yes. i went to martas. i dont recall ever saying anything about saginaw. not that it matters. and i hope you know i do care, and the only way i think i could at least vaguely convince you of that is by telling you that i'm doubting everything again. wanting to see marta wasn't my only reason for not going. but none of that matters now. i hope you would come visit, one day, just to bury me. you were right. all that time ago, that i need to be hurt, badly. and its working. i'm shaken, i am, and now i may have lost everything. and for what. i, i dont know what to say. sorry doesnt come close. i was flipping out last night because i dont want marta to be in love with someone else, and i was writing some long letter thing to give to her and i was going to bring it to her this morning. but now i'm not. now i'm not going to do anything. because i dont deserve happiness. we both know it. i make myself sick, and i never even tried. i'm so sorry. i only wish you were here to run me through with something. i dont even know what i'm talking about
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and as for you, snap the fuck out of it, i'm tired of your fucking self loathing. you can't change the past, you can only change this then do it don't fucking cry about it.
so i know its kinda rude to comment here, becuase i seem to be the manipulitive bitch in the situation, but might i point a finger at V please? pete did go see his family, becuase he did leave my house to go see them, and how fucking dare she make you hate me. i haven't done anything. i gave pete full reign to leave me, i told him he should leave me, i've fucking pushed him away so much and it hurts. i can't help it, i haven't been keeping him on a leash, why are you blaming me for this? WHY
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