I only hope one day I can find true happiness. I don't want to feel this way forever...

How can I be physically so close to someone yet feel so far away and alone. I feel like shit. Was tired, shut my eyes for a bit, now can't sleep. Brain is in overdrive. I wish I could just tell him how I feel but I don't even know what that is exactly. I just feel so broken. I am hurting so much.

Night time again and no surprise I can't sleep. We had a surprise overnight in Edinburgh Friday night which was really nice. Then Saturday he had to work. As I tried to sleep I just felt so sick and putting my head on the pillow I just felt so sad is all I can say. I just silently shed some tears and pretend I am ok. I just feel so sad. So broken. ( Read more... )

I find it hard to get my head around all these year's being in a relationship all these memories we have made and now for what. To feel like this? When I look back this journal I feel I was not in a great place then but that's nothing to how I feel now. This is not where I wanted to be in life right now. I just want to be happy. Looking back ( Read more... )

Right now I am not happy here. I don't even want to be where I am.

"It doesn't matter how loyal you are to someone. You can't change someone's heart and bad habits unless they want to themselves"

This seems to ring home alot right now.

13 year's since I've posted in here wow where has the time gone... well I'm still alive! I can't believe this account is even still going. Hurt's some of the things I read through. And thinking now to this present day how much has changed since. To be honest I am only looking to write again because in all honesty I am struggling and not in a very ( Read more... )

I really should update this more often so I wouldn't have so much stuff to make up for! Soooooooo where to start... Well Matthews girlfriend Ailie of over a year, is now pregnant! Yes Matthew is going to be a dad! Meaning I am going to be an aunty! O M G !!!!! So my dad predicted this would happen he doesn't really know what to say on the matter, ( Read more... )

WOW honestly didn't realise it had been that long since I've updated this! Luckily it still exists. It's always good to have somewhere u can't rant away as long as u wish without anyone being there to interfere. Hmm. Where to start! Jeez. A whole years passed since I've updated it! What have I done ( Read more... )

In relation to the last post - I got everything sorted out. It was a mishap. Still, annoyed the fuck out of me. But turned out one of the workers hadn't passed the message on properly so =/

The funeral is tomorrow. Can't believe its happening.

Nice one. I got pulled up from work today by the manager and one of the other workers. Discussing what happened on Friday. I was classed as having an "unauthorised absence" big fatty said she was giving me an off the record sort of warning that if it happens again there will be displine involved and went on about how if I went for a new job that ( Read more... )