleeping Assassin.

Marluxia: Whatever you’re contemplating doing to me, don’t.

“He…smells better…than he did before. Not as stressed,” he said carefully. Vexen nodded simply.

Vexen: *himself* Sex does have that effect.

“He was worried about you.”

Marluxia: So having to stitch him back up for the second time in twenty-four hours is going to make me less worried?
Lexaeus: It reassured you that he could be no threat to your plans.

The Academic watched Marluxia for a moment, frowning. “Your little outburst earlier didn’t help. I really didn’t want to have to give him any attention during all this. It’s hardly appropriate.”

Marluxia: I’m just bullying you because I want attention. Really.
Vexen: It’s good to know I at least recognized that there is time and a place, and here and now is neither.
Lexaeus: And yet Marluxia and Zexion are still in your bed.
Vexen: Speaking of Marluxia and similar creatures, Zexion, would you be so good as to remove this scorpion from my face?
Zexion: Fine, I suppose. *banishes illusion*

He sighed a bit. “I know you’re desperate, but he’s not yours, alright?”

Marluxia: And you can’t have a pony, either.

Zexion could feel his chest tighten a bit, as if his non-existent heart was in pain.

Zexion: Not another heart attack!
Marluxia: Have you thought about reducing your cholesterol intake?

“It’s purely psychological, the need, heart or not, to find someone after being traumatized in such a way over and over again. I can fully understand what's happening."

Lexaeus: No, you can’t. You can’t, right?
Vexen: For all we know, Superior Smirky Rapist Pod Person has been having his wicked way with everyone. I mean, if he’s torturing Zexion, then who’s safe?
Lexaeus: *invisible smugness*
Vexen: Stop that.
Zexion: I haven’t died yet and made you the psychologist around here!

It sounded awful, the neat and crimped way Vexen said it, like it was so simple. Zexion hated it.

Zexion: AER:HJGSGHLKHSFG *foams at mouth* *flails*
Lexaeus: *holds him down* I know, I know, you are in fact a scientist. It’s very important to you. Now stop before you hurt yourself.
Zexion: *stops flailing, still foaming*

The Academic always said things with such fact- probably because that’s all he worked with; pure fact.

Marluxia: As opposed to…?

Zexion was used to working with scattered information, able to bring answers from so many pieces.

Zexion: Which were of course not in any way factual ASGLHG *foams more*

Vexen’s way of doing things had always bugged him, even before they'd come into non-existence.

Lexaeus: True, true.
Vexen: I still think I was right. So there.
Zexion: *recovering* I do recognize its virtues, however.
Lexaeus: Observational evidence and experimentation is of course important.
Zexion: But to understand human behavior…*taps forehead* Order and method, and the little grey cells, mon ami.
Vexen: You’ve been at the mystery novels again, haven’t you?
Zexion: Your deductive reasoning, it astounds me.

Zexion's own Somebody had loved teasing, even in the most abstract ways, essentially messing with the man's need for order and fact.

Zexion: *nostalgic smile* It’s true.
Lexaeus: *invisible nostalgic smile* Remember that time when…?
Vexen: *nostalgic groan* Yes. I do.

The smaller male didn’t reply. Rather, he looked away and tried not to focus on either man.
“You don’t have to be childish about it,” Vexen said, a tone of superiority in his voice.

Vexen: *ducks under seat*
Zexion: *throws book at him* *misses*
Vexen: It wasn’t me! It was the fic pod person!

All his ego that did not or should not exist showing through.
“It hurts,” Zexion replied.
“What? Your side? I can fetch a painkiller if it’s bothering you.”

Marluxia: Why is he not drugged to the gills already?
Lexaeus: Because that would make sense.

“No. Here.” Zexion placed a hand over where a normal person's heart would be.
“There’s nothing there, Six.” Vexen’s eyes seemed to bore into him with a sceptical expression.

Zexion: I know that!
Vexen: Emotionally speaking, anyway.

“I know… It feels empty. But… Something can replace it. Make us feel like we have a heart.” Zexion glanced up at the Academic, a troubled look on his face. “Does Eleven do that to you?”

Lexaeus: *Marluxia* Feel like you have a heart! *Vexen* Make me!

There was silence, Vexen’s face shifting through a variety of expressions. Disgust, then annoyance, followed by contemplating, then slightly bewildered.

Vexen: That was, in order, ‘Yurk, Marluxia?’, ‘Why are you asking me stupid questions?’, ‘I wonder if I gave him too many drugs already’, and ‘Why are we even having this conversation?’

“You…could say that…” the blonde said, each word pronounced carefully.

Marluxia: You would be lying, but it could be said.

Zexion nodded softly.
“Marlu always made me feel like I mattered, like I existed, even. I wasn’t aware that you two had a relationship until… I heard you.”
Vexen looked shocked, for lack of a better word. “W-well…” he started. “H-he…I mean…We…don’t really make a point of doing anything public,” he said, stumbling over his words.

Marluxia: That’s a different kink entirely.
Vexen: *disgusted grimace*
Lexaeus: Vexen, do you have a stuttering problem?
Vexen: I certainly haven’t noticed.
Marluxia: Being asked probing questions about his sexual relationships would make anyone stutter.

Zexion nodded.
“I suppose that’s for the best.” He watched Marluxia’s form for a moment. “Sorry,” the Schemer mumbled. He pushed himself up and worked his way to the edge of the bed. “I’ll return to my own quarters.”

Lexaeus: *Vexen* But darling! Won’t you at least stay the night? *Zexion* I didn’t know you wanted me to stay, dearest.
Marluxia: And then they kiss.
Zexion: *book bludgeon on Lexaeus* You asked for that.
Lexaeus: *bludgeoned* I did.

Vexen didn’t move. “You’ll hurt yourself, going on like that,” he said.

Vexen: But far be it from me to stop you.

“I’ll be fine.” The Schemer shifted to walk towards the door, but was held back. Initially, he could not understand what had happened.

Marluxia: How about weakness from blood loss and dizziness caused by the drugs? Is that something he could understand?
Zexion: But of course.

In all logic, he ought to be able to move forward without an issue. Perhaps his cloak was caught on something.

Zexion: Wait, I’m still dressed?
All: *sigh of relief*
Marluxia: Here’s to no random threesome healing sex!

Glancing back towards the bed, Zexion spotted the problem. Marluxia had, evidently, woken up and clamped a hand down onto Zexion’s cloak.
“You’ll hurt yourself. Stay here,” said the Assassin and gave Zexion a rather sleepy and annoyed expression.

Lexaeus: *Marluxia* How dare you wake me up with your wangst?

The Schemer forced a small smile.
“Come on, Eleven. You two have done all that you can for me.

Marluxia: Except, you know, anything to remove the long-term problem, i.e. Xemnas.
Vexen: I should take this as evidence of your treason, but honestly I don’t think he’d mind by this point if he were here.

I’m a big boy; I can take care of myself.”

Zexion: Why, then, am I not doing so?!
Marluxia: It’s not like I’m being much help.
Vexen: It’s true: I’m the one patching you up and dangling psychology in front of you in the desperate hope that it’ll bring you back to canon. What’s Marluxia doing here?
Lexaeus: Smelling pretty.

Marluxia didn’t reply, only giving the Schemer a worried look. Zexion took a step back towards the man and bent down so he was level with him.
“I’ll be fine,” he repeated and placed a hand over the one holding his cloak. Marluxia let go and sat up. He dragged the smaller male towards him into a hug.

Marluxia: Again with the hugs! I do not hug!
Lexaeus: *Zexion* First Xemnas, now you. Let me spell this out very carefully: Bad. Touch. Do. Not. Want.

“Xemnas isn’t done with you yet,” Marluxia said into Zexion’s ear.

Marluxia: *himself* So why don’t you join me in overthrowing him?
Zexion: As deplorable as it is, I can’t think of a single reason in this story why not.

The Schemer looped his arms around the man’s neck and sighed.
“I doubt he ever will be. I’ve survived this far, I’ll be fine.”

Lexaeus: *Zexion* After all, it’s not as though my body’s resistance to infection and thus death is slowly being worn away, is it?
Zexion: LOGIC ERROR.
Vexen: Stop that; you sound like the MCP.
Zexion: I’m starting to understand its motivations.

Zexion pushed away, giving a small smile to Marluxia, and left.

Marluxia: *holds small smile* Now what am I supposed to do with this?

The Assassin glanced over to Vexen.
“He’s right, you know. He’s been through it enough times,” the Academic said.

Lexaeus: This is a constant occurrence? And we haven’t done anything?
Marluxia: How expectedly callous of you.
Vexen: But--! Self-interest would dictate that we don’t want a psychotic rapist around, because even if he’s not torturing me right now, there’s no reason to suppose he might not in future!
Zexion: LOGIC ERROR.
Vexen: Fine. Have it your way. LOGIC ERROR.

“And everybody just let it happen?” Marluxia looked a bit disgusted.

Marluxia: As I rightly should!

Vexen just nodded.
“Would you defy Xemnas?”

Marluxia: …Is this a trick question?
Vexen: Of course not! Pay no attention to the small recording device behind my back.
Marluxia: Then I believe the only canonical answer would be, ‘Duh.’

The Assassin frowned.
“I don’t suppose so…” he mumbled.
Vexen nodded sagely.
“You’re still a neophyte, Eleven. There are things you wouldn’t understand.”

Vexen: I’m just having one of those mostly-IC days, aren’t I?
Marluxia: Curse you and your logic too.

Marluxia frowned again, and laid back. The Academic eyed him sceptically.
“Are you pouting?” he asked.

Marluxia: No! *offended*

“I think it’s unfair.” There was a pause.

Lexaeus: *Vexen* Life’s not fair. And you still can’t have a pony.

“Marlu…” Vexen started. Marluxia glanced in his direction. “We don’t get fair. We don’t even truly exist…”

Vexen: *smug*
Marluxia: This is so far beyond unfair it doesn’t even qualify.
Zexion: There’s unfair, and then there’s ‘compounding the inherent unfairness of life with willful stupidity’.
Vexen: I should work on artificial spines for everyone in these stories. Except Xemnas. He doesn’t need one in this story, and if he ever does, I don’t want to know about it.

The Assassin nodded slowly, although still frowning.
“I suppose.”

[Last scene is boring and holy crap how is Zexion not dead ew ew ew.]

AN: So, I hope you enjoyed this.

Lexaeus: Not at all.
Marluxia: Don’t mention it. No, really, don’t.
Vexen: LOGIC ERROR.
Zexion: BASIC BIOLOGY ERROR: NOBODIES ARE IN POSSESSION OF FULLY FUNCTIONING SPINES.

After all the editing it suffered, I'm sure it's pretty good and readable by this point.

Marluxia: Readable? Yes. Good? Not so much.

Eheh.
Anyway. Written for my Superior. Stay awesome, Sir.

All: *suspicious looks around*
Vexen: So, Axel, Larxene, or Xigbar in an exceptionally weird mood?
Zexion: I’ve a reasonable certainty Xigbar has no moods that weird.
Marluxia: Would Larxene write that line just there? It must be Axel.
Lexaeus: I…actually, I am kind of surprised. I wouldn’t have thought he had the patience.
Marluxia: But who else could it have been?
Vexen: Luxord while exceptionally drunk?
Marluxia: Too well spelled.

And a special thank you to my dear Caitlin. Thank you for dismembering all my fouled up sentences, love.

Zexion: She didn’t dismember them nearly enough, in my opinion.
Marluxia: Quite.
Lexaeus: Allegedly we learned something from this. What is it?
Vexen: LOGIC ERROR. Incorrect premise.
Lexaeus: If you had learned something, what would it be?
Zexion: That epithets are the great scourge of my poor, benighted brain.
Lexaeus: That Zexion’s OOC can be measured by his reaction to a basic psychological analysis of the situation. Failure to roll his eyes at oversimplification or explain what’s really going on means he’s so OOC it’s not worth the trouble.
Marluxia: That everybody on the badfic planet thinks I should be having sex with Vexen! What did I do to encourage them? What?!
Vexen: That Marluxia needs to shower more often.
Marluxia: What was that?
Vexen: You smell like dead flowers. What am I supposed to think? Nobody smells like dead flowers naturally! You smell like you’ve been rolling in a compost heap!
Marluxia: *springs to feet* Take that back, you-
Lexaeus: *forcibly sits Marluxia back down* None of that. Vexen meant in the badfic, didn’t you, Vexen?
Vexen: *throws hands in air* Sure! Why not? I’ve seen more of badfic!Marluxia than regular Marluxia, anyway.
Marluxia: Do you object to this?
Vexen: I’d rather see both of you with the same frequency, i.e. never.
Zexion: Too bad. We’re all on for the next sporking, too.
Lexaeus: I am taking a break before then.
Zexion: I’ll make the tea.
Lexaeus: Sandwiches or cookies?
Zexion: Sandwiches.
Lexaeus & Zexion: *portal out*
Vexen: Oh, for enough time in my lab to actually get anything done! *portals out*
Marluxia: I do not smell like a compost heap! …But now I really want a shower. *portals out*

The End.