No, really. This just happened. On the phone. In case that was unclear ( Read more... )

Fuck Obama.

Dumb shit said:

"I don't know if your shins are broken, so stop making me hit you."

Christ my elbow hurts after pullups.

Also, late realization? Bunks beds can be used as makeshift pullup bars. For low-bar pullups, anyway.

And now I have figured out how to use it for dips. I am awesome.

14 days.

Excitement--;
Pussy++;

It's too cold to fucking masturbate.

Cuz napalm sticks to kids.

Greatest cadence EVER:

"When I go home/The hippies they will say/'How did you earn your living?'/'How did you earn your pay?'/And I reply as I pull out my knife/'Get out of my way before I take your life.'"

Yay SPECFOR.

The 14th General Order: "Walk my post round and round, fuck this shit, I'm sitting down."

I can't wait 'till boot.

God help me, I really want to buy Tom (CrossFit instructor and cop) some bacon for Christmas.

Secret tunnel...
Secret tunnel...

"Can I have one favor?"
"Alright."
"...one hit."
"Alright. I'll go get him."
"No, not him. I can't hit such a pretty face."
"...you want to hit ME? I didn't do anything!"
"I just can't hit such a pretty face."
-conversation ganked from Shinsengumi