sleep doesn't come and I am about to break. break break break. fuck. no sleep. cannot sleep. snoring person next to me I wish were gone. leave, now ( Read more... )

today is fathers birthday. and to celebrate his existence of assholeness, i'll get drunk. what a plan. if life were a musical i think my worries would be far less, because i could just grandly sing them away, chase them off with a tune and a fabulously choreographed dance. what a shame. eugene was a dud but at least eric hung out with me. i want to ( Read more... )

i don't know what this is. this feeling. this depressive cloud that is hovering above. i don't know if it is real or just an after effect. i am thinking. i feel like the people that i see as home, i don't know anymore. i want to be surrounded by them so bad to be reassured that they are real, that our friendships are real, that they are home. it is ( Read more... )

adderall. dry hands. long day. productive day. peanut butter granola cereal time.

gotta not take shit so personally. i feel like i am pretty good at it most of the time. but then something happens and i don't know if i should let myself be upset and if it is self demeaning to not take it personally. it isn't right to not be treated well. at the same time, sometimes it doesn't benefit anything if you bring shit up, or make ( Read more... )

i am so lame.

I want to say goodbye to you, to all of you, but i cannot bring myself to do it. i cannot bring myself to give the hug to the people that i need to give that hug to, or to say "everything will be okay". all i can do is sit and think about the horrors that those people had to go through and realize how paralyzed i am to the situation, to death in ( Read more... )

everything is fucked up. everyone is dying. people are assholes. you think you get it, you think you get me, and that you understand what is going on in my head, but you are so fucking far from even understanding any tiny piece of me, it is time to stop trying.

I feel like grownup things are happening but I don't think it feels right. Things are too rushed and there are too many responsibilities and too many factors. Where did the freedom go? And why are some things speeding up into grownup reality while other aspects are staying in the exact same bullshitty, immature place? When will we all just grow the ( Read more... )

sick and confused.