Doctor Unheimlich has diagnosed me with
Hervoices' DisorderCause:lack of fresh airSymptoms:acidic blood, leaning at 45 degrees, listlessness, sleepwalkingCure:drink more chocolate

I've had three distinct encounters with different men in the last week. One was an intelligent and funny middle-aged man who rode a motorcycle. Another was a minister who possessed a look and mannerisms that were strangely familiar. The last was an unwanted foreigner who lifted up my shirt for only a few seconds before I could break away and put ( Read more... )

I think I've gone too far. The last time I cut myself, I made an inch-and-a-half-long gash on my inner forearm half way between my wrist and my elbow. This is neither my longest or deepest self-inflicted wound, but every time I'm performing a task that requires fine muscle coordination of the fingers on that arm, the middle of that wound stings ( Read more... )

Some people regain their sense of control by abstinence (some examples being anorexia nervosa and some brands of religious fanaticism). Personally, I regain control through doing. I cut and imbibe alcohol how I want and when I want, and both acts have an infinite amount of degree about which I feel masterful. If I were to have an eating disorder ( Read more... )

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I fear that in this journal a self-mutilator is all that I am.

( my self soothing technique )

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Self-Injury: You are NOT the only one.
Monday, March 1, 2004 is SI Awareness Day.

I was thinking today of the parts of me that are out decaying in the world: plugs of flesh that were removed to make way for a piercing’s jewelry, blood expelled during menstruation and self-mutilating acts, years of dead skins cells sloughed of in the shower, fingernail clippings, locks of hair. All of those pieces were once useful functioning ( Read more... )

Today I applied for employment at a hoity-toity country club. I must say that if this establishment is so ritzy that they'll allow an employee to wear a hideous purple and green ensemble, bright fuchsia lipstick and mint-green eyeshadow, I'll be damned if I can't wear one semi-normative ear piercing to work.