You know, I write alot of entries that never actually get posted, usually I'll start writing one, and after a few lines i'll close the window and never look back. I just don't feel like i've got anything worth saying, at least that I haven't said before. My depression has hit back hard again, I've been feeling completly isolated fromt he world, ( Read more... )

in regards to the question "what will happen to me next?" the answer is "fracture your collarbone"

There was a point, one which I cannot recall at the moment, when I stopped asking "Why do bad things happen to me?" and started asking "What is going to happen to me next?". It's a eye opener when you finally realize that you are destined to have bad things happen to you. Nothing major or dibilitating, just constant little reminders that you're ( Read more... )

There's quite alot on my mind at the moment, so bear with me ( Read more... )

Hello again rock bottom. Looks like we're back to being fueled by caffene. It's not so much an addiction as life support. Honestly, this isn't the first time I've been this burnt out and it most certainly will not be the last time. So I'm a pro at this, that's right Lazer the Burnout King reigns supreme over sleep deprivation and general ( Read more... )

Yeah, that end of burnout feeling. Just another joke played on me by life. I'm back to feeling like crap, so I think this is where I'm going to be for some time. Right now it feels like the decks are stacked against me and i'm too stupid to fold. On another note, I ran yesterday, it must have been at least 2 miles, it was just all that I ( Read more... )

Aaand that's the end of that burnout I think, I was able to get the day off and went and killed my self at karate, so I'm feeling much better emotionaly. Hopefully that's the end of that and I can get back to working my tail off.

Well looks like we're running option two now. I'm pissed off at everything in existance right now, for no real good reason... and that pisses me off. So I'll punch my punching bag until i bleed then pass out as usual. hopefully that'll take care of it.

Wow, i'm much more stressed out than I thought, which is not a good sign. On my way home tonight i suddenly got nausous and my eyes felt like they were going to pop out, which is a big indicator that I'm about to hit burnout. I can't really say I didn't see this coming but I wasn't expecting it to hit so soon. This is how things always work out ( Read more... )

I've been doing alot of thinking now that i'm back in one of my depressed cycles (working constantly isn't helping at this point). The focus of most of it has been my eyes, I know it's a weird thing to think about but it's kind of a weird theme for me. I've always felt that I could maintain a calm and cool exterior dispite whatever has/is going ( Read more... )