Linosa

[heaven_smile]

The village is small, and isolated. Its narrow, twisting streets are paved with ancient cobblestones. The streets themselves are like a maze, never quite revealing a true center. The buildings in the village are sturdy brick structures, whitewashed, and capped with terra cotta tile roofs. Many of the buildings feature window boxes in which bloom

Comments

[heaven_smile]

I want opinions! They are welcome here!

I wanted to use the word "race" because it acted as a foil against the overall stillness of the village. The wind kicking up dead leaves and flower petals and hurling them through the stagnant streets. That type of visual image.

And yeah, that toe-curling sentence was actually lifted from an email I sent to a certain person. I loved it so much that I had to use it again. I don't know where the hell I came up with it, but it's very pleasing to me.

[lil_monk]

Nicely written. I really liked the portrayal from Fragile to the whole fountain, which is well-done. Some suggestions, in regards to the passage:

You mentioned the usage of "race" as a foil against the stillness of the village. Warm breezes from the nearby sea race through the alleyways, carrying with them the scent of salt and sand and seaweed.-- In terms of contrast, it could do with an additional sentence or modification to the quoted one, because I can't really feel the contrast. Unless you use a more powerful word or perhaps, greater build-up or description of an action to really highlight that feeling. And I'm not sure what effect you're trying for with the second-last paragraph, which seemed to be more of a narrative in the beginning half

[heaven_smile]

I agree that the first piece is the best. And the most effective. I wrote it before I had...the idea that I'm in the process of going through with. That is, it's meant to stand alone, and does so fairly well, I think.

The last word is meant to be a mystery, yes. But one that will be explained very soon. Just consider it to be the last word in a chapter.

As for the second to last paragraph, well, for some reason I really had John Singer Sargent's masterpiece El Jaleo on the brain. I really liked the visual image of the aftermath of some kind of pagan-esque celebration around this bizarre statue.

[anonymous]

The description reminds me of a very insidious, Gothic version of Lunar. There's reverence mixed with something visceral and foreboding. In some ways, even though the writing style isn't that similar, the mood you evoke reminds me of Jackson's "The Lottery." I concur with the majority of comments that the description of the breeze is quite good, though I wonder if it would be even more effective if you just left it at "Fragile" and didn't include the mention of the woman's hand blown of glass. I love the image, but it seems to extend a description that's already finished by the one-word sentence.

[deep_rain23]

I want to live there.

[heaven_smile]

It would be interesting. Kind of scary though.