he's lying in my bed behind me right now ( Read more... )

i almost died today. numerous times ( Read more... )

i took a chance last night, on somebody new, who gave me a new feeling, a warm, comforting one.

i took a chance on some guy who makes me laugh and doesn't make me think he's better than the world.

i took a chance on a guy who's a gentleman, because he didn't make a move - i did.

and i enjoyed it. and so did he, i believe.

"Nothing can be created now ( Read more... )

i'm so sick and tired ( Read more... )

i just spent the last twenty minutes going over all my previous entries in here, the real, raw, personal ones that the very few can see. the simple ones i pour my heart into.

and i cried, because since early march, they're all of him, j. and march was a fucking long time ago and i'm still in so much pain over this. i know a big portion of why it's ( Read more... )

he dislodged my cervix,
broke my heart
and then i tore his penis.

all three were unintentional, it's been one hell of a summer.

i wish i could hate him, i really, really do. but i can't, because he hasn't done anything to make me hate him.

maybe i'm just mad at myself for feling this way about him.
ya, that's probably it.

i went home this weekend, on a whim, because i was upset. so upset i was hyperventilating to some degree and couldn't understand why. so i went home. got rid of my one shift this weekend and left ( Read more... )

there's a distinct difference ( Read more... )