Concrit Post 11

[hmd_meme]

How's My Driving?

∞ comment with all the journals you RP with (and the communities they're from).
∞ reply to other people's comments (anon or logged in) with constructive criticism
∞ learn from the suggestions and profit!

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Comments

[saffire_persian]

There are personal concrit posts within each character's respective journals if you would prefer your comment screened.

adstringendum
Kiba Inuzuka (livesbyinstinct) - [Naruto]

conscripted
Hal "Otacon" Emmerich (deusrexmachina) - [Metal Gear Solid 4]
Kiba Inuzuka (livesbyinstinct) - [Naruto]

polychromatic
Komui Lee (coffee_gemini) - [D.Gray-man]
Shouryuu (the_ever_king) - [Twelve Kingdoms]

dear_mun/Homeless/Dropped
Ayumu Kasuga aka Osaka (lost_in_osaka) - [Azumanga Daioh]
Blue (rain_blue_wolf) - [Wolf's Rain]
Dimitri (a_noble_conman) - [Anastasia]
Dr. Perry Cox (betterthanhouse) - [SCRUBS]
Hal "Otacon" Emmerich (deusrexmachina) - [Metal Gear Solid 4]
Kiba Inuzuka (livesbyinstinct) - [Naruto]
Revy (screwjustice) - [Black Lagoon]
Sajin Komamura (wolf_of_seventh) - [Bleach]
Miguel (tough2beagod) - [The Road to El Dorado]
Mittens (sarcatstically) - [Bolt]
Nakiami (x_cloud_rider_x) - [Xam'd: Lost Memories]

[laverinth]

KIBA, YOU SAY.

*trail of doggie biscuits towards damned, even though it's a pretty lame luring method*

[saffire_persian]

INDEED.

For Kiba maybe. For Akamaru? Different story. But sdfioafda damned. I've always wanted in a roundabout way to attempt applying there, but it looks so intimidating.

[laverinth]

OUR NARUTO CREW IS VERY WELCOMING, FOR SRS. >: If you can get past our APP OF DOOM or whatever, there's great people. Honest. You have a couple months to think it over, anyway. Apps don't open again until January. >_>

[saffire_persian]

This is true.

Provided I can get the application written up by then, I'll have to give it a go and just... see what happens.

[laverinth]

\o/

Don't feel pressured, though, cause the thread style is a little different than a lot of people are used to. And if you have any worries, just ask one of us to take a look over the app, cause we totally will. :3

[saffire_persian]

The threading style--more like the structure of things--over there is what intimidates me actually, since it is so... foreign compared to what usually goes on in the majority of LJ RPs.

Though if I do attempt to apply in January, I may take you up on that offer. o/

[laverinth]

Yeah, it can seem kinda weird at first, but once you get into the swing of things it's not so bad. Some people really like it, but it's all personal preference.

♥

[televisions]

I LOVE WATCHING YOUR OTACON...

And oh goodness, I love how Kiba infuriates Vocal orz ///

/has no crit for you and runs away!!!!

[elwhyenen]

Is that a Blue?!

[rain_blue_wolf]

Indeed it is!

[whatcollarlol]

How rare!

[rain_blue_wolf]

Hige! <3

I only wish I had the opportunity to play with more of him. Or even a full Wolf's Rain cast.

tl;dr

[saffire_persian]

Your Otacon is not necessarily OOC, but I get the feeling that you don't put a lot of time in developing him. I'm aware that MGS4-era Otacon isn't the happiest character or nearly as enthusiastic as he was in MGS1 or 2, but he still has his quirky moments. He can be a nag, he can poke fun at/heap fanboyish praise on Snake ("You're the shit!"), and most importantly, he isn't as cool and calm as he would like others to think he is. The main ongoing plot point with him is that he's struggling to accept Snake's fate, not just because he'll be losing his best friend but also because he'll be losing a part of himself. This translates well into his character because, in spite of how much he's changed from the overtly emotional man he was in previous games, it still bothers him very deeply and shows how fragile he still is.

So far, I've seen none of that with your Otacon in conscripted. The only side I've noticed that you play up is that professional, collected angle, but you emphasize it so much that it makes him come off as very emotionless and

tl;dr

[deusrexmachina]

I can definitely see what you're saying here, and thanks for taking the time to critique at such an early stage so I can correct things before they become something of a bad habit. This is my first time roleplaying him, and I know I'm the middle of trying to get his voice down and settled into the game, so I appreciate whatever crit I can get.

I do agree that he does somewhat seem distant to Snake at this point, though I don't think they've had a lot of chances to really solidly interact (such as via a log) like I've been hoping to do. I'm just always naturally hesitant when it comes to asking for logs, and hopefully I'll cure that habit, and get his characterization to a more IC level. It's a problem I'll definitely have to fix, and it's obviously hindering needed characterization. Such was the case regarding the first training incident with Big Boss, as Snake's player abruptly went on a sort of hiatus more or less thereafter, so I felt hesitant in asking for a log because of those reasons (since you're watching the comm, you

[inherent_sin]

Duuuuuuurr I don't know Naruto at all so the only character I can say something about is Otacon.

I've read the above Anon comment and while I do agree that at some points it feels like there is missing 'something', overall I think you really got his voice and speech patterns down and he really feels like MGS4 Otacon, as opposed to MGS1 or MGS2 Otacon. I always thought while MGS4 Otacon is a lot more mature, he's also more distant (which is probably the reason why not many people play him from that time period), and I get that from the way you're playing him. I haven't really noticed anything that made me go 'Oh, that doesn't sound like Otacon at all'; so I think in that aspect you really don't have to worry too much. There are people who play Otacon either too geeky or too professional, so it can be hard to find a balance. Don't be afraid to have him be a dork at times! It's part of his charm; and while him (for example) going HEY SNAKE YOU NEED TO SWAP THE DISC LOL WAIT NO WE'RE ON PS3 was incredibly dumb, it was also so very Otacon