So for the last several nights I have spent hours trying to get to sleep, only to find myself in my dreams pleading with Bonnie for our friendship back, like I did the night she went down to the police station. Offering to do anything to make things work. Then they go on to happy times of her and I at the mall or at theme parks or at craft classes ( Read more... )

Have you ever looked into the middle of a blueberry????

I realized that I have never seen the inside of a blueberry. So I looked.

THEY ARE WHITE!!!!!

There is something fundamentally wrong with the universe.

They still taste blue.

I have had a lot of inquires as to what is going on with me medically.... I have mostly avoided these questions.... I hadn't really thought much about it untill it was pointed out to me that I was avoiding them... so I sat and thought about the whole issue, and I figured it all out. I must apologize to you all but I am not ready to discuss the ( Read more... )

it is a beautiful day and I am stuck inside... things are looking brighter... faire is about to star and the kids have completed another grade level... I am so proud that they made it to state this year... maybe next year they will go to global... the flowers are bluming and the weather is warming up... i have doctors appointments next week but I ( Read more... )

In lord of the rings there is a passage that reverberates through my head every time I walk into my house.  "We were home. How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on... when in your heart you begin to understand... there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend... some hurts that go too deep... that have ( Read more... )

I forgive you...
I will always love you...
I hope you find what you are looking for...
Torturing me won't bring her back...
I wish you the best...
Good-bye....

Over and over the same images.... I saw the girls and bonnie last week at promyse's birthday party and all week the dreams have come back.... the same dreams over and over and over again... the one where bonnie and I go out for coffee or we go and spend time at the mall or we just talk on the phone for hours... and i wake up to the stark reality ( Read more... )

Sick of feeling dizzy... sick of hurting .... sick of being sick!!!! Blah.... 

Always the same... Slightly different settings... a coffee shop... a libary... a house... always the same thing... I walk in and find her sitting at a table... we talk, we laugh, we joke, and everything is as it was.... I still don't get why it can't be... I wake up and cry... I think my subcounciuos is trying to make up for the loss by giving me ( Read more... )

I find myself at a birthday party… Many people are milling around and bonnie walks out of the crowd… I look at her nervously and she smiles and asks how I have been doing… We talk for hours smiling and laughing… then I wake up…. I am so sick of the dreams… in everyone there is an answer or a solution… In reality there is not… she feels that I have ( Read more... )