Well, I think if you were to go out on your own again, you'd do better to listen to your instincts the first time. I've told this to girlfriends of mine before (I don't go clubbing myself because I find I dislike physical proximity to people I don't know), and if someone is not giving the right vibe, then move away from them. I don't think that you led him on, but if you were allowing any kind of contact you certainly weren't discouraging him. Maybe I'm just being misled by the words "...and only touch him occasionally with my hips". I know clubbing involves unintentional (well, for the most part) contact, but if it's someone that is giving you some kind of warning signal, back away. A gay bar with all men is no different than any other kind of bar with any other kind of person, and it's going to have all the same issues. Rights are nice, but you can't expect everyone to exercise them, and if you want to have fun, if you want to be safe, you'll find to keep your rights intact you'll have to comprimise
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I'm sorry he did that to you. Not cool, not at all.
That said, as sad as it is, there are people out there who don't recognize others' rights and boundaries, especially when alcohol is present. Going out alone, to a bar or club where you don't know people, isn't safe. It's important to have at least one person who'll keep an eye on you. And when someone gives you a bad feeling, it's okay to get away from them before the situation escalates, even when it's crowded. I'm not trying to be preachy, and I know what he did isn't your fault, but I'd hate for something like this to happen to you again.
You should totally take dance lessons, though, if you want to learn to dance differently. Dancing is awesome.
I get that. The point of this post was actually more commentary on the fuckedupedness of how I thought of it and how I treated it because of cultural narratives around groping in clubs. I know that I won't be clubbing by myself for sure until I start to make friends with non-creepy regulars. (Plus, it's not as much fun as dancing with friends.)
I'm currently learning swing, but well, that's not really the type of dancing that you do at these clubs. Haha.
Okay, I understand. I just worry, that's all, and I want my friends to be safe. I'm seriously disgusted that someone did that to you and I wish there were more I could do about it. It's a relief to know that you won't be going there alone again.
Yeah, that's true, but are you having fun learning? :)
I am! I just started this week when my friend invited me to a dance the swing club on campus was hosting. I'm gonna go again this next week to the regular meetings. Of course, being who I am, I'm all, "But I don't wanna be the lead! Look at all the fun stuff the women get to do!" And then I was noticing the clear gender roles that it presents. And god does my mind think about everything sociologically? Answer: probably!
But no, it was fun. It's just a challenge to get the steps down as well as assuming the role of the lead. I'm hesitant a lot of the time and not quite strong enough. I'm sure I'll get better over time.
Jeeeeez. While you know I don't see things through the lens of sociology as much as you do, still, not okay. You shouldn't have to put up with that. Just because dance clubs sort of breed an atmosphere that might invite that sort of conduct doesn't mean it's a free-for-all. Yikes.
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That said, as sad as it is, there are people out there who don't recognize others' rights and boundaries, especially when alcohol is present. Going out alone, to a bar or club where you don't know people, isn't safe. It's important to have at least one person who'll keep an eye on you. And when someone gives you a bad feeling, it's okay to get away from them before the situation escalates, even when it's crowded. I'm not trying to be preachy, and I know what he did isn't your fault, but I'd hate for something like this to happen to you again.
You should totally take dance lessons, though, if you want to learn to dance differently. Dancing is awesome.
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I'm currently learning swing, but well, that's not really the type of dancing that you do at these clubs. Haha.
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Yeah, that's true, but are you having fun learning? :)
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But no, it was fun. It's just a challenge to get the steps down as well as assuming the role of the lead. I'm hesitant a lot of the time and not quite strong enough. I'm sure I'll get better over time.
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Stay safe, Braddo.
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