I Know What A Prince and Lover Ought to Be Part 4- J2 - NC-17
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Jensen is miserable. He goes to the absolute minimum of banquets and fêtes and ducks out as early as he can. Josh and Mack can handle their family's business, and he squashes the guilt he feels at abandoning them/shirking his duty with the reasoning that he'd be more liability than help in his mood. He does no dancing unless Danneel hunts him down and insists--which she does--and then he's listless and inattentive, trying to keep tabs on Jared so he can avoid him without getting caught paying him attention.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Danneel demands at last, eyes narrowed at Jensen. "You haven't been this cranky and mopey since that knight from Alba you had the fling with told you he was going home to marry his seamstress sweetheart from his village." She stops short and her eyes widen. "Ohhh." It's the sound of dawning realization. Jensen is doomed.
Jensen turns to her, palms up in supplication. "Not--" he starts to say.
"Oh my God, who?" Danneel is like one of Jared's scent hounds on a trail. She can pursue for hours, days, running her prey to exhaustion. Jensen knows this from long, long experience.
"Look, I'll tell you, just not here." Jensen gets it out this time and offers Danneel his arm. Her palm in the crook of his elbow is hot like a brand, unhappiness curling into a knot in his gut. Jensen takes her back up to his rooms. This isn't a hallway alcove discussion.
Jensen gives up hunting altogether. He has no way of knowing whether or not Jared will have offered his services on a particular morning, and after a particularly close call--Jensen already halfway into the courtyard before he notices Jared speaking with one of the huntsmen in charge of the dogs, so he ducks quickly back into the castle. It's not a dignified exit, and Jensen spends the rest of the day and the day after playing out horrific what-if scenarios in his head where Jared saw him running away--Jensen is wary of even going near the courtyard where they gather in the early morning.
Twice after that, Jensen dawdles so long trying to stealthily figure out whether Jared has come to the hunt or not before going himself and potentially being caught there with him that he misses the hunt's departure entirely. The first time he tried, Jensen realizes that Jared had not gone out because he runs into him later, awkwardly, near the stables; the second time, Jensen sees Jared coming back with a brace of pheasants across his pommel and feels rightly justified in his paranoia. After that, he just gives up. It leaves him at loose ends and gives him much less of an excuse not to show up to every semi-organized dinner party being hosted at the palace, but sometimes you just have to take a few strategic losses to win.
It doesn't really feel like winning, but Jensen will take what he can get. If a dirty draw is the most he can hope for, well, he's a pragmatist and very good at that indeed. Josh shoots him worried looks, and Mack pesters for answers. Jensen can't tell them, of course, not this, so he lies badly to them (Jensen, after all, only has practice lying for his family, not to them) and changes the subject a lot. He's very glad his parents are still gone. They wouldn't let him get away with this. His siblings can try to call him out on it, but they can't order him to spill if he refuses.
He does a bad job at forgetting it ever happened, like he's told himself firmly he would. He has too much time on his hands and not enough distraction. Preoccupation with a misstep is a dangerous hobby to entertain, damning information easily wormed out of targets and hard to mitigate when you're not thinking clearly in the first place. It's a risk he can't afford.
Mostly Jensen feels stupid, and kind of stupidly upset about the whole thing. Counting stones backwards into a jar doesn't help at all; this time they're all the memories he can't afford to bring up, an additional issue that may make Jensen the most bitter of anything. He's not doing a good job about keeping his foolishness to himself.
Danneel tries mocking him mercilessly to cheer him up, and Jensen wishes, not for the first time, that he'd learned to keep secrets from her. It doesn't help like it normally would. Jensen tells himself this is because none of the other times he's made a private ass of himself have been so much potential trouble, but that's not really the reason, and he knows it.
Someone obviously hates Jensen, because he's done a pretty good job of avoiding Jared at feast and fête and garden party until now. To be honest, a large part of that is simply avoiding as many of the events as he can and leaving as soon as he can get away with it. With their parents gone, the envoy from Ackles is very much in 'hold down the fort' mode and not playing particularly ambitiously. Still, Jensen feels pretty accomplished about the active avoiding he's managed at the events he can't escape. No one seems to have noticed anything strange, and if anyone remarks upon the enmity between the two princes, the break in negotiations between Cortese and Padalecki is an easy excuse.
Tonight, though, Jensen is seated next to Jared at the table again. All he can think is that someone powerful must have it out for him, because Jared isn't even across the table where he'd have to look at him all night, but wouldn't necessarily have to speak to him more than a greeting. Seated like this, they can and have avoided conversation up to this point, but it's awkward, and whoever's in charge of seating should really know better. Jensen can feel the heat from Jared's thigh pressing into his space on the bench.
"Look, this is stupid," Jared says without preamble. The servers haven't even brought the soup to their table yet. Jensen isn't prepared to deal with this without at least soup. He needs something to stare into while he avoids Jared's eyes. Jensen can't decide how to answer.
"That, right there. Just stop it. Whatever, bad ideas, right, I get that, but why are you avoiding me like, like," analogies seem to fail Jared, because he leaves that sentence unfinished and regroups. "We didn't even go to this much trouble when we hated each other. No one's going to suspect anything. Stop worrying about it." Jensen never cared where or what Jared was up to when he hated him for being a Padalecki, at least, not unless it was going to directly impact Ackles. This situation is not the same. "Also, I heard the master of the hunt saying something about how 'that prince from Ackles' stopped contributing, and if the servants start noticing something weird, you can bet pretty soon everyone will."
Jared shoots Jensen a crooked smile, and Jensen feels his resolve cracking a little.
"I never hated you. That was lofty disdain and loathing." Jensen's lips twitch upward against his will, failing to keep an entirely straight face.
"Duly noted," Jared says, and doesn't say another word to him all night. It's a weird tension Jensen walks the rest of the evening, caught between expectation of conversation from the re-establishment of a privately friendly relationship and relief that Jared isn't an idiot and can be counted on to help maintain a public facade.
Jensen is the first to join the hunt the next morning, making excuses for his absence. Jared never shows up, and that right there, that's disappointment. Jensen shrugs it off with the single-minded determination of self-delusion. They take one deer for the feast in two days. It's not nearly enough, and Jensen pledges his aid the next morning as well.
Jared's there the next morning. Jensen very carefully doesn't examine his reaction to his presence. His horse is dancing a bit in place, and he has to control it carefully in the crowded courtyard.
Jensen doesn't engineer it so that they're together at the back, but they are anyway. He thinks Jared may have, but he doesn't know a way to ask gracefully, so he doesn't. Getting outside the palace walls feels like being able to breathe again, even though the morning sea mist is still so thick they might as well be inside the courtyard for all the visibility they've got. Sound is muffled and echoes strangely, distorting distances until shapes loom suddenly out of the fog, closer than they should be.
Jensen tries to keep the tail of their huntsman's horse in sight ahead of him, and then suddenly, like the trees at the edge of the path, Jared breaks black out of the white. Jensen smiles at him briefly, but it's strained and Jensen looks away fast, not sure what to say.
"Would this conversation be more or less awkward if we were both naked for it? The hunt would be scandalized, of course, to have not one but two volunteers--highly skilled volunteers, if I may add--show up in the buff, but I think the real problem would be chafing." Jared shudders dramatically, and Jensen laughs despite himself.
"You're an idiot," he says. And then suddenly, they're friends again, their relationship snapping smoothly back into place. Somewhere high above them, the sun comes out. It's not enough to eat through the fog yet, but it gets lighter by steady degrees. Jensen takes another breath, feeling the heaviness of the palace fall away behind him.
"What the hell is that? That's not a hand!" Jensen complains, throwing down his own cards in disgust. Jared keeps crowing and rakes the little pile of trinkets in the center towards his crossed legs.
"Not my fault you don't know the rules," Jared retorts.
Jensen snorts. "Not my fault you're cheating."
"I don't need to cheat to beat you. I'm just naturally that talented." Jared flicks a little figurine at Jensen's head. He does it from the floor, though, so it doesn't get enough height and bounces off Jensen's stomach.
"You mean you wish you were." It's not the best comeback ever, but it's definitely not the worst, and Jensen takes pride in the fact that he doesn't have to resort to petty violence to make his points. That's practically a victory. Jensen opens his mouth to say as much, but then his stomach growls, loudly, and he stops, embarrassed, mid-potential-snark.
Jared cocks an eyebrow at him. "Miss your feeding time, there, tiger?"
Jensen rolls his eyes. "Don't even start. You're hungry, too. You always are."
Jared gives him a look he can't quite read, a kind of funny almost-smirk that's caught somewhere between confused and a very good attempt at impassive. Then it cracks, falls back down into an easy grin. Familiar territory. "Yeah, ok. I've been hungry for like, at least the past hour."
You wouldn't think that a six-foot-something of hardened knight (even in the less-lumbering Radhishan style) would be a great sneaker, but Jared manages to pull it off somehow. Jensen watches him--not just his ass, or the play of the muscles in his shoulders, mind you--as he eases forward to the corner, then just barely around it. Jared looks back then, and Jensen's eyes snap up to his face where it's safe. The light's dim; there's no way Jared would be able to tell where his eyes were, Jensen is sure of this. Well, sure enough.
Jared motions with his hand, signaling Jensen forward. Jensen moves as quickly and as quietly as he can across the open space of the hallway until he's bumping up against the wall next to Jared. Jared holds up a hand and signals that Jensen should wait, then points a quick finger back down the way they've just come, telling him to watch their back trail. Jared darts across another hallway, pressing up against the wall there, and does his best to sink into the shadows. This is ridiculous. It's like a scouting foray deep into enemy territory, except all they're doing is sneaking down to one of the cold pantries and hoping to filch a loaf--ok, a couple loaves, since it's Jared--of bread and some cheese for a quick midnight snack. If they'd rung for it, a servant would have brought it straight up to Jared's room, but no, that wasn't good enough or something.
The cold pantry they picked is pretty far from the still-busy kitchen hub, and it's in the middle of the night, so they get in and out without anyone seeing them. The trek back to Jared's room is easier, but they still skulk along the walls just for the hell of it. Jared is like a giant child in some ways, and Jensen feels like he's remembering for the first time in a long while how to do something just to enjoy it. At one junction, Jared motions to let Jensen take point if he wants, but Jensen waves him back down. It's because he doesn't want to have to juggle food and play lookout at the same time, obviously, and has nothing at all to do with the fact that Jensen wants to keep his eyes on Jared flitting ahead of him in the dark. Obviously.
Days are filled with idle distraction to make up for the work everyone performs at the parties in the evenings. Official events are kept to a minimum, and guests are mostly left to their own devices. Now that he's not trying to avoid the shit out of Jared, Jensen's actually enjoying those free hours again. He should be making more of an effort not to get too close, guarding himself, his actions and the things he says, more closely. Padaleckis are supposed to be their enemies, but Jared, he just can't make himself believe Jared would mean him harm. Not now. Jensen doesn't know, can't figure out, how he ever got to this point. He knows it's careless, but when it comes down to it, he just doesn't care. He'd rather take the hit if it comes.
A bigger group than usual gathers for the ride. The day is fine, breezy and bright, and much too nice to stay inside. Jensen drags Danneel along for once, but she minds a lot less than he does when the roles are reversed, because she's a good rider and Jensen still can't dance beyond passably well. Jared shows up also, along with a princess from Bell, the princess from Alba, the prince from Warren, and several nobles from Koren by the Sea. Jensen loses Danneel to matchmaker mode in an instant, riding up to make sure Alba and Warren have plenty to talk about while simultaneously distracting Bell with conversation. The Koren by the Sea nobility mostly distract themselves.
Unguarded, Jared's just like the kid Jensen remembers: friendly and open, smile quick and big and honest. It twists Jensen inside to see Jared like that, and he can't decide if he's relieved or appalled to see that something so bright and true in Jared has survived. Their world is cruel, calculating, and it beats those like Jared down. Life is kinder to people like Jensen, people who come ready to build walls.
Something twists in Jensen again when Danneel drops back to rejoin them and Jared's mask drops into place again. It's not something Jensen can quite place, the change. Jared's still friendly, still charming, his smile still quick and wide. There's just this guarded edge to him, a twist to his lips that takes him from complimentary to derisive and back again in a flash. Seeing the change now that he knows what Jared looks like free makes Jensen's stomach clench, makes bitterness rise up in the back of his mouth. The world shouldn't be like this, shouldn't make someone like Jared need to learn to build walls.
It's ridiculous, wanting to protect him from it. Jared doesn't need it. More than capable, he can take care of himself, and Jensen can't protect anyone, not really. Not from the things that really hurt. No one can. Jensen wants to shut out the whole world and give Jared only the best things.
Jared is gracious and charming to Danneel, as crown princess of Harris, but he can't resist throwing fond barbs in Jensen's direction. Jensen rolls his eyes and flips him off, not bothering to grace Jared with a verbal reply. Danneel looks between them, gaze sharpening. "My, aren't we friendly?" It's a very pointed look she's giving them now.
"We're not friends," Jensen protests, carefully affronted. Danneel just gives him a look, the one that means she knows he's lying to her and she's just going to wait patiently till he gives up the ruse and comes clean. She perfected it about the time they stopped dunking various Harris nobility in ponds and seeing just how far up a tree they could get (though granted, the latter was in part because they'd gotten big enough that the little branches at the top stopped taking their weight, combined or separate), and stopped being excused for getting into fistfights at parties hosted for visiting dignitaries. If she couldn't pinch him until he gave up answers, Danneel just had to find another way, and she is at least as good at giving him knowing looks as she ever was at hitting.
Jensen sighs in defeat. "Ok, yes. We're friends."
"I see. Friends, are we?" Danneel says it in a manner that might be perceived as innocent, as long as you didn't already know her as well as Jensen did. She is definitely laughing at him. She extends her hand to Jared, who kisses it, as is proper. "Well, Friend of Jensen, I'm very pleased to make a formal introduction." She spends the next hour putting Jared through his paces, and he seems to enjoy it almost as much as Danneel does.
Danneel doesn't do anything so crass as ask how long Jensen plans on carrying a torch for Jared, but she doesn't have to.
"He makes you happy, in case you hadn't noticed," Danneel tells him instead, unnecessarily condescendingly, if you ask Jensen (but he knows that's in his head). She doesn't ask, of course, because she's like that. Of course, she's also right. Jared does make him happy, like, idiotically so, and Jensen sort of hates the whole world for it because he hasn't been this head over heels for someone possibly ever. It's a bad kind of feeling for their world, and it feels marvelous and heady and they're not even having sex. Sex, now that'd be something. They should have sex. No, they should not have sex. They had sex, and look where it got them. Sex would be a stupid idea.
It's a stupid idea. It is. No, really, a very stupid idea. Bad enough the first time, and Jensen wasn't thinking clearly then. He's had time now, isn't caught up in a moment, and he knows, knows all the reasons he shouldn't, they shouldn't. Still, it's stuck, playing over and over in the front of Jensen's mind. It won't go away, and the more he thinks about it, the more he thinks, not that it's a better idea than before--because clearly it's not--but that he doesn't care so much how fucking idiotic it is.
Danneel isn't helping. It's her fault in the first place, with her insinuations and, and, and she keeps asking him how his borders are, with this sly grin, like she thinks she's being clever. But the thing is, Jensen wants. He still wants Jared, and playing cutely at excuse after excuse that that's not the real reason he's still thinking about this weeks later doesn't actually make him want Jared any less.
'Fuck it,' Jensen mutters to himself, trying to cut off the train of thought. Not quietly enough, though, because Jared catches a little of it.
'What?' he asks, turning his head. They're not doing much of anything, which Jensen doesn't particularly mind.
All Jensen can think of is how fast he thinks he could get Jared's breeches open and him hard in his hand. He blushes bright red, which is a lot more incriminating than just waving it off would be. Jensen tries anyway and fails as spectacularly as he imagined he would. He gets a kiss out of it, though, Jared leaning in quick, one hand curled against Jensen's jaw, and then ducking back again just as fast like he's not sure what Jensen's going to do in response.
Jensen licks his lips, like he's trying to catch the taste, like Jared could have left something of himself behind. He doesn't go after Jared, though, and Jensen's got just enough awareness around all the self-restraint he's exercising to see Jared bury a flash of disappointment.
"Come on," Jensen says, climbing to his feet. "Can't do this properly in a garden. Someone might see us."
Jensen would give away the moon to see Jared smile like that all the time.
Now Jensen fights himself to keep from glancing towards Jared across the room for entirely different reasons. He's used to keeping things discreet--liaisons that are primarily romantic or sexual rather than political can only serve as leverage for others. He's not used to keeping things entirely secret.
By themselves, it's like they inhabit their own, small world. No one else can intrude, and there's nothing but the two of them being what Jensen has to admit is kind of ridiculously sappy. No plots or lying or strategies, and it works a hell of a lot better than mindless counting and recounting rocks ever did. It's impossible, can't last, can't really exist, but it does and is, and Jensen feels light and bright and stupidly happy all the fricking time so he chooses not to care.
With other people around, Jensen keeps a firmer grasp on reality. He can't afford to block everything out, and he wants this whatever it is to continue. That depends on it staying a secret, so he works hard to keep up the illusions necessary to protect them both. Jensen's parents return to Koren by the Sea several days before the official wedding ceremony marking the beginning of the alliance between the principality of Bush and the kingdom of Murray. His parents try to keep a closer eye on him than they usually do because of the drama that occurred just before their departure, but the whirlwind of planning activities they're sucked into due to their close relationship with the bride's side of the family prevents them from doing much more than giving him a cursory lecture when they get back.
Everything is a frenzy of preparation leading up to the wedding itself, which is quick and simple and really not worth all the pomp. Bush and Murray sign treaties laying out the agreement between the two nations. Chad and Sophia sign vows acknowledging their marriage and swearing to uphold their families' obligations as laid out in the treaties. And then there's a big party, food and wine and dancing. It lasts three days and three nights, musicians playing in shifts so that the music never stops. No deals are struck during the celebrations after the wedding. It's the only time anyone really relaxes the entire season, because it's the only time no one has to worry about the arrangements their enemies are forging.
The truce that has held over the entirety of the season lasts another three days' ride from the palace as all the royalty who attended return to their kingdoms, or at least to friendly neighboring kingdoms. Jared returns to Padalecki with the rest of his family rather than traveling back to Rabhadishan as usual. There's speculation, of course, but the furor with Cortese was enough of a scandal that no one is exactly surprised when he goes north instead of south. Jensen knows that has little to do with the decision, but he isn't about to enlighten anyone. Secret relationships don't stay secret if you go blabbing everywhere that your secret boyfriend is in fact going home because it happens to be convenient located next to your own.
The envoy from Padalecki travels east and north, pushing to get within their own borders in the three allotted days. Their borders are well-patrolled, particularly at the end of a season held by neighbors as friends and enemies alike scatter to travel homeward. Jensen's family can't reach their own borders before the cover of Truce lifts, the most direct route, which would still take too long, being through Padalecki lands and therefore inaccessible for them. Instead, they strike for the Shaffer border, straight into the semi-independent principality of Bush. Wedding celebrations will effectively continue for Ackles for most of the journey, as both envoys from Shaffer and Murray are traveling in the same direction. Previously, Ackles hasn't had much to do with Murray, but the alliance created by the wedding realigned the playing field, pulling them closer by their mutual ties. Ackles needs to be poised to reposition themselves in a changed world, so the time spent traveling with Murray will do them good.
Ackles stay several days in Bush before the party breaks up and goes its separate ways. Murray heads north, Sophia with them, and Jensen's relatives from Shaffer proper continue eastward with the group from Ackles. They don't stay in Shaffer long; they don't even go with his mother's family all the way to the capital, but part ways as the road splits, Shaffer to the center of their domain and Ackles following the road south to their own lands.
It takes everyone a few days to settle in, getting their lives and the kingdom back in order after a long absence. On home turf, Jensen and Mack aren't required to act as representatives of the kingdom of Ackles, so while his parents and brother have audiences and meetings to address the problems that arose while they were gone, the two younger children get something of a break at last. Jensen, for one, plans to put his to good use.
"Aren't we a bit old to be sneaking out of the castle?" Jared asks.
"Yeah, maybe if I'd climbed over a wall instead of riding out the front gates, that would be true." It would have been easier if he could have left the horse behind, but without it, Jensen wouldn't have been able to fake going in another direction long enough and then swing around to meet Jared in the demilitarized zone between their castles. The only real dangers in these woods are of the human patrol variety, so they leave their horses tethered in a small clearing without having to worry that they'll be disturbed.
They wander on foot in the tiny wedge of land between the patrols of either kingdom, mindful of the unmarked lines constraining them. They spend a little bit of time hunting--it's their cover story, after all--but don't fret much about not getting anything. Sometimes you just don't, and oh, well that just means they'll have to go out again in a day or two, isn't that a shame? Most of the day is spent in a muddled combination of reliving childhood memories and making new adult ones, forgetting all the ways they're boxed in.
It's good, Jensen relaxing in ways he hasn't been able to for weeks. Jared laughing at his jokes, or laughing at him, or whatever. It's good.
Jensen's never 'hunted' so much in his life. He's going to get a reputation.
Loner, or suddenly incompetent, or he doesn't even know what, for going out so often by himself and bringing back game so infrequently. He doesn't much care. Jensen's just grateful their families have such strict non-communication policies, or someone might start putting together how all their hunts just happen to coincide.
"That bush goes up to your knee! Worst dragon ever! You're such a disappointment to your kingdom."
"Fuck you, I'm not the one who got kicked out of the great hall." The fact that he was six at the time has no bearing on this discussion at all.
"I'll show you kicked out!" The ensuing tussle ends with Jensen smeared with mud and Jared covered in leaves. Jensen's thankful he doesn't have a nursemaid anymore he'd have to try and explain the mess to.
Sometimes they'll bring little travel tents with them and make excuses to stay out overnight. Being just a little too far away from the castle (either castle; it depends on who's telling the story) when night falls; it being better to set up a make-shift camp than to risk the horse's legs in a ride through the dark. These aren't excuses that work often, and too much premeditation sounds suspicious to Jensen's own ears, but they manage to pull it every now and again.
"Sometimes I wished I'd wished for the puppy," Jared says, soft and low. Jared's face is turned towards him, but the tent is dark, and the moonlight coming through the material just barely picks out the line of Jared's cheekbone, the cords in his neck. Jared rolls up onto one side, throwing everything further into shadow, but his hand comes up to rest gently on Jensen's bare shoulder blade, big and warm. "I was like, nine or something. Before I was fostered down in Rabhadishan. I waited half the summer and I thought, if I'd asked for a puppy, maybe my wish would have come true."
Jared never comes out and says exactly what he wished for. Jensen's pretending to be asleep, so he can't ask. They can't keep sneaking around forever. Jensen just can't see a good way out of it, doesn't know how to imagine a world where they won't have to.
Jared doesn't move his hand away, even after he's obviously fallen asleep and the quiet and comfort suck Jensen down after him. Thoughts for the morning. Everything seems clearer in daylight.
In the morning, things aren't better. Jensen thinks he might be in love. This could be really bad.
Jared's got the dog on a leash. He whistles commands and gives her a treat and praise every time she performs correctly. Jensen watches with bemusement as Jared wears the dog out enough to take her off the leash and do a bit of training without it.
"She's from Sadie's newest litter. Really intelligent, got a lot of promise, but she gets excited so sometimes she forgets to come back with whatever you've sent her out to retrieve. I think she'll grow out of it," Jared explains in between administering rewards.
"Sadie? Isn't that what you were going to name your wish-puppy? Isn't she a bit old to be having puppies by now?"
"Different Sadie. Didn't get the first until I was about ten. She was this quick, skinny thing. Perfect for the desert. The second Sadie was one of her puppies. She's been retired--too old for hunting or breeding--down in Rabhadishan now."
"So you just, what, pick a favorite every so often and name it Sadie?" Jensen asks.
"Pretty much." Jared's grin is wicked when he turns to him. "What's the matter, jealous? I could call you Sadie, too, if you like."
"Oh, fuck you," Jensen says in mock anger. "Here, give me that bag of treats. Let me have a try."
"Sadie VII will adore you!"
They get reckless the longer they keep the secret, believe less in the possibility of getting caught. It blows up on them.
"What the hell are you doing?" Josh hisses at him. He sounds angry, but Jensen knows he's worried more than anything. That's why Jensen winces, why he won't meet Josh's eyes. He doesn't have a good answer. "Padalecki? Are you insane?"
"It's ok," Jensen tells him instead. "Jared's a good guy. He's trustworthy."
"He's a Padalecki. That's an oxymoron!" Josh doesn't press the issue, though. Jensen's not sure if he's grateful for Josh's silence on that subject, because the one he moves on to is actually much, much worse. "What about Mom and Dad? I assume they haven't heard yet, because you're still standing and breathing. What are you going to tell them?"
Jensen looks at him then, hopes he doesn't look quite as afraid as he feels. He's been avoiding thinking about that. About the whole thing, because in their little bubble, just him and Jared, none of it has any consequences or real-world implications. It's a different world--one that's crashing down now, and everyone other than his parents he can deal with. He might even be able to get himself sorted out, reconcile the stupid fluttery feelings in his stomach when he thinks about Jared with the fact that they're supposed to be enemies. But his parents, and what they'll think and say, how at best he's being irresponsible, giving Padalecki leverage on Ackles like they haven't had in generations. How at worst he's almost a traitor, because maybe he's not trying to sell them out, but it looks a lot like it in the end. Jensen's been avoiding thinking about that as hard as he possibly can.
Jensen opens his mouth, but he doesn't have an answer. He tries anyway, forcing "I..." from his lips, but stops, lost. Looking at his brother, he feels like a kid again, tiny and always in his older brother's way. Josh looks back, lips a hard line and eyes unreadable. Jensen wishes desperately he knew what to say, what to do. He wishes desperately he knew what his brother was thinking; he's never had to try to read him like a stranger, never been faced with the front Josh presents to outsiders--allies and enemies. Is that what he's done? Is that what he is now?
A high-pitched buzz starts in the back of Jensen's head, drowning out everything else. Jensen can't breathe, but it doesn't matter; he's not sure he's even trying.
And then Josh's mask breaks, his face softens, letting Jensen back in. He's still, he's still, but the relief's too much and he can't finish the thought. It won't come together. "I won't say anything," Josh tells him, meaning their parents. "But Jensen, you need to figure this out. You need to tell them fast, because we're family. I'll keep your secrets till death, but there are a lot of people in this world, and most of them are waiting for us to fall. You say Jared's not one of them; ok, maybe, but sure as hell someone in his family is."
"Ok," Jensen says, closing his eyes, regrouping, trying to think. "Ok." He opens his eyes again, catches his brother's. "Than--"
"Don't thank me. I'm not sure I'm doing you any favors. Just be careful, Jen."
Jensen waits another few days, working up his nerve, before hunting his parents down in private and telling them. His parents just look at him as though he's gone completely mad and wait for him to finish. It doesn't take long.
"What does this mean?" his mother asks at last, slow, like she's tired, even though it's the middle of the afternoon. "What are you trying to say?"
"I," and Jensen stalls out because he doesn't know. His thing with Jared, that's all he's got, all he planned for. Padalecki or not, Jared's not his enemy, and therefore, he's not their enemy, and maybe Jared's siblings and parents don't have to be, either. "Maybe it's time for a reconciliation."
That doesn't go over well at all.
Jensen actually gets sent to his room. A full adult, nearly five years past his majority, and his parents actually send him to his room. Jensen goes without protest. By all rights they could have him in the dungeon. He's, maybe, not a traitor, but whatever he is, it's not far from that.
By the time his parents are talking to him again, a week later, Jensen's more than a little stir-crazy. He hasn't seen anyone but the guard posted outside his room when she unlocks the door to bring him food. He probably could have requested an escort somewhere, but it hasn't been worth the trouble. Better to wait it out. When his parents come, guard still outside, Jensen almost feels ready.
"You know I would never do anything to betray Ackles," he starts, trying to preempt whatever they may have to say.
His father holds up a hand, and Jensen cuts himself off. "Jensen, second prince of Ackles, I speak now as your king and not as your father." Oh, shit.
"You are a prince of the realm. You can't afford to have these kinds of serious entanglements without some kind of formal treaty with the nation in question. I know you know this." Jensen can't think. He had this whole thing planned out, and all of it's been derailed, and he can't give up his family and his loyalty, but he can't give up Jared, either. Every way he looks at the situation, he's being asked to do one or the other. "We don't have that kind of relationship with Padalecki. You know that, too. I shouldn't have to tell you this."
"No, yes. I know. You don't. But--" Jensen interrupts, but the king holds up his hand for silence again.
"Hush. I'm talking," he says, looking vaguely annoyed. "As your father, and as someone who mostly trusts your decisions, even if your judgment has been highly questionable as of late..." It sounds harsh, but his father is smiling now, just a little. He's trying to hide it, but the corners of his eyes crinkle with humor; he never could stop that tell, at least with family. "I'm letting you know that there's a messenger in the reception room from Padalecki. He's got a piece of parchment in response to the messenger we sent them two days ago."
His dad's openly grinning now. "We've officially opened negotiations with Padalecki," he adds, totally unnecessarily.
"Kind of thought you might be dead," Jared says, days later, when they're both allowed out of their respective chaperones' (in Jared's case, his parents, scandalized because he's been seeing an Ackles, and in Jensen's, the guard still posted outside his door because his parents thinks he deserves it for lying so long) watchful care.
"Yeah, well," Jensen says, rubbing the back of his head self-consciously. "I was kind of under house arrest."
"Figured that one out when the messenger showed up. My parents threatened to disown me. But they got over it. I think because this way, I'll have to marry you, and they're sick of me breaking off engagements at the last minute."
"You do have a bit of a history of that."
"Yeah, well. You're not going to get rid of me. Sorry," Jared says.
"You're not even close to sorry," Jensen accuses.
"No. I'm not." Jensen really thinks he might be in love.
Their wedding is thankfully short, and the feasting afterward only lasts a paltry day and a half. Jensen is unimaginably grateful for this. It was the longest run-up to a wedding--from the initial engagement feast, up through the official announcement and recording, to the wedding itself--in at least a century and easily longer. There were tourneys, festivals, feasts, hunts. Entertainment spanned dances, plays, trick falconry, jugglers, poets, singers, everything imaginable under the sun. They took a break and let everyone go home for the summer solstice, and then had a recommencement ceremony three weeks later to welcome everyone back and start all the insanity up again. If Jensen thought it was a pain in the ass to be related to the affianced, it was nothing compared with actually being the couple in question, because you really could not leave the event.
If you rode to hunt, members from at least half a dozen nearby countries rode with you. Usually more. Usually many, many more. No more two or three person hunts early in the morning, because you were the main event. Any rides you went on were suddenly the place to be, with several political dealers trying to get an angle on the new generation before any of their competitors (i.e. just about everyone else) can. Longtime allies of Ackles were sending envoys to feel out the longtime allies of Padalecki who were also in attendance; Padalecki's allies were doing the same thing for Ackles' allies. Half in each camp were convinced that Jensen is trying to kill Jared or Jared is trying to kill Jensen, and the whole wedding event is merely an elaborate ruse for the opportunity.
If either Jensen or Jared was late to a feast, people remarked upon it. If they tried to sneak out of a fête early, everyone noticed, because everyone had half an eye on them as the gauge for the tone of the event. Every little action was being watched for signs of duplicity or conflict. Even if Jensen had managed to make it out early, ten separate parties would have approached him for 'just one little thing, really quick, promise, but we need to discuss...' on his way to the door. And that was if he were trying to sneak out alone. Twice as many stopped him for 'quick' conversations if he tried, heaven forbid, to sneak out with Jared. No one really begrudged them time alone; it was merely an unfortunate side effect of having twice the number of guests of honor trying to leave, each with their own set of people who needed to speak with them before the night was over. The constant attention was driving Jensen absolutely out of his mind.
Once--and only once--partway through the autumn and the festivities that seemed likely continue on forever, Jensen tried to sneak in to the Padalecki castle and kidnap Jared so they could elope. Jensen actually got himself into the castle and into Jared's rooms with a minimum of fuss, but Jared dragged him into a closet on the way out, supposedly to hide from a pair of servants they could hear coming around a corner in the hallway. Once inside the closet and pressed up against the door, one of Jared's legs between his, Jensen began to suspect hiding wasn't the only reason Jared had been so eager to duck out of sight.
"God, I missed you," Jared breathed against Jensen's ear, one big hand rubbing through the short hair at the back of Jensen's neck.
"You see me every day. For hours. And hours," Jensen whispered back, a laugh in his breath.
"But I can't touch you," Jared said. "For hours. And hours. And I have to sit and smile and talk to people when I just want to touch you." He pulled Jensen closer, rubbed against him. And just like that, Jensen didn't care about anything else, anything not Jared.
"God I just want to-- climb up your body. Rub off against you. Wanna come riding your thigh, wanna feel you come against me." Jensen barely knew what he was saying, pushing hard against Jared's leg between his. He knew what he wanted, though, and matched those thoughts to words to actions, Jared's fingers pressing hard into his biceps, hands so warm he thought if he closed his eyes, he'd be able to see them glow in the dark, white-hot, like metal from a forge. Jensen caught Jared's panting breaths with his mouth, swallowed them with his tongue, and Jared swallowed Jensen's moan in return as he came fast and hot and sticky in his pants.
Jensen bit Jared's lip as he finally came, just to feel Jared jerk again with the prick of teeth on his skin.
Either way, their joint absences were noticed less than half an hour after Jensen had made it to Jared's rooms, and, having been sighted leaving the Ackles castle, their already-paranoid guests were quick to jump to the conclusion that Jensen had murdered Jared and fled to avoid retribution. Ackles and Padalecki practically spent more time and energy reassuring their guests that no princes had been murdered than they did actually looking for their missing sons. A search was put together, combing through the woods around both castles. Grooms were questioned; Jared's horse was still stabled, of course, and Jensen's horse was discovered still tethered in a back courtyard of the Padalecki castle. The search was narrowed to the castle proper, and eventually turned them out of their closet refuge, rather more disheveled than they had been earlier and considerably happier with the world at large.
No one even bothered gossiping about how Jensen sent a servant back to his rooms in Ackles to bring him another pair of pants.
It is a double season, designed to give Ackles and Padalecki--and their allies; neither kingdom, with their long-term animosity, made many alliances with their enemy's friends over the generations--time to acclimate themselves to the idea that 'Ackles' and 'Padalecki,' by themselves, cannot be considered insults anymore. Both kingdoms host the double season together; it's the first engagement or wedding dually hosted in at least six generations. It is, in part, practical: they have few allies in common, and thus few other kingdoms in a position to host in either kingdom's stead. More than that, a double season is, understandably, twice as expensive as a single social season to host. Guests stay for longer, and they need more in the way of entertainment. Only the close proximity of the two kingdoms' castles makes the endeavor possible at all, because they are close enough for guests housed at either to make it to any event or festivity, in all but the very worst weather.
Chad and Sophia's marriage implodes halfway through the winter season, just after all the guests who were planning on leaving for the harsh winter months have left, and the roads become too dangerous to chance until the blizzards die down a little. The envoy from Bush, including the crown princess and her new husband, have chosen to stay through the winter months.
Chad was running around with one of Sophia's courtiers, and, with everyone more or less trapped in the two castles hosting the festivities, that fact becomes suddenly much harder to conceal. Sophia can't do very much officially, since the formal witnesses of her wedding are safely away for the winter and unable to nullify the marriage. She is able to disinherit him immediately, which she does, and stewards at Padalecki and Ackles arrange for Chad and half their joint entourage to be moved over to the Padalecki castle for the remainder of their stay. Fortunately for everyone, drawing blood doesn't count as breaking Truce if you are still, however technically, married.
By the time the actual wedding rolls around, everyone is as exhausted as Jensen and Jared are and ready to go home and put their feet up, so to speak. The ceremony itself takes place in the Great Hall in Padalecki, a parallel to the engagement ceremony that was held in Ackles the summer before. The feast starts immediately after the ceremony and lasts through till the next evening. Fête-fatigue takes its course, and no one manages to get up the proper excitement for the post-wedding celebration long enough to keep the party going very long. Jensen successfully kidnaps Jared partway through the second night, after the dancing starts and people have gotten drunk and aren't paying them much attention, and spirits him off for the fifteen-minute ride to Ackles, where there are fewer people and he knows he can get them into a bed.
Jensen doesn't let Jared out of the room for a week. He claims it's because he needs to sleep most of the past year off, but mostly it's because he likes having Jared in bed and the fact that no one's going to interrupt them. Jensen has all of their meals sent up to their rooms, and they fuck until Jensen can't walk straight, which he claims is the point.
"So are you the good prince or the bad prince?" Jensen asks, rolling up onto his shoulder, sated and happy.
"Clearly I'm the good prince. I'm a Padalecki, after all," Jared answers, grin wicked.
Jensen scoffs. "Clearly I am. I kept your pebbles for years, just so you could have a puppy."
"Yeah, a puppy I never asked for, so some good that did."
"But what about all your dog breeding and new bloodlines and everyone wanting a bitch from Padalecki?" To his credit, Jensen only smirks a little at his own joke.
"I don't know who ever told you you were clever, but they lied," Jared deadpans. "And you know I never asked for a puppy. I told you before. I got my wish. I got you."
Part 3
Master Post
Jensen is miserable. He goes to the absolute minimum of banquets and fêtes and ducks out as early as he can. Josh and Mack can handle their family's business, and he squashes the guilt he feels at abandoning them/shirking his duty with the reasoning that he'd be more liability than help in his mood. He does no dancing unless Danneel hunts him down and insists--which she does--and then he's listless and inattentive, trying to keep tabs on Jared so he can avoid him without getting caught paying him attention.
"What the hell is wrong with you?" Danneel demands at last, eyes narrowed at Jensen. "You haven't been this cranky and mopey since that knight from Alba you had the fling with told you he was going home to marry his seamstress sweetheart from his village." She stops short and her eyes widen. "Ohhh." It's the sound of dawning realization. Jensen is doomed.
Jensen turns to her, palms up in supplication. "Not--" he starts to say.
"Oh my God, who?" Danneel is like one of Jared's scent hounds on a trail. She can pursue for hours, days, running her prey to exhaustion. Jensen knows this from long, long experience.
"Look, I'll tell you, just not here." Jensen gets it out this time and offers Danneel his arm. Her palm in the crook of his elbow is hot like a brand, unhappiness curling into a knot in his gut. Jensen takes her back up to his rooms. This isn't a hallway alcove discussion.
Jensen gives up hunting altogether. He has no way of knowing whether or not Jared will have offered his services on a particular morning, and after a particularly close call--Jensen already halfway into the courtyard before he notices Jared speaking with one of the huntsmen in charge of the dogs, so he ducks quickly back into the castle. It's not a dignified exit, and Jensen spends the rest of the day and the day after playing out horrific what-if scenarios in his head where Jared saw him running away--Jensen is wary of even going near the courtyard where they gather in the early morning.
Twice after that, Jensen dawdles so long trying to stealthily figure out whether Jared has come to the hunt or not before going himself and potentially being caught there with him that he misses the hunt's departure entirely. The first time he tried, Jensen realizes that Jared had not gone out because he runs into him later, awkwardly, near the stables; the second time, Jensen sees Jared coming back with a brace of pheasants across his pommel and feels rightly justified in his paranoia. After that, he just gives up. It leaves him at loose ends and gives him much less of an excuse not to show up to every semi-organized dinner party being hosted at the palace, but sometimes you just have to take a few strategic losses to win.
It doesn't really feel like winning, but Jensen will take what he can get. If a dirty draw is the most he can hope for, well, he's a pragmatist and very good at that indeed. Josh shoots him worried looks, and Mack pesters for answers. Jensen can't tell them, of course, not this, so he lies badly to them (Jensen, after all, only has practice lying for his family, not to them) and changes the subject a lot. He's very glad his parents are still gone. They wouldn't let him get away with this. His siblings can try to call him out on it, but they can't order him to spill if he refuses.
He does a bad job at forgetting it ever happened, like he's told himself firmly he would. He has too much time on his hands and not enough distraction. Preoccupation with a misstep is a dangerous hobby to entertain, damning information easily wormed out of targets and hard to mitigate when you're not thinking clearly in the first place. It's a risk he can't afford.
Mostly Jensen feels stupid, and kind of stupidly upset about the whole thing. Counting stones backwards into a jar doesn't help at all; this time they're all the memories he can't afford to bring up, an additional issue that may make Jensen the most bitter of anything. He's not doing a good job about keeping his foolishness to himself.
Danneel tries mocking him mercilessly to cheer him up, and Jensen wishes, not for the first time, that he'd learned to keep secrets from her. It doesn't help like it normally would. Jensen tells himself this is because none of the other times he's made a private ass of himself have been so much potential trouble, but that's not really the reason, and he knows it.
Someone obviously hates Jensen, because he's done a pretty good job of avoiding Jared at feast and fête and garden party until now. To be honest, a large part of that is simply avoiding as many of the events as he can and leaving as soon as he can get away with it. With their parents gone, the envoy from Ackles is very much in 'hold down the fort' mode and not playing particularly ambitiously. Still, Jensen feels pretty accomplished about the active avoiding he's managed at the events he can't escape. No one seems to have noticed anything strange, and if anyone remarks upon the enmity between the two princes, the break in negotiations between Cortese and Padalecki is an easy excuse.
Tonight, though, Jensen is seated next to Jared at the table again. All he can think is that someone powerful must have it out for him, because Jared isn't even across the table where he'd have to look at him all night, but wouldn't necessarily have to speak to him more than a greeting. Seated like this, they can and have avoided conversation up to this point, but it's awkward, and whoever's in charge of seating should really know better. Jensen can feel the heat from Jared's thigh pressing into his space on the bench.
"Look, this is stupid," Jared says without preamble. The servers haven't even brought the soup to their table yet. Jensen isn't prepared to deal with this without at least soup. He needs something to stare into while he avoids Jared's eyes. Jensen can't decide how to answer.
"That, right there. Just stop it. Whatever, bad ideas, right, I get that, but why are you avoiding me like, like," analogies seem to fail Jared, because he leaves that sentence unfinished and regroups. "We didn't even go to this much trouble when we hated each other. No one's going to suspect anything. Stop worrying about it." Jensen never cared where or what Jared was up to when he hated him for being a Padalecki, at least, not unless it was going to directly impact Ackles. This situation is not the same. "Also, I heard the master of the hunt saying something about how 'that prince from Ackles' stopped contributing, and if the servants start noticing something weird, you can bet pretty soon everyone will."
Jared shoots Jensen a crooked smile, and Jensen feels his resolve cracking a little.
"I never hated you. That was lofty disdain and loathing." Jensen's lips twitch upward against his will, failing to keep an entirely straight face.
"Duly noted," Jared says, and doesn't say another word to him all night. It's a weird tension Jensen walks the rest of the evening, caught between expectation of conversation from the re-establishment of a privately friendly relationship and relief that Jared isn't an idiot and can be counted on to help maintain a public facade.
Jensen is the first to join the hunt the next morning, making excuses for his absence. Jared never shows up, and that right there, that's disappointment. Jensen shrugs it off with the single-minded determination of self-delusion. They take one deer for the feast in two days. It's not nearly enough, and Jensen pledges his aid the next morning as well.
Jared's there the next morning. Jensen very carefully doesn't examine his reaction to his presence. His horse is dancing a bit in place, and he has to control it carefully in the crowded courtyard.
Jensen doesn't engineer it so that they're together at the back, but they are anyway. He thinks Jared may have, but he doesn't know a way to ask gracefully, so he doesn't. Getting outside the palace walls feels like being able to breathe again, even though the morning sea mist is still so thick they might as well be inside the courtyard for all the visibility they've got. Sound is muffled and echoes strangely, distorting distances until shapes loom suddenly out of the fog, closer than they should be.
Jensen tries to keep the tail of their huntsman's horse in sight ahead of him, and then suddenly, like the trees at the edge of the path, Jared breaks black out of the white. Jensen smiles at him briefly, but it's strained and Jensen looks away fast, not sure what to say.
"Would this conversation be more or less awkward if we were both naked for it? The hunt would be scandalized, of course, to have not one but two volunteers--highly skilled volunteers, if I may add--show up in the buff, but I think the real problem would be chafing." Jared shudders dramatically, and Jensen laughs despite himself.
"You're an idiot," he says. And then suddenly, they're friends again, their relationship snapping smoothly back into place. Somewhere high above them, the sun comes out. It's not enough to eat through the fog yet, but it gets lighter by steady degrees. Jensen takes another breath, feeling the heaviness of the palace fall away behind him.
"What the hell is that? That's not a hand!" Jensen complains, throwing down his own cards in disgust. Jared keeps crowing and rakes the little pile of trinkets in the center towards his crossed legs.
"Not my fault you don't know the rules," Jared retorts.
Jensen snorts. "Not my fault you're cheating."
"I don't need to cheat to beat you. I'm just naturally that talented." Jared flicks a little figurine at Jensen's head. He does it from the floor, though, so it doesn't get enough height and bounces off Jensen's stomach.
"You mean you wish you were." It's not the best comeback ever, but it's definitely not the worst, and Jensen takes pride in the fact that he doesn't have to resort to petty violence to make his points. That's practically a victory. Jensen opens his mouth to say as much, but then his stomach growls, loudly, and he stops, embarrassed, mid-potential-snark.
Jared cocks an eyebrow at him. "Miss your feeding time, there, tiger?"
Jensen rolls his eyes. "Don't even start. You're hungry, too. You always are."
Jared gives him a look he can't quite read, a kind of funny almost-smirk that's caught somewhere between confused and a very good attempt at impassive. Then it cracks, falls back down into an easy grin. Familiar territory. "Yeah, ok. I've been hungry for like, at least the past hour."
You wouldn't think that a six-foot-something of hardened knight (even in the less-lumbering Radhishan style) would be a great sneaker, but Jared manages to pull it off somehow. Jensen watches him--not just his ass, or the play of the muscles in his shoulders, mind you--as he eases forward to the corner, then just barely around it. Jared looks back then, and Jensen's eyes snap up to his face where it's safe. The light's dim; there's no way Jared would be able to tell where his eyes were, Jensen is sure of this. Well, sure enough.
Jared motions with his hand, signaling Jensen forward. Jensen moves as quickly and as quietly as he can across the open space of the hallway until he's bumping up against the wall next to Jared. Jared holds up a hand and signals that Jensen should wait, then points a quick finger back down the way they've just come, telling him to watch their back trail. Jared darts across another hallway, pressing up against the wall there, and does his best to sink into the shadows. This is ridiculous. It's like a scouting foray deep into enemy territory, except all they're doing is sneaking down to one of the cold pantries and hoping to filch a loaf--ok, a couple loaves, since it's Jared--of bread and some cheese for a quick midnight snack. If they'd rung for it, a servant would have brought it straight up to Jared's room, but no, that wasn't good enough or something.
The cold pantry they picked is pretty far from the still-busy kitchen hub, and it's in the middle of the night, so they get in and out without anyone seeing them. The trek back to Jared's room is easier, but they still skulk along the walls just for the hell of it. Jared is like a giant child in some ways, and Jensen feels like he's remembering for the first time in a long while how to do something just to enjoy it. At one junction, Jared motions to let Jensen take point if he wants, but Jensen waves him back down. It's because he doesn't want to have to juggle food and play lookout at the same time, obviously, and has nothing at all to do with the fact that Jensen wants to keep his eyes on Jared flitting ahead of him in the dark. Obviously.
Days are filled with idle distraction to make up for the work everyone performs at the parties in the evenings. Official events are kept to a minimum, and guests are mostly left to their own devices. Now that he's not trying to avoid the shit out of Jared, Jensen's actually enjoying those free hours again. He should be making more of an effort not to get too close, guarding himself, his actions and the things he says, more closely. Padaleckis are supposed to be their enemies, but Jared, he just can't make himself believe Jared would mean him harm. Not now. Jensen doesn't know, can't figure out, how he ever got to this point. He knows it's careless, but when it comes down to it, he just doesn't care. He'd rather take the hit if it comes.
A bigger group than usual gathers for the ride. The day is fine, breezy and bright, and much too nice to stay inside. Jensen drags Danneel along for once, but she minds a lot less than he does when the roles are reversed, because she's a good rider and Jensen still can't dance beyond passably well. Jared shows up also, along with a princess from Bell, the princess from Alba, the prince from Warren, and several nobles from Koren by the Sea. Jensen loses Danneel to matchmaker mode in an instant, riding up to make sure Alba and Warren have plenty to talk about while simultaneously distracting Bell with conversation. The Koren by the Sea nobility mostly distract themselves.
Unguarded, Jared's just like the kid Jensen remembers: friendly and open, smile quick and big and honest. It twists Jensen inside to see Jared like that, and he can't decide if he's relieved or appalled to see that something so bright and true in Jared has survived. Their world is cruel, calculating, and it beats those like Jared down. Life is kinder to people like Jensen, people who come ready to build walls.
Something twists in Jensen again when Danneel drops back to rejoin them and Jared's mask drops into place again. It's not something Jensen can quite place, the change. Jared's still friendly, still charming, his smile still quick and wide. There's just this guarded edge to him, a twist to his lips that takes him from complimentary to derisive and back again in a flash. Seeing the change now that he knows what Jared looks like free makes Jensen's stomach clench, makes bitterness rise up in the back of his mouth. The world shouldn't be like this, shouldn't make someone like Jared need to learn to build walls.
It's ridiculous, wanting to protect him from it. Jared doesn't need it. More than capable, he can take care of himself, and Jensen can't protect anyone, not really. Not from the things that really hurt. No one can. Jensen wants to shut out the whole world and give Jared only the best things.
Jared is gracious and charming to Danneel, as crown princess of Harris, but he can't resist throwing fond barbs in Jensen's direction. Jensen rolls his eyes and flips him off, not bothering to grace Jared with a verbal reply. Danneel looks between them, gaze sharpening. "My, aren't we friendly?" It's a very pointed look she's giving them now.
"We're not friends," Jensen protests, carefully affronted. Danneel just gives him a look, the one that means she knows he's lying to her and she's just going to wait patiently till he gives up the ruse and comes clean. She perfected it about the time they stopped dunking various Harris nobility in ponds and seeing just how far up a tree they could get (though granted, the latter was in part because they'd gotten big enough that the little branches at the top stopped taking their weight, combined or separate), and stopped being excused for getting into fistfights at parties hosted for visiting dignitaries. If she couldn't pinch him until he gave up answers, Danneel just had to find another way, and she is at least as good at giving him knowing looks as she ever was at hitting.
Jensen sighs in defeat. "Ok, yes. We're friends."
"I see. Friends, are we?" Danneel says it in a manner that might be perceived as innocent, as long as you didn't already know her as well as Jensen did. She is definitely laughing at him. She extends her hand to Jared, who kisses it, as is proper. "Well, Friend of Jensen, I'm very pleased to make a formal introduction." She spends the next hour putting Jared through his paces, and he seems to enjoy it almost as much as Danneel does.
Danneel doesn't do anything so crass as ask how long Jensen plans on carrying a torch for Jared, but she doesn't have to.
"He makes you happy, in case you hadn't noticed," Danneel tells him instead, unnecessarily condescendingly, if you ask Jensen (but he knows that's in his head). She doesn't ask, of course, because she's like that. Of course, she's also right. Jared does make him happy, like, idiotically so, and Jensen sort of hates the whole world for it because he hasn't been this head over heels for someone possibly ever. It's a bad kind of feeling for their world, and it feels marvelous and heady and they're not even having sex. Sex, now that'd be something. They should have sex. No, they should not have sex. They had sex, and look where it got them. Sex would be a stupid idea.
It's a stupid idea. It is. No, really, a very stupid idea. Bad enough the first time, and Jensen wasn't thinking clearly then. He's had time now, isn't caught up in a moment, and he knows, knows all the reasons he shouldn't, they shouldn't. Still, it's stuck, playing over and over in the front of Jensen's mind. It won't go away, and the more he thinks about it, the more he thinks, not that it's a better idea than before--because clearly it's not--but that he doesn't care so much how fucking idiotic it is.
Danneel isn't helping. It's her fault in the first place, with her insinuations and, and, and she keeps asking him how his borders are, with this sly grin, like she thinks she's being clever. But the thing is, Jensen wants. He still wants Jared, and playing cutely at excuse after excuse that that's not the real reason he's still thinking about this weeks later doesn't actually make him want Jared any less.
'Fuck it,' Jensen mutters to himself, trying to cut off the train of thought. Not quietly enough, though, because Jared catches a little of it.
'What?' he asks, turning his head. They're not doing much of anything, which Jensen doesn't particularly mind.
All Jensen can think of is how fast he thinks he could get Jared's breeches open and him hard in his hand. He blushes bright red, which is a lot more incriminating than just waving it off would be. Jensen tries anyway and fails as spectacularly as he imagined he would. He gets a kiss out of it, though, Jared leaning in quick, one hand curled against Jensen's jaw, and then ducking back again just as fast like he's not sure what Jensen's going to do in response.
Jensen licks his lips, like he's trying to catch the taste, like Jared could have left something of himself behind. He doesn't go after Jared, though, and Jensen's got just enough awareness around all the self-restraint he's exercising to see Jared bury a flash of disappointment.
"Come on," Jensen says, climbing to his feet. "Can't do this properly in a garden. Someone might see us."
Jensen would give away the moon to see Jared smile like that all the time.
Now Jensen fights himself to keep from glancing towards Jared across the room for entirely different reasons. He's used to keeping things discreet--liaisons that are primarily romantic or sexual rather than political can only serve as leverage for others. He's not used to keeping things entirely secret.
By themselves, it's like they inhabit their own, small world. No one else can intrude, and there's nothing but the two of them being what Jensen has to admit is kind of ridiculously sappy. No plots or lying or strategies, and it works a hell of a lot better than mindless counting and recounting rocks ever did. It's impossible, can't last, can't really exist, but it does and is, and Jensen feels light and bright and stupidly happy all the fricking time so he chooses not to care.
With other people around, Jensen keeps a firmer grasp on reality. He can't afford to block everything out, and he wants this whatever it is to continue. That depends on it staying a secret, so he works hard to keep up the illusions necessary to protect them both. Jensen's parents return to Koren by the Sea several days before the official wedding ceremony marking the beginning of the alliance between the principality of Bush and the kingdom of Murray. His parents try to keep a closer eye on him than they usually do because of the drama that occurred just before their departure, but the whirlwind of planning activities they're sucked into due to their close relationship with the bride's side of the family prevents them from doing much more than giving him a cursory lecture when they get back.
Everything is a frenzy of preparation leading up to the wedding itself, which is quick and simple and really not worth all the pomp. Bush and Murray sign treaties laying out the agreement between the two nations. Chad and Sophia sign vows acknowledging their marriage and swearing to uphold their families' obligations as laid out in the treaties. And then there's a big party, food and wine and dancing. It lasts three days and three nights, musicians playing in shifts so that the music never stops. No deals are struck during the celebrations after the wedding. It's the only time anyone really relaxes the entire season, because it's the only time no one has to worry about the arrangements their enemies are forging.
The truce that has held over the entirety of the season lasts another three days' ride from the palace as all the royalty who attended return to their kingdoms, or at least to friendly neighboring kingdoms. Jared returns to Padalecki with the rest of his family rather than traveling back to Rabhadishan as usual. There's speculation, of course, but the furor with Cortese was enough of a scandal that no one is exactly surprised when he goes north instead of south. Jensen knows that has little to do with the decision, but he isn't about to enlighten anyone. Secret relationships don't stay secret if you go blabbing everywhere that your secret boyfriend is in fact going home because it happens to be convenient located next to your own.
The envoy from Padalecki travels east and north, pushing to get within their own borders in the three allotted days. Their borders are well-patrolled, particularly at the end of a season held by neighbors as friends and enemies alike scatter to travel homeward. Jensen's family can't reach their own borders before the cover of Truce lifts, the most direct route, which would still take too long, being through Padalecki lands and therefore inaccessible for them. Instead, they strike for the Shaffer border, straight into the semi-independent principality of Bush. Wedding celebrations will effectively continue for Ackles for most of the journey, as both envoys from Shaffer and Murray are traveling in the same direction. Previously, Ackles hasn't had much to do with Murray, but the alliance created by the wedding realigned the playing field, pulling them closer by their mutual ties. Ackles needs to be poised to reposition themselves in a changed world, so the time spent traveling with Murray will do them good.
Ackles stay several days in Bush before the party breaks up and goes its separate ways. Murray heads north, Sophia with them, and Jensen's relatives from Shaffer proper continue eastward with the group from Ackles. They don't stay in Shaffer long; they don't even go with his mother's family all the way to the capital, but part ways as the road splits, Shaffer to the center of their domain and Ackles following the road south to their own lands.
It takes everyone a few days to settle in, getting their lives and the kingdom back in order after a long absence. On home turf, Jensen and Mack aren't required to act as representatives of the kingdom of Ackles, so while his parents and brother have audiences and meetings to address the problems that arose while they were gone, the two younger children get something of a break at last. Jensen, for one, plans to put his to good use.
"Aren't we a bit old to be sneaking out of the castle?" Jared asks.
"Yeah, maybe if I'd climbed over a wall instead of riding out the front gates, that would be true." It would have been easier if he could have left the horse behind, but without it, Jensen wouldn't have been able to fake going in another direction long enough and then swing around to meet Jared in the demilitarized zone between their castles. The only real dangers in these woods are of the human patrol variety, so they leave their horses tethered in a small clearing without having to worry that they'll be disturbed.
They wander on foot in the tiny wedge of land between the patrols of either kingdom, mindful of the unmarked lines constraining them. They spend a little bit of time hunting--it's their cover story, after all--but don't fret much about not getting anything. Sometimes you just don't, and oh, well that just means they'll have to go out again in a day or two, isn't that a shame? Most of the day is spent in a muddled combination of reliving childhood memories and making new adult ones, forgetting all the ways they're boxed in.
It's good, Jensen relaxing in ways he hasn't been able to for weeks. Jared laughing at his jokes, or laughing at him, or whatever. It's good.
Jensen's never 'hunted' so much in his life. He's going to get a reputation.
Loner, or suddenly incompetent, or he doesn't even know what, for going out so often by himself and bringing back game so infrequently. He doesn't much care. Jensen's just grateful their families have such strict non-communication policies, or someone might start putting together how all their hunts just happen to coincide.
"That bush goes up to your knee! Worst dragon ever! You're such a disappointment to your kingdom."
"Fuck you, I'm not the one who got kicked out of the great hall." The fact that he was six at the time has no bearing on this discussion at all.
"I'll show you kicked out!" The ensuing tussle ends with Jensen smeared with mud and Jared covered in leaves. Jensen's thankful he doesn't have a nursemaid anymore he'd have to try and explain the mess to.
Sometimes they'll bring little travel tents with them and make excuses to stay out overnight. Being just a little too far away from the castle (either castle; it depends on who's telling the story) when night falls; it being better to set up a make-shift camp than to risk the horse's legs in a ride through the dark. These aren't excuses that work often, and too much premeditation sounds suspicious to Jensen's own ears, but they manage to pull it every now and again.
"Sometimes I wished I'd wished for the puppy," Jared says, soft and low. Jared's face is turned towards him, but the tent is dark, and the moonlight coming through the material just barely picks out the line of Jared's cheekbone, the cords in his neck. Jared rolls up onto one side, throwing everything further into shadow, but his hand comes up to rest gently on Jensen's bare shoulder blade, big and warm. "I was like, nine or something. Before I was fostered down in Rabhadishan. I waited half the summer and I thought, if I'd asked for a puppy, maybe my wish would have come true."
Jared never comes out and says exactly what he wished for. Jensen's pretending to be asleep, so he can't ask. They can't keep sneaking around forever. Jensen just can't see a good way out of it, doesn't know how to imagine a world where they won't have to.
Jared doesn't move his hand away, even after he's obviously fallen asleep and the quiet and comfort suck Jensen down after him. Thoughts for the morning. Everything seems clearer in daylight.
In the morning, things aren't better. Jensen thinks he might be in love. This could be really bad.
Jared's got the dog on a leash. He whistles commands and gives her a treat and praise every time she performs correctly. Jensen watches with bemusement as Jared wears the dog out enough to take her off the leash and do a bit of training without it.
"She's from Sadie's newest litter. Really intelligent, got a lot of promise, but she gets excited so sometimes she forgets to come back with whatever you've sent her out to retrieve. I think she'll grow out of it," Jared explains in between administering rewards.
"Sadie? Isn't that what you were going to name your wish-puppy? Isn't she a bit old to be having puppies by now?"
"Different Sadie. Didn't get the first until I was about ten. She was this quick, skinny thing. Perfect for the desert. The second Sadie was one of her puppies. She's been retired--too old for hunting or breeding--down in Rabhadishan now."
"So you just, what, pick a favorite every so often and name it Sadie?" Jensen asks.
"Pretty much." Jared's grin is wicked when he turns to him. "What's the matter, jealous? I could call you Sadie, too, if you like."
"Oh, fuck you," Jensen says in mock anger. "Here, give me that bag of treats. Let me have a try."
"Sadie VII will adore you!"
They get reckless the longer they keep the secret, believe less in the possibility of getting caught. It blows up on them.
"What the hell are you doing?" Josh hisses at him. He sounds angry, but Jensen knows he's worried more than anything. That's why Jensen winces, why he won't meet Josh's eyes. He doesn't have a good answer. "Padalecki? Are you insane?"
"It's ok," Jensen tells him instead. "Jared's a good guy. He's trustworthy."
"He's a Padalecki. That's an oxymoron!" Josh doesn't press the issue, though. Jensen's not sure if he's grateful for Josh's silence on that subject, because the one he moves on to is actually much, much worse. "What about Mom and Dad? I assume they haven't heard yet, because you're still standing and breathing. What are you going to tell them?"
Jensen looks at him then, hopes he doesn't look quite as afraid as he feels. He's been avoiding thinking about that. About the whole thing, because in their little bubble, just him and Jared, none of it has any consequences or real-world implications. It's a different world--one that's crashing down now, and everyone other than his parents he can deal with. He might even be able to get himself sorted out, reconcile the stupid fluttery feelings in his stomach when he thinks about Jared with the fact that they're supposed to be enemies. But his parents, and what they'll think and say, how at best he's being irresponsible, giving Padalecki leverage on Ackles like they haven't had in generations. How at worst he's almost a traitor, because maybe he's not trying to sell them out, but it looks a lot like it in the end. Jensen's been avoiding thinking about that as hard as he possibly can.
Jensen opens his mouth, but he doesn't have an answer. He tries anyway, forcing "I..." from his lips, but stops, lost. Looking at his brother, he feels like a kid again, tiny and always in his older brother's way. Josh looks back, lips a hard line and eyes unreadable. Jensen wishes desperately he knew what to say, what to do. He wishes desperately he knew what his brother was thinking; he's never had to try to read him like a stranger, never been faced with the front Josh presents to outsiders--allies and enemies. Is that what he's done? Is that what he is now?
A high-pitched buzz starts in the back of Jensen's head, drowning out everything else. Jensen can't breathe, but it doesn't matter; he's not sure he's even trying.
And then Josh's mask breaks, his face softens, letting Jensen back in. He's still, he's still, but the relief's too much and he can't finish the thought. It won't come together. "I won't say anything," Josh tells him, meaning their parents. "But Jensen, you need to figure this out. You need to tell them fast, because we're family. I'll keep your secrets till death, but there are a lot of people in this world, and most of them are waiting for us to fall. You say Jared's not one of them; ok, maybe, but sure as hell someone in his family is."
"Ok," Jensen says, closing his eyes, regrouping, trying to think. "Ok." He opens his eyes again, catches his brother's. "Than--"
"Don't thank me. I'm not sure I'm doing you any favors. Just be careful, Jen."
Jensen waits another few days, working up his nerve, before hunting his parents down in private and telling them. His parents just look at him as though he's gone completely mad and wait for him to finish. It doesn't take long.
"What does this mean?" his mother asks at last, slow, like she's tired, even though it's the middle of the afternoon. "What are you trying to say?"
"I," and Jensen stalls out because he doesn't know. His thing with Jared, that's all he's got, all he planned for. Padalecki or not, Jared's not his enemy, and therefore, he's not their enemy, and maybe Jared's siblings and parents don't have to be, either. "Maybe it's time for a reconciliation."
That doesn't go over well at all.
Jensen actually gets sent to his room. A full adult, nearly five years past his majority, and his parents actually send him to his room. Jensen goes without protest. By all rights they could have him in the dungeon. He's, maybe, not a traitor, but whatever he is, it's not far from that.
By the time his parents are talking to him again, a week later, Jensen's more than a little stir-crazy. He hasn't seen anyone but the guard posted outside his room when she unlocks the door to bring him food. He probably could have requested an escort somewhere, but it hasn't been worth the trouble. Better to wait it out. When his parents come, guard still outside, Jensen almost feels ready.
"You know I would never do anything to betray Ackles," he starts, trying to preempt whatever they may have to say.
His father holds up a hand, and Jensen cuts himself off. "Jensen, second prince of Ackles, I speak now as your king and not as your father." Oh, shit.
"You are a prince of the realm. You can't afford to have these kinds of serious entanglements without some kind of formal treaty with the nation in question. I know you know this." Jensen can't think. He had this whole thing planned out, and all of it's been derailed, and he can't give up his family and his loyalty, but he can't give up Jared, either. Every way he looks at the situation, he's being asked to do one or the other. "We don't have that kind of relationship with Padalecki. You know that, too. I shouldn't have to tell you this."
"No, yes. I know. You don't. But--" Jensen interrupts, but the king holds up his hand for silence again.
"Hush. I'm talking," he says, looking vaguely annoyed. "As your father, and as someone who mostly trusts your decisions, even if your judgment has been highly questionable as of late..." It sounds harsh, but his father is smiling now, just a little. He's trying to hide it, but the corners of his eyes crinkle with humor; he never could stop that tell, at least with family. "I'm letting you know that there's a messenger in the reception room from Padalecki. He's got a piece of parchment in response to the messenger we sent them two days ago."
His dad's openly grinning now. "We've officially opened negotiations with Padalecki," he adds, totally unnecessarily.
"Kind of thought you might be dead," Jared says, days later, when they're both allowed out of their respective chaperones' (in Jared's case, his parents, scandalized because he's been seeing an Ackles, and in Jensen's, the guard still posted outside his door because his parents thinks he deserves it for lying so long) watchful care.
"Yeah, well," Jensen says, rubbing the back of his head self-consciously. "I was kind of under house arrest."
"Figured that one out when the messenger showed up. My parents threatened to disown me. But they got over it. I think because this way, I'll have to marry you, and they're sick of me breaking off engagements at the last minute."
"You do have a bit of a history of that."
"Yeah, well. You're not going to get rid of me. Sorry," Jared says.
"You're not even close to sorry," Jensen accuses.
"No. I'm not." Jensen really thinks he might be in love.
Their wedding is thankfully short, and the feasting afterward only lasts a paltry day and a half. Jensen is unimaginably grateful for this. It was the longest run-up to a wedding--from the initial engagement feast, up through the official announcement and recording, to the wedding itself--in at least a century and easily longer. There were tourneys, festivals, feasts, hunts. Entertainment spanned dances, plays, trick falconry, jugglers, poets, singers, everything imaginable under the sun. They took a break and let everyone go home for the summer solstice, and then had a recommencement ceremony three weeks later to welcome everyone back and start all the insanity up again. If Jensen thought it was a pain in the ass to be related to the affianced, it was nothing compared with actually being the couple in question, because you really could not leave the event.
If you rode to hunt, members from at least half a dozen nearby countries rode with you. Usually more. Usually many, many more. No more two or three person hunts early in the morning, because you were the main event. Any rides you went on were suddenly the place to be, with several political dealers trying to get an angle on the new generation before any of their competitors (i.e. just about everyone else) can. Longtime allies of Ackles were sending envoys to feel out the longtime allies of Padalecki who were also in attendance; Padalecki's allies were doing the same thing for Ackles' allies. Half in each camp were convinced that Jensen is trying to kill Jared or Jared is trying to kill Jensen, and the whole wedding event is merely an elaborate ruse for the opportunity.
If either Jensen or Jared was late to a feast, people remarked upon it. If they tried to sneak out of a fête early, everyone noticed, because everyone had half an eye on them as the gauge for the tone of the event. Every little action was being watched for signs of duplicity or conflict. Even if Jensen had managed to make it out early, ten separate parties would have approached him for 'just one little thing, really quick, promise, but we need to discuss...' on his way to the door. And that was if he were trying to sneak out alone. Twice as many stopped him for 'quick' conversations if he tried, heaven forbid, to sneak out with Jared. No one really begrudged them time alone; it was merely an unfortunate side effect of having twice the number of guests of honor trying to leave, each with their own set of people who needed to speak with them before the night was over. The constant attention was driving Jensen absolutely out of his mind.
Once--and only once--partway through the autumn and the festivities that seemed likely continue on forever, Jensen tried to sneak in to the Padalecki castle and kidnap Jared so they could elope. Jensen actually got himself into the castle and into Jared's rooms with a minimum of fuss, but Jared dragged him into a closet on the way out, supposedly to hide from a pair of servants they could hear coming around a corner in the hallway. Once inside the closet and pressed up against the door, one of Jared's legs between his, Jensen began to suspect hiding wasn't the only reason Jared had been so eager to duck out of sight.
"God, I missed you," Jared breathed against Jensen's ear, one big hand rubbing through the short hair at the back of Jensen's neck.
"You see me every day. For hours. And hours," Jensen whispered back, a laugh in his breath.
"But I can't touch you," Jared said. "For hours. And hours. And I have to sit and smile and talk to people when I just want to touch you." He pulled Jensen closer, rubbed against him. And just like that, Jensen didn't care about anything else, anything not Jared.
"God I just want to-- climb up your body. Rub off against you. Wanna come riding your thigh, wanna feel you come against me." Jensen barely knew what he was saying, pushing hard against Jared's leg between his. He knew what he wanted, though, and matched those thoughts to words to actions, Jared's fingers pressing hard into his biceps, hands so warm he thought if he closed his eyes, he'd be able to see them glow in the dark, white-hot, like metal from a forge. Jensen caught Jared's panting breaths with his mouth, swallowed them with his tongue, and Jared swallowed Jensen's moan in return as he came fast and hot and sticky in his pants.
Jensen bit Jared's lip as he finally came, just to feel Jared jerk again with the prick of teeth on his skin.
Either way, their joint absences were noticed less than half an hour after Jensen had made it to Jared's rooms, and, having been sighted leaving the Ackles castle, their already-paranoid guests were quick to jump to the conclusion that Jensen had murdered Jared and fled to avoid retribution. Ackles and Padalecki practically spent more time and energy reassuring their guests that no princes had been murdered than they did actually looking for their missing sons. A search was put together, combing through the woods around both castles. Grooms were questioned; Jared's horse was still stabled, of course, and Jensen's horse was discovered still tethered in a back courtyard of the Padalecki castle. The search was narrowed to the castle proper, and eventually turned them out of their closet refuge, rather more disheveled than they had been earlier and considerably happier with the world at large.
No one even bothered gossiping about how Jensen sent a servant back to his rooms in Ackles to bring him another pair of pants.
It is a double season, designed to give Ackles and Padalecki--and their allies; neither kingdom, with their long-term animosity, made many alliances with their enemy's friends over the generations--time to acclimate themselves to the idea that 'Ackles' and 'Padalecki,' by themselves, cannot be considered insults anymore. Both kingdoms host the double season together; it's the first engagement or wedding dually hosted in at least six generations. It is, in part, practical: they have few allies in common, and thus few other kingdoms in a position to host in either kingdom's stead. More than that, a double season is, understandably, twice as expensive as a single social season to host. Guests stay for longer, and they need more in the way of entertainment. Only the close proximity of the two kingdoms' castles makes the endeavor possible at all, because they are close enough for guests housed at either to make it to any event or festivity, in all but the very worst weather.
Chad and Sophia's marriage implodes halfway through the winter season, just after all the guests who were planning on leaving for the harsh winter months have left, and the roads become too dangerous to chance until the blizzards die down a little. The envoy from Bush, including the crown princess and her new husband, have chosen to stay through the winter months.
Chad was running around with one of Sophia's courtiers, and, with everyone more or less trapped in the two castles hosting the festivities, that fact becomes suddenly much harder to conceal. Sophia can't do very much officially, since the formal witnesses of her wedding are safely away for the winter and unable to nullify the marriage. She is able to disinherit him immediately, which she does, and stewards at Padalecki and Ackles arrange for Chad and half their joint entourage to be moved over to the Padalecki castle for the remainder of their stay. Fortunately for everyone, drawing blood doesn't count as breaking Truce if you are still, however technically, married.
By the time the actual wedding rolls around, everyone is as exhausted as Jensen and Jared are and ready to go home and put their feet up, so to speak. The ceremony itself takes place in the Great Hall in Padalecki, a parallel to the engagement ceremony that was held in Ackles the summer before. The feast starts immediately after the ceremony and lasts through till the next evening. Fête-fatigue takes its course, and no one manages to get up the proper excitement for the post-wedding celebration long enough to keep the party going very long. Jensen successfully kidnaps Jared partway through the second night, after the dancing starts and people have gotten drunk and aren't paying them much attention, and spirits him off for the fifteen-minute ride to Ackles, where there are fewer people and he knows he can get them into a bed.
Jensen doesn't let Jared out of the room for a week. He claims it's because he needs to sleep most of the past year off, but mostly it's because he likes having Jared in bed and the fact that no one's going to interrupt them. Jensen has all of their meals sent up to their rooms, and they fuck until Jensen can't walk straight, which he claims is the point.
"So are you the good prince or the bad prince?" Jensen asks, rolling up onto his shoulder, sated and happy.
"Clearly I'm the good prince. I'm a Padalecki, after all," Jared answers, grin wicked.
Jensen scoffs. "Clearly I am. I kept your pebbles for years, just so you could have a puppy."
"Yeah, a puppy I never asked for, so some good that did."
"But what about all your dog breeding and new bloodlines and everyone wanting a bitch from Padalecki?" To his credit, Jensen only smirks a little at his own joke.
"I don't know who ever told you you were clever, but they lied," Jared deadpans. "And you know I never asked for a puppy. I told you before. I got my wish. I got you."
Part 3
Master Post