And Woke Up with a Handful of Goo
Title: And Woke Up with a Handful of Goo
Pairing: Joe Trohman/Pete Wentz
Summary: Pete is a snail and Joe cares for him.
Notes: One of those "someone turns into something for some reason" type deals. fmith was maybe thinking about getting a snail for a pet, and idk, I wanted to encourage her in this beautiful endeavor. SNAILS!!!
There's something on Hemmy's head. Hemmy greets Joe after he lets himself in when there was no answer at Pete's front door, and when Joe goes to pet him, there's something on his head. Joe kneels down to get a closer look. He hopes it's not like, a tumor or a wad of chewed gum or whatever.
It's not. It's a snail. It's a snail that is clearly Pete Wentz. It has little markings all over its body, like tattoos, and there's even a Bartskull on its shell.
"You can't even be a snail without that stupid thing, can you?" Joe asks Pete the snail. He's sort of disappointed when there's no answer. Pete turning into a snail is pretty cool, but Pete turning into a talking snail would be even cooler.
Joe takes Pete from Hemmy's head to take him someplace safer. Hemmy growls some, but Joe reassures him, "I'm gonna take good care of him, buddy, don't worry," and Hemmy calms down because he's a genius dog who understands human speech. Joe thinks it would be ultra cool if Hemmy could talk.
Pete is kind of dirty and hairy from being stuck to Hemmy's head for however long, so Joe takes him to the bathroom to clean him up. He fills the sink up with a small amount of water and uses Pete's toothbrush to gently scrub at Pete's shell and soft snail body. Joe thinks Pete must like this, because he curls his body around the brush and waves his eye stalks around.
"Man, I wish I had eye stalks," Joe tells Pete. "You're so lucky right now." He sets Pete and his shoulder like a pirate might and gets his phone out to make a call. There's only one person in the world he knows who could help him figure out why Pete is suddenly a snail and how to turn him back.
"Hello Joe Troh," Alex Suarez answers.
"Hey, Alex. Listen, I have a little problem."
"What's up?"
"Pete is a snail."
"Oh, can he talk?" Alex says excitedly.
"No, dude. It's a total ripoff."
"Yeah, that really blows." Alex sounds as disappointed as Joe felt earlier.
"You got any ideas of why he might be a snail?" Joe asks.
"Yeah, stuff like this happens in fanfictions all the time," Alex says.
"Really?"
"Yeah, people turn into like, koalas and pencils and cupcakes and dolphins and everything."
"How does it happen?"
"Well, let's see." Alex pauses to make thinky noises. "Has Pete been cursed by anyone lately?"
Joe shrugs, then unshrugs quickly, because he doesn't want to squish Pete into his neck. "It's likely."
"Is he repressing any gay desires?"
"That is more than likely." Joe knows for a fact that Pete represses gays feelings for at least 12 people on a daily basis.
"Has he made any wishes?"
"Probably."
"Is he a wizard?"
"He wishes."
"One of those reasons is usually why these things happen. The problem normally solves itself after a few days," Alex says like he's just written a prescription for Snailtussin.
"Okay, cool. I guess I'll just hang out here with him until he turns back."
"Good luck with that."
"Thanks, Alex, you're a real pal."
Joe lets Pete ooze around his body for a couple hours. It feels kind of like that goo you get from the gumball machines at the grocery story is roaming all over his skin. Joe's careful not to let Pete on the carpet, because he doesn't want him to get all hairy and dry and crusty like that goo would. Joe also stops him whenever he creeps towards his crotch, which is often. Joe knows for certain now that Pete must've turned into a snail because of the gay repression thing. He's not sure he's ready to have sexy encounters with a snail at this point in his life, no matter how cool it would be, so he keeps Pete above his waist, just like how he likes it in his human form.
Joe thinks maybe he's suffering from gay repression a little bit, too, because he finds himself becoming annoyed that Pete only wants to touch his dick when he's in his snail form. Or maybe being a snail allows him to let go of his inhibitions. Or maybe Joe's crotch is just warm.
"Oh!" Joe says. "I better make you a home." Joe finds a giant, clear glass bowl in Pete's cupboards. He puts it under the light on the dining room table and gathers leaves from outside for Pete to eat or play in or whatever snails do with leaves. He should probably look it up, but Pete seems happy enough in his new home already.
Joe watches him for a while and then gets bored. He really wishes Pete could talk, it would be so much more fun.
"Hey, Pete, you wanna play Uno?" Joe asks. He goes through drawers until he finds the deck of Uno cards. Pete beats him two out of three, even though he's a snail with a snail brain and no hands.
"Okay, you know what," Joe says, standing up with the air of a mostly sober man who just lost a card game to a snail, "I think it's time for bed." Joe grabs Pete's bowl and takes it to Pete's room. He places it on the bed, on Pete's side, and gets underneath the covers on the other side. He tries to fall asleep, but he feels strange, because he's in bed with a snail for whom he apparently has repressed gay feelings.
"It would be awesome if you weren't a snail," Joe tells Pete. "It was cool for like five hours, but now it's getting kind of old, you know? We could be having so much gay sex right now, but nooooooo, you have to go and keep on being a snail."
Pete tucks his eye stalks in towards his head and appears to pass out.
"Whatever, see if I care," Joe says. Then he finally passes out too.
Joe wakes up the next morning because someone dumps water and foliage on his head. He opens his eyes to Pete in his human form holding snail Pete's bowl home over his face.
"Hey," Pete says. He's totally naked. "How about that gay sex?"
"Didn't you have a snail brain?" Joe asks.
"No, man, that's why I still beat you at Uno." Pete oozes in a more human-like fashion over to Joe's side of the bed and kisses him.
"Oh, okay, cool," Joe says.
They both stop repressing their gay desires after that.
~*~THE END~*~
Brendon is turned into a live koala, Patrick turns into an inanimate pencil, Ryan Ross is a talking cupcake, and Rodney becomes a dolphin, why not, let's pretend Alex Suarez reads SGA fic too. ILU, FANDOM.
Pairing: Joe Trohman/Pete Wentz
Summary: Pete is a snail and Joe cares for him.
Notes: One of those "someone turns into something for some reason" type deals. fmith was maybe thinking about getting a snail for a pet, and idk, I wanted to encourage her in this beautiful endeavor. SNAILS!!!
There's something on Hemmy's head. Hemmy greets Joe after he lets himself in when there was no answer at Pete's front door, and when Joe goes to pet him, there's something on his head. Joe kneels down to get a closer look. He hopes it's not like, a tumor or a wad of chewed gum or whatever.
It's not. It's a snail. It's a snail that is clearly Pete Wentz. It has little markings all over its body, like tattoos, and there's even a Bartskull on its shell.
"You can't even be a snail without that stupid thing, can you?" Joe asks Pete the snail. He's sort of disappointed when there's no answer. Pete turning into a snail is pretty cool, but Pete turning into a talking snail would be even cooler.
Joe takes Pete from Hemmy's head to take him someplace safer. Hemmy growls some, but Joe reassures him, "I'm gonna take good care of him, buddy, don't worry," and Hemmy calms down because he's a genius dog who understands human speech. Joe thinks it would be ultra cool if Hemmy could talk.
Pete is kind of dirty and hairy from being stuck to Hemmy's head for however long, so Joe takes him to the bathroom to clean him up. He fills the sink up with a small amount of water and uses Pete's toothbrush to gently scrub at Pete's shell and soft snail body. Joe thinks Pete must like this, because he curls his body around the brush and waves his eye stalks around.
"Man, I wish I had eye stalks," Joe tells Pete. "You're so lucky right now." He sets Pete and his shoulder like a pirate might and gets his phone out to make a call. There's only one person in the world he knows who could help him figure out why Pete is suddenly a snail and how to turn him back.
"Hello Joe Troh," Alex Suarez answers.
"Hey, Alex. Listen, I have a little problem."
"What's up?"
"Pete is a snail."
"Oh, can he talk?" Alex says excitedly.
"No, dude. It's a total ripoff."
"Yeah, that really blows." Alex sounds as disappointed as Joe felt earlier.
"You got any ideas of why he might be a snail?" Joe asks.
"Yeah, stuff like this happens in fanfictions all the time," Alex says.
"Really?"
"Yeah, people turn into like, koalas and pencils and cupcakes and dolphins and everything."
"How does it happen?"
"Well, let's see." Alex pauses to make thinky noises. "Has Pete been cursed by anyone lately?"
Joe shrugs, then unshrugs quickly, because he doesn't want to squish Pete into his neck. "It's likely."
"Is he repressing any gay desires?"
"That is more than likely." Joe knows for a fact that Pete represses gays feelings for at least 12 people on a daily basis.
"Has he made any wishes?"
"Probably."
"Is he a wizard?"
"He wishes."
"One of those reasons is usually why these things happen. The problem normally solves itself after a few days," Alex says like he's just written a prescription for Snailtussin.
"Okay, cool. I guess I'll just hang out here with him until he turns back."
"Good luck with that."
"Thanks, Alex, you're a real pal."
Joe lets Pete ooze around his body for a couple hours. It feels kind of like that goo you get from the gumball machines at the grocery story is roaming all over his skin. Joe's careful not to let Pete on the carpet, because he doesn't want him to get all hairy and dry and crusty like that goo would. Joe also stops him whenever he creeps towards his crotch, which is often. Joe knows for certain now that Pete must've turned into a snail because of the gay repression thing. He's not sure he's ready to have sexy encounters with a snail at this point in his life, no matter how cool it would be, so he keeps Pete above his waist, just like how he likes it in his human form.
Joe thinks maybe he's suffering from gay repression a little bit, too, because he finds himself becoming annoyed that Pete only wants to touch his dick when he's in his snail form. Or maybe being a snail allows him to let go of his inhibitions. Or maybe Joe's crotch is just warm.
"Oh!" Joe says. "I better make you a home." Joe finds a giant, clear glass bowl in Pete's cupboards. He puts it under the light on the dining room table and gathers leaves from outside for Pete to eat or play in or whatever snails do with leaves. He should probably look it up, but Pete seems happy enough in his new home already.
Joe watches him for a while and then gets bored. He really wishes Pete could talk, it would be so much more fun.
"Hey, Pete, you wanna play Uno?" Joe asks. He goes through drawers until he finds the deck of Uno cards. Pete beats him two out of three, even though he's a snail with a snail brain and no hands.
"Okay, you know what," Joe says, standing up with the air of a mostly sober man who just lost a card game to a snail, "I think it's time for bed." Joe grabs Pete's bowl and takes it to Pete's room. He places it on the bed, on Pete's side, and gets underneath the covers on the other side. He tries to fall asleep, but he feels strange, because he's in bed with a snail for whom he apparently has repressed gay feelings.
"It would be awesome if you weren't a snail," Joe tells Pete. "It was cool for like five hours, but now it's getting kind of old, you know? We could be having so much gay sex right now, but nooooooo, you have to go and keep on being a snail."
Pete tucks his eye stalks in towards his head and appears to pass out.
"Whatever, see if I care," Joe says. Then he finally passes out too.
Joe wakes up the next morning because someone dumps water and foliage on his head. He opens his eyes to Pete in his human form holding snail Pete's bowl home over his face.
"Hey," Pete says. He's totally naked. "How about that gay sex?"
"Didn't you have a snail brain?" Joe asks.
"No, man, that's why I still beat you at Uno." Pete oozes in a more human-like fashion over to Joe's side of the bed and kisses him.
"Oh, okay, cool," Joe says.
They both stop repressing their gay desires after that.
~*~THE END~*~
Brendon is turned into a live koala, Patrick turns into an inanimate pencil, Ryan Ross is a talking cupcake, and Rodney becomes a dolphin, why not, let's pretend Alex Suarez reads SGA fic too. ILU, FANDOM.