jaina
in
herdedcats
[Bleach] Undertow 1/2 (NC-17)
There are many ways a person can love.
May's bleach_flashfic entry for hakuren. Kaien/Rukia, Kaien/Miyako, wordiness/me.
Thanks to sophiap for beta assistance.
--
Undertow
The first time Shiba Kaien sees Kuchiki Hisana, he thinks: she looks a little lost. It’s understandable; nobility often doesn’t suit even those born to it (Kaien should know) and it’s got to be harder on those brought in from the outside. Especially when most of the people on the inside think you should stay on the outside.
She looks a little less lost when she’s with Byakuya, though. Like maybe all the subtle digs of the ones who won’t accept her are worth it when they’re together. The lost look never goes away completely, though. Kaien often wishes she didn’t have that look anymore, even though he’s not in any position to do anything about it. But it's still there until she dies.
The first time Shiba Kaien sees Kuchiki Rukia, he thinks: holy shit, there’s two of them! Just for a second. Because while the resemblance is amazingly strong-hell, they even have the same hairstyle, and he wonders if that was the same before she was adopted or if Byakuya’s getting a little creepy in his grief-it’s not perfect. Rukia holds her head a little higher, her back a little straighter. She doesn’t look happy, exactly, but she’s not bowed by whatever inner sorrow her older sister had carried.
She does look nervous, though. Kaien’s gotten pretty good at assessing new officers in a glance since he scored this job. They tend to need a lot of different things. Some need to be ordered around to feel useful. Some need to be pushed to achieve their full potential. Some need to be yelled at to stop picking on their peers.
Kuchiki looks like she needs him to be her friend. So that’s what Kaien will do. He charges into the room to chase off the jerks who are sniggering about the new officer, introduces himself to her-
-and makes a friend.
***
“The problem is that she’s got no confidence,” Kaien rants to Ukitake one evening after bringing him some restorative liquor from the Shiba family’s private stocks, brought back from Kaien's last visit home. “I don’t know what Byakuya did to her, but he did something, because there’s no way she could survive in Rukongai acting this timid. Not as far out as she was! Did you know she’s from seventy-eighth? Seventy-eight!” He shakes his head admiringly. “That takes balls.”
Ukitake grins weakly from underneath the pile of blankets that cover his lap, cheeks a little flushed from the sake. After two thousand years, he’s a man who can hold his alcohol, but Kaien makes a point of challenging his tolerance if he can. “She’s in an entirely different world now,” he says. “You of all people know what the Kuchiki require.”
“Heh. Yes. And look what it made Byakuya: revered captain with a stick up his ass the size of his sword.” He takes another swig. “I can tell she’s trying to live up to that, but no one can be that perfect. It’s unnatural.”
“I’ve tried to reach out to her when I can,” Ukitake says. “It’s difficult to get her to open up. You spend more time with her than I do, Kaien. Perhaps you’ll have better luck.”
“I hope so,” he says. “I want to start training with her one-on-one. Maybe she’ll loosen up with fewer people around.”
“That’s fine with me,” Ukitake says. “If you think you can make progress, do what you feel is necessary. I trust you, Kaien.”
***
Hokutan, the third district of West Rukongai, is far enough away to have productive training sessions without the rest of the division gawking at the new recruit from the noble house, but it's not nearly far enough for Rukia to leave her insecurities behind. Her kidou is coming along quite nicely; she already has the skill, she just needs to learn to use it properly in battle. Her swordplay, too, is coming along, catching up to where she'd be if not for her abrupt graduation and then some. But Kaien can tell that she's holding herself back, concentrating too hard on every movement of the blade, so that instinct never has a chance to take over.
So it's time to try something else. "Kuchiki," he says after their meal break, "I want to see your shikai."
"Eh?" She looks far too flustered for what should be a simple request. "Er, that is, well, I..." Her cheeks grow pink with embarrassment. Kaien would chuckle and tell her how adorable this looks if he didn't know it would mortify her. "I don't really have good control over it yet, Kaien-dono."
"So? Who does at first?" He tosses Nejibana from one hand to the other. "Definitely not me. Did you know our division offices used to be surrounded by dry ground? But then I came along, and let me tell you a secret, Kuchiki--I used to be a bit of a show-off back then, before I grew out of it."
"Right," she says, and if there's a note of skepticism in her voice, he chooses to ignore it.
"Let loose with my shikai one day, and then...well, you've seen the lake," he says. "But Captain Ukitake liked it. You see? It all worked out in the end. It'll be fine for you, too."
"I'm not sure I believe that, Kaien-dono."
"That it won't work out? Of course it will! On my word as a Shiba."
"That's not what..." She hesitates, looking torn but also a little bit hopeful. "...all right." She holds her sword in front of her and focuses on the blade. "Please stand back, Kaien-dono."
He does, but he doesn't go too far. He's heard about her released zanpakutou from Ukitake--it's an ice element, and according to the captain, really pretty-but he hasn't had a chance to witness it in person before.
"Dance," Rukia whispers. "Sode no Shirayuki." She crouches and swings her sword in an arc around her, and he can barely make out the words "First dance-tsukishiro!"
There's a roar as the ice column surges upwards, far above the tops of the trees that surround the meadow. It vibrates in the air for several seconds, like something alive and fierce, then shatters. The icy rain that follows looks like diamonds falling from the sky. It's one of the most beautiful things Kaien's ever seen.
"Yes!" he whoops when it's done, charging towards Rukia and scooping her up in his arms for a quick, proud hug. "That was awesome!"
When he sets her down, her cheeks are flushed with happiness this time. She looks even cuter this way. "It needs a lot of work," she says. "It's not a very quick attack..."
"Something like that doesn't need to be." He picks up a shard of ice. The cold pricks his fingers--even under the midday sun, it's absolutely freezing. "You'll get it to work how you want when you want, it just takes practice. Hey--you called said `first dance.' Does that mean there are more?"
"I think so." She ducks her head and drops her smile. "She hasn't taught me any others yet, though. I'm afraid I'm a disappointment to her."
"Hey. Stop." He slips a hand under her chin and tilts her face up so she must look at him. "Don't ever say things like that," he says firmly. "You're not a disappointment. You're not weak. You're just new at this, Kuchiki, and inexperience doesn't last forever. Don't ever be ashamed of who you are. Okay?" He doesn't even blink as looks her straight in the eye. This is something she must believe.
"Okay," she says at last.
"Good," he says, and grins. "Now let's try that again."
***
Miyako makes fun of him when Kaien comes home late from extra training sessions with Rukia. He doesn't mind; being made fun of by Miyako is one of his favorite things. He thinks he'll always be happy as long as he has her to tease him. "You work too hard," she tells him with a grin when he shows up for dinner with a sheepish look. "Where is the lazy layabout I married? I rather enjoyed having a handsome man lounging at my disposal."
"Oh hush. Who's the one who used to scold me for shirking on my duties?"
"That's what squad leaders are for," she says. "How was I to know you'd leap to a higher rank than me just so I could no longer do so?"
"Right, that was my plan all along," he scoffs, and stuffs some rice in his mouth to quiet the gurgling of his neglected stomach. "Seriously, Miyako. What do you think of Kuchiki?"
"Rukia-san?" Her beautiful brow wrinkles as she frowns in concentration. "She's a capable enough shinigami. Very dutiful, never shirks her assignments. She's extremely polite, but I wouldn't expect anything less from the Kuchiki."
"That's the thing. I expect more," he says. "She does everything she's supposed to but it's like she's scared to show who she really is or ask for anything more. She tries to be perfect and it wears her out."
"That's her brother's influence," she says. "Perhaps you should speak with him."
"No, Byakuya never listens to me. The wisdom of childhood friends means nothing to him." He shakes his head. "If it did, there would be none of this nonsense about not telling her he was married to her sister. Like everyone who's met them both can't tell they were blood related. But I can help her. She's--she's really wonderful when you get to know her, Miyako. Once she forgets to be so stiff."
Her eyes shine with affection as she leans over to kiss his cheek. "And you're wonderful for watching over her the way you do. Keep at it. Just don't influence her to shove her paperwork on others like certain vice-captains I know." She cuffs him gently on the head. "And don't shovel your food like that. It's a sad thing when your little brother has better table manners than you do."
"Ah, I know, I know," he says. "I'm sorry."
***
"Come on, Kuchiki, this is serious. RUN!"
Without waiting for a reply, Kaien shifts into shunpo, covering great swaths of ground in single steps. He doesn't look behind him to see if she's following him--if she's up to the challenge, she has to trust her own strength. Not that he's worried; he can feel her reiatsu following him, keeping pace as best she can.
Only when he reaches their goal does he stop and turn. "I told you!" he laughs. "I told you I'd get to the ramen stall first! Now all the best noodles are mine."
"Kaien-dono, we really should be getting back to headquarters," she pants beside him. "There are meetings this afternoon..."
"Permission granted to skip them, Kuchiki," he says. "Are you going to question your wise vice-captain? Two bowls, please," he says to the vendor, who's still blinking in surprise at seeing two shinigami seemingly drop out of the sky in front of his stall.
Technically, he knows she's right; they really should get back, though Ukitake won't exactly be mad when they don't. Unlike some of the loonies in the Gotei 13, their captain reserves his tempers for the occasions that truly warrant it. But Kaien rarely gets the chance to venture this far out into Rukongai, so he's going to take advantage of the occasion. They don't get this kind of ramen in Seireitei, homemade and delicious; sure, maybe there's a little dirt in it, but if it adds to the flavor, so much the better. Besides, thanks to their efficient work (his good influence, no doubt) the ryoka they were dispatched to take care of is gone ahead of schedule. They can take the time to relax.
He especially likes this district, West 43rd; it's a bit rough-and-tumble, but the people are good. Kuchiki's never been here before, so once he's finished slurping up his ramen and watching her eat hers neatly, like a noble born, he takes some extra time to show her around. Here's a good place to get lunch between missions; there's a good place to get cheap yukata if some bastard stole yours while you were skinny dipping, not that he knows this from experience eh heh heh. He also stops to talk to some of the people he knows, and it's after one such conversation that he turns around to find Kuchiki gone.
No need to panic; she can take care of herself, but even if she couldn't, all he has to do is close his eyes and reach out with his senses to feel her reiatsu. When he finds her, she's only a few corner turns away, kneeling and passing out candy to some street kids. She doesn't have to kneel very far, and maybe that's why they trust her, because when they see Kaien coming, they scatter, candy firmly in hand.
"That's sweet of you," he says. "Were they hungry?"
"No." She shakes her head. "I doubt any one of them has any spiritual power. But I used to be one of them," she looks at him nervously at this, as if she still expects to be judged for the sin of being born a commoner, "And I know hunger isn't the only thing that matters."
He nods. "True enough. So...did you save any for me?"
Her jaw drops. "Kaien-dono!" He can only keep a straight face for another few seconds before laughing, and in a moment she joins him.
They should go back to Seireitei right away. But it's a beautiful day, and Kuchiki has a beautiful smile, so Kaien takes the long way once they leave the district.
"I grew up in a place like this," she says without preamble as they walk. "It was a lot worse, actually. Since I was a baby. I don't remember ever being in the living world."
Kaien already knows this, but this is the first time she's opened up without his cheerful prodding; he's not going to say anything to stop her now. "Sounds tough."
"It was," she says. "There were...not many good people living in our district. But someone must have cared for me until I grew old enough to steal, and then I cared for myself, until I found my family."
His eyebrows shoot up at that, and he's glad she's not looking directly at him. Hisana never--but in an instant, he knows that can't be the family she's talking about. "What were they like?"
"Fools." Her lips curve into a fond smile. "They were young boys. Of course they were foolish. But we took care of each other. There were four of them. Soshi. Ryo. Masashi. Renji." She recites their names like they're something holy. "And me. Children, pretending we were adults--I had to beat them into washing their teeth regularly."
"You ran a gang, huh?" It's surprisingly easy to picture.
"Something like that," she says. "Only two of us had spiritual power. It made it easier to steal--we didn't need food for all of us, just water. But we took what we could, because eating seemed to ease something inside of us. We grew up together. They were my brothers." She closes her eyes. "They died."
He's braced for this. The mortality rate for children in the outer reaches of Rukongai is higher than decency should allow. "I'm sorry."
She accepts his condolences with a nod. "Not all of them," she says. "The other one with spiritual powers joined the Academy with me. He was in the elite classes, but we still spent time with each other when we could--it is difficult to break old habits. And I was proud of him." There's something far away in her voice now, and Kaien feels like if he reached out to touch her, his hand would go right through her. "I haven't talked to him since I was adopted, though. I think he decided he didn't want to be my friend anymore."
Kaien feels like if he ever meets this guy, he would like to kick his ass for putting this expression on Kuchiki's face, then kick his ass again for being such a dumbshit as to let her go. "His loss."
"Maybe," she says quietly.
He makes a decision. "Hey." He stops and takes her by the arm. "Come on. This way."
"Where are we going now?"
He grins. "You'll see."
The Shiba house is on high ground, so Kuukaku sees them before they see her. Kaien knows she's home, though, because he can also see the fireworks before they see her. Nothing big--they're mostly glorified sparklers. But his little sister can make even those shine.
"Brother!" She shouts, running to meet them when they're close enough that she won't wind herself getting to them. "You're here!"
"Surprise!" He chuckles. "Thanks for the welcome, Kuu."
Her face falls a bit when she realizes who Kuchiki isn't. "Where's Miyako?" she asks, sounding dismayed.
"Hey." He smacks her lightly on the back of the head. "Mind your manners. She's in Seireitei; this was just a spur of the moment stop since we were in the area. Kuukaku, I'd like you to meet Kuchiki Rukia, from my division. Kuchiki, this is my obnoxious little sister, Kuukaku."
"It's lovely to meet you." Kuchiki bows. "I can tell you are Kaien-dono's sister. There is a family resemblance."
Kuukaku seems to consider whether this is a compliment or an insult, and at last thrusts her right arm out. "Hi." Rukia blinks, then smiles and shakes Kuukaku's hand.
"So where's Ganju?" Kaien asks as they walk toward the main house. "Don't I deserve some little brother love as well?"
"Oh, him. He's over at old man Anno's barns again," she says with all the scorn an adolescent girl can muster. "His precious Annie-chan is having piglets again and he said Ganju can have one if she has enough."
"Aww. Well, let him know I came by and I promise to bring a present for his pig next time."
Rukia doesn't say much as they walk, but she's smiling and it looks real, so she's probably not having a bad time. When they reach the house, Kaien insists on showing her around the place and telling stories about his and his siblings' childhoods, ones that Kuukaku insists are exaggerated but are made all the better because Kaien knows they're not. Once or twice he even gets Kuchiki to laugh.
Even though they just had lunch, he can't refuse Kuukaku when she insists they at least have snacks with her. He's completely full when they finish, and when Kuchiki excuses herself to the washroom, he half-wonders if she's going to purge out of necessity. He can't really blame her if she is.
"So, Kuu," he says, "What do you think of my subordinate?"
She raises an eyebrow. "You're kidding me, right? Why'd you bring her here?"
"Huh?" That's not exactly the answer he's expecting. "What, you don't like her? She's a nice girl!"
"I know she is," Kuukaku says. "And she's pretty patient if she puts up with you as her boss. But she's also got a crush on you."
"What?!" That's definitely not the answer he's expecting. "You're nuts, Kuu. Been breathing fireworks smoke too long."
"Of course you don't see it. Idiot."
"Brat," he retorts automatically. "Look, we're friends. She doesn't have a lot of those. You're just imagining things. Don't be jealous, I'm not looking for a replacement sister."
"I know that! Look, I can tell, okay? The way she looks at you and...I can just tell. It's a girl thing." His skeptical look sends her into a huff. "I'm still a girl even if I don't like all the frilly shit!"
"Okay, okay. Peace, Kuu," he says. "I still don't buy it, but...okay. Your point is made."
"I'm sure." She snorts. "Whatever. Just thought you should be aware. Stupid."
Kuchiki returns then and the ridiculous conversation is dropped. Soon after, they take their leave--vice-captain or not, Kaien can only flout the rules so much, and they really should be getting back. Besides, he's more than a little unsettled by Kuukaku's claim, even if it is baseless. Kids her age have such great imaginations.
Kuchiki doesn't say much on the trip back to Seireitei, and for a few panicked moments Kaien wonders if she overheard them, but when he glances at her, she doesn't look embarrassed. She looks relaxed. That's enough to relax him as well, because it doesn't happen to her much and it's a good thing.
"Kaien-dono?" she asks as they approach the boundary between the first district and Seireitei.
"Yeah, Kuchiki?" he tenses more than is necessary and mentally scolds himself for it. Idiot. Don't act like you're about to hear a love confession.
"Thank you for taking me to see your home," she says. "I had a nice time."
"Anytime, Kuchiki. Any friend of mine is always welcome at the Shiba house." He grins. "Now let's get back before Captain scolds me."
They go.
***
Squad training in groups takes up much of the next week. Shinigami may frequently fight alone, but they have to be able to fight together when necessary, especially the weaker ones. Not that Kuchiki is weak--Kaien would like to see her seated when she's had a bit more experience, though Ukitake seems oddly non-committal about this idea whenever Kaien mentions it--but it's good for her, too. Maybe it'll help her make other friends. Kaien can't be everything to her.
Really, it's not the idea of being everything to her that bothers him as much as it is the idea of being one specific thing. He adores Kuchiki, and if they'd met in his Academy days, he probably would've asked her out if he'd gotten the chance to know her like he knows her now. But in some ways that was a lifetime ago, and he's got Miyako and would never, ever give her up.
Miyako is currently down in the training yard, working with Kuchiki's squad. Kaien likes watching her work. She's damn good at what she does. It's nice to know that if anything ever happens to him so he can't do his job anymore, Miyako will have it covered. She seems to be getting along well with the shinigami she's working with, at least as far as he can tell from up here on the hill. He finds himself watching Kuchiki, evaluating how she reacts to Miyako. She looks like she's in a good mood. Does she look at Miyako the same way she looks at him? Is that half-smile just how she looks at a teacher she respects, a friend she looks up to?
He sighs and snatches a hunk of grass from the ground, tossing it aside in frustration. It's stupid to still even be thinking about this. Kuukaku's always had a way of getting under his skin, but still. Kuchiki hasn't done anything wrong or made any advances toward him, so she shouldn't have to pay if he gets all weird and uncomfortable. He shouldn't give it another thought. He shouldn't think there's anything wrong with being a good friend to her when she clearly needs one. And he really, really shouldn't feel a little warmer inside at the idea of Kuchiki caring for him...like that.
Nuts to this. He stands and leaves to see if the captain is up to some sparring. He needs to beat the idiot out of his system.
***
"I am not that drunk! Tell the big monkey I'm not, Kaien-sama!"
"Oh no," he manages between laughs, "I'm not getting in the middle of this."
"See! Booger girl! You can't take your alcohol!" Sentaro sounds so sure of himself, but the effect of his statement is lessened by the fact that his eyes look dilated and a little bit cross-eyed.
"Oooh! I'll show you how I can take it!" The fourth seat officer promptly grabs the nearest cup--Kaien's, as it turns out, not that he's going to try and stop her--and chugs its contents down, then slams it back on the table and glares.
It's always the same with these two. Tomorrow they'll be feeling the pain of their impromptu drinking contest (which occurs with alarming regularity), but they're too revved up to pass out for a long while. "That's my cue to get a new drink," Kaien says, removing himself from between the other two. "You two have fun, okay?"
It's a good time in the 13th division. One of the unseated rookies from the latest graduating class, Kana Mizawa, achieved shikai this week, and everyone's celebrating. Kaien's proud to be in a division where they can support each other like this. In some divisions, no one would take much notice; in some divisions, Mizawa wouldn't even be considered without one. But the girl had showed promise in other areas. It looks like that promise is paying off now, so why not cheer her?
Okay, so a lot of people are just there because a party is a party, but it still counts. Mizawa looks just as happy in her crowded corner, surrounded by her friends. The overall mood is just as cheerful. People are just as drunk. Kaien's not there yet--for some reason, this time he felt more like sitting back and watching everyone enjoy the evening instead of getting wasted himself. He's just buzzed and mellow for now.
As he's heading over to get himself a new drink, someone grabs him by the back of his uniform sash and shoves him up against one of the buildings lining the division's courtyard. "You've been bad," his wife practically purrs.
"Oh really?" He grins, but he can almost feel the cold sweat breaking out. He can tell she's drunker than he is, though not so drunk it's unseemly (she never is) and when Miyako gets drunk, she gets slightly evil. "How's that?"
"You have been ignoring our captain!" she accuses. "Look at him sitting all alone over there!"
He looks. "Miyako. He's with Captain Kyouraku."
"Yes, and I am about to ask Captain Kyouraku for the bottle of sake from his private stock that I rightfully won the last time we played cards," she says. "As he will no doubt flee the scene when he sees me coming, it is your duty to make sure that he is not without company."
"And what will you be doing?"
"Retrieving my sake." She smirks. "He can run. But he has very good sake, and I plan on getting it."
He leans in and steals a quick kiss before she can complain about getting too affectionate in front of their subordinates. "No problem. Kyouraku won't know what hit him when you catch up."
"Indeed. And if you are good, beloved husband, perhaps I will share it with you." She winks. "Or perhaps if you are properly bad."
True to her word, in a few minutes' time Kyouraku has vanished to parts unknown and Miyako is gone as well, no doubt in hot pursuit. True to his word, Kaien takes a seat next to Ukitake on his bench, where he sits overseeing the party like an indulgent father. "Enjoying yourself, sir?"
Ukitake nods to him. "It's nice to see everyone getting a chance to relax. Our jobs may be serious, but it doesn't mean we have to be all the time."
"See, now you're thinking the way I think."
"Your wife seems to have chased Shunsui off, however."
"Eh, he'll be back," he says. "Once she gets what she wants."
"That's reassuring." Ukitake chuckles. "How are you, Kaien? I wish my recent episode hadn't put so much work on you. You're busy enough with your normal duties and training with Rukia."
"That just means I get to play number one for a while!" Kaien waves the concern off.
"On the subject, how is Rukia doing? Miyako has reported on her favorably."
"Kuchiki's great," he says, and means it. Whatever momentary weirdness had been there before has passed; she hasn't acted any different than usual, so he's done the same. He really was right about Kuukaku's big imagination. "She learned a second attack with her shikai."
"Really!" Ukitake's beam at this piece of news practically blinds him. "That's wonderful to hear! A multi-skilled zanpakutou is quite impressive. I knew she had talent. Why didn't she tell me?"
"You know how she is. Never wants to take credit, always takes the blame," he says. "But if you hear about any unexpected glaciers popping up, I wouldn't mention it to her. She's still figuring out the fine control."
Ukitake just smiles. "I'm proud of you both. You've really helped her blossom, Kaien."
"She's the one who's done all the hard work. She's really something."
"I can't argue with that." He sips his drink.
Eventually Ukitake goes to congratulate Mizawa again on her accomplishment and Kaien begins walking the edges of the party, wondering if Miyako has managed to cow Kyouraku into submission yet. He doesn't see either of them, but he knows it's just a matter of time. None can stand up against his wife when she wants something. He should know.
He does see a lone figure stumbling down the path away from the courtyard, almost tripping and falling on its face once, and he trots over to make sure whoever it is is okay, only to blink in recognition as he draws nearer. "Kuchiki?"
She squints up at him with unusually bright eyes. "Kaien-dono?"
Her voice is slurred just enough for him to realize she's drunk. He grins. "Wow. Been having fun? I told you you should relax more."
"Mmm. No." She shakes her head as if to clear it. "I wasn't, but...Sentaro and Kiyone both made me drinks they wanted to try, and...I don't feel very well..." She takes another off-balance step.
"Woah, woah." He steps in front of her. "You took drinks from those two? Kuchiki, you should know better than that! They were probably spiked with half the alcohol in Seireitei!" She just smiles limply as if to say she know that now. "And you shouldn't be walking home alone. Come on, let's get back to the barracks and get you some water."
"No, I need to!" She pushes past him with more strength than he expects. He grabs her by the shoulder and she glares at him. "I need to," she repeats. "Niisama'll be worried."
"Kuchiki..." He sighs. He can't be the one to say that her brother will probably not even notice whether she comes home tonight. The disclaimer that Byakuya is a cold son of a bitch and she shouldn't take it personally will not protect her feelings. Besides, maybe he's wrong. Maybe Byakuya's anxiously waiting by the door to make sure his precious little sister arrives home unharmed. Maybe Hollows are really fluffy bunnies behind their masks. "All right." He falls into step beside her. "But I'm coming with you."
She scowls from beside him and he tries not to smile. She really is cute when she's annoyed, as well as when she's flustered, or blushing...she's pretty cute all of the time, really. "Don't need a babysitter."
"No, you don't," he agrees. "But you do need someone to make sure you don't stagger into the bushes." He reaches an arm out over her shoulders to straighten her path. "That'd just worry Byakuya, after all."
Kuchiki could have chosen a more distant destination than the Kuchiki estate, but it's still far enough that as they go, Kaien is glad he spotted her. She doesn't say much as they walk--she's concentrating too hard on putting one foot in front of the other and keeping the world from spinning, he can tell. He makes a mental note to have a talk with the idiot twins later. Kaien can't blame them for their mission of making sure even the most straight-laced division members loosen up at a party--he's done it himself--but at some point the issue of body mass becomes important and Kuchiki, well, she's tiny.
He's reminded of just how tiny when she stumbles again and pitches to the side, away from him. He's just barely quick enough to get around her and catch her in his arms. "Hey there!" She tries to push away from him and stand again, but Kaien's not having that. "Okay, you had your turn. Leave this up to me now." He rises to his full height and brings her with him, carrying her little body in his arms against his chest. She struggles for a moment, but once her feet are off the ground, she seems to accept it, wrapping her arms around his neck and leaning her face against his shoulder. "There, that's better," he says. Her hair tickles his chin. "Don't worry. I've got you now."
"'m sorry, Kaien-dono," she whispers. She sounds like she's on the verge of crying.
"Now, Kuchiki. Remember what I told you?" He gives her a little squeeze as he walks. "Never be ashamed of who you are. It's just a little drunkenness, nothing to be embarrassed about. You're certainly not the first. Just hold on to me. I'll see you safely home." She gives a shaky little nod and tightens her grip, clinging to him.
It's no trouble at all to bear her weight out of division grounds all the way to the Kuchiki estate. She doesn't weigh much, and he's got plenty of upper-body strength. She probably doesn't even need to hold his neck the way she is, but he doesn't mind. It's sort of comforting. She's safe here with him, warm against his chest. This close, he can even smell her, and she smells good, not perfumed but feminine in a way that's uniquely her...
I'm in trouble.
Kaien's heard from more than one person in his life that he's a nice person. A good guy. At this moment, he knows they're all wrong. Good guys don't start sniffing after their subordinates who just need someone to be a friend. Good married guys don't hold said subordinate a little tighter, a little closer, not to secure her position but because they want to. They don't feel that peculiar warmth that spreads out from their chests and lower, and they don't think about taking the long way around because they don't want to let go.
Kuchiki doesn't really say anything for the rest of the walk. He'd think she's fallen asleep but for the tight hold around his neck that doesn't slacken any as they go. He's glad; it means he doesn't have to say anything back, so he doesn't have to worry about revealing how dry his mouth has gone.
It's no trouble to navigate the Kuchiki grounds in the dark, but he stops a short ways away from the house. Explaining to Byakuya why he's carrying his sister home isn't something he wants to do, not even the innocent version of the story. "Kuchiki," he whispers. "Kuchiki, we're home. It's time for bed."
For a moment she doesn't stir, and he wonders if perhaps she's asleep after all. But then she unwinds her arms and lifts her head from his shoulder. It feels cold without her.
She's recovered enough steadiness not to wobble when he sets her down, but she doesn't turn away immediately, and he doesn't let go completely. He leaves his hands on her shoulders, maybe to make sure she stays balanced and maybe because he doesn't want to stop touching her. "Thank you," she says quietly, not looking up at him.
"You're welcome," he says. "Kuchiki." He tilts her chin up with his thumb and he has just a second to see her looking at him with wide eyes before he leans in and kisses her on the forehead. Her skin is smooth and dry beneath his lips and he leaves them there a moment longer before pulling back and letting her go. "Good night."
He stays there long enough to watch her stumble inside, where she'll be safe. He doesn't sense Byakuya's reiatsu in the immediate vicinity, so that's one less thing to worry about. After a while, he turns to go. Despite the lateness of the hour, the party will still be going on.
He does return to the party. But he takes the long way back.
***
"You should have seen his face," Miyako giggles against his bare shoulder later, when they've finally made it home and into bed for what's left of the night. "I don't think he knew you could use shunpo like that."
"I'll bet." Kaien can't help but crack a smile. Even in his current mood, no one tells a story like she does. "What did you do with the sake?"
"I drank it, silly." She punches him gently. "No, I'm saving it for a special occasion." She curls an arm around him. "How's Rukia-chan?"
"Eh?" It's only his exhaustion that keeps him from jumping in startlement. "Why do you ask?"
"Kiyone told me you took her home," she says. "Is she all right?"
"Ah...yeah, she's fine," he says. He closes his eyes. "Indulged a little too much. I made sure she got home."
"That's nice. Mmm...I think I'm falling asleep now. Rukia-chan's not the only one who had a little too much fun."
"Me too," he says, and it might be the first time he's ever lied to his wife. He's incredibly tired, but he can't imagine sleeping just now. He draws her close against him and breaths in her scent. "I love you, Miyako."
"I know." She kisses his chest. "I love you too."
The words are the only true ones he can trust himself to speak, so he holds her as she falls asleep and the eastern sky grows light.
***
It's all well and good to avoid uncomfortable subjects instead of dealing with them, but such things have a way of coming to call, and distraction can be fatal when it comes to what they do. Kaien's seen it happen, so he's focusing very hard on the here and now. "Kuchiki!" He calls out to her. "You're doing fine. Just take it slow and you've got it!"
She nods, but doesn't take her eyes off the Hollow she's fighting. That's good; her concentration has improved since the days that a bird in flight could take her eyes off her opponent. She's going to need that focus here. They've been dispatched to take care of this guy, overlarge but not a Huge Hollow. Kaien could probably take the thing down pretty quickly by himself, but Kuchiki needs the experience--and the boost in confidence. She can do this; she just has to believe in herself.
She's got it on the rocks right now. The Hollow started out with maybe fifteen tentacles; fragments of at least ten of them scatter the ground around them. It's fast, enough to challenge Kuchiki and keep her from using her shikai effectively, but she's keeping up well. It roars in frustration as she dodges another attack and Kaien can see her expression harden as she goes in for the kill. Good. This should do it.
Except it doesn't. From the middle of the Hollow's distorted body shoots a thick new tentacle, and this one has blades on it. Kuchiki's already moving out of the way, but it's fast, far too fast, and he's going to see her carved up or worse if he he doesn't act.
So he does. In a blur of shunpo, Nejibana's in his hand, slicing off another chunk of tentacle. The Hollow roars and wheels around to face him, and shit, it's fast--no wonder it nearly caught her. It doesn't even pause before reacting to Kaien's attack by lashing out with the bladed tentacle, and he doesn't have the chance to react before white-hot pain slices down his chest. He doesn't mean to squeeze his eyes shut, that's not going to save him, but it hurts bad enough he can't help it--
A shout and an inhuman screech of pain force his eyes open again. Kuchiki's there, her arms on the end of a downstroke as the Hollow's mask cracks in half from her strike. It lunges at her, but it's already dissolving, and by the time she lands on ground, it's gone.
She barely takes the time to sheathe Shirayuki before rushing to his side. "Kaien-dono!" Her face is pale.
"Good job, Kuchiki," he rasps. He doesn't feel too deeply perforated, but damn, this stings. "You should work on your form, though. You landed a little off-balance. You need to be ready to jump again if you need to."
"This is no time to be joking, Kaien-dono." Immediately her hands go to his wound, probing, and they learn together that it's long and bloody but not too deep.
"Don't, Kuchiki." He pushes her hands away. He doesn't like seeing his blood on them. "It's nothing. You think I haven't taken worse?"
"But you're hurt now," she says, looking distraught.
"It'll be all right." He presses his robes tight against his chest and they begin to absorb the blood for the moment. "Let's just get back."
She doesn't look any less upset, but she nods, and together they summon the hell butterflies that will guide them home.
It's dark when they arrive. Unlike their position in the living world, it is a cloudy night in Soul Society. The hour was late enough when they received the notice of the rampaging Hollow. Kuchiki had been at headquarters late practicing kata; he had been catching up on extra paperwork left by Captain Ukitake, bedridden by another of his spells. Tracking the creature down and purifying it has taken long enough that hardly anyone is about.
Kuchiki grasps for his arm when Kaien turns onto the path that will take him the short distance back to the main office. "Kaien-dono, the fourth division is this way! You must let them heal you!"
"It's not that bad, Kuchiki."
She looks like she'd stomp her foot in frustration if she weren't jogging to keep up with his long stride. "You are bleeding, Kaien-dono!"
"I know that. But it's not anything I can't take care of myself--at least at first. You think Unohana wants me bleeding all over her clean floor?"
"You would not be the first," she says, but reluctantly, she follows.
He's not lying to her--it isn't the worst hit he's taken from a Hollow. But the tentacle blades have sliced off enough skin that even the shallower parts of the wound hurt like hell. Luckily he's got some bandages and painkilling ointment stashed in his private office. He'd rather take care of this himself, at least at first, so he can have some semblance of dignity when he does give in and go to the fourth. He's not hardcore loony like the eleventh division, but he doesn't want to look like a total pansy, crying over one slash.
He finds the items he's looking for in his side desk drawer, just where he expects. He doesn't even realize Kuchiki is still hovering until he pauses to strip his top robes and she tries to take the bandages out of his hand. "Kuchiki, go home. I'm fine. You did your job. Relax. Celebrate."
"This is my responsibility," she mutters, not looking at him. "I made the error."
"Hey now. Stop." He tries to take the bandages back from her, but she won't let go. "Kuchiki," he barks. This finally gets her to meet his eyes, but he doesn't like the look he sees in hers. "This is not your fault," he says firmly. "Hollows attack shinigami. It's just what they do. It's not like you set some Hollow bait loose and asked it to please come fight us."
"I lost control," she insists. "If I hadn't, you wouldn't have had to--you wouldn't be--"
"Idiot," he sighs. "Do you know how proud I am of you? You're doing a great job. I'm not telling you this to boost your ego, I'm telling you because it's true. Hollows do unexpected things. This was one of them. Don't blame yourself. That's an order."
"At least let me help," she says, reaching for the wound. A soft glow surrounds her hand as she uses a healing kidou.
"You're not going to listen to me, huh, Kuchiki?"
"Probably not, Kaien-dono," she says, her eyes intent on her work.
He closes his eyes as the soothing balm spreads out from her palm through his chest. He's felt the touch of many kidou healers, and it never feels precisely the same way twice--and it never feels bad. His flesh feels cool where the kidou touches, and he can sense the tissue stitching itself back together, the skin smoothing over, as she works. Kuchiki's hand provides the only warmth, and it goes straight into him in a way the kidou doesn't, causing something deep in his belly to uncoil pleasantly. After a minute, the sharp pain of the initial injury is gone, but he doesn't want her to remove her hand. Her fingers slide across his chest, flat and soft. He wants them to keep going, to touch him everywhere, not just where the Hollow's blades opened him up.
It's all too good, better than a kidou healing has ever been, and he loses track of how much time is passing. When he opens his eyes as the spell ends, he finds that he's wrapped his hands around Kuchiki's wrist in a gentle grip. He doesn't let go. She doesn't pull her hand away.
"You're better," she says quietly, looking up at him.
"Yeah," he says, and there's something similar about their tones. They both sound a little detached, a little out of breath. He doesn't know what it is, exactly, but maybe he can blame it instead of his suddenly non-existant rational mind when he pulls Kuchiki into his arms and kisses her.
It's not a long kiss, or a deep one, but it feels like an electrical current's just run through his entire body. She's so small, almost fragile in his arms, that he doesn't push; he just presses his lips against hers, feeling her warmth where they're connected, breathing her in. It takes a long moment for her eyes to crack open once he pulls away. She doesn't try to escape his embrace, just touches her lips once with her fingers, like she's not sure what just happened.
The moment seems to stretch and crystallize into pure terror in Kaien's mind. If he's read her all wrong--if she doesn't want this, if he just ruined the only relationship she can count on. "Shit," He breathes. "Kuchiki, I--" He doesn't finish. Because he's not sorry, he realizes. He should be, but he's not, not even a little.
And she doesn't look disgusted or angry. She just runs her hands up his chest, following them with her gaze, and rests them around his neck. Her thumb tickles the nape of his neck. "Kaien-dono," she says, and then she's lifting herself on tiptoes and he's bending down and he's not kissing her; they're kissing each other, pressing their bodies and mouths together again and again, tasting one another as they brush their tongues together and there's no residual injury, there's no office, there's just Kuchiki and him.
"Kaien-dono," she murmurs against his mouth, and he pulls her closer, lifting her a little in his arms so he can press kisses to her cheek, her neck. Her hands move from his neck to his shoulders and back, exploring, and he's reminded that he's not wearing anything above the waist. Barely even thinking about what he's doing, his hand is sliding under the crossover at the front of her robes. She leans into his touch.
He keeps his mouth on her neck as he strokes the skin under her clothes, half-afraid to look at her. Her skin is smooth, so far untouched by the scarring that's so common in their line of work. He moves his hand across her flat belly and against her ribs. She's not wearing anything underneath; instead of the standard breast bindings he expects, she's bare--but then, she doesn't really need them, does she? After a moment's hesitation he brushes his fingers against her nipple, as gently as he can. A great shiver goes through her body.
"Kuchiki," he says,pulling back but not letting her go. "You're shaking."
"I'm all right, Kaien-dono," she whispers. She slides the fabric off her shoulders.
The tatami mats that line the floor are a welcome feature of the room, for the more clothing the two of them shed, the closer to the ground they drift, until Kuchiki's lying beneath him, watching him with absolute trust as he removes the last of her clothing, baring her body to him fully. She's only shaking a little as he touches her. She shakes harder when he kneels to taste her between her legs.
"Kaien...dono..." Her hands twist in his hair as she says his name in a way she's never said it before. He wants to feel that again, but even more, he wants to feel all of her against him.
He props himself up on his hands and moves over her. "Kuchiki," he breathes into her neck. She doesn't moan anything back, just wraps her arms around him and opens her legs a little wider. She's warm and wet against him and it's so easy to shift his hips and press inside her. "Rukia."
She lets out a small cry as he enters her. He takes it slow, afraid the moment will shatter if he moves too fast, but can't hold back a low moan of his own. He's focusing so intently on the delicious wet heat surrounding him that it's not until he moves his hips in a short thrust and she cries out again that he realizes the look on her face isn't just desire. It's pain.
He stops immediately. "Kuchiki?"
"I'm all right, Kaien-dono," she assures him for the second time tonight.
But he knows. "You're a virgin."
She blinks and gives him a funny look. "Ah...no, Kaien-dono."
She wriggles a little against and around him and he gets her point, which in no way reduces his shock, even though it should. It's not that he'd assumed she wasn't; he hadn't made any kind of assumptions. He'd studiously avoided thinking about anything close to this subject. But knowing what he knows now... I'm her first, he realizes. And it's all too much. For her to choose him of all people to share this experience with, to let it happen here on the floor of his office, is just, it's--
She must feel him tense up. Before he can voice any opposition, she wraps her legs around his hips, holding him inside her. "It's okay," she says. "It's just...new. Don't stop. Please."
Her hips move again, and his resistance drains away. He can't deny her, or himself. He doesn't want to. "Yeah," he says, and kisses her. "Of course."
More than ever, he concentrates on making this slow enough to be good for her, but it's so damn hard when she rubs against him like that. Shallow thrusts grow deeper as she adjusts to him and what was an intrusion becomes a joining. Her first honest-to-goodness moan comes when he slips his hand between them and feels for her clit. He knows enough to realize she's going to need some assistance, and it does help; along with the louder noises she makes, he can feel her getting wetter, and she begins to move with him. Give and take, meeting and pulling apart and meeting again, they rock together, their need growing more desperate.
"Kaien-dono," she cries between brief kisses that miss their mark as often as their mouths find each other. "Kaien-dono, please, yes..." He thrusts hard and she whimpers. "I'm..."
Whatever she's going to say next is lost to gasping as she quivers around him. He's too far gone himself to himself to stop and continues thrusting as she rides out her peak, eventually muffling his own cries of orgasm against her hair as he comes. Neither moves until their breathing slows, when he rolls onto his side and pulls her against him. They lay curled against each other for a long time.
Kuchiki doesn't speak again until the moon is low enough in the sky that its light begins to creep through the window and over their entwined bodies. "Kaien-dono..."
"Yeah, Kuchiki?" He strokes her hair lazily.
She pushes herself up on one elbow to look at him. She looks composed but faintly sad. "We should go," she says. "You should return home. Miyako-dono will worry."
And just like that, the spell is broken.
It doesn't take long to dress and finger-brush their hair into a semblance of what it was. In minutes, they look like themselves again. Like nothing's happened.
Kuchiki walks ahead of him to the door. Outside, she turns to the path that will lead her home. She'll go one way; he'll go the other. "Kuchiki..." He wants to touch her, but she's out of his reach in more ways than one.
She just smiles. He can't read anything behind that expression. "Good night, Kaien-dono."
"Goodnight," he says. She nods and turns to go.
He can't watch her leave.
( Part Two)
May's bleach_flashfic entry for hakuren. Kaien/Rukia, Kaien/Miyako, wordiness/me.
Thanks to sophiap for beta assistance.
--
Undertow
The first time Shiba Kaien sees Kuchiki Hisana, he thinks: she looks a little lost. It’s understandable; nobility often doesn’t suit even those born to it (Kaien should know) and it’s got to be harder on those brought in from the outside. Especially when most of the people on the inside think you should stay on the outside.
She looks a little less lost when she’s with Byakuya, though. Like maybe all the subtle digs of the ones who won’t accept her are worth it when they’re together. The lost look never goes away completely, though. Kaien often wishes she didn’t have that look anymore, even though he’s not in any position to do anything about it. But it's still there until she dies.
The first time Shiba Kaien sees Kuchiki Rukia, he thinks: holy shit, there’s two of them! Just for a second. Because while the resemblance is amazingly strong-hell, they even have the same hairstyle, and he wonders if that was the same before she was adopted or if Byakuya’s getting a little creepy in his grief-it’s not perfect. Rukia holds her head a little higher, her back a little straighter. She doesn’t look happy, exactly, but she’s not bowed by whatever inner sorrow her older sister had carried.
She does look nervous, though. Kaien’s gotten pretty good at assessing new officers in a glance since he scored this job. They tend to need a lot of different things. Some need to be ordered around to feel useful. Some need to be pushed to achieve their full potential. Some need to be yelled at to stop picking on their peers.
Kuchiki looks like she needs him to be her friend. So that’s what Kaien will do. He charges into the room to chase off the jerks who are sniggering about the new officer, introduces himself to her-
-and makes a friend.
***
“The problem is that she’s got no confidence,” Kaien rants to Ukitake one evening after bringing him some restorative liquor from the Shiba family’s private stocks, brought back from Kaien's last visit home. “I don’t know what Byakuya did to her, but he did something, because there’s no way she could survive in Rukongai acting this timid. Not as far out as she was! Did you know she’s from seventy-eighth? Seventy-eight!” He shakes his head admiringly. “That takes balls.”
Ukitake grins weakly from underneath the pile of blankets that cover his lap, cheeks a little flushed from the sake. After two thousand years, he’s a man who can hold his alcohol, but Kaien makes a point of challenging his tolerance if he can. “She’s in an entirely different world now,” he says. “You of all people know what the Kuchiki require.”
“Heh. Yes. And look what it made Byakuya: revered captain with a stick up his ass the size of his sword.” He takes another swig. “I can tell she’s trying to live up to that, but no one can be that perfect. It’s unnatural.”
“I’ve tried to reach out to her when I can,” Ukitake says. “It’s difficult to get her to open up. You spend more time with her than I do, Kaien. Perhaps you’ll have better luck.”
“I hope so,” he says. “I want to start training with her one-on-one. Maybe she’ll loosen up with fewer people around.”
“That’s fine with me,” Ukitake says. “If you think you can make progress, do what you feel is necessary. I trust you, Kaien.”
***
Hokutan, the third district of West Rukongai, is far enough away to have productive training sessions without the rest of the division gawking at the new recruit from the noble house, but it's not nearly far enough for Rukia to leave her insecurities behind. Her kidou is coming along quite nicely; she already has the skill, she just needs to learn to use it properly in battle. Her swordplay, too, is coming along, catching up to where she'd be if not for her abrupt graduation and then some. But Kaien can tell that she's holding herself back, concentrating too hard on every movement of the blade, so that instinct never has a chance to take over.
So it's time to try something else. "Kuchiki," he says after their meal break, "I want to see your shikai."
"Eh?" She looks far too flustered for what should be a simple request. "Er, that is, well, I..." Her cheeks grow pink with embarrassment. Kaien would chuckle and tell her how adorable this looks if he didn't know it would mortify her. "I don't really have good control over it yet, Kaien-dono."
"So? Who does at first?" He tosses Nejibana from one hand to the other. "Definitely not me. Did you know our division offices used to be surrounded by dry ground? But then I came along, and let me tell you a secret, Kuchiki--I used to be a bit of a show-off back then, before I grew out of it."
"Right," she says, and if there's a note of skepticism in her voice, he chooses to ignore it.
"Let loose with my shikai one day, and then...well, you've seen the lake," he says. "But Captain Ukitake liked it. You see? It all worked out in the end. It'll be fine for you, too."
"I'm not sure I believe that, Kaien-dono."
"That it won't work out? Of course it will! On my word as a Shiba."
"That's not what..." She hesitates, looking torn but also a little bit hopeful. "...all right." She holds her sword in front of her and focuses on the blade. "Please stand back, Kaien-dono."
He does, but he doesn't go too far. He's heard about her released zanpakutou from Ukitake--it's an ice element, and according to the captain, really pretty-but he hasn't had a chance to witness it in person before.
"Dance," Rukia whispers. "Sode no Shirayuki." She crouches and swings her sword in an arc around her, and he can barely make out the words "First dance-tsukishiro!"
There's a roar as the ice column surges upwards, far above the tops of the trees that surround the meadow. It vibrates in the air for several seconds, like something alive and fierce, then shatters. The icy rain that follows looks like diamonds falling from the sky. It's one of the most beautiful things Kaien's ever seen.
"Yes!" he whoops when it's done, charging towards Rukia and scooping her up in his arms for a quick, proud hug. "That was awesome!"
When he sets her down, her cheeks are flushed with happiness this time. She looks even cuter this way. "It needs a lot of work," she says. "It's not a very quick attack..."
"Something like that doesn't need to be." He picks up a shard of ice. The cold pricks his fingers--even under the midday sun, it's absolutely freezing. "You'll get it to work how you want when you want, it just takes practice. Hey--you called said `first dance.' Does that mean there are more?"
"I think so." She ducks her head and drops her smile. "She hasn't taught me any others yet, though. I'm afraid I'm a disappointment to her."
"Hey. Stop." He slips a hand under her chin and tilts her face up so she must look at him. "Don't ever say things like that," he says firmly. "You're not a disappointment. You're not weak. You're just new at this, Kuchiki, and inexperience doesn't last forever. Don't ever be ashamed of who you are. Okay?" He doesn't even blink as looks her straight in the eye. This is something she must believe.
"Okay," she says at last.
"Good," he says, and grins. "Now let's try that again."
***
Miyako makes fun of him when Kaien comes home late from extra training sessions with Rukia. He doesn't mind; being made fun of by Miyako is one of his favorite things. He thinks he'll always be happy as long as he has her to tease him. "You work too hard," she tells him with a grin when he shows up for dinner with a sheepish look. "Where is the lazy layabout I married? I rather enjoyed having a handsome man lounging at my disposal."
"Oh hush. Who's the one who used to scold me for shirking on my duties?"
"That's what squad leaders are for," she says. "How was I to know you'd leap to a higher rank than me just so I could no longer do so?"
"Right, that was my plan all along," he scoffs, and stuffs some rice in his mouth to quiet the gurgling of his neglected stomach. "Seriously, Miyako. What do you think of Kuchiki?"
"Rukia-san?" Her beautiful brow wrinkles as she frowns in concentration. "She's a capable enough shinigami. Very dutiful, never shirks her assignments. She's extremely polite, but I wouldn't expect anything less from the Kuchiki."
"That's the thing. I expect more," he says. "She does everything she's supposed to but it's like she's scared to show who she really is or ask for anything more. She tries to be perfect and it wears her out."
"That's her brother's influence," she says. "Perhaps you should speak with him."
"No, Byakuya never listens to me. The wisdom of childhood friends means nothing to him." He shakes his head. "If it did, there would be none of this nonsense about not telling her he was married to her sister. Like everyone who's met them both can't tell they were blood related. But I can help her. She's--she's really wonderful when you get to know her, Miyako. Once she forgets to be so stiff."
Her eyes shine with affection as she leans over to kiss his cheek. "And you're wonderful for watching over her the way you do. Keep at it. Just don't influence her to shove her paperwork on others like certain vice-captains I know." She cuffs him gently on the head. "And don't shovel your food like that. It's a sad thing when your little brother has better table manners than you do."
"Ah, I know, I know," he says. "I'm sorry."
***
"Come on, Kuchiki, this is serious. RUN!"
Without waiting for a reply, Kaien shifts into shunpo, covering great swaths of ground in single steps. He doesn't look behind him to see if she's following him--if she's up to the challenge, she has to trust her own strength. Not that he's worried; he can feel her reiatsu following him, keeping pace as best she can.
Only when he reaches their goal does he stop and turn. "I told you!" he laughs. "I told you I'd get to the ramen stall first! Now all the best noodles are mine."
"Kaien-dono, we really should be getting back to headquarters," she pants beside him. "There are meetings this afternoon..."
"Permission granted to skip them, Kuchiki," he says. "Are you going to question your wise vice-captain? Two bowls, please," he says to the vendor, who's still blinking in surprise at seeing two shinigami seemingly drop out of the sky in front of his stall.
Technically, he knows she's right; they really should get back, though Ukitake won't exactly be mad when they don't. Unlike some of the loonies in the Gotei 13, their captain reserves his tempers for the occasions that truly warrant it. But Kaien rarely gets the chance to venture this far out into Rukongai, so he's going to take advantage of the occasion. They don't get this kind of ramen in Seireitei, homemade and delicious; sure, maybe there's a little dirt in it, but if it adds to the flavor, so much the better. Besides, thanks to their efficient work (his good influence, no doubt) the ryoka they were dispatched to take care of is gone ahead of schedule. They can take the time to relax.
He especially likes this district, West 43rd; it's a bit rough-and-tumble, but the people are good. Kuchiki's never been here before, so once he's finished slurping up his ramen and watching her eat hers neatly, like a noble born, he takes some extra time to show her around. Here's a good place to get lunch between missions; there's a good place to get cheap yukata if some bastard stole yours while you were skinny dipping, not that he knows this from experience eh heh heh. He also stops to talk to some of the people he knows, and it's after one such conversation that he turns around to find Kuchiki gone.
No need to panic; she can take care of herself, but even if she couldn't, all he has to do is close his eyes and reach out with his senses to feel her reiatsu. When he finds her, she's only a few corner turns away, kneeling and passing out candy to some street kids. She doesn't have to kneel very far, and maybe that's why they trust her, because when they see Kaien coming, they scatter, candy firmly in hand.
"That's sweet of you," he says. "Were they hungry?"
"No." She shakes her head. "I doubt any one of them has any spiritual power. But I used to be one of them," she looks at him nervously at this, as if she still expects to be judged for the sin of being born a commoner, "And I know hunger isn't the only thing that matters."
He nods. "True enough. So...did you save any for me?"
Her jaw drops. "Kaien-dono!" He can only keep a straight face for another few seconds before laughing, and in a moment she joins him.
They should go back to Seireitei right away. But it's a beautiful day, and Kuchiki has a beautiful smile, so Kaien takes the long way once they leave the district.
"I grew up in a place like this," she says without preamble as they walk. "It was a lot worse, actually. Since I was a baby. I don't remember ever being in the living world."
Kaien already knows this, but this is the first time she's opened up without his cheerful prodding; he's not going to say anything to stop her now. "Sounds tough."
"It was," she says. "There were...not many good people living in our district. But someone must have cared for me until I grew old enough to steal, and then I cared for myself, until I found my family."
His eyebrows shoot up at that, and he's glad she's not looking directly at him. Hisana never--but in an instant, he knows that can't be the family she's talking about. "What were they like?"
"Fools." Her lips curve into a fond smile. "They were young boys. Of course they were foolish. But we took care of each other. There were four of them. Soshi. Ryo. Masashi. Renji." She recites their names like they're something holy. "And me. Children, pretending we were adults--I had to beat them into washing their teeth regularly."
"You ran a gang, huh?" It's surprisingly easy to picture.
"Something like that," she says. "Only two of us had spiritual power. It made it easier to steal--we didn't need food for all of us, just water. But we took what we could, because eating seemed to ease something inside of us. We grew up together. They were my brothers." She closes her eyes. "They died."
He's braced for this. The mortality rate for children in the outer reaches of Rukongai is higher than decency should allow. "I'm sorry."
She accepts his condolences with a nod. "Not all of them," she says. "The other one with spiritual powers joined the Academy with me. He was in the elite classes, but we still spent time with each other when we could--it is difficult to break old habits. And I was proud of him." There's something far away in her voice now, and Kaien feels like if he reached out to touch her, his hand would go right through her. "I haven't talked to him since I was adopted, though. I think he decided he didn't want to be my friend anymore."
Kaien feels like if he ever meets this guy, he would like to kick his ass for putting this expression on Kuchiki's face, then kick his ass again for being such a dumbshit as to let her go. "His loss."
"Maybe," she says quietly.
He makes a decision. "Hey." He stops and takes her by the arm. "Come on. This way."
"Where are we going now?"
He grins. "You'll see."
The Shiba house is on high ground, so Kuukaku sees them before they see her. Kaien knows she's home, though, because he can also see the fireworks before they see her. Nothing big--they're mostly glorified sparklers. But his little sister can make even those shine.
"Brother!" She shouts, running to meet them when they're close enough that she won't wind herself getting to them. "You're here!"
"Surprise!" He chuckles. "Thanks for the welcome, Kuu."
Her face falls a bit when she realizes who Kuchiki isn't. "Where's Miyako?" she asks, sounding dismayed.
"Hey." He smacks her lightly on the back of the head. "Mind your manners. She's in Seireitei; this was just a spur of the moment stop since we were in the area. Kuukaku, I'd like you to meet Kuchiki Rukia, from my division. Kuchiki, this is my obnoxious little sister, Kuukaku."
"It's lovely to meet you." Kuchiki bows. "I can tell you are Kaien-dono's sister. There is a family resemblance."
Kuukaku seems to consider whether this is a compliment or an insult, and at last thrusts her right arm out. "Hi." Rukia blinks, then smiles and shakes Kuukaku's hand.
"So where's Ganju?" Kaien asks as they walk toward the main house. "Don't I deserve some little brother love as well?"
"Oh, him. He's over at old man Anno's barns again," she says with all the scorn an adolescent girl can muster. "His precious Annie-chan is having piglets again and he said Ganju can have one if she has enough."
"Aww. Well, let him know I came by and I promise to bring a present for his pig next time."
Rukia doesn't say much as they walk, but she's smiling and it looks real, so she's probably not having a bad time. When they reach the house, Kaien insists on showing her around the place and telling stories about his and his siblings' childhoods, ones that Kuukaku insists are exaggerated but are made all the better because Kaien knows they're not. Once or twice he even gets Kuchiki to laugh.
Even though they just had lunch, he can't refuse Kuukaku when she insists they at least have snacks with her. He's completely full when they finish, and when Kuchiki excuses herself to the washroom, he half-wonders if she's going to purge out of necessity. He can't really blame her if she is.
"So, Kuu," he says, "What do you think of my subordinate?"
She raises an eyebrow. "You're kidding me, right? Why'd you bring her here?"
"Huh?" That's not exactly the answer he's expecting. "What, you don't like her? She's a nice girl!"
"I know she is," Kuukaku says. "And she's pretty patient if she puts up with you as her boss. But she's also got a crush on you."
"What?!" That's definitely not the answer he's expecting. "You're nuts, Kuu. Been breathing fireworks smoke too long."
"Of course you don't see it. Idiot."
"Brat," he retorts automatically. "Look, we're friends. She doesn't have a lot of those. You're just imagining things. Don't be jealous, I'm not looking for a replacement sister."
"I know that! Look, I can tell, okay? The way she looks at you and...I can just tell. It's a girl thing." His skeptical look sends her into a huff. "I'm still a girl even if I don't like all the frilly shit!"
"Okay, okay. Peace, Kuu," he says. "I still don't buy it, but...okay. Your point is made."
"I'm sure." She snorts. "Whatever. Just thought you should be aware. Stupid."
Kuchiki returns then and the ridiculous conversation is dropped. Soon after, they take their leave--vice-captain or not, Kaien can only flout the rules so much, and they really should be getting back. Besides, he's more than a little unsettled by Kuukaku's claim, even if it is baseless. Kids her age have such great imaginations.
Kuchiki doesn't say much on the trip back to Seireitei, and for a few panicked moments Kaien wonders if she overheard them, but when he glances at her, she doesn't look embarrassed. She looks relaxed. That's enough to relax him as well, because it doesn't happen to her much and it's a good thing.
"Kaien-dono?" she asks as they approach the boundary between the first district and Seireitei.
"Yeah, Kuchiki?" he tenses more than is necessary and mentally scolds himself for it. Idiot. Don't act like you're about to hear a love confession.
"Thank you for taking me to see your home," she says. "I had a nice time."
"Anytime, Kuchiki. Any friend of mine is always welcome at the Shiba house." He grins. "Now let's get back before Captain scolds me."
They go.
***
Squad training in groups takes up much of the next week. Shinigami may frequently fight alone, but they have to be able to fight together when necessary, especially the weaker ones. Not that Kuchiki is weak--Kaien would like to see her seated when she's had a bit more experience, though Ukitake seems oddly non-committal about this idea whenever Kaien mentions it--but it's good for her, too. Maybe it'll help her make other friends. Kaien can't be everything to her.
Really, it's not the idea of being everything to her that bothers him as much as it is the idea of being one specific thing. He adores Kuchiki, and if they'd met in his Academy days, he probably would've asked her out if he'd gotten the chance to know her like he knows her now. But in some ways that was a lifetime ago, and he's got Miyako and would never, ever give her up.
Miyako is currently down in the training yard, working with Kuchiki's squad. Kaien likes watching her work. She's damn good at what she does. It's nice to know that if anything ever happens to him so he can't do his job anymore, Miyako will have it covered. She seems to be getting along well with the shinigami she's working with, at least as far as he can tell from up here on the hill. He finds himself watching Kuchiki, evaluating how she reacts to Miyako. She looks like she's in a good mood. Does she look at Miyako the same way she looks at him? Is that half-smile just how she looks at a teacher she respects, a friend she looks up to?
He sighs and snatches a hunk of grass from the ground, tossing it aside in frustration. It's stupid to still even be thinking about this. Kuukaku's always had a way of getting under his skin, but still. Kuchiki hasn't done anything wrong or made any advances toward him, so she shouldn't have to pay if he gets all weird and uncomfortable. He shouldn't give it another thought. He shouldn't think there's anything wrong with being a good friend to her when she clearly needs one. And he really, really shouldn't feel a little warmer inside at the idea of Kuchiki caring for him...like that.
Nuts to this. He stands and leaves to see if the captain is up to some sparring. He needs to beat the idiot out of his system.
***
"I am not that drunk! Tell the big monkey I'm not, Kaien-sama!"
"Oh no," he manages between laughs, "I'm not getting in the middle of this."
"See! Booger girl! You can't take your alcohol!" Sentaro sounds so sure of himself, but the effect of his statement is lessened by the fact that his eyes look dilated and a little bit cross-eyed.
"Oooh! I'll show you how I can take it!" The fourth seat officer promptly grabs the nearest cup--Kaien's, as it turns out, not that he's going to try and stop her--and chugs its contents down, then slams it back on the table and glares.
It's always the same with these two. Tomorrow they'll be feeling the pain of their impromptu drinking contest (which occurs with alarming regularity), but they're too revved up to pass out for a long while. "That's my cue to get a new drink," Kaien says, removing himself from between the other two. "You two have fun, okay?"
It's a good time in the 13th division. One of the unseated rookies from the latest graduating class, Kana Mizawa, achieved shikai this week, and everyone's celebrating. Kaien's proud to be in a division where they can support each other like this. In some divisions, no one would take much notice; in some divisions, Mizawa wouldn't even be considered without one. But the girl had showed promise in other areas. It looks like that promise is paying off now, so why not cheer her?
Okay, so a lot of people are just there because a party is a party, but it still counts. Mizawa looks just as happy in her crowded corner, surrounded by her friends. The overall mood is just as cheerful. People are just as drunk. Kaien's not there yet--for some reason, this time he felt more like sitting back and watching everyone enjoy the evening instead of getting wasted himself. He's just buzzed and mellow for now.
As he's heading over to get himself a new drink, someone grabs him by the back of his uniform sash and shoves him up against one of the buildings lining the division's courtyard. "You've been bad," his wife practically purrs.
"Oh really?" He grins, but he can almost feel the cold sweat breaking out. He can tell she's drunker than he is, though not so drunk it's unseemly (she never is) and when Miyako gets drunk, she gets slightly evil. "How's that?"
"You have been ignoring our captain!" she accuses. "Look at him sitting all alone over there!"
He looks. "Miyako. He's with Captain Kyouraku."
"Yes, and I am about to ask Captain Kyouraku for the bottle of sake from his private stock that I rightfully won the last time we played cards," she says. "As he will no doubt flee the scene when he sees me coming, it is your duty to make sure that he is not without company."
"And what will you be doing?"
"Retrieving my sake." She smirks. "He can run. But he has very good sake, and I plan on getting it."
He leans in and steals a quick kiss before she can complain about getting too affectionate in front of their subordinates. "No problem. Kyouraku won't know what hit him when you catch up."
"Indeed. And if you are good, beloved husband, perhaps I will share it with you." She winks. "Or perhaps if you are properly bad."
True to her word, in a few minutes' time Kyouraku has vanished to parts unknown and Miyako is gone as well, no doubt in hot pursuit. True to his word, Kaien takes a seat next to Ukitake on his bench, where he sits overseeing the party like an indulgent father. "Enjoying yourself, sir?"
Ukitake nods to him. "It's nice to see everyone getting a chance to relax. Our jobs may be serious, but it doesn't mean we have to be all the time."
"See, now you're thinking the way I think."
"Your wife seems to have chased Shunsui off, however."
"Eh, he'll be back," he says. "Once she gets what she wants."
"That's reassuring." Ukitake chuckles. "How are you, Kaien? I wish my recent episode hadn't put so much work on you. You're busy enough with your normal duties and training with Rukia."
"That just means I get to play number one for a while!" Kaien waves the concern off.
"On the subject, how is Rukia doing? Miyako has reported on her favorably."
"Kuchiki's great," he says, and means it. Whatever momentary weirdness had been there before has passed; she hasn't acted any different than usual, so he's done the same. He really was right about Kuukaku's big imagination. "She learned a second attack with her shikai."
"Really!" Ukitake's beam at this piece of news practically blinds him. "That's wonderful to hear! A multi-skilled zanpakutou is quite impressive. I knew she had talent. Why didn't she tell me?"
"You know how she is. Never wants to take credit, always takes the blame," he says. "But if you hear about any unexpected glaciers popping up, I wouldn't mention it to her. She's still figuring out the fine control."
Ukitake just smiles. "I'm proud of you both. You've really helped her blossom, Kaien."
"She's the one who's done all the hard work. She's really something."
"I can't argue with that." He sips his drink.
Eventually Ukitake goes to congratulate Mizawa again on her accomplishment and Kaien begins walking the edges of the party, wondering if Miyako has managed to cow Kyouraku into submission yet. He doesn't see either of them, but he knows it's just a matter of time. None can stand up against his wife when she wants something. He should know.
He does see a lone figure stumbling down the path away from the courtyard, almost tripping and falling on its face once, and he trots over to make sure whoever it is is okay, only to blink in recognition as he draws nearer. "Kuchiki?"
She squints up at him with unusually bright eyes. "Kaien-dono?"
Her voice is slurred just enough for him to realize she's drunk. He grins. "Wow. Been having fun? I told you you should relax more."
"Mmm. No." She shakes her head as if to clear it. "I wasn't, but...Sentaro and Kiyone both made me drinks they wanted to try, and...I don't feel very well..." She takes another off-balance step.
"Woah, woah." He steps in front of her. "You took drinks from those two? Kuchiki, you should know better than that! They were probably spiked with half the alcohol in Seireitei!" She just smiles limply as if to say she know that now. "And you shouldn't be walking home alone. Come on, let's get back to the barracks and get you some water."
"No, I need to!" She pushes past him with more strength than he expects. He grabs her by the shoulder and she glares at him. "I need to," she repeats. "Niisama'll be worried."
"Kuchiki..." He sighs. He can't be the one to say that her brother will probably not even notice whether she comes home tonight. The disclaimer that Byakuya is a cold son of a bitch and she shouldn't take it personally will not protect her feelings. Besides, maybe he's wrong. Maybe Byakuya's anxiously waiting by the door to make sure his precious little sister arrives home unharmed. Maybe Hollows are really fluffy bunnies behind their masks. "All right." He falls into step beside her. "But I'm coming with you."
She scowls from beside him and he tries not to smile. She really is cute when she's annoyed, as well as when she's flustered, or blushing...she's pretty cute all of the time, really. "Don't need a babysitter."
"No, you don't," he agrees. "But you do need someone to make sure you don't stagger into the bushes." He reaches an arm out over her shoulders to straighten her path. "That'd just worry Byakuya, after all."
Kuchiki could have chosen a more distant destination than the Kuchiki estate, but it's still far enough that as they go, Kaien is glad he spotted her. She doesn't say much as they walk--she's concentrating too hard on putting one foot in front of the other and keeping the world from spinning, he can tell. He makes a mental note to have a talk with the idiot twins later. Kaien can't blame them for their mission of making sure even the most straight-laced division members loosen up at a party--he's done it himself--but at some point the issue of body mass becomes important and Kuchiki, well, she's tiny.
He's reminded of just how tiny when she stumbles again and pitches to the side, away from him. He's just barely quick enough to get around her and catch her in his arms. "Hey there!" She tries to push away from him and stand again, but Kaien's not having that. "Okay, you had your turn. Leave this up to me now." He rises to his full height and brings her with him, carrying her little body in his arms against his chest. She struggles for a moment, but once her feet are off the ground, she seems to accept it, wrapping her arms around his neck and leaning her face against his shoulder. "There, that's better," he says. Her hair tickles his chin. "Don't worry. I've got you now."
"'m sorry, Kaien-dono," she whispers. She sounds like she's on the verge of crying.
"Now, Kuchiki. Remember what I told you?" He gives her a little squeeze as he walks. "Never be ashamed of who you are. It's just a little drunkenness, nothing to be embarrassed about. You're certainly not the first. Just hold on to me. I'll see you safely home." She gives a shaky little nod and tightens her grip, clinging to him.
It's no trouble at all to bear her weight out of division grounds all the way to the Kuchiki estate. She doesn't weigh much, and he's got plenty of upper-body strength. She probably doesn't even need to hold his neck the way she is, but he doesn't mind. It's sort of comforting. She's safe here with him, warm against his chest. This close, he can even smell her, and she smells good, not perfumed but feminine in a way that's uniquely her...
I'm in trouble.
Kaien's heard from more than one person in his life that he's a nice person. A good guy. At this moment, he knows they're all wrong. Good guys don't start sniffing after their subordinates who just need someone to be a friend. Good married guys don't hold said subordinate a little tighter, a little closer, not to secure her position but because they want to. They don't feel that peculiar warmth that spreads out from their chests and lower, and they don't think about taking the long way around because they don't want to let go.
Kuchiki doesn't really say anything for the rest of the walk. He'd think she's fallen asleep but for the tight hold around his neck that doesn't slacken any as they go. He's glad; it means he doesn't have to say anything back, so he doesn't have to worry about revealing how dry his mouth has gone.
It's no trouble to navigate the Kuchiki grounds in the dark, but he stops a short ways away from the house. Explaining to Byakuya why he's carrying his sister home isn't something he wants to do, not even the innocent version of the story. "Kuchiki," he whispers. "Kuchiki, we're home. It's time for bed."
For a moment she doesn't stir, and he wonders if perhaps she's asleep after all. But then she unwinds her arms and lifts her head from his shoulder. It feels cold without her.
She's recovered enough steadiness not to wobble when he sets her down, but she doesn't turn away immediately, and he doesn't let go completely. He leaves his hands on her shoulders, maybe to make sure she stays balanced and maybe because he doesn't want to stop touching her. "Thank you," she says quietly, not looking up at him.
"You're welcome," he says. "Kuchiki." He tilts her chin up with his thumb and he has just a second to see her looking at him with wide eyes before he leans in and kisses her on the forehead. Her skin is smooth and dry beneath his lips and he leaves them there a moment longer before pulling back and letting her go. "Good night."
He stays there long enough to watch her stumble inside, where she'll be safe. He doesn't sense Byakuya's reiatsu in the immediate vicinity, so that's one less thing to worry about. After a while, he turns to go. Despite the lateness of the hour, the party will still be going on.
He does return to the party. But he takes the long way back.
***
"You should have seen his face," Miyako giggles against his bare shoulder later, when they've finally made it home and into bed for what's left of the night. "I don't think he knew you could use shunpo like that."
"I'll bet." Kaien can't help but crack a smile. Even in his current mood, no one tells a story like she does. "What did you do with the sake?"
"I drank it, silly." She punches him gently. "No, I'm saving it for a special occasion." She curls an arm around him. "How's Rukia-chan?"
"Eh?" It's only his exhaustion that keeps him from jumping in startlement. "Why do you ask?"
"Kiyone told me you took her home," she says. "Is she all right?"
"Ah...yeah, she's fine," he says. He closes his eyes. "Indulged a little too much. I made sure she got home."
"That's nice. Mmm...I think I'm falling asleep now. Rukia-chan's not the only one who had a little too much fun."
"Me too," he says, and it might be the first time he's ever lied to his wife. He's incredibly tired, but he can't imagine sleeping just now. He draws her close against him and breaths in her scent. "I love you, Miyako."
"I know." She kisses his chest. "I love you too."
The words are the only true ones he can trust himself to speak, so he holds her as she falls asleep and the eastern sky grows light.
***
It's all well and good to avoid uncomfortable subjects instead of dealing with them, but such things have a way of coming to call, and distraction can be fatal when it comes to what they do. Kaien's seen it happen, so he's focusing very hard on the here and now. "Kuchiki!" He calls out to her. "You're doing fine. Just take it slow and you've got it!"
She nods, but doesn't take her eyes off the Hollow she's fighting. That's good; her concentration has improved since the days that a bird in flight could take her eyes off her opponent. She's going to need that focus here. They've been dispatched to take care of this guy, overlarge but not a Huge Hollow. Kaien could probably take the thing down pretty quickly by himself, but Kuchiki needs the experience--and the boost in confidence. She can do this; she just has to believe in herself.
She's got it on the rocks right now. The Hollow started out with maybe fifteen tentacles; fragments of at least ten of them scatter the ground around them. It's fast, enough to challenge Kuchiki and keep her from using her shikai effectively, but she's keeping up well. It roars in frustration as she dodges another attack and Kaien can see her expression harden as she goes in for the kill. Good. This should do it.
Except it doesn't. From the middle of the Hollow's distorted body shoots a thick new tentacle, and this one has blades on it. Kuchiki's already moving out of the way, but it's fast, far too fast, and he's going to see her carved up or worse if he he doesn't act.
So he does. In a blur of shunpo, Nejibana's in his hand, slicing off another chunk of tentacle. The Hollow roars and wheels around to face him, and shit, it's fast--no wonder it nearly caught her. It doesn't even pause before reacting to Kaien's attack by lashing out with the bladed tentacle, and he doesn't have the chance to react before white-hot pain slices down his chest. He doesn't mean to squeeze his eyes shut, that's not going to save him, but it hurts bad enough he can't help it--
A shout and an inhuman screech of pain force his eyes open again. Kuchiki's there, her arms on the end of a downstroke as the Hollow's mask cracks in half from her strike. It lunges at her, but it's already dissolving, and by the time she lands on ground, it's gone.
She barely takes the time to sheathe Shirayuki before rushing to his side. "Kaien-dono!" Her face is pale.
"Good job, Kuchiki," he rasps. He doesn't feel too deeply perforated, but damn, this stings. "You should work on your form, though. You landed a little off-balance. You need to be ready to jump again if you need to."
"This is no time to be joking, Kaien-dono." Immediately her hands go to his wound, probing, and they learn together that it's long and bloody but not too deep.
"Don't, Kuchiki." He pushes her hands away. He doesn't like seeing his blood on them. "It's nothing. You think I haven't taken worse?"
"But you're hurt now," she says, looking distraught.
"It'll be all right." He presses his robes tight against his chest and they begin to absorb the blood for the moment. "Let's just get back."
She doesn't look any less upset, but she nods, and together they summon the hell butterflies that will guide them home.
It's dark when they arrive. Unlike their position in the living world, it is a cloudy night in Soul Society. The hour was late enough when they received the notice of the rampaging Hollow. Kuchiki had been at headquarters late practicing kata; he had been catching up on extra paperwork left by Captain Ukitake, bedridden by another of his spells. Tracking the creature down and purifying it has taken long enough that hardly anyone is about.
Kuchiki grasps for his arm when Kaien turns onto the path that will take him the short distance back to the main office. "Kaien-dono, the fourth division is this way! You must let them heal you!"
"It's not that bad, Kuchiki."
She looks like she'd stomp her foot in frustration if she weren't jogging to keep up with his long stride. "You are bleeding, Kaien-dono!"
"I know that. But it's not anything I can't take care of myself--at least at first. You think Unohana wants me bleeding all over her clean floor?"
"You would not be the first," she says, but reluctantly, she follows.
He's not lying to her--it isn't the worst hit he's taken from a Hollow. But the tentacle blades have sliced off enough skin that even the shallower parts of the wound hurt like hell. Luckily he's got some bandages and painkilling ointment stashed in his private office. He'd rather take care of this himself, at least at first, so he can have some semblance of dignity when he does give in and go to the fourth. He's not hardcore loony like the eleventh division, but he doesn't want to look like a total pansy, crying over one slash.
He finds the items he's looking for in his side desk drawer, just where he expects. He doesn't even realize Kuchiki is still hovering until he pauses to strip his top robes and she tries to take the bandages out of his hand. "Kuchiki, go home. I'm fine. You did your job. Relax. Celebrate."
"This is my responsibility," she mutters, not looking at him. "I made the error."
"Hey now. Stop." He tries to take the bandages back from her, but she won't let go. "Kuchiki," he barks. This finally gets her to meet his eyes, but he doesn't like the look he sees in hers. "This is not your fault," he says firmly. "Hollows attack shinigami. It's just what they do. It's not like you set some Hollow bait loose and asked it to please come fight us."
"I lost control," she insists. "If I hadn't, you wouldn't have had to--you wouldn't be--"
"Idiot," he sighs. "Do you know how proud I am of you? You're doing a great job. I'm not telling you this to boost your ego, I'm telling you because it's true. Hollows do unexpected things. This was one of them. Don't blame yourself. That's an order."
"At least let me help," she says, reaching for the wound. A soft glow surrounds her hand as she uses a healing kidou.
"You're not going to listen to me, huh, Kuchiki?"
"Probably not, Kaien-dono," she says, her eyes intent on her work.
He closes his eyes as the soothing balm spreads out from her palm through his chest. He's felt the touch of many kidou healers, and it never feels precisely the same way twice--and it never feels bad. His flesh feels cool where the kidou touches, and he can sense the tissue stitching itself back together, the skin smoothing over, as she works. Kuchiki's hand provides the only warmth, and it goes straight into him in a way the kidou doesn't, causing something deep in his belly to uncoil pleasantly. After a minute, the sharp pain of the initial injury is gone, but he doesn't want her to remove her hand. Her fingers slide across his chest, flat and soft. He wants them to keep going, to touch him everywhere, not just where the Hollow's blades opened him up.
It's all too good, better than a kidou healing has ever been, and he loses track of how much time is passing. When he opens his eyes as the spell ends, he finds that he's wrapped his hands around Kuchiki's wrist in a gentle grip. He doesn't let go. She doesn't pull her hand away.
"You're better," she says quietly, looking up at him.
"Yeah," he says, and there's something similar about their tones. They both sound a little detached, a little out of breath. He doesn't know what it is, exactly, but maybe he can blame it instead of his suddenly non-existant rational mind when he pulls Kuchiki into his arms and kisses her.
It's not a long kiss, or a deep one, but it feels like an electrical current's just run through his entire body. She's so small, almost fragile in his arms, that he doesn't push; he just presses his lips against hers, feeling her warmth where they're connected, breathing her in. It takes a long moment for her eyes to crack open once he pulls away. She doesn't try to escape his embrace, just touches her lips once with her fingers, like she's not sure what just happened.
The moment seems to stretch and crystallize into pure terror in Kaien's mind. If he's read her all wrong--if she doesn't want this, if he just ruined the only relationship she can count on. "Shit," He breathes. "Kuchiki, I--" He doesn't finish. Because he's not sorry, he realizes. He should be, but he's not, not even a little.
And she doesn't look disgusted or angry. She just runs her hands up his chest, following them with her gaze, and rests them around his neck. Her thumb tickles the nape of his neck. "Kaien-dono," she says, and then she's lifting herself on tiptoes and he's bending down and he's not kissing her; they're kissing each other, pressing their bodies and mouths together again and again, tasting one another as they brush their tongues together and there's no residual injury, there's no office, there's just Kuchiki and him.
"Kaien-dono," she murmurs against his mouth, and he pulls her closer, lifting her a little in his arms so he can press kisses to her cheek, her neck. Her hands move from his neck to his shoulders and back, exploring, and he's reminded that he's not wearing anything above the waist. Barely even thinking about what he's doing, his hand is sliding under the crossover at the front of her robes. She leans into his touch.
He keeps his mouth on her neck as he strokes the skin under her clothes, half-afraid to look at her. Her skin is smooth, so far untouched by the scarring that's so common in their line of work. He moves his hand across her flat belly and against her ribs. She's not wearing anything underneath; instead of the standard breast bindings he expects, she's bare--but then, she doesn't really need them, does she? After a moment's hesitation he brushes his fingers against her nipple, as gently as he can. A great shiver goes through her body.
"Kuchiki," he says,pulling back but not letting her go. "You're shaking."
"I'm all right, Kaien-dono," she whispers. She slides the fabric off her shoulders.
The tatami mats that line the floor are a welcome feature of the room, for the more clothing the two of them shed, the closer to the ground they drift, until Kuchiki's lying beneath him, watching him with absolute trust as he removes the last of her clothing, baring her body to him fully. She's only shaking a little as he touches her. She shakes harder when he kneels to taste her between her legs.
"Kaien...dono..." Her hands twist in his hair as she says his name in a way she's never said it before. He wants to feel that again, but even more, he wants to feel all of her against him.
He props himself up on his hands and moves over her. "Kuchiki," he breathes into her neck. She doesn't moan anything back, just wraps her arms around him and opens her legs a little wider. She's warm and wet against him and it's so easy to shift his hips and press inside her. "Rukia."
She lets out a small cry as he enters her. He takes it slow, afraid the moment will shatter if he moves too fast, but can't hold back a low moan of his own. He's focusing so intently on the delicious wet heat surrounding him that it's not until he moves his hips in a short thrust and she cries out again that he realizes the look on her face isn't just desire. It's pain.
He stops immediately. "Kuchiki?"
"I'm all right, Kaien-dono," she assures him for the second time tonight.
But he knows. "You're a virgin."
She blinks and gives him a funny look. "Ah...no, Kaien-dono."
She wriggles a little against and around him and he gets her point, which in no way reduces his shock, even though it should. It's not that he'd assumed she wasn't; he hadn't made any kind of assumptions. He'd studiously avoided thinking about anything close to this subject. But knowing what he knows now... I'm her first, he realizes. And it's all too much. For her to choose him of all people to share this experience with, to let it happen here on the floor of his office, is just, it's--
She must feel him tense up. Before he can voice any opposition, she wraps her legs around his hips, holding him inside her. "It's okay," she says. "It's just...new. Don't stop. Please."
Her hips move again, and his resistance drains away. He can't deny her, or himself. He doesn't want to. "Yeah," he says, and kisses her. "Of course."
More than ever, he concentrates on making this slow enough to be good for her, but it's so damn hard when she rubs against him like that. Shallow thrusts grow deeper as she adjusts to him and what was an intrusion becomes a joining. Her first honest-to-goodness moan comes when he slips his hand between them and feels for her clit. He knows enough to realize she's going to need some assistance, and it does help; along with the louder noises she makes, he can feel her getting wetter, and she begins to move with him. Give and take, meeting and pulling apart and meeting again, they rock together, their need growing more desperate.
"Kaien-dono," she cries between brief kisses that miss their mark as often as their mouths find each other. "Kaien-dono, please, yes..." He thrusts hard and she whimpers. "I'm..."
Whatever she's going to say next is lost to gasping as she quivers around him. He's too far gone himself to himself to stop and continues thrusting as she rides out her peak, eventually muffling his own cries of orgasm against her hair as he comes. Neither moves until their breathing slows, when he rolls onto his side and pulls her against him. They lay curled against each other for a long time.
Kuchiki doesn't speak again until the moon is low enough in the sky that its light begins to creep through the window and over their entwined bodies. "Kaien-dono..."
"Yeah, Kuchiki?" He strokes her hair lazily.
She pushes herself up on one elbow to look at him. She looks composed but faintly sad. "We should go," she says. "You should return home. Miyako-dono will worry."
And just like that, the spell is broken.
It doesn't take long to dress and finger-brush their hair into a semblance of what it was. In minutes, they look like themselves again. Like nothing's happened.
Kuchiki walks ahead of him to the door. Outside, she turns to the path that will lead her home. She'll go one way; he'll go the other. "Kuchiki..." He wants to touch her, but she's out of his reach in more ways than one.
She just smiles. He can't read anything behind that expression. "Good night, Kaien-dono."
"Goodnight," he says. She nods and turns to go.
He can't watch her leave.
( Part Two)