(no subject)
It's about to thunderstorm, so that means Kevin's parents start fucking. He noticed the pattern a while ago - something about gale force winds and heavy rain apparently really turns them on. Maybe it's the extra layer of protection the clouds give from God's eyes that makes them feel like they're allowed to go at it. Kevin doesn't know if there's a vent connecting his bedroom upstairs directly to theirs on the first floor or what, but he can always hear them. One time, when he was younger, he went to investigate the noises coming from their bedroom -- it sounded like his mom was trapped underneath something, which he supposes she was -- and he saw things no child should ever have to see.
Kevin can't stand to sit there in his room and be tortured by the sound of his parents having sex, so as soon as he hears the first clap of thunder and the first droplets of rain, he gets out of bed and gets dressed again, slipping on a pair of gaucho pants he inherited from his mother. From certain angles it looks like he's wearing a skirt, but he doesn't really care because it feels like he's wearing nothing but air when he wears them.
He expertly maneuvers around the quicksand piles of dishes and trash and clothes both clean and dirty in his room - it's all been there for a while, and he could get out of it blindfolded - and makes his way downstairs as loudly as he can, to remind his parents that they're not alone. They don't seem to mind, because they don't stop. Kevin hates it when his parents think he's clueless. He knows perfectly well what they're doing. He turns the back porch light on and goes out to sit in a chair under an awning on the deck, waiting for the rain to pick up. The ocean is right behind their house, along with the other dozen houses on either side of them. Kevin leans his head back and listens to the waves fucking each other instead.
It starts raining heavily, and then there's a flash of lightning in the distance. There's a bonfire going on the beach a couple houses down from Kevin's, cars pulled right up onto the beach, young people everywhere. There are always bonfires going on the beach at night. The bigger the fire, the more illegal things go on around them. The more well-lit, the more illicit. Kevin thinks that's kind of backwards. He's never really been interested in going to one of those bonfires.
As soon as the lightning shows itself, the people gathered around the fire scatter. Kevin can see them running towards different houses, towards driveways. He's surprised when someone runs up to his house.
"Hey!" Some guy runs all the way up the stairs and directly onto the deck, his feet slapping wetly against the wood. He's got a towel covering his head and he's not wearing anything but a pair of underwear.
"Hello," Kevin says, standing up politely. "Can I help you?"
The guy peeks out from underneath his towel shield. Kevin can see that his hair is soaking wet and there are drops of water clinging to his body. It's not that warm out, so he must be freezing to death. "Hey, I'm sorry, I saw someone was up here and I was just wondering if I could stand here for a while until this rain lets up."
"Oh, sure," Kevin says. "I guess that's fine."
"Kevin Jonas?"
"Yes?" Kevin says.
"Zac Efron!" He throws his towel behind him and comes at Kevin with his arms outstretched. Kevin has to think for only a second before he remembers Zac. He was only the most popular person in the world, when they were at school together. He was friends with a lot of Kevin's peers, and they'd had a few conversations. Zac always thought it was so cool that Kevin's dad was an ambassador, and Kevin thought it was cool that Zac was from California.
"Zac?" Kevin says. He throws his arms around Zac and hugs him, slapping him on the back. The water on Zac's body transfers over onto Kevin's, making goosebumps rise on Kevin's skin. "What are you doing out here?"
"Oh, you know," Zac says. "Party-going and whatnot. I'm working downtown, but I know a couple people up here on the beach. Now I know a few, huh? I almost didn't recognize you through your beard!"
"Oh, yeah," Kevin says, rubbing a hand against his jaw. Crumbs fall out of his beard and onto his shirt, and he tries to brush them off casually. "I grew it out - well, I didn't really grow it, it just kind of - grew."
"It looks good," Zac says. "It's like, nice and full. All I can grow are little wisps."
"Thanks," Kevin says. He's glad for his lopsided beard of complete neglect at this time, because he blushes stupidly. So his face grows hair and somebody likes it. Mellow out, Jonas.
"Hey, did you hear Ashley is pregnant with her step-brother's baby?" Zac bursts out excitedly.
"No! Ugh, are you kidding me?"
"No, man. Isn't that crazy? It's hilarious how Maury Povich rich people can be."
"Yeah," Kevin says, because that's the truth.
"So what're you doing out here in the rain?" Zac says.
"Just getting some fresh air," Kevin says. "Haven't been out in a while, since I left school."
"I know! I haven't seen you."
A massive clap of thunder drowns out everything, and Zac jumps. They wait for it to fade before resuming conversation.
"I'm kind of a pussy," Zac says, making a face at himself, like, how do you solve a problem like pussiness? "I would throw up during thunderstorms when I was a kid. I don't throw up anymore, but they still freak me out."
"It's okay," Kevin says. "Nick used to watch the Weather Channel obsessively to see if a storm was coming."
"Oh fuck, me too! Where are your brothers now anyway? They were always trying to follow you around to your classes."
"They're at school in Scotland."
"Like Harry Potter Scotland?"
"Yeah, but Harry Potter calls me sometimes." Zac starts shivering noticably and hopping in place. "Oh, do you want to come inside and dry off? I can probably get you a fresh towel."
"That would be great," Zac says.
Kevin leads the way inside. He can't hear anything coming from his parents' room, but the presence of another person softens all the sound in the house. Zac stands still in the doorway for a long moment and looks around the room, past the room, like he's a satellite trying to make a map, probably disoriented in a house he doesn't know.
"Would you like a tour?" Kevin says.
"Maybe later," Zac says.
Kevin leads Zac upstairs to the bathroom and gets a clean towel for him out of the linen closet.
"Here you are," Kevin says, flapping the towel out of its foldedness and handing it off to Zac.
"Thank you," Zac says. He rubs it over his hair until his hair is a tangled mess and then wraps it around his goosefleshed shoulders.
"Do you want like, a shirt? I can let you borrow one," Kevin says.
"Could you?" Zac says. "I seem to have left mine outside, and it's raining."
Kevin takes Zac to his bedroom. He thinks he should apologize for his room being an absolute death trap, especially after Zac gets his foot caught on a pair of underwear on the floor, but he doesn't really care that much. This is how he is. Zac sits on the bed and wraps himself more snugly in his towel while Kevin searches through his closet for a nice warm shirt. He doesn't have that many, because they live on a beach that's hot all year round, but sometimes his mom will have a hot flash and crank the air way up, so he likes to keep a few cozy things around. He finds a black cashmere turtleneck and tosses it over to Zac.
"Thanks," Zac says. "This feels nice."
"Cashmere," Kevin says.
"Oh my," Zac says. He shrugs off the towel and slips the sweater on. It's a little baggy on him while it tends to fit Kevin like a slightly overly snug glove. If Joe is around and Kevin's wearing that sweater, he'll poke Kevin in the stomach and tell him he loves Kevin's pouch, and Kevin will punch him in the kidney. He misses his brothers; he's glad suddenly to have Zac here, somebody he's familiar with and yet doesn't want to get away from. He finds a fresh pair of pajama pants in his dresser for Zac to wear too. Zac openly takes off his wet underwear in front of Kevin to put them on. Kevin openly doesn't look away while he does it.
"I like the pants you have on," Zac comments. "Are those gauchos?"
"Yeah. Listen," Kevin says. He needs to get off the subject of the clothes he's wearing, because he's wearing his mother's old gauchos. Who wants to fuck me?, he thinks. Nobody, he imagines. "I don't want to send you back out in that. Why don't you stay the night here? We have like three guest rooms."
"Are you sure?" Zac says. "I don't want to bother anybody."
"You wouldn't be," Kevin says, though he's fairly sure it'll bother his dad, which is partially what Kevin is hoping for. Partially, he wants Zac to stay the night with him. Thunder rolls in from the ocean, slowly, and vibrates in the floorboards.
"Do you mind if I sleep in here with you?" Zac says.
~*~
The storm eventually calms down and turns into nothing but a gentle, soothing rain. Kevin still can't fall asleep. He's been sleeping for like 16 hours every day because he has nothing else to do besides eat, like a large jungle cat, but now he can't sleep.
"It's quiet in here," Zac says. He's curled up in a ball on Kevin's bed, with his knees up and his arms folded against his chest like he's holding on to something.
"Too quiet," Kevin says. Kevin usually sleeps on his back with his arms as spread out as possible. He doesn't know why it's comfortable to him, but it is. His mother says he's been sleeping like that since he was in the womb. He's not asleep yet, though, so he lays on his side to face Zac. "You can scoot closer if you want - if you're cold or anything."
Zac scoots over immediately, like he was just waiting for Kevin's invitation.
"I'm freezing," Zac says. "Like once I get cold it takes me forever to warm back up."
"Maybe you have an iron deficiency," Kevin says.
He unfurls Zac's cold fingers from their fists and holds them loosely in his own. He holds them like people do when they slow dance together. He never gets cold hands himself, probably because he has big meaty sausage fingers.
Zac sighs and digs his head deeper into the pillow they're now sharing. "Thank you."
Maybe Kevin's always thought Zac was incredibly attractive. Maybe, when they'd pass by each other on campus or when Kevin would listen in on important conversations Zac would have with his friends about things Kevin's dad would talk about, Kevin would find it almost physically painful to look at Zac because of how beautiful he was. Zac always seems way smarter than him, and he's obviously beyond out of Kevin's league. Of all the porch lights in the entire world, Zac had to be attracted to his, like a moth with an incredible, mostly-naked body that is now pressed to his.
Kevin falls asleep with Zac's arm fit snugly over his waist.
~*~
They get dressed - Kevin fishes a pair of shorts Zac can borrow out of his sea of clothes on the floor - and go downstairs for breakfast. Dad is making omelettes, and Mom is reading the morning newspaper.
"Morning everyone," Kevin says. "This is my friend Zac."
"Good morning, sweetheart," Mom says. "Hello, Zac. It's nice to meet you."
"Nice to meet you too, Mrs. Jonas. Hope you don't mind my staying here for the night - I got caught outside in the storm and ran into Kevin here."
"Not at all, not at all," Mom says. "Any friend of Kevin's is welcome."
Dad stays quiet and chooses to focus on his omelettes on the stove.
"Hello, Ambassador, sir," Zac says.
"Hello," Dad says.
"Kevin's told me a lot about you. We used to go to school together."
"Oh, wow!" Mom says. "What a happy coincidence! Isn't that nice, Paul?"
"That's nice," Dad says.
"I'm sure Paul wouldn't mind whipping up an extra omelette for you, Zac," Mom says, glancing carefully at Dad.
"I would love one, ma'am, Zac says.
Kevin's dad serves up breakfast. Everyone sits down. Zac sits in Dad's usual chair, so Dad has to sit on the opposite side of the table. He seems incredibly perturbed by this. Kevin loves it, and digs into his omelette cheerfully.
Halfway through the meal and after many minutes of silence, Zac reaches over and picks some egg out of Kevin's beard. He pops it into his own mouth. Kevin continues eating. Mom is gazing at them like they're a couple of adorable baby birds.
"You really should shave, Kevin," Mom says. "You look like a hobo."
"A what?" Dad snaps his head up from his plate for first time since he sat down.
"A bum," Mom says. She exchanges an easy smile with Kevin and Zac each. "And you're not. That's such a lovely sweater, Zac, where did you get it?"
"It's Kevin's," Zac says. He seems to have noticed that Kevin's dad is having issues with Kevin having a boy spending the night and staying until the morning, and he seems to like it, too. Kevin likes that about Zac. "The shorts are his, too, but they're a bit wrinkled from being on the floor."
In the middle of a sip, Kevin spits his juice back into his glass and grabs a napkin to cover his smile. Mom looks at them both disapprovingly. Dad stands up and takes his plate to the sink.
"I have to go to work," Dad says.
"Have a nice day, sir," Zac says.
"Let me walk you to the door, dear," Mom says.
~*~
"You should come over more often," Kevin says to Zac once his parents have left the room.
Zac smiles with his mouth wide open while chewing his food. "Your dad works on Saturdays?"
"Six days a week right now," Kevin says. "They're going through some big thing."
"I've heard about that." Zac wipes his mouth with a napkin and puts it on his plate, and Kevin clears the rest of the breakfast mess.
"I don't really know anything about it," Kevin admits. Sometimes he feels bad he doesn't know much about what his dad does, but then he remembers his dad doesn't know much about what Kevin does and stops caring.
"That's okay. A lot of young people are apathetic and lazy about politics," Zac says. Kevin doesn't say anything, because it's true: he is an apathetic and lazy young person. "I should probably get going too. My car is parked in somebody's driveway down the street."
"Aw, do you have to?" Kevin whines, turning to lean against the counter and crossing his arms. He's only partially pretend-whining.
"'Fraid so," Zac says. He stands and goes to Kevin, puts his arms around Kevin's middle to hug him. He's only an inch or so taller than Kevin, but he seems a lot smaller. Kevin feels like an overstuffed body pillow compared to Zac's litheness. Kevin hugs back, and they both hold on for a few minutes. Kevin has really liked having Zac here, as company and as a nuisance, as a source of affection and proof that there's something outside this house. The house can be so sterile and frigid sometimes, so empty of anything Kevin cares about.
"Do you want to like, brush your teeth or anything? I'm sure we have extra toothbrushes," Kevin says, talking with his cheek against Zac's neck.
"No, I'm good," Zac says. "Thanks for letting me crash." He finally pulls out of the hug and leans back to look at Kevin.
"That's all?" Kevin says. "After I saved your life?"
Zac rolls his eyes. He kisses Kevin, chaste and soft, with his lips softly closing around Kevin's lower lip. It's like a drop of water that makes Kevin's mouth dry and thirsty for more.
"I can't have just one," Kevin says seriously.
Zac bites his lips trying not to smile, like he doesn't find Kevin wildly charming. He puts his hand on Kevin's chin and this time when they kiss, Kevin licks along Zac's sealed lips until he's allowed to dip in.
"Ugh," Zac pulls away and grimaces.
"What?" Kevin says.
"That beard does not feel good," Zac says. He pushes Kevin away from him and starts heading for the front door.
"Are you going to be feeling my beard more often?" Kevin doesn't even chase after him. He just stands there, drunk on two drops.
"I'll call you later," Zac says. He's grinning so smugly and trying to open the door. He figures out after a moment he has to unlock it.
"You don't have my number," Kevin says.
"I got it," Zac says. He closes the door behind him.
"Are you sure?" Kevin yells. "Do you want me to walk you to your car?"
Zac waves through the door and leaves. Kevin stands there, staring at where Zac used to be, trying to make certain that everything that just happened really happened.
"He seems nice," Kevin's mom says from the entry way of the other room. He doesn't know how long she's been there.
Kevin shrugs. He agrees, but he's not exactly ready to talk about boys with his mother.
~*~
Kevin supposes his parents have had a hard time dealing with him lately. He could be what one might consider a massive screw up. The day he came home to tell them he was dropping out of school was also the day he told them he was gay. Might as well get everything out at once, he figured. He was going to school to study political science, like his dad wanted him to. Follow in his footsteps, join the family business. How diplomacy is a family business, Kevin never understood.
His brothers were allowed to pick whatever they wanted to study. It's not that Kevin couldn't do what he wanted, but that he couldn't do what he wanted without having to experience disappointment coming from his father. Nick wanted to leave the country to write poetry or something, and Joe wanted to leave the country to write poetry because Nick did. Kevin couldn't make it down to say goodbye before they left on the train. It upset him that this brothers were off learning something together, while he was stuck there trying to learn to do something he didn't care about. He wanted to be with his brothers, or at least be as free as them from the disapproving stares of his father. He went home a few weeks after his brothers left home.
After Zac leaves, Kevin goes to his room and lies on his bed. It smells like the beach and rainwater, and like Kevin needs to have his mom wash his bedding. He decides to give Joe a call. Neither of his brothers ever call him, but he doesn't think it's on purpose. They just forget what's not in front of them. Kevin would probably be the same if he weren't so lonely.
"Hello, hello," Joe answers his phone.
Kevin tells Joe he should feel terrible for not calling his big brother once in a while, and then he tells him he misses them, and then he tells him about Zac --
("I remember him," Joe says. "Isn't he kind of out of your league?"
"Yeah, but --"
"Maybe he's just into you for your power and wealth," Joe says.
"I don't have any power or wealth," Kevin reminds him. "If he wanted that, he'd be snuggling up to Dad."
"You're probably right.")
-- and how he might really like Zac and he thinks Zac might like him.
"You are so easy, Kev," Joe says.
"I am not," Kevin says. "It's not like we like, slept together. I mean, we did, but there wasn't any hanky-panky."
"Hanky-panky?" Joe says. "Oy. So what's the problem, if you like each other?"
"I feel like Jasmine," Kevin says.
"What? The incense scent?" Joe says.
"No, the princess," Kevin says.
"What are you talking about?"
"I feel like I'm not allowed to leave the house."
"You are allowed to leave, though. You left before. You can leave again. You're not trapped."
"It feels like I am."
"You're not. You're not Jasmine. You're a new Disney princess - you're like, Princess Depressed Hermit. Why don't you take up a hobby?"
"Like what?"
"I don't know, Kev. Why don't you learn how to drive? Then maybe you wouldn't feel so stuck. You could come visit us and drive us around."
"Who's going to teach me to drive?"
"Rob would, I'm sure," Joe says. "Or, I have a great idea."
"No, you don't," Kevin says.
"Didn't you say Zac left, in his car?"
"Zac doesn't want to teach me how to drive," Kevin says.
"I bet he does," Joe says. "I bet he wants your hands all over his stick shift."
"Don't say that. He probably drives a Prius."
"Ask him if you can ride on his Prius."
"Ugh, how does anyone stand you?" Kevin says.
"They don't," Joe says. "Nick isn't speaking to me right now."
Joe tells Kevin about how he did something dreadful and annoying, and Nick refuses to acknowledge his existence, and Joe is trying to win him back by being even more annoying than what got him into trouble in the first place. Nick will eventually not be able to take it anymore and just forgive him. It sounds just like they're at home, only Kevin can't see them. He misses seeing them.
"I miss you guys," Kevin says.
"We miss you too," Joe says. "Don't we, Nicky?"
"Don't call me that," Kevin hears in the background.
~*~
Kevin waits for an unsaved number to come up on his phone. He's not going to die if he doesn't get a call from Zac, but he's hoping it'll happen, like a surprise birthday party. He may be clutching his phone in his hand like it's a shining rope of hope dropped down into his hole of loneliness and despair, but he's not desperate.
His phone buzzes. Kevin sits up on his bed and looks at it. An unsaved number is ringing him.
"Hello?" Kevin answers. He stands up and starts pacing all over his room. He hopes he's not breathing really hard into the phone. He doesn't want to sound like a mouthbreathing creep.
"Hi," Zac says.
"How'd you get my number?" Kevin says.
"I stole it off your phone when you weren't looking," Zac says.
"Aren't you the resourceful one," Kevin says.
"Do you want to meet up somewhere? I'm not doing anything today."
"I can't," Kevin says. "I don't drive." He wants to punch himself in the face for saying it, but what else can he do? He's not going to ask his mom to drive him. Hey, Mom, can you drive me to town so I can hook up with some guy?
"I'll come to you, then," Zac says. "Let me pick you up."
"You don't have to come all the way out here," Kevin says.
"No, I want to. All the way out there is where you are."
"If you want to."
"I want to if you want to."
"I do if you want to," Kevin says.
"Do you want me to flip a coin?" Zac says.
"No," Kevin says. "You can come and get me."
~*~
Zac picks Kevin up before Kevin's dad gets home, which Kevin is a little disappointed by. Also, Kevin was wrong: Zac drives a Volvo. A really old Volvo with a manual crank sunroof. He pulls up in the driveway and honks for Kevin to come down, though he doesn't need to, because Kevin was already at his bedroom window looking out to see what that awful noise was (it was Zac's car). Kevin loves that Zac honks instead of coming up to the door and knocking anyway. Kevin would be in so much trouble if he did that. Every adult he knows would chastise him for being a rude child and he'd probably be forced to take a charm school class. Kevin thinks Zac's being rude is charming.
"You don't have fifty cars of your own?" Zac says first thing after Kevin gets in his car, boots zipped and scarf on. Zac's wearing mirrored aviator shades and his hair is messy because all the windows are rolled down. He looks like a jerk. Kevin wants Zac to kiss him, but he's not sure how to convey that.
"No," Kevin says. "I never learned how to drive."
"Really? I could teach you."
"You don't have to."
"I'd like to."
"You really don't have to."
"But I'd like to."
"I don't think you have to," Kevin says.
"Let's not go through this again, shall we?" Zac says. "You can buy me dinner, and I'll teach you how to drive."
"Okay," Kevin says. He smiles shyly at Zac, and Zac smiles too, like a regular give and take. Kevin likes it.
Zac takes off. Kevin unwraps his scarf from his neck and wraps it around his head to keep the wind blowing in from the manual crank sunroof from messing up his hair too much. Zac takes hold of his hand suddenly and fiercely.
"I love you, Thelma!" Zac says.
"What?" Kevin says. He leans closer to Zac to be able to hear him over the car.
"You're supposed to say, 'I love you, Louise!'" Zac says. "The scarf?"
"I've never seen that movie," Kevin says.
Zac lets go of his hand slowly and says, "Oh. No big deal."
Kevin wishes he'd watched more movies as a child, then.
~*~
Kevin's never eaten lunch so late or dinner so early before. They're done eating and back in Zac's car by 4, and Kevin is disappointed his time with Zac is over for the day, until Zac asks him what else he wants to do.
"I don't know," Kevin says. He looks out the window desperately trying to find something cool to do with Zac.
"Come on," Zac says. "Mall? Matinee? Motel?"
"Well," Kevin says, thinking it over.
"What do you like to do?" Zac asks. He seems genuinely interested in Kevin's interests.
"I don't know," Kevin says, because he doesn't. He doesn't think he has any particular passions at the moment. He tries to remember what he did last time he was in town. "Have you ever had a pedicure?"
"A pedicure?" Zac says. "I can't say that have."
"Oh," Kevin says. "Those are nice."
"They seem kind of --"
"Girly?" He should've known he's the only young man alive who actively enjoys getting pedicures, with or without his mother. Stupid.
"I was going to say 'wasteful'," Zac says. "Why pay for someone to paint your toenails when you could do it yourself for free?"
"I didn't know you were so frugal," Kevin teases.
"I guess I just don't have money like some people," Zac says, annoyed out of nowhere.
Kevin feels wretched suddenly. He didn't realize Zac could be hurt by anything Kevin did, like he's a real human being.
"I didn't mean it like that," Kevin says.
"I know you didn't," Zac sighs. "Sorry. I'm just kind of like, I don't know. I drive this crappy car, and I live in a dinky apartment, and I had bed bugs a few months ago. I guess I feel a little self conscious in front of you."
"Oh," Kevin says. "Well, you shouldn't. At least you've gotten stuff for yourself. Everything I have was bought for me by my father. I fully admit to being a useless trust fund baby."
Zac smiles. "I think you have some uses, Kevin."
~*~
Kevin struggles to get away from Zac's strong grip. He's being tortured, absolutely tortured.
"Stop - trying - to get - away," Zac says with clenched teeth.
"No!" Kevin cries out. "Let go of me!"
"You wanted this," Zac says.
"I never wanted this!"
He tries to kick at Zac, but Zac is too quick and ducks out of range. He gets hold of Kevin's ankle and clamps down as hard as he can to hold Kevin still. He runs his finger tip from Kevin's heel all the way up to his baby toe while Kevin thrashes about in giggly agony until finally the toe spacers are in place. Only after about 15 straight minutes of tickling disguised as "nail trimming" and "relaxing massage".
"There," Zac says. "What's the matter with you? You said you liked pedicures."
"Not the way you do them," Kevin says. He breathes in and out deeply to soothe himself. God, he hates being tickled. "You don't have the touch."
"I'll touch you," Zac says, feather-lightly running his fingertip along the bottom of Kevin's foot and laughing at the way Kevin whines pissily at it and jerks his leg away. He runs his hand up Kevin's calf to calm him back down, and Kevin settles into the touch. "What color do you want?"
Kevin sorts through his mom's nail polish collection. He's only done his nails a few times, when he was a kid. His mom thought it was cute, but she told him not to do it anymore when he got older and his dad got less and less accepting. Sometimes she'd invite him to come along with her when she went out to get her nails done, though, and he loved it. He didn't think she'd mind him using her polish now, as long as he wore shoes around his dad.
"Let's go for the gold," Kevin says, picking one out and handing it down to Zac. Kevin's sitting on his bed with his feet dangling down while Zac sits on a pile of clothes on the floor. Kevin puts one of his feet on Zac's shoulder, and Zac lays his hand over it, so fondly for someone who doesn't know him that well. Then again, he doesn't know Zac all that well, either, but he can feel the fondness in his own eyes when he looks at Zac. It just feels so good to have -- someone.
"'Bling Dynasty'?" Zac smirks, reading the nail polish bottle. "Seems like an appropriate choice."
"Shut up," Kevin says. "I don't have any bling."
"I'd like to change that," Zac says. "How about I buy you a diamond?"
"No," Kevin says.
"I wanna play it cool," Zac belts out suddenly. complete with dramatic hand and facial gestures. "But I'm losin' you. I'll buy you any-thing, I'll buy you any ring."
"Stop that," Kevin says, though he's s bit surprised to learn Zac has a decent singing voice, which must make him a complete dream."What is that?"
"Now I'm in piec-es, baby, fix me," Zac won't stop. He latches onto Kevin's leg and shakes it. "And you shake me till you wake me from this baaad dreeam. Justin Bieber? No?"
"No," Kevin says.
"That's fair," Zac says.
Zac takes Kevin's foot in one hand, this time without the malicious intent to tickle, but only for the purpose of holding it steady. He unscrews the cap of the polish bottle with one hand and takes the brush out to start painting. He's clearly concentrating very hard, because he's clearly never done this before. He uses too much paint, he doesn't wait long enough between coats, and he accidentally touches a few wet nails and gets his fingerprints in them. Kevin would be ashamed to have such sloppy toenails if they weren't done by the hands of Zac. When he's all done, he cradles Kevin's feet in his palms and blows on his toes gently, looking up at Kevin with the bluest eyes in the world, even in Kevin's dark room with the shades pulled tight. Kevin swallows.
Zac crawls up Kevin's lap and kneels between his knees. He gets his mouth close to Kevin's and says quietly, "How's that?"
"Perfect," Kevin says. He puts his hand against Zac's chin to bring him up even closer for a kiss. He thinks they're allowed to kiss. He thinks they'll probably end up doing all sorts of kissing. He hopes. Zac crinkles his nose at the scritch of Kevin's beard, but he goes in for another kiss anyway.
"See? You don't get this kind of treatment at the salon," Zac says.
"Says you," Kevin grins.
"Shut it," Zac says, standing up to plop down next to Kevin on his bed.
"Dinner will probably be ready soon," Kevin says. "You feel like eating two meals with me in one day?"
"You think your dad will be okay with that?" Zac says.
"No," Kevin says.
"Well, I am getting hungry again," Zac says.
~*~
Zac ends up coming over a few days a week for dinner, and sometimes he's there for breakfast too. His mother seems glad Kevin has a friend, though he suspects she knows they're more than friends. They're not that much more than friends, anyway; they haven't done a lot besides stray kisses and shirtless spooning. Kevin's not in that much of a hurry -- he doesn't really care about things he's never had - but he didn't take Zac as the moseying modest sort. He's just so - attractive. He should be completely nude, constantly and with no shame.
Kevin needs to stop thinking about it at the dinner table.
"I talked to Nick earlier today," Mom says. "He said he and Joe might come home for spring break."
"Really?" Kevin says. "Doesn't that seem sort of backwards?"
"They should go to Cancun," Zac puts in.
"Joe would end up on a Guys Gone Wild tape," Kevin says. His mother looks at him scoldingly. "What? He would."
"People don't use tapes anymore, Kevin," Zac says.
"You know, he really would," Mom concedes with a laugh. "At least he's not on the other side of the camera."
"You'd rather he -- " Kevin starts.
Dad gets up and leaves the room without even clearing his own plate, which is unusual. Kevin was starting to feel okay in his own home, joking with his mother and having her joke back, actually having some sort of conversation with his family. That couldn't last long, he guesses. Maybe this place will never be his own home again. He's just an unwanted guest, like Zac, in his dad's eyes.
"Anyway," Mom sighs. "Expect a full house soon."
"Okay," Kevin and Zac both say.
~*~
One morning, Kevin wakes up earlier than he has in a while, probably since he was a kid. Kevin really likes Zac. He likes Zac like crazy. He hasn't had this much interest in any one thing in a long time. He hasn't wanted to be awake for anything this bad. He puts his feet on the floor to get up and doesn't hate it. He knows he shouldn't be totally living his life for someone else -- God knows his father would love that, if Kevin lived for him instead of himself -- but this is different. He feels like he's living his life because of Zac. He feels better because of Zac.
He goes to the bathroom and doesn't think twice before shaving off his beard. He didn't much like it, anyway, and Zac hates it. He can't wait for Zac to see him.
"Do you like it?" He says when he answers the door, next time Zac comes over the house.
"Oh," Zac says. He runs his hands along Kevin's newly smooth skin. "I love it."
"You do?"
"You know I do. I love your face."
"I - I did it for you."
Zac thanks him with a kiss. In fact, he thanks him by sucking on Kevin's beloved, clean face for an entire hour straight, right on the living room sofa.
"We should probably go upstairs," Kevin says. His lips are almost completely numb, like he's just eaten a popsicle, and Zac's are wet and red like... he's just eaten a particularly red popsicle. Kevin's not really thinking about anything but popsicles, and Zac's mouth in relation to popsicles, at this point in his life.
"Is your dad supposed to be home soon?" Zac says. He presses a kiss to Kevin's smoothe jaw, two kisses, three.
"Yeah," Kevin says.
"Do you know what he's been doing?" Zac sucks a kiss on Kevin's neck.
"I don't know," Kevin swallows. "Something about - trying to keep peace somewhere."
"He's been working late a lot," Zac says. He licks his way from Kevin's collarbone, "He must be doing something really important," to Kevin's ear. Kevin's hips lift up involuntarily.
"Can we stop talking about my dad?" Kevin says.
"Yes," Zac says against Kevin's lips, and it starts all over again, the kissing.
~*~
They're lying in Kevin's bed one afternoon, doing nothing. They do that a lot. Zac says it's a nice break from working, so he doesn't mind. Kevin's sure Zac has an office job - he's never really asked, because it doesn't seem important. Whatever it is, it must both tremendously stressful and hideously boring, so Zac likes coming over to Kevin's to be lazy.
Zac has his feet up by Kevin's face at the head of the bed and hangs over the foot of it to look around. Kevin lays on his back and closes his eyes. He's getting sleepy, even though he's only been up a few hours.
"You ever think about cleaning your room?" Zac asks.
"Sometimes," Kevin says.
Kevin feels Zac roll over. He lays one of his hands on Kevin's leg and presses a kiss to his ankle.
"Stop," Kevin says.
"Your feet smell like corn chips," Zac says.
"What? Get away from my feet. You and my feet, ugh." He kicks at Zac's grasp on his foot but it doesn't really do anything because he's practically asleep.
"They smell like corn chips. Like Fritos."
"They do not."
"They smell like a sandal in the summertime."
"It's always summertime here. And I wear sandals."
"That explains everything," Zac grunts as he repositions himself on the bed. He lays his head down next to Kevin's, and Kevin feels the littlest kiss on his cheek. Literally, the littlest kiss.
"How did you do that?" Kevin asks, his eyes popping open.
"Do what?"
"That kiss - it was so little!"
"What?"
"It was the smallest kiss ever!"
"What - what kind of observation is that?" Zac laughs so hard, and he takes Kevin down with him. God, he can't stop laughing. He doesn't remember the last time he felt anything so much he couldn't stop it.
"I don't know," Kevin says, blotting away tears with his sleeve. "I don't know, it was just freaking me out. Let me try."
"Try what?" Zac says.
Kevin puckers his lips and gives Zac the smallest kiss he can muster.
"Oh my God!" Zac laughs through his nose and rolls around on his back clutching his chest. "It was so small! I'm freaking out!"
"I told you!" Kevin says. He leans up over Zac and looks at his shiny red face and his wet, squinty eyes. One of them is bulging out bigger than the other. He starts to laugh uncontrollably again and puts his mouth in Zac's neck to try to make himself quit.
"What is it now?" Zac says.
"You have - a pop-eye!" Kevin chokes out.
"I do not!" Zac hits him in the arm and rolls them over so he's leaning over Kevin. "How could you say that?"
"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. It was just funny to me."
Zac doesn't seem to be mad, which is good. He wouldn't be making fun of Zac if he didn't care about him. He hopes Zac knows that, because Kevin doesn't know how to explain it.
"What do you say you learn how to drive today?" Zac just smiles at him and touches the side of his face affectionately.
"Are you sure?" Kevin says. "I don't want to kill anyone."
"You won't kill anyone," Zac reassures him with a hand on Kevin's hip. "We'll go nice," a hand on Kevin's thigh, "and slow," a hand on Kevin's cock. He doesn't move it, just leaves it there to rest.
"Whatever you want," Kevin says.
~*~
The most important rule of driving is - what? Kevin's already got his seatbelt fastened. His mirrors are adjusted properly. His hands are at 10 and 2. His shoes are comfortable and they fit well. He has weather- and time-appropriate sunglasses on.
"Pay attention," Zac says.
Pay attention to what? Zac is plastered to his side. He's the one not buckled in. He put the arm rest up and scooted in right next to Kevin. This is incredibly unsafe. He keeps sucking on Kevin's neck. Is that what Kevin is supposed to pay attention to? He shouldn't be operating heavy machinery right now. He keeps veering to the left. He's going to die. Zac's hands are everywhere but to himself.
"Slow down," Zac says.
Kevin slams on the breaks. It throws Zac forward, but he catches himself on the dashboard. He thinks they were only going 25 miles an hour anyway. He's afraid of rapid acceleration.
"Sorry. Maybe you should buckle your seatbelt," Kevin says. He lets off the breaks and they start to creep forward. Zac stays put, next to Kevin, but this time he only rests his hand on Kevin's thigh.
"You're doing good," Zac says. He seems to be composing himself, like he lost control of his wheel, too. "See? Driving isn't so hard."
"It's a little stressful," Kevin says.
They drive in silence for a while. Kevin tries to turn himself down, but it doesn't work. He's keyed up as hell. He laughs at his driving pun.
"What?" Zac smiles.
"I'm keyed up," Kevin says.
"Are you horny?" Zac replies.
Kevin honks the horn. There aren't any people around to annoy.
"Where are you making me drive you to anyway?" Kevin asks.
Zac didn't make him do any left turns or parallel park once they arrived at their destination: the beach. Kevin's front yard is a beach so he doesn't see the point of driving here, exactly. There aren't houses where they parked, but there were some a couple miles down. He figures Zac wanted to get further out of town than Kevin's house, and when he turns off the ignition he readies himself for some sweet car makeouts. Zac pulls away from him to twist around and rifles in the backseat floor until he comes up with a beach towel.
"Beautiful day out," Zac says with a grin. He takes his shirt off, gets out of the car, and starts heading down to the water.
"Uh," Kevin says.
~*~
Kevin nearly gets his first blowjob on a beach towel on the ocean shore in broad daylight. The beach is practically empty save for a few people way down the shore, but any pervert with binoculars --
"Nobody has binoculars," Zac says.
"But if they did they could see us," Kevin says.
-- could see them.
Kevin lets Zac pull his shorts down so they're only just past his balls. Zac puts his hand around Kevin's cock, works it up and down for a few minutes until it's fully hard. Kevin keeps involuntarily lifting his legs up into the air, like he's placing them in invisible stirrups. Zac pushes them down patiently as he lowers his mouth to the head of Kevin's cock.
Kevin comes on Zac's cheek and throat before Zac's mouth even touches him. Kevin's first blowjob is a grand failure.
"I'm sorry," Kevin says, cheeks burning. He is sorry for so many reasons, mostly for himself.
"It's okay," Zac says, patting Kevin on the foot.
"No, it's not," Kevin whines as he hide his face behind his hands.
"I know, you wanted one so bad," Zac says. "That was the last one in stock, too, wasn't it? There'll never be another BJ on earth again."
"Shut up."
"I've heard jizz is good for your skin."
Kevin's hands fly off his face so he can look at Zac in horror. "You're not going to rub it in, are you?"
"No way," Zac says. He bends down and uses the corner of the beach towel to wipe off his face before flopping down to lie next to Kevin. He pulls Kevin's trunks back up for him and throws his arm across Kevin's chest and kisses him on the cheek until Kevin is unashamed enough to turn his head to kiss him back.
"Do you want me to...?" Kevin says.
"Yes," Zac says.
Kevin gives his first blowjob on a on a beach towel on the ocean shore in broad daylight where any pervert with binoculars could see, Zac helping him along with what to do the whole time. Zac comes in Kevin's mouth and Kevin spits it immediately onto the sand.
"I'm sorry," Zac says, though Kevin doesn't know why he has any reason to be.
"How was it?" Kevin says.
"Pretty good," Zac says. "You did a good apostrophe-job. Get it?"
"What?" Kevin says.
Zac is smiling wide as he kisses Kevin. It is a grand success.
~*~
Zac drives them back, but not to Kevin's house. He parks on the side of an old apartment building with overgrown bushes and flowers growing wild along the walkway to the door. The neighborhood doesn't seem like a good one, but Kevin's not going to judge. He's the one who still lives with his parents, and he'd be homeless if he didn't. This is definitely steps above homeless, at least.
"This is my place," Zac says as he unlocks the door. They have to walk up three flights of stairs and go through another locked door to get to Zac's apartment door.
The first thing Kevin notices is that it's chokingly hot.
"Sorry, I'll go open the windows," Zac says. He goes left to the living room and unlocks all the windows before throwing them open. "I don't have air in here."
"It's okay," Kevin says. The second thing he notices is that this is the cleanest living space he's ever seen. Not even clean, necessarily, but empty. The walls are bare, the living room and kitchen combined have a total of three pieces of furniture in them (couch, dining table, wooden chair), nothing is out on the kitchen counter or on the floor.
"The bedroom and bathroom is this way," Zac says. "I have to pee."
Zac goes through the world's smallest hallway and goes to the bathroom, which is through a door in the bedroom. His bedroom doesn't have a door to it, just an entryway. Kevin follows behind him to look around. Zac's mattress is on the floor. He doesn't have a comforter, only a few sheets, which makes sense since it's hot as hell in here. There are dark sheets covering the windows to block out the sunlight. Kevin's never seen sheets as curtains before. He pushes them out the way to open the windows in there, too.
He lies down on Zac's bed. It's at least a queen size, which is outrageously huge to Kevin. He's only ever slept in a twin bed. He doesn't know which side to lay on, and decides on the one closest to the entrance. He's only going to rest his eyes - he feels tired from the surface of his skin all the way down to his bones, from the sun and the blowjobs and everything.
Kevin falls asleep before the sun is even all the way down.
~*~
Don't worry, okay? I'm getting close. I'm almost there.
"Hm?" Kevin says. He's asleep. He's dreaming.
We'll see each other soon, okay?
"Hm," Kevin says. Who's talking?
I have go to. Okay? Everything is okay.
"Okay," Kevin says. Is it Zac? Is it Dad? It sounds like Dad trying to make Kevin stop crying when he was far away and Kevin was little. He's dreaming.
"Mmm," Zac says as he settles his arms back around Kevin. Did he get up?
Kevin's asleep.
~*~
Usually Kevin sleeps in because he's exhausted from doing nothing. He always feels tired, and oftentimes he'll think to himself, tired of what? The answer to that question hasn't scared him for a long time. Now, he doesn't want to answer it. He feels like has hasn't had enough sleep instead of too much sleep. He's not tired, this morning. He just wants to sleep a little longer.
Kevin opens his eyes and doesn't want to immediately shut them again for the first time in months. Zac is up already and wearing only his underwear. He's dancing in front of his dresser and folding and putting away clothes. There's a low tinkling of music coming from a radio on top of the dresser. He has a mirror vanity on his dresser, too, like a lady might have, and there are stickers out of store machines that say "BABY DOLL" and "GHETTO BOOTY" framed around it. There are a few photographs stuck in there, too, of people who look familiar but Kevin's never met them.
"Good morning," Kevin says. He turns over on his back and tries to lift his upper body up, like he's doing a sit-up, but he manages to only lift his head off the pillow a couple inches before settling back in, also like he's doing a sit-up. He's no good at sit-ups.
The second Zac sees that Kevin is awake, his hand flies for a dial on the radio and he blasts the volume.
"But nothing comes close to the Golden Coast," Zac belts along to the song. He turns dramatically and his face gets super serious as he starts to do some sort of dance with only his shoulders. "Once you party with uh-us, you'll be falling in love," and then the most grating oh-ohs Kevin's heard in his life. When it gets to the chorus, Zac jumps up on the bed and stretches his arms above his head.
"Cal-i-forn-ia girls, we're unforgettable," Zac wails. He seemingly pulls flawless, perfectly-timed choreography out of his ass to go along with the song. He spins around a lot and Kevin is pretty sure he's pointing his toes, all with a crazy fake smile on his face. "Daisy dukes, bikinis on top," he gestures to his shorts and then to his invisible bosoms, "sun-kissed skin, so hot we'll met your popsicle." He puts his feet on either side of Kevin's torso and bounces up and down on the oh-ohs while he wiggles his hips from side to side, and Kevin laughs.
Kevin thinks that this is one of the best things he's seen, in both an entertainment and sexual sense. Zac is dancing, apparently only for him, in nothing but his underwear, but he's also a really good dancer. Kevin is impressed, amused, and turned on all at the same time.
Zac falls back onto his own pillow. He smiles popsicle-meltingly at Kevin, his cheeks rosy with exertion and his hair messy. Every time he breathes in, it's like his eyes get brighter.
"I don't have a TV, so I kind of sit here and listen to the radio all day like it's the '30s," Zac says. He snuggles up to Kevin until Kevin puts his arms around him.
"That song was pretty bad," Kevin says.
"I'm getting tired of it," Zac says. He kisses Kevin's throat.
"Where'd you learn to dance like that?" Kevin says.
Zac doesn't answer for a while, like he doesn't know if he wants to give up this bit of information or not. He sighs against Kevin's skin and Kevin's legs twitch.
"I was in dance my whole life," Zac says. "From when I was little until just after high school. I taught it for some time, too."
"You're really good," Kevin says. "You looked professional."
"I only quit because I had to get a better paying job when my family left." Zac looks at Kevin really hard like he's bracing himself, because he knows Kevin's going to ask. He looks like he's thinking about whether or not he should be divulging secrets.
"What do you do now?" Kevin asks. He could've asked the other question, where did your family go without you?, but he doesn't need to pry. Zac can tell him when he's ready.
Zac smiles at the question like he's been pleasantly surprised. "I'm an assistant. I do whatever my boss needs me to do."
"I can't dance," Kevin changes the subject back. "Unless I have at least one drink in me."
"Come here," Zac says. He wriggles out of Kevin's hold on him and gets up, pulling Kevin with him. "I had to stop doing the really fancy stuff after I hurt my knee. When I taught it was mostly really little kids, because that doesn't have to be complicated. This is all you need to do." He taps his toe on the floor, and then his heel. "Heel, toe, heel, toe, heel, toe."
Kevin follows along. "That's it?"
"That's what the little kids learned," Zac says.
"I can definitely tear up the dance floor with this," Kevin says, heeling and toeing.
Zac puts his arms around him like a slow dance and dips him until he hits the bed. He lies on top of Kevin with his knees between Kevin's thighs and kisses Kevin, over and over. Just as it seems like it's about to escalate, Kevin's thoughts feel too big for his head. He wants to tell Zac, he's pretty certain, about his feelings. Feelings! Kevin has feelings. He can't believe it, but he does.
"I don't know how I got so lucky," Kevin blurts out.
"From what I recall, you didn't," Zac wags his eyebrows.
"Not that. I mean, part of it. I mean, with you."
"What?"
"I just feel lucky to be with you. Like, I was really down about - everything. And then you showed up, out of nowhere, and - I don't know. I feel good."
Zac looks at Kevin, and when Kevin makes eye contact with him, he puts his head down on Kevin's chest. Kevin feels a bit discouraged by this. He was expecting more of a reaction. Maybe Zac doesn't feel the same way about Kevin and he doesn't want to say it. Zac stays still and quiet for a while, breathing warmth on Kevin's skin through his t-shirt.
"I'm glad," Zac says finally, just as Kevin starts to feel like he can't take the ants in his pants any longer, and he sounds so sincere. He lifts his head to look straight into Kevin's eyes. "I'm glad I found you, too. And I'm glad you feel good about us."
"Good," Kevin says. His stomach growls and Zac giggles.
"I felt that," Zac says.
"I should call my mom," Kevin says.
"I'm going to go look in the fridge." He gets up and stretches, and Kevin's mouth doesn't know if it wants food or Zac's skin more.
Kevin yanks Zac back by the hand and sucks kisses down from his jaw to his bare shoulder until Zac is trembling from it.
"May I use your shower?" Kevin mumbles against Zac's skin.
"Please," Zac says.
Kevin gets his first blowjob in Zac's bathroom, against the door, after they turn the shower on but before they make it in. It is a huge success.
~*~
Kevin has loved playing house at Zac's place for a day. His mom didn't sound as if she didn't approve of his staying the night at Zac's, but she didn't sound like she approved, either. He's going to have to go back home soon, but he has to admit, if Zac asked him to move in with him forever right in this moment, he'd say yes. Zac found pizza rolls in his freezer, and he's taking them out of the oven when Kevin's getting out of the shower. Kevin loves pizza rolls. Who doesn't love pizza rolls?
"Man, I love pizza rolls," Zac says.
They stuff pizza rolls into their mouths like it's a commercial for pizza rolls.
"You want to drive yourself back home?" Zac says.
"I do need the practice," Kevin says.
~*~
His dad's car isn't in the driveway when they pull up to Kevin's house.
"Want to come in?" Kevin says.
"Always," Zac says.
His mom is home, though, which he didn't want her to be. He's pretty sure she's going to embarrass or scold him somehow. He doesn't feel like dealing with any of that right now.
"Did you boys have a nice day?" Mom says when they come in. She was sitting there waiting for them already.
"Oh, yes," Zac says. He gives Kevin bedroom eyes as if to remind him how nice a day they had.
"Zac," Mom says sick-makingly sweet. "If you could maybe remind Kevin to call his mother while you're out all night having premarital sex, I'd really appreciate it."
"Mom!" Kevin says. How does she know?
"I'll remember to do that next time, ma'am," Zac says.
"Your dad called and said he'd probably have to work overnight," Mom says.
Kevin can't believe that's the end of it. If she's changing the subject, so is he.
"I learned how to drive a bit," Kevin says.
"He's really good," Zac says.
It sounds like they're talking in double entendres and Kevin doesn't know how to stop.
"Maybe you can pick your brothers up from the airport Sunday," Mom says.
"Mom, I don't have a driver's license yet," Kevin says.
"I'll supervise him, Mrs. Jonas," Zac says. "We'll get those boys of yours home safe."
"Thanks, boys," Mom gives them both a forgiving kiss on the head and leaves them alone for the rest of the night.
part 2