So... I haven't been posting since like April. I don't know if anyone even is on here anymore. I tried the whole loving myself thing and it has gotten me no where. I'm fat and alone. Screw all that bull shit. Anyway, I didn't eat anything today and I'm not going to eat anything tomorrow. To any of my ana friends... I miss you. I'm done feeling ( Read more... )

Back to reality and it really does suck. California was amazing. I had so much fun with my sister. We went to Laguna one day and ate at a place where they ate on Laguna Beach and we went shopping. I actually partied in the dorms which is something I haven't done in 5 years. It was fun to just hang out and not have to worry about all the crap going ( Read more... )

So I just got done watching a documentary on eating disorders. Is it really screwed up that it just makes me want to try harder? I'm no where near where these girls were and I want to be so badly it hurts. I consumes my every thought. The show focued on all the bad parts. Hospital stays, money spent on therapy, suicide attempts, cutting, and death ( Read more... )

I've been think alot about what to do after I graduate in May. I really don't have any career goals. I think I could probably get a job but it wouldn't be one that I like. It would just pay the bills. Sure I could be okay with that but is that really want I want or should I do something that I really like? Awhile ago I was concidering nursing. I ( Read more... )

I'm leaving for california to see my sister in 10 days. I'm so excited. I love that girl so much. Anyway, I want to be confindent to wear all my cute clothes that I love so the weight I have gained over the past 2 weeks has to go! I have 5lbs that I have to loose and 3 more that I really want to loose. I have a goal now... 8lbs in 10 days. I know I ( Read more... )

I haven't updated in a while so here goes... I haven't really been trying to lose weight. I'm in a period where I've been eating somewhat normally and not even trying to purge after. Its kinda weird for me. I feel guilty but not that guilty which is the weirdest part. I go though days of absolutely hating myself so I know I have to get over this ( Read more... )

Today starts a new week. Last week I failed miserably... but you can only truly fail if you give up so today I reminded myself that I'm not giving up. I will succeed. I can do and I will do it! I just have to remember to NEVER GIVE UP!!!!

So my best friend/roommate is pregnant. Its weird. We haven't really been close for the past 4 months because of the guy she is dating. He cheats on her and is super jealous (like throws a fit if she even talks to another guy even if she has known them for years). Sometimes I'll find her sleeping on our couch and him sleeping in her bed if they ( Read more... )

I saw myself on video this weekend and I'm so disgustingly huge. I thought I was doing pretty good. I lost 10 pounds last month and I'm doing good this month but damn! I am no where near where I need to be. Here's to another week of fasting!

I'm optimistic today. It feels good since I have been kinda depressed for the last month or so. I really don't know why cause I really don't have anything to look forward too but I'm kinda happy. I'm going to give up on trying to figue out why I feel the way that I feel cause the evidence always seems to be pointing against how I actually feel. ( Read more... )