after a year and half & me falling in love with him & his whole entire family & becoming a house wife & cooking & cleaning & taking care of him & loving every moment of it.. he breaks my heart.. because i won't marry him ( Read more... )

every other week a collection agency calls about my mums car even though i've had it repossessed & mailed them a death certificate and even faxed them a few but when they called today i just went crazy i asked to have my number removed from the account and when they told me that they couldn't do that i don't know what happened to me but all of a ( Read more... )

tomorrow is the service.. one person i really wanted to be there won't be ( Read more... )

mum died sunday night at eleven:fiftythree

i held her hand & begged her to let go, she fought so hard.
it would be two mintues & she wouldn't breathe & then she would gasp for air.
i love her so fucking much.

i'm still in shock. i still don't know what to do.

this is me. i'm not pretending i'm okay.

as long as i'm still breathing, im sticking with you.

there isn't a chemotherapy to fix this.
there isn't anything they can do.
no chemo no surgery nothing..
now i just wait & watch her die a little more everyday..
i'm afraid of waking up one morning & finding her dead in her bed..

i don't know how i am going to survive this..

"I am aware of the stark reality that I am vulnerable, that there are forces out there, beyond my own comfortable small circle of family and friends, which are ever threatening and which are stronger than any single individual. I also sense that there is little one can do to prepare oneself adequately for the unknown." -- Patricia Campbell Hearst

so my mum is dying.. not in the "we are all dying" sort of sense, more in the she has a year to live, at most sense ( Read more... )

i can hear the rain hitting the window really hard.. i love it. it makes me feel good :)

"What do we teach our children?...We should say to each of them: Do you know what you are? You are a marvel. You are unique... You may become a Shakespeare, a Michelangelo, a Beethoven. You have the capacity for anything." - Pablo Casals