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Sep 12, 2009 11:10


Character: Apollo
Series: Olympos
Character Age: Immortal and pretty old! But he's referred to as a "red-haired pretty boy" and looks like a teenager.
Canon: The problem with the Greek gods is that their lives were the soap operas of the ancient times, with 'Days of our Inbred Titanic Offspring' and 'Married with Swans' as popular titles. The beginning of Olympos is deceptively tame in comparison: "God" appears before a young man and makes a contract with him: bring the reclusive Ganymede out of a miniature garden, and he will have a happy marriage. With a kiss to seal the contract, the young man eagerly sets off on his quest. Too bad for him, the "God" he made his bargain with was hardly the benevolent Christian God, but rather Apollo.

Described as a "loud, showy braggart" by Ganymede, Apollo is flamboyant and taunting. He is the epitome of haughty, imparting his "divine wisdom" whether or not the other party wants to hear it, and mostly referring to himself as "God." More than a little vain, Apollo has a strong sense of superiority to humanity as a whole; humans are dirty and foolish. Childish and immature, Apollo has no problem setting up contracts he knows people can't fulfill or being cruel for his own sadistic amusement. Basically Apollo is one part asshole, two parts bully, and one part magical shoujo flower petals and sparkles.

Sample Post:

Listen up, Grarrgh and Hurrg. I get that humans are full of petty wishes, and that you dead humans are even worse. But we've made what you'd call a contract. Tit for tat, brains for a favor. Get it? Don't even think about trying to weasel out of this, and don't you dare think about women's underwear, I don't care if really want a pair to sniff. Humans have such dirty minds. God knows when you've been good, and I know when you've been bad. You've got some nerve, thinking you can just call me here - I had to kiss you! Ugh, so nasty! - and expect me to just give you what you want.

Here's how it goes. Everything you've heard about God is true. I know what goes on between those rotting excuses for ears you've got. And you've made me kind of angry, so you better follow another one of those little sayings. What was it? Ahahaha! That's right! The best way to find God is on your knees, so get down and start apologizing! Oh, stop your groaning, just shut up and suck it.

... close enough. Actually, that's as close as you should ever get. Humans should stick to the things they're best at, crawling around on the mud. How about this! I'll give you the brains you so desperately want if you do this little thing for me. There's this boy who thinks the world and its sorrows revolves around his own little tragedy. He's holed himself up, see, and refuses to come out. He needs to cheer up and walk down the right road instead of just going across the street. So! The deal is, you make him realize how small and insignificant his problems are, and I'll give you brains.

Look, don't think too much. You called for me didn't you? You thought: Dear God, braaainnnnsss. So I came! Even if you didn't think that, you would have. God never tells a lie, you know. Even if it seems like a lie at the time, that's only because you just don't have enough faith.

Sigh. If you have to think of it in your own meager terms, then think of it this way: God came prematurely.

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