(no subject)

[makesomelove]

part 1

On the weekend, Zac makes Kevin go to a party full of people they went to college with. They're all Zac's friends, even still, but Kevin hardly knew any of them that well then and he sure doesn't keep in touch with any of them now. He feels like the biggest failure while he's getting dressed to go. He's a dropout with no job, living off his parents, and he doesn't do anything. He really feels just how worthless he is when he's around other people.

Zac comes into his room to pick him up as he's sitting on his bed putting his boots on. He'll look taller than he was before if nothing else.

"Hey," Zac says. He bends down and wraps his arm around Kevin's shoulders, gives Kevin a kiss on the neck. "You smell good."

"Thanks," Kevin says miserably. "Do we have to go?"

"It'll be fun," Zac says.

"No it won't," Kevin pouts.

"It isn't a job interview," Zac says. "There's nothing to be scared of."

Kevin sighs deeply and flops onto his back on the bed. Zac grabs him by the hands and drags him up.

Zac has Kevin drive them. They drive for about 30 minutes until Zac points a house out to him and tells him to park.

"A house party?" Kevin says. "Are you kidding me?"

"What?" Zac says defensively. "Sorry I can't take you somewhere more highbrow."

"That's not what I meant," Kevin says. "I just never even went to these when I had friends."

Zac's voice softens. "Don't be nervous. You have a lot going for you."

"Like what?" He gets out of the car behind Zac and pockets the keys.

"Me," Zac grins. "That ass."

"Stop it," Kevin says.

As soon as Zac walks through the door, there are a thousand brotherly people shouting brotherly at him over the music pumping out of somewhere. Kevin spends several minutes following behind Zac and hiding behind him like a child behind its mother. Zac introduces, or every once in a while, reacquaints him with everyone he talks to, but Kevin has one foot out the door in his mind already.

"Hey!" Zac yells up at someone coming down the stairs. Kevin follows Zac's gaze and sees that he's greeting Vanessa. Kevin's pretty sure her and Zac used to date, or at least act like they were. He remembers her pretty clearly.

"You asshole," Vanessa yells back, bounding down the rest of the stairs and running into Zac's open arms.

"You owe me so much fucking alimony!" Zac says.

"You already took everything I had!" Vanessa says.

Kevin stands there like an idiot while what is obviously a long-running inside joke he can't possibly understand happens in front of him. Unless Zac and Vanessa really were secretly married, and she really does owe him alimony.

Zac finally manages to take his mitts off Vanessa and turn back to remember Kevin's there. "You remember Kevn Jonas, don't you, Van?"

Vanessa stares blankly at him and then smiles even more blankly. "Of course," she says, taking his hands in her own and giving him a double cheek kiss.

Kevin hates getting kissed on the cheek by people he doesn't know. He smiles just as fakely back at her.

"I'm gonna go get us some drinks, Kev," Zac says, already leaving Kevin.

Kevin grips Zac's arm like his hand is actually a bear trap and whispers through his clenched teeth, "Please don't leave me."

"I'll be right back," Zac promises him with a quick kiss.

Kevin lets him go. He stands there awkwardly, alternating between having his arms hang tensely by his sides or having them crossed tensely over his chest. His whole body feels tense, in fact. His legs feel like he's just fallen down a flight of stairs and pulled every muscle in them. He hears people moving around him, but he can't focus on any of them. His eyes get hot like he's going to start crying. God, he can't cry here.

Luckily they barely got through the door before Zac abandoned him, so he goes right back out where they came in, He bends down to put his head between his legs and breathes in and out to try to calm himself down. He was full-blown freaking out in there. Being outside has already made him feel better. He can't leave - he could steal Zac's car, but he doesn't want to. At least he can stay out here and sulk.

There's a guy passed out facedown on the front lawn. Kevin hesitates, but goes to check on him. He'd want someone to make sure he wasn't drowning in his own vomit if that were him.

When he flips the guy over onto his back, he recognizes him vaguely.

"Kevin - Jonas," the guy croaks out.

"Yeah," Kevin says soothingly. "Help me out with your name, buddy."

"Jesse," the guy rasps like he's dying. "McCartney."

"That's it," Kevin says. He saw him around, probably had him in a couple classes when he went to school. "Isn't it a little early to be passed out on the lawn already?"

"You're just late," Jesse says. "I need to puke."

Kevin helps Jesse up, but he doesn't know whether to lead him to the street or inside. After thinking about where a person would least mind finding puke, he brings Jesse to some bushes on the side of the house. Jesse ralphs neatly into the bushes while Kevin leans next to him. He offers Jesse his handkerchief when he's done.

"Thanks, bro," Jesse says. "I owe you one. I mean really, you ever need anything. I'm practically a cop. You just ask and I'll do whatever you need, bro."

"Thanks," Kevin says.

"I need to lie down," Jesse says. He makes to go back to his spot on the lawn, but Kevin ushers him into the house and finds a spare couch for him.

The distraction helps Kevin to forget where he is - alone in a house full of people who probably hate him.

Someone hugs him around his middle from behind, and Kevin is about to elbow that someone in the face - his dad made sure they all took self defense classes of some sort - when he hears Zac's voice in his ear, his breath hot against it.

"Hey, where'd you go?"

Kevin shrugs him off and turns to face him. Anyone could see.

"I think I've developed agoraphobia," Kevin shouts over the music.

"You're silly," Zac says, obviously a little tipsy. He takes Kevin by the hand and yanks him over to a spot in the living room of whoever's house this is where people are dancing. The drunkest people in the house, by the looks of it.

Zac puts his arms up and sways his hips like he's at the club trying to be sexy. His eyes never leave Kevin's. Kevin's eyes wander to the spot on Zac's body where his shirt has ridden up and his skin is exposed. Kevin stands there, dumb as a brick and about as interesting and beautiful and graceful as one, too.

"Come on," Zac gestures at him to join.

"I'm not as drunk as you," Kevin says.

"Just do what I taught you," Zac says. He starts doing his heel-toe dance, and he looks so pleased with himself that he's still got those kinds of moves.

"I'm the only one looking at you," Zac assures him. Kevin doesn't know if that makes him feel better or worse. Then he decides, whatever, if he can't dance with Zac, who can he dance with?

He heel-toes his way to Zac. Zac jogs in place and jumps into the air, ending with a spectacular display of jazz hands. He grabs onto both Kevin's hands and heel-toes right along with him.

"Is this that 'California Girls' girl?" Kevin says, noticing the music for the first time.

Zac twirls into Kevin and presses his back against Kevin's front, forcing Kevin to move his arms until they're firmly wrapped around Zac's body. He puts his hand back and grabs a fistful of Kevin's hair to bring their mouths together. He's silently mouthing the words of the song ("My heart stops when you look at me," he says, and Kevin can relate) against Kevin's lips while he writhes against Kevin's body, mostly his cock. He feels like everyone is staring at them, like everything else has gone dark and there's a spotlight on them, and he wants to break away to make sure they're not, but he can't when Zac somehow manages to fit their mouths together and kisses him wetly.

He doesn't know how it happened, but fate finds them making out in someone's bedroom. There may or may not be other people in the room with them, but he doesn't care. They're both lying on their sides, and Zac has his leg hitched up over Kevin's thigh, rubbing their cocks together through their clothes. Kevin feels like he's about to live a teenage dream tonight.

Someone downstairs starts yelling about the cops, but Kevin didn't see any lights coming through the windows. Zac's body goes completely rigid and he sits up like a shot.

"Fuck," Zac says. "Let's just go."

"What?" Kevin says. He gets up to follow Zac out of the bedroom and downstairs.

"This is completely stupid," Zac says.

"What?" Kevin says again.

Zac keeps babbling to himself about how idiotic he is as they make their way to the car. There are absolutely no cops outside, unless you count Jesse, who is only half a cop and passed out on the lawn again. Kevin shakes him awake and asks if he needs a ride home. He says no but gets in the car with Kevin and Zac anyway. Zac doesn't seem very happy about it, but he doesn't say anything and just slouches down as far as he can in the passenger seat. This night has taken so many turns, Kevin thinks. One minute he's wanting to die, the next he's about to come in his pants, and the next his boyfriend is mad at him for being a nice person.

Jesse doesn't even realize he's not driving himself for the entire drive, let alone that there are other people in the car.

"I shouldn't be driving," Jesse keeps saying.

"I know," Kevin says. "Where do you live?"

He drops Jesse off in front of a house he hopes is actually Jesse's, and starts driving back to Zac's house.

"You're still going to the airport with me tomorrow, right?" Kevin says.

"Can I stay at your house tonight?" Zac says. He sounds like a little kid asking for something that's impossible.

"Always," Kevin says. He holds Zac's hand the rest of the drive.

~*~

They have wake up early the next morning to get to the airport to pick up Kevin's brothers. Zac wakes up earlier, though, because Kevin is alone in his bed when he opens his eyes. He hopes Zac didn't freak out again and just go home.

Kevin goes downstairs and peeks out the window. His mom's car isn't here, but Zac's still is. His body is completely flooded with relief. Where is Zac, though? He checks the kitchen, and the front deck. He wasn't in the upstairs bathroom, so Kevin goes to look in the downstairs when notices his dad's office door is halfway, and there's movement inside. Nobody goes in there but his dad, and his dad is definitely still not home. Oh, God, did somebody break into the house and kidnap Zac?

Kevin's not normally a brave person, but he can't just let a stranger into his mother's home. He stands off to the side, around the corner, and slowly pushes the door the rest of the way open with one hand and balls the other into a fist. He's never punched anyone in all seriousness before, but he thinks he could do it.

Zac is sitting on Kevin's dad's office sofa with his face in a book.

"Oh, thank God," Kevin gasps, clutching his chest.

"Jesus!" Zac says. "You scared me."

"You scared me," Kevin says. "What are you doing in here?"

"I had to pee," Zac says.

"You didn't pee in here, did you?"

"No, I'm not drunk anymore," Zac says. He snaps the book he was looking at closed and puts it back on its shelf. Kevin stays in the doorway. Even he feels weird about being in here without his dad. "I just came downstairs and your mom wasn't home so I started opening doors to find the bathroom. I just kind of wandered in here and looked around a little. Hope that's okay."

"Yeah, sure," Kevin says. "Just don't tell my dad. He flips out if people touch his stuff."

Zac comes over and kisses Kevin good morning. His breath tastes like the peppermint candies Kevin's dad keeps on his desk. He wonders how long Zac was in here, and what he was doing. Okay, Kevin needs to stop thinking like that. All Zac did was eat a mint and read a book in a home office. He didn't know there was a stigma upon entering it without the supervision of the man of the house. If Kevin's dad doesn't want anybody in here, then he should put a padlock on the door.

"You ready to go to the airport?" Kevin says.

"Is your mom still gone?" Zac says. Zac grabs Kevin by the hand and drags him into the bathroom, closes and locks the door.

"Yeah," Kevin says. "She probably went to the grocery store."

"I have this shower all to myself, then?" Zac turns on the faucet.

"No," Kevin grins, and shuts the shower curtain behind them.

~*~

Driving to the airport is stressful for Kevin, and plus he feels guilty about how illegal it is since he isn't licensed to operate an automobile. Zac tries to cheer him through it.

"You're doing a good job," Zac says. He's staying on his side of the car this time. He's completely relaxed, opening and closing his hand out the window, like he's trying to catch the air.

"People keep going around me," Kevin says.

"You go as fast as you want," Zac says. "The speed limit is basically only a suggestion."

They get there too early and have to leave and drive back around twice because they're not allowed to park and wait. Kevin makes Zac do this; he's had enough practice for today. Finally, Joe texts him and says he and Nick are waiting.

"There, there they are," Kevin points frantically like a little kid. He barely waits for Zac to come to a complete stop before he's out of the car and rushing towards his brothers. "Hey!"

"Kev!" Joe drops everything he's holding, including what is probably his laptop case with fragile contents, and practically jumps into Kevin's arms, almost knocking them both to the ground. Kevin feels like he could strangle Joe with the strength of how much he missed him.

"I could kill you!" Kevin says.

Nick is less outwardly emotional. "Don't say that so loud here," he says when Kevin pulls him in for a hug. "We're at the airport."

"Duh," Joe says.

"I missed you guys so much," Kevin says.

"Get a life, bro," Joe says.

"Hey," Zac says from the curb, avoiding looking on at the brotherly display. He seems particularly moved by their reunion. Kevin thought he'd think it was silly, but he looks like he's almost in pain. "We should probably get moving."

"Hey, Zac!" Joe says. "Kevin's told us a lot about you."

Zac nods a response.

Kevin carries half of his brothers' luggage as Zac goes around to open his trunk. He asks quietly, "Are you okay?"

"Fine," Zac sniffs.

"We can talk later, okay?" Kevin says.

Zac just puts the luggage in the car and gets in the driver's seat. Joe looks a little confused, while Nick looks like he doesn't give a care even though he probably does, on the inside. Kevin's annoyed that Zac is being this rude in front of his brothers, of all people. They didn't do anything to him. The car ride home is quieter than Kevin would've liked. He wants to joke around with his brothers, who he missed like he would miss missing limbs, but he's afraid he can't because it'll upset Zac. It's like being around his father.

When they get back to the house, Zac parks in the driveway but doesn't turn off the ignition.

"Good to see you guys again," Zac says lifelessly as he pops the trunk. "I hope you have a good visit home."

"You guys head inside," Kevin says. Joe and Nick get out to get their luggage and haul it up to the house. Kevin watches them for a moment, and then turns back to Zac. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing," Zac says.

"You weren't being very friendly to my brothers," Kevin says sorely. "I thought we could all get along and hang out."

"It's not them."

Zac rubs his hand over his face and keeps it over his mouth like he's trying to stop something from coming out of it. Tears gather in his eyes suddenly, making them look even bluer and brighter than normal, like gems underwater. He leans his head back and gasps through his fingers, trying to keep himself from full-on crying. Kevin's heart starts to break. He's never seen Zac like this before, never knew he'd have to. He didn't know Zac had anything like this inside him.

"What is it?" Kevin says softly.

"I've never really - talked to anyone," Zac voice cracks, and his throat becomes mucousy with emotion. He really sounds like he's never told anyone about this before. "My brother is - I miss my little brother. I guess seeing you guys all together really hit me hard."

"Where is he?" Kevin says.

"Halfway across the world," Zac says.

"Hey, I understand that. My brothers --"

"I don't know when I'll get to see him again," Zac interrupts him. He blinks and a couple tears roll down his cheeks. He wipes them away furiously like he really doesn't want them to exist.

Kevin doesn't know what to say. He wants to ask more about Zac's family -- he's been curious about Zac's parents-- but Kevin's afraid to upset him. If Zac wants to tell him about it, he will. All he can do is offer his hand for Zac to hold on to. He offers his hand; Zac holds on.

"Thanks, Kev," Zac says. He sucks snot up his nostrils. "You've been so - helpful to me."

"Happy to help," Kevin says.

"I should go," Zac says. "I'm not really in a visiting mood tonight."

"Okay, well, hey. Come by for breakfast tomorrow?"

"Sure," Zac says, and he smiles, though he doesn't seem to be behind it.

~*~

Kevin wakes up the next morning to music punching him in the face and Joe wailing along and running up and down the hall.

"You're like a 5-year-old," Kevin yells.

"You know you love me," Joe belts out. "I know you care. Just shout," he leans into Kevin's doorway and shouts, "When-ev-er! And I'll be there."

"What is this? It's awful," Kevin moans. He gets up and goes out into the hallway where the music is even louder. It squeezes his body against his will and he hugs himself to keep it away.

"Justin Bieber!" Joe yells. "You've never heard this before?"

"What is it with Justin Bieber? Is he popular or something?"

Joe stops his flailing long enough to give Kevin the biggest disappointed look ever aimed at him, and he's disappointed a lot of people for a lot of reasons before, but never something like this.

Nick comes upstairs and says something, but nobody can hear it over the music, because he's never yelled in his life. Kevin doesn't think he has that amount of interest in him.

"What?!" Joe says.

Nick takes matters into his own hands and storms into Joe's room himself to turn the music off.

"Mom said to turn it down," Nick says. "Justin Bieber is creepy anyway."

"No he's not," Joe protests.

"How old is he?" Kevin says.

"He's sixteen," Joe says defensively. "So what? He's talented."

"And he has a billion dollars and a weird Christian mom and little girls start riots over him," Nick says.

"Ew," Kevin says. He can't imagine being that young and successful, with tons of money and a mob of screaming girls all around him wherever he went. Thank God he's too old to even consider that happening for him now. Well, it probably wouldn't work out that way, anyway. He's not exactly a shining beauty bringing ships to shore. Maybe if Joe wanted to do that, he could. Nick is too much of a cornhole.

"Breakfast is almost ready," Nick informs them as he goes back downstairs.

"Is Dad home yet?" Kevin asks. Their dad has been away from home for a few days. Mom said he had to take a quick trip, but Kevin doesn't know how quick.

"Nah," Joe says. "Why? Is Zac coming over?"

"Zac comes over when Dad's here," Kevin says. "How do I look, though? How do I smell?"

"You could cure sensory deprivation at the South Pole," Joe says seriously.

"What?" Kevin says.

"Let's go eat," Joe slaps the side of Kevin's face before leaping down the stairs.

~*~

Zac is a little late, but he does end up joining them all for breakfast. He knocks on the back door rather than the front, which is near the kitchen, and Kevin gets up from the table where he's eating with his family, sans father, to greet him at the door and give him a quick kiss good morning. Zac looks tired, and his hair is still wet from his morning shower like he rushed over as soon as he woke up, or as soon as he realized it was breakfast time inbetween fits of not sleeping, anyway.

When Zac goes to Kevin for his kiss, he digs into Kevin's shirt with trembling fingers that grip tight like they couldn't stand not holding on to Kevin. He's breathing like he's got something in his mouth he can barely breathe around.

"What's the matter?" Kevin murmurs. He pulls Zac in close and cards his hand through Zac's wet hair, over and over. There are tangles in it, so he tries to smooth it out.

"I'm sorry," Zac whispers.

"It's okay," Kevin says. "I'm here."

"I don't want you to hate me," Zac says hysterically.

"I could never hate you," Kevin reassures him. He thought Zac was the one holding him together, and he's not sure how or when their roles got reversed.

"You're just - you're more important to me than I was expecting."

"I know," Kevin says. "You're important to me too."

"I know," Zac says. He lays his head on Kevin's shoulder heavily. The repetitive motion of Kevin untangling his hair seems to calm him down a bit, and he sighs deeply. "Is everyone here?"

"Yeah, but we don't have to join them. We can go upstairs if you want, or outside or anywhere."

"No, I want to," Zac smiles.

Kevin thinks that was quite the emotional turnaround. He doesn't know what particularly Zac was upset by, but he's guessing it's about what they talked about the night before. Zac is probably just really missing his family, and Kevin brought up all those feelings by making him go with him to the airport to pick up his brothers and witness their joyous reunion. Kevin feels bad that Zac is sad about being separated from his family, but he didn't know about it. He's determined to make Zac feel as a part of his family as he can.

~*~

"Good, I'm glad you're here, Zac," Joe says when they get back to the dining room. "I brought something that's gonna make every trip balls."

"I don't want to do drugs with my family," Kevin says. "That's gross."

"It's not drugs," Joe says. "Right?"

"It's not," Nick says. "It's Miracle Berry Fruit Tablets."

"They make sour things taste sweet," Joe says.

"I bought lemons," Mom sing-songs as she brings in bowl of sliced lemons from the kichen. "There's some pineapple and apple slices there, too."

"Okay," Joe says, placing a tablet in everyone's palm, "put one of these in your mouth and don't swallow your spit until it's completely gone. Swish the spit around in your mouth so it completely soaks every nook and cranny."

"I don't get it," Kevin says.

"Neither do I, just do it," Joe says.

They all stand around the dining room table, not talking. The tablets taste like chewable aspirin. He doesn't feel them doing anything, so that's good. Kevin rubs the tablet all over the roof of his mouth to try to make it dissolve faster. Joe finishes dissolving his first, and he takes a lemon slice and devours it.

"Mmph," Joe moans. "This is so cool."

"You done is a miwion time," Nick says with his mouth full of spit.

"So?" Joe says. He shoves a chunk of pineapple in his mouth. "Science is amazing."

Kevin whittles his tablet down to a tiny nub and just swallows the rest of it. He wants to see what the big deal is. When he takes a bite of the lemon slice, half of his tongue picks it up as being the sweetest thing in the world, but the other half must not've gotten coated well enough, because it's sour as hell.

"Ugh," Kevin spits the lemon out. "Mine didn't work all the way."

Zac tries the lemon next. "Oh, wow. It is sweet!" He eats an apple and a pineapple next. "It's like eating candy."

"But it's not!" Joe says.

"No more cavities," Mom says. She seems only mildly impressed, like she's tripped out on crazy flavors before. "Where'd you get these, Joe?"

"Someone at school has a bunch of boxes," Joe says. "I'm totally addicted to them."

"Well, just don't eat too many lemons," Mom says.

Joe starts to whine that he's an adult, and Nick leaves the room with the bowl of fruit.

Zac leans in to whisper into Kevin's ear, "I wonder how my dick would taste with these."

"Like apple pie, I'm sure," Kevin says.

~*~

The four of them hang out inside the house most of the day. Joe and Zac spend a large chunk of time teaching Kevin all about Justin Bieber and make him listen to most of Justin Bieber's discography. Kevin's still not a fan by the end of it, but if it makes others happy, he can't hate.

"Can we please go outside?" Nick bugs them. Joe makes to go upstairs. "Without your boombox?"

They don't go outside too far, only making it down to the beach in front of the house. Kevin puts on his swim shorts - he'd get kicked out of Catholic school for wearing them, because they're about 10 inches above the knee, and floral, but he likes them. He asks Zac if he wants to borrow a pair of shorts to swim in, too, but Zac takes one look at what Kevin's wearing and shakes his head fondly.

"I'll borrow some pants to change into," Zac says. "Those look good on you, though."

Zac's gloominess from this morning seems to have completely disappeared, which Kevin is glad for. He can't stand Zac being troubled and not knowing what to do about it. Zac simply existing is usually enough to bring Kevin out of any funk, but he's not sure it's the same for Zac with him.

Kevin wades into the water just far enough so he's not standing on sand at the bottom anymore. Joe and Nick go out even further, like they always do. Metaphor for Kevin's life. Zac paddles around him.

"You ever been surfing?" Zac says. He floats close to Kevin and wraps his legs around Kevin's waist and his arms around Kevin's neck. Kevin starts to sink and has to push himself back up by kicking his feet furiously.

"Me?" Kevin spits water out of his mouth. He fits his arms around Zac's back and feels the lean muscle there. He still doesn't fully understand why Zac is attracted to him when Zac's body is like this and Kevin's is... like that. Zac is fit, and Kevin isn't, and that's that. "No. I don't think I'd be any good at it."

"Maybe me and you can go someday," Zac says, but he sounds far away, looking out at the open water, still holding onto Kevin like a buoy.

"Sure," Kevin says.

~*~

That's the day Kevin's dad comes home from his quick trip. He pays little attention to Kevin and completely ignores Zac's existence while Joe and Nick try to tell him about their adventures away from home. Everyone is aware of how tense the atmosphere is, but nobody knows what to do about it, so they just plow through the evening as best they can. After dinner later, Zac tries to leave.

"I've been here all day," Zac protests when Kevin tries to get him to stay.

"Are you sick of me already?" Kevin says.

"I just don't want to bother you," Zac says, eyeing the living room, where Kevin's mom and dad are watching TV with Joe and Nick.

"You're not bothering me," Kevin rubs his shoulder reassuringly. "Come on, we can go lay down early. You look exhausted."

"Like shit, huh?" Zac smiles sleepily. "I think I'm getting sick."

They say good night to everyone in the house and go up to Kevin's room.

"I don't want that boy in our house anymore," Kevin hears his dad say.

"Which one?" He hears Joe say defensively. It makes Kevin feel good that his brothers will always have his back.

Kevin offers a warm shirt for Zac to wear, but Zac says Kevin is enough.

Kevin props himself up against the headboard and Zac uses his belly as a pillow. Kevin pets his hair while he falls asleep. He's just starting to doze off himself when Zac's phone buzzes on the nighstand. He doesn't want it to disturb Zac right now, so he picks it up to try to turn it off. He can't help it, though, and he looks at who's calling. The screen says Dylan. Kevin tries to set the phone back down on the table, but it falls on the floor. He can't reach it from here, no matter how hard he tries to make his arm stretch unnaturally. His reaching jostles Zac awake.

"Mmph," Zac says. "What is it?"

"Your phone was ringing and I accidentally dropped it," Kevin says. "Who's Dylan?"

Zac sits up like he was catapulted. "Where is it?"

"Down there," Kevin says. "I was trying not to wake you."

"What are you doing answering my phone?" Zac is out of bed and searching Kevin's messy floor.

"I didn't answer it, I just looked at it," Kevin says.

"Well, don't," Zac says.

He gets back in bed and grips his phone in his fist instead of holding on to Kevin for the rest of the night.

~*~

In the morning, Zac is sick. His nose is stuffed up and running at the same time, and his throat is scratchy.

"Good morning," Zac rasps out.

"Hey, sexy voice," Kevin says. "Do you have to go to work?"

"I''m on vacation," Zac says. "Hey, I'm sorry about last night. I'm just really like, protective of my stuff."

"It's okay," Kevin says, though he was confused by the visceral reaction.

"Dylan is my brother," Zac says.

"Oh," Kevin says. He doesn't know what to say, so he just tries to kiss Zac, but Zac pushes him away.

"I don't want you to get sick," Zac says. He turns his head quickly to sneeze into his pillow. A blob of snot comes out.

"Ugh," Zac moans. He throws the snotty pillow on the floor and lays his head flat on the mattress.

"Oh, honey," Kevin says, and then, he freaks out for a minute. He's never called anyone honey in his life. Is Zac interested in being called honey by Kevin? Is Zac Kevin's honey?

Kevin wraps his arm over Zac and scoops him up so his head can lay on Kevin's pillow, right next to Kevin's head. He puts his fingers under Zac's chin to bring their lips together, and he kisses Zac, open-mouthed. Zac's upper lip totally tastes salty with snot, and Kevin doesn't care. Zac is his honey.

Zac tries to leave again, but Kevin stops him. Who's going to take care of Zac while he's sick? Zac insists he doesn't need taking care of, but everyone needs taking care of. Kevin wants to take care of Zac. Mom insists Zac stay, too, and brings some soup up for him at lunchtime. Zac seems grateful for the attentions. Kevin doesn't know the last time Zac got to see his own family, got to be taken care of by them.

Kevin spends his day lying in bed with Zac with the blinds closed, the lights off, and the door halfway open. Kevin likes it - being shut away from the world with Zac. When he puts his hand on Zac's bare skin, he feels the feeling you get when you press down on something in a hot skillet with a spatula, like a sizzling all the way up his arm. He wants to fuck. He doesn't know if Zac is infecting him with his sick germs, or if he's been in bed for too long, but he feels like he's trapped inside a fire. After a little while, inevitably, they discover Zac can breathe through his nose only during the seconds immediately after he has an orgasm. Kevin helps Zac breathe through his nose all afternoon. A few times, Zac helps Kevin lose his breath in return.

Finally, he fingers Zac open with the hand lotion he keeps on his bedside table and fucks him like a slow fever. Zac keeps his eyes closed, and the only way Kevin knows he's not asleep is by the way Zac arches up to move with him, or he squeezes Kevin's arm when Kevin does something particularly good.

Kevin's mom calls up the stairs, "Boys, dinner's ready!"

Kevin comes with a gasp pressed into the hot skin of Zac's shoulder. Fuck, he forgot the door was open. He hopes his dad heard everything.

"Fuck," Zac groans, finishing himself off. He takes a big breath in through his nose while he can.

"Okay," Kevin calls back to his mother, his voice trembling to match his body.

"Fuck, Kevin," Zac chuckles a little, hopefully at Kevin's mom calling them for dinner in the middle of their fucking and not something else.

"Feel better?" Kevin says.

"Much," Zac says, his plugged up nose already back.

"I've never really done that before," Kevin has to admit.

"Fine with me," Zac says, grinning wildly up at him, eyes bright and full. He smacks his hand against the side of Kevin's face and forces him down for a kiss. "Let's get down there before they come up here, shall we?"

Kevin can't believe he was worried about calling Zac his honey earlier when he should've been worried about how he's actually, full-blown in love with Zac.

~*~

Zac insists he go home the next morning. Kevin goes with him and spends all day in bed with him again while Zac snots and sneezes. Before they go to sleep for the night, Kevin tries to convince him to take some Nyquil, but Zac says he can't mess with that shit. It gives him restless legs.

Zac is propped up over Kevin in the dark on his low bed. It's hot, but the humidity is low, so there's a minimal stickiness in the air. Kevin can hear himself breathing heavily through his mouth - he's probably getting Zac's cold - and he's so incredibly close to sleep when Zac sweeps a finger over Kevin's lower eyelids, taking care to touch every one of Kevin's eyelashes.

"Mm," Kevin groans.

"They do this to people before they execute them by lethal injection," Zac says. His touch is so gentle, so intimate. "To make sure they're paralyzed. How fucked up is that? The last human contact you'd have would be the person killing you touching your eyelashes."

"You're not going to execute me, are you?" Kevin says, his eyes twitching with life. He tries to open them but he can't, and he gets the feeling Zac doesn't want him to, anyway.

"No," Zac says. He lies down next to Kevin but doesn't take his hand off Kevin's face.

~*~

Kevin is at home alone for the first time in a while. Zac's been busy all week with work, which is unusual. He really just seems as if he's trying to avoid Kevin. Mom took Joe and Nick shopping, and Dad is at work.

Kevin is sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at his toes. They're still painted gold, though the tips are chipped here and there. Zac's fingerprints are still all over them. Zac's fingerprints are all over everything about him, he thinks. His mind starts wandering - maybe he should look Zac up on the sex offender registry. Zac got really scared when there was even a hint of the cops showing up, that one time. Maybe he's been in trouble before. He doesn't really know Zac that well at all.

What is he thinking? That's not normal. People can't just go around accusing their boyfriends of being sex offenders. He looks back at his toes.

He wonders if he can get someone he knows to run Zac's prints -- Jesse owes him a favor. He's practically a cop. But he isn't even sure Jesse remembers that, or if he was serious about it - and what's he going to ask, anyway? Hey, can you check the prints on my toenails against your criminal database? Kevin needs to stop thinking like that.

Kevin needs to stop going through the contacts on his phone. He needs to stop dialing Jesse's number.

"Hello?"

"Hello, Jesse? It's Kevin Jonas."

"Hey Kevin! How's it going? Bro, I just got my girlfriend pregnant."

"Congratulations," Kevin says. "Hey, I was wondering if I could ask you a favor."

"Sure," Jesse says. "What is it?"

~*~

Kevin hopes to hear from Zac before he goes through with this plan. He asks his mom if he can borrow her car as soon as her and his brothers get home, and drives himself into town. Zac doesn't call or stop by. That's not exactly going in his favor right now.

Kevin can't really believe he's doing this. He let himself plant a seed in his mind, and Kevin needs to dig it out before it grows any bigger.

"I must say, this is one of the weirdest favors," Jesse says.

"I know, but it's all I have," Kevin says. Jesse lifts Zac's prints off of Kevin's big toenail and leaves Kevin alone at his desk. He's gone for a while, and when he comes back, he hands Kevin a piece of paper.

"He's clean," Jesse says.

"Thanks," Kevin says to Jesse, almost disappointed that Zac hasn't murdered anyone, so he'd have a valid reason to be upset with him.

"Now you owe me one, dawg," Jesse says.

"I don't think that's how favors work. We're even now."

"No, man, just don't tell anyone I did this."

"Sure, no," Kevin says.

~*~

After days of not seeing Zac at all, he shows up at the house unannounced. Joe answers the door and goes upstairs to get Kevin, who is buried beneath his blankets trying to suffocate himself. He's so pathetic.

Joe feels around on top of tha blankets until he finds where Kevin's head is. Then he grabs it and yells at him like he's deaf. "Zac is here!"

"Okay," Kevin says.

Joe rips the blankets off his, which doesn't really work out, because Kevin is lying on top of them as well as being covered by them. He ends up falling on the floor, too.

"Get up and get down there," Joe says.

Kevin shuffles pathetically down the stairs. Zac is waiting for him outside on the front deck. As soon as he sees Kevin, he smiles sadly. Kevin feels guilt punch him in the gut for getting Zac's fingerprints tested. How could he ever do such a thing? Zac's been nothing but good to him the whole time they've been together. Kevin goes outside to join him and shuts the door behind him, but he can see Joe spying on them anyway.

"I'll be your lookout," Joe yells through the glass.

Zac sits down in a chair, and Kevin sits in the one next to him. He presses their shoulders together apologetically. It hasn't been that long, but he missed Zac. He misses people powerfully when they're not with him.

"Is this damp or cold?" Kevin says. He lifts off the chair and sits back down. "Damp."

"Sucks to be you, damp-butt," Zac says.

"I've been damper," Kevin says.

"I thought I better not come by for a while, since your dad wants me dead and all," Zac explains.

"I didn't think you were afraid of him," Kevin says. He lays his head on Zac's shoulder, though it hurts his neck and spine to do so.

"I just didn't want to get caught," Zac says strangely. Caught doing what? Fucking? Kevin wouldn't care about that a bit.

"Well, not to be clingy, but I missed you," Kevin says.

"I missed you, too."

~*~

Zac stays the night. Kevin doesn't go down for dinner when he's called, and they just stay in bed together, talking.

"I should go back to school," Kevin says. He's playing with Zac's hair, which has gotten long the past few weeks, and flops over his face.

"You should," Zac says, his mouth smashed half into a pillow. "You're very smart."

"Oh, stop," Kevin says faux-bashfully.

"What if I had to leave?" Zac says suddenly.

"If you have to go, that's fine," Kevin says. He was looking forward to waking up with Zac, but it's okay.

"I mean, if I left. Like, the country."

Kevin's heart stops.

"What do you mean?"

"My boss is getting ready to transfer me," Zac says. "To where my brother is. We had a deal, and I finished my project, so he's helping me get there."

"So you are leaving?" Kevin says. "This isn't a what-if scenario."

"I'm leaving," Zac says.

"When?" Kevin says.

His mind is full and blank at the same time. What is he going to do? He wants to be with Zac. He wants to go with Zac, that's his immediate reaction to Zac's leaving. If he had to pack all of his things in 5 minutes, he'd do it.

A door slams downstairs.

"Where is he?" Kevin hears his dad yell.

"Tonight," Zac says. He's getting up and going to the window. You can climb down pretty easily; Kevin's done it before with his brothers. "I had to see you again."

"Where are you going?" Kevin says. He goes to the window and stares dumbly as Zac shimmies out. He feels hysterical but to himself he sounds calm, like this is perfectly normal, like it's what he expected all along.

Zac is halfway out the window and Kevin kisses him goodbye.

His dad storms up the stairs just as Zac is out of the house for good.

"Where is he?" Kevin's dad screams. "He has fucking - sabotaged all of my hard work. Did you help him?"

"He's not here," Kevin says. He doesn't know his dad is talking about at all, but things start to click.

"Get out," Kevin's dad says. "Out of my house!"

Kevin takes his dad's keys from the fruit bowl in the kitchen. Zac's car is gone, but he can't be that far yet.

~*~

Kevin finds Zac's car parked a few miles down the road, at their empty beach. The sun is nearly all the way set, and everything is gold and looks like it's in a dream - it's magic hour.

Zac is sitting on the beach by himself, hugging his knees close to his body.

"I lied to you," Zac says. "I was using you to get back to my family."

It hits Kevin like a cannon ball. The wind is completely knocked out of him, to hear the truth like that. He thinks he might've known all along, that Zac just wormed his way into Kevin's life for his own purposes. That doesn't mean what Kevin felt wasn't real.

"I love you," Kevin says.

"You don't love me," Zac says.

"Yes I do," Kevin says. He sits down carefully next to Zac and puts his arm around him. "Don't argue with me."

"I'm leaving," Zac tries to struggle out of Kevin's hold on him. "Let go of me."

"I can't."

He kisses Zac's cheek, tenderly, his eyelids. Zac's eyelids flutter beneath his lips, and Kevin knows it all wasn't a lie. He knows Zac is still alive and that they love each other, no matter what brought them together.

"I'm leaving, too," Kevin says.

~*~ THE END~*~