Fic: Fifteen Things That May Have Happened at Hogwarts (Remus/Sirius) PG-13
Title: Fifteen Things That May Have Happened at Hogwarts
Rating: PG-13
Characters: MWPP
Pairings: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Summary: Fifteen things that may or may not have happened at Hogwarts during the Marauders last years.
Disclaimer: Anything you recognise does not belong to me.
13. The Fat Lady
“Come on, Remus, please?” Sirius begged, jogging to keep up with the werewolf’s brisk pace.
“No,” Remus said through gritted teeth as he rounded a corner in the corridor.
“It’ll be fun,” Sirius insisted.
Remus snorted. “With you, I have no doubt, but it will also be a disaster, just as your ideas often are.”
“That’s just cruel, Moony,” Sirius panted as he followed the other boy through a tapestry and into a passageway.
“That’s just truth, Padfoot,” Remus said with a smirk as they emerged on the seventh floor.
Sirius raced ahead of him and turned, walking backwards down the corridor. He gazed at Remus with his best puppy dog eyes. “Please,” he pleaded in a whining tone.
“No, Sirius,” Remus growled. “I will not allow you to cover me in whipping cream and then proceed to lick it off. Think of the mess.”
“Well,” Sirius scoffed, “I have every intention of licking that clean as well.”
Remus sighed and shook his head. “Can we finish this in the dorm? We’re almost to the common room.”
“H - hello?” a voice called out tentatively.
Sirius’ eyes lit up with exuberant glee. “Well hello!” he chirped, gazing around the air in different directions. “Do we have a new ghost?”
Remus’ hand knocked into the side of Sirius’ head. “That was James, you dolt. Bloody fantastic best friend you make. You can’t even recognise his voice.”
Sirius frowned as he rubbed his head, his eyebrows arching. “James is a ghost?”
“I’m not a ghost!” James’ voice snapped. Remus peered around, attempting to determine where his friend was.
“Well, you sound like a ghost,” Sirius remarked testily.
Remus stared at him in bewilderment. “How, exactly, does someone sound like a ghost?”
Sirius shrugged. “I dunno,” he replied. “They just do. Their voices get sort of muffled.”
“Padfoot, I am not a ghost, damn it!” James shouted. Remus was still finding it impossible to locate him.
Sirius’ eyes narrowed. “Then why can’t I see you?” he demanded.
There was a feeling of hesitation in the air as they waited for their friend’s response.
“Because I’m…hiding,” James finally replied in a low murmur.
“James, why in Merlin’s name are you hiding?” Remus asked in shock. Sirius’ head cocked to the side in puzzlement, his eyes still trained on the ceiling. Remus assumed he was still searching for ghosts.
“Look at me!” James cried. There was a sudden movement in the corner of Remus’ eye and his head snapped in the direction of the portrait guarding their common room. Both boys gaped in awe.
After a long moment, Sirius collapsed to the floor as he was overcome with great guffaws of laughter. James scowled and placed his hands on his hips. The motion only caused Sirius’ laughter to increase.
“Oh please, Prongs, don’t,” he exclaimed, tears of mirth pouring from his eyes. “It’s too much!”
“It isn’t funny,” James snapped.
Remus tried to contain his grin as he asked, “James, why are you er…in a portrait?” He examined the boy for a moment and his amusement finally broke through. “And why are you dressed like the Fat Lady?”
James’ hands clenched at his sides as he staked to the centre of the portrait and glared. The pink skirt of the dress swayed elegantly with the movement. A chuckle bubbled up from Remus’ throat and Sirius choked as he gasped for breath.
“So help me, if you two don’t stop laughing, just wait and see what I do to you with whipping cream,” James hissed.
Sirius snorted as he stood. “Kinky,” he purred and James’ eyes narrowed.
“All right,” Remus intervened quickly, “that’s enough.” His gazed focused on James. “Why are you in there?”
James huffed as he crossed his arms and leaned against the frame. “Evans,” he replied sourly.
“Ah,” said Remus simply.
Sirius nodded, his lips still twitching. “Explains almost everything.”
“What did you do to her this time, James?” Remus sighed.
“I only asked her out!” James cried indignantly.
Remus’ eyebrows rose slightly and James scowled.
“And I gave her a flower,” he admitted. The werewolf’s eyebrows rose still higher. James scuffed the toe of his pointy pink shoe across the bottom of the portrait. “And I followed her through the castle.”
Sirius rolled his eyes and muttered sarcastically, “And we have a winner, ladies and gentlemen.”
“I hardly think I deserve this,” James scoffed. “Bloody demon woman, she cornered me and then told the Fat Lady to take a break. Then she charmed me into the portrait. Without my wand, mind you.”
His eyes turned pleading as he gazed at Remus. “You have to help me get out of this thing,” he begged. “I can’t let people see me like this.”
Remus studied him for a silent moment before shaking his head. “I don’t think so, mate,” he said and James’ eyes widened in shock. “How many times have I warned you that stalking Lily will bring nothing good?”
James didn’t answer and his eyes moved to Sirius, who was smirking. He already knew, however, that if he could not convince Remus, he wouldn’t have any luck with Sirius, either. The boy enjoyed such things too much.
“What’s that saying?” Sirius murmured thoughtfully, his smirk turning into a grin. “Karma’s a bitch.” James glared at him. “Jobberknoll.”
James shouted in protest as the portrait swung open and the two boys walked past him. As they climbed through the hole, it closed behind them, effectively silencing James’ curses.
Sirius grabbed Remus’ hand and pulled him towards the dormitory stairs. “So about that whipping cream…” he hedged.
12. Make me a sandwich 14. Firewhiskey
Rating: PG-13
Characters: MWPP
Pairings: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Summary: Fifteen things that may or may not have happened at Hogwarts during the Marauders last years.
Disclaimer: Anything you recognise does not belong to me.
13. The Fat Lady
“Come on, Remus, please?” Sirius begged, jogging to keep up with the werewolf’s brisk pace.
“No,” Remus said through gritted teeth as he rounded a corner in the corridor.
“It’ll be fun,” Sirius insisted.
Remus snorted. “With you, I have no doubt, but it will also be a disaster, just as your ideas often are.”
“That’s just cruel, Moony,” Sirius panted as he followed the other boy through a tapestry and into a passageway.
“That’s just truth, Padfoot,” Remus said with a smirk as they emerged on the seventh floor.
Sirius raced ahead of him and turned, walking backwards down the corridor. He gazed at Remus with his best puppy dog eyes. “Please,” he pleaded in a whining tone.
“No, Sirius,” Remus growled. “I will not allow you to cover me in whipping cream and then proceed to lick it off. Think of the mess.”
“Well,” Sirius scoffed, “I have every intention of licking that clean as well.”
Remus sighed and shook his head. “Can we finish this in the dorm? We’re almost to the common room.”
“H - hello?” a voice called out tentatively.
Sirius’ eyes lit up with exuberant glee. “Well hello!” he chirped, gazing around the air in different directions. “Do we have a new ghost?”
Remus’ hand knocked into the side of Sirius’ head. “That was James, you dolt. Bloody fantastic best friend you make. You can’t even recognise his voice.”
Sirius frowned as he rubbed his head, his eyebrows arching. “James is a ghost?”
“I’m not a ghost!” James’ voice snapped. Remus peered around, attempting to determine where his friend was.
“Well, you sound like a ghost,” Sirius remarked testily.
Remus stared at him in bewilderment. “How, exactly, does someone sound like a ghost?”
Sirius shrugged. “I dunno,” he replied. “They just do. Their voices get sort of muffled.”
“Padfoot, I am not a ghost, damn it!” James shouted. Remus was still finding it impossible to locate him.
Sirius’ eyes narrowed. “Then why can’t I see you?” he demanded.
There was a feeling of hesitation in the air as they waited for their friend’s response.
“Because I’m…hiding,” James finally replied in a low murmur.
“James, why in Merlin’s name are you hiding?” Remus asked in shock. Sirius’ head cocked to the side in puzzlement, his eyes still trained on the ceiling. Remus assumed he was still searching for ghosts.
“Look at me!” James cried. There was a sudden movement in the corner of Remus’ eye and his head snapped in the direction of the portrait guarding their common room. Both boys gaped in awe.
After a long moment, Sirius collapsed to the floor as he was overcome with great guffaws of laughter. James scowled and placed his hands on his hips. The motion only caused Sirius’ laughter to increase.
“Oh please, Prongs, don’t,” he exclaimed, tears of mirth pouring from his eyes. “It’s too much!”
“It isn’t funny,” James snapped.
Remus tried to contain his grin as he asked, “James, why are you er…in a portrait?” He examined the boy for a moment and his amusement finally broke through. “And why are you dressed like the Fat Lady?”
James’ hands clenched at his sides as he staked to the centre of the portrait and glared. The pink skirt of the dress swayed elegantly with the movement. A chuckle bubbled up from Remus’ throat and Sirius choked as he gasped for breath.
“So help me, if you two don’t stop laughing, just wait and see what I do to you with whipping cream,” James hissed.
Sirius snorted as he stood. “Kinky,” he purred and James’ eyes narrowed.
“All right,” Remus intervened quickly, “that’s enough.” His gazed focused on James. “Why are you in there?”
James huffed as he crossed his arms and leaned against the frame. “Evans,” he replied sourly.
“Ah,” said Remus simply.
Sirius nodded, his lips still twitching. “Explains almost everything.”
“What did you do to her this time, James?” Remus sighed.
“I only asked her out!” James cried indignantly.
Remus’ eyebrows rose slightly and James scowled.
“And I gave her a flower,” he admitted. The werewolf’s eyebrows rose still higher. James scuffed the toe of his pointy pink shoe across the bottom of the portrait. “And I followed her through the castle.”
Sirius rolled his eyes and muttered sarcastically, “And we have a winner, ladies and gentlemen.”
“I hardly think I deserve this,” James scoffed. “Bloody demon woman, she cornered me and then told the Fat Lady to take a break. Then she charmed me into the portrait. Without my wand, mind you.”
His eyes turned pleading as he gazed at Remus. “You have to help me get out of this thing,” he begged. “I can’t let people see me like this.”
Remus studied him for a silent moment before shaking his head. “I don’t think so, mate,” he said and James’ eyes widened in shock. “How many times have I warned you that stalking Lily will bring nothing good?”
James didn’t answer and his eyes moved to Sirius, who was smirking. He already knew, however, that if he could not convince Remus, he wouldn’t have any luck with Sirius, either. The boy enjoyed such things too much.
“What’s that saying?” Sirius murmured thoughtfully, his smirk turning into a grin. “Karma’s a bitch.” James glared at him. “Jobberknoll.”
James shouted in protest as the portrait swung open and the two boys walked past him. As they climbed through the hole, it closed behind them, effectively silencing James’ curses.
Sirius grabbed Remus’ hand and pulled him towards the dormitory stairs. “So about that whipping cream…” he hedged.
12. Make me a sandwich 14. Firewhiskey