“In which IC, well-characterized nations meet the disgustingly OOC badfic fandom versions of themselves. And they are Not Pleased.
Examples: England meets Woobie/Victim!England, Canada meets Moe-Blob!Canada, America meets Retarded/Nothing but a Jackass!America, Russia meets Rapetruck!Russia, etc.
Any character you want. They've all been ruined at least once in badfic, right? And I doubt any of them would be happy about it XD”
This fill includes the ever-popular rapetruck!Russia, the far-more-elusive-yet-equally-OOC weepy-angsty-uke!Russia, and, of course, Google-Translate!Russia. For funsies.
When Ivan woke up that morning, it looked to be a pretty good day. The sun was shining, the temperature was a balmy three degrees, and the air was mercifully free from any chants of “Marry me!” Really, it didn’t get more perfect than this.
Which is precisely why he should have stayed in bed.
Not gifted with clairvoyance, however, he had no idea of the horror that awaited him. Instead, he got out of bed and headed to the closet in search of a pair of trousers, which is exactly where his day began to go downhill.
He opened the closet door and was met with a high-pitched whimper. A high-pitched whimper that seemed to be emanating from the man who was currently curled up into a ball on Ivan’s closet floor.
Ivan stared. How had this intruder managed to get all the way into his bedroom without him noticing? Worse yet, the longer he looked at him, the more he realized…
...they looked almost exactly alike. True, the intruder was a bit shorter, rather skinnier - yet, oddly, curvier somehow - and his face was rounder, redder, more
( ... )
Ivan tore his attention away from the spectacle in front of him and eyed the doorway. That noise had come from downstairs. He was almost glad for something else to focus on...until he heard the voices.
“Oy, moy bozhe! Da?”
“KOLKOLKOL.”
Still carrying the first intruder by the collar - he’d quieted down a bit, but every so often he would let out a dramatic sob and then look to Ivan for a response - Ivan headed downstairs in his pajamas, stopping along the way to grab his pipe. What promised to be a splitting headache was starting to work its way behind his eyeballs, and he regretted ever making the decision to get out of bed.
The sight that greeted him at the bottom of the stairs did nothing to change his mind. There were two more of… well, him, for lack of a better word, except like the first one neither of them looked quite right
( ... )
The loud one merely grinned wider and brought up a fist to strike him in the face, laughing maniacally all the while. “Nyet! Da?”
“Don’t you see me?” called the clingy one from where he’d hidden himself under the desk. “I weep tears of blood!”
“Hush, my darling elektrichka!” gasped the loud one. “You can become one with me, da?”
“No! Leave me alone! My tears are the only friends I need!” He gave an anguished wail. “They’re crimson, just like the stains upon my soul!Rare was the occasion when Ivan felt like the only sane person in the room. With a scowl he grabbed a box of bandages from the nearby shelf, tossed it at him, and somehow resisted the urge to curl up in the fetal position himself
( ... )
ACTUAL 1d/1
anonymous
January 20 2012, 06:54:49 UTC
The clingy one was still holed up under the desk, but he’d taken every bandage in the box Ivan had thrown at him and stuck them artfully all over his face, placing them just so to highlight porcelain cheekbones and pouty lips. “Look!” he whined. “I hurt so much! Don’t you just want to become one with me? Only sexual healing can fix the rifts in my tortured heart
( ... )
Noch, ulitsa, fonar, apteka: the first line of a really depressing poem. Think of it as him singing "Crawwwwling in my skiiiin," except with slightly more literary overtones.
Viz nas kot: a useful device for remembering how to pair up Russian prepositions under certain circumstances. The 'kot' makes it sounds like a meaningful sentence. It is not.
Re: A Couple Notes (in the proper place this time!)
anonymous
January 20 2012, 12:50:04 UTC
OMG! Poor cat ^^' And poor Russia, the IC one, of course. Great job for a great prompt, anon. This was funny and sadly very true. Russia is one of the most hum...wrongly interpreted carachter in Hetalia!
Re: A Couple Notes (in the proper place this time!)
anonymous
January 21 2012, 08:08:35 UTC
This was great. I-I'm laughing so hard right now. Well, as hard as I can without waking up the house. But, this was, as stated above, beautiful. (And, I felt it was appropriate to say, when I was on the part with the "bad ones" my Soviet!Russia shimeji chucked the window off the screen and shot it. )
Re: ACTUAL 1d/1
anonymous
January 22 2012, 20:33:07 UTC
This was beautiful <3 I think I love all of them. I think there isn´t such as IC for Russia, since he´s so complicated. But the GoogleTranslator!Russia is my favourit, since I do understand a bit Russian and the fails are just precious XD
“In which IC, well-characterized nations meet the disgustingly OOC badfic fandom versions of themselves. And they are Not Pleased.
Examples: England meets Woobie/Victim!England, Canada meets Moe-Blob!Canada, America meets Retarded/Nothing but a Jackass!America, Russia meets Rapetruck!Russia, etc.
Any character you want. They've all been ruined at least once in badfic, right? And I doubt any of them would be happy about it XD”
This fill includes the ever-popular rapetruck!Russia, the far-more-elusive-yet-equally-OOC weepy-angsty-uke!Russia, and, of course, Google-Translate!Russia. For funsies.
Reply
Which is precisely why he should have stayed in bed.
Not gifted with clairvoyance, however, he had no idea of the horror that awaited him. Instead, he got out of bed and headed to the closet in search of a pair of trousers, which is exactly where his day began to go downhill.
He opened the closet door and was met with a high-pitched whimper. A high-pitched whimper that seemed to be emanating from the man who was currently curled up into a ball on Ivan’s closet floor.
Ivan stared. How had this intruder managed to get all the way into his bedroom without him noticing? Worse yet, the longer he looked at him, the more he realized…
...they looked almost exactly alike. True, the intruder was a bit shorter, rather skinnier - yet, oddly, curvier somehow - and his face was rounder, redder, more ( ... )
Reply
“Oy, moy bozhe! Da?”
“KOLKOLKOL.”
Still carrying the first intruder by the collar - he’d quieted down a bit, but every so often he would let out a dramatic sob and then look to Ivan for a response - Ivan headed downstairs in his pajamas, stopping along the way to grab his pipe. What promised to be a splitting headache was starting to work its way behind his eyeballs, and he regretted ever making the decision to get out of bed.
The sight that greeted him at the bottom of the stairs did nothing to change his mind. There were two more of… well, him, for lack of a better word, except like the first one neither of them looked quite right ( ... )
Reply
“Don’t you see me?” called the clingy one from where he’d hidden himself under the desk. “I weep tears of blood!”
“Hush, my darling elektrichka!” gasped the loud one. “You can become one with me, da?”
“No! Leave me alone! My tears are the only friends I need!” He gave an anguished wail. “They’re crimson, just like the stains upon my soul!Rare was the occasion when Ivan felt like the only sane person in the room. With a scowl he grabbed a box of bandages from the nearby shelf, tossed it at him, and somehow resisted the urge to curl up in the fetal position himself ( ... )
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Noch, ulitsa, fonar, apteka: the first line of a really depressing poem. Think of it as him singing "Crawwwwling in my skiiiin," except with slightly more literary overtones.
Viz nas kot: a useful device for remembering how to pair up Russian prepositions under certain circumstances. The 'kot' makes it sounds like a meaningful sentence. It is not.
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(And, I felt it was appropriate to say, when I was on the part with the "bad ones" my Soviet!Russia shimeji chucked the window off the screen and shot it. )
But it was...yes. It was lovely.
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Wonderful. Now he was going to have to have the place steam-cleaned.
I died of laughter there. But super uke Russia was my favorite. He was so perfect. Excellent job anon.
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Anon, this is just brilliant, thank you!
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