Firstly, since it just occurred, trying to replace the privacy film on the master bathroom window and it refuses to cling at the bottom then crinkles causing the entire piece to be scrapped. Nearly an hour of my day off wasted trying to get that replaced. Just trying to knock ONE FUCKING THING off my to do list ( Read more... )

My symptoms have been awful. Took a nap over my lunch today and still I’m exhausted. I’m sure I’m depressed. The new island and kitchen stuff is being done and I’m only annoyed. I cried on the way to dinner ( Read more... )

Symptom of the day is severe fatigue. I’m so tired. Struggled to keep my eyes open all day and physically am exhausted despite doing very little today.

Oh and the family is disintegrating. My dad is off some of his meds. Who knows if any of my siblings are going to show up for Christmas. I’m exhausted with these morons, too.

I just remembered something about my childhood. I always, not fantasized, but kind of fictionalized in my head being sick with something. And I wonder if the reason was an unspoken desire for attention that would come with an illness. And whether, being the second child, with hardly a memory of having much attention, is an issue that I’m carrying ( Read more... )

So many people I know are going through rough times and I want to be there for them. But I’m struggling with my health and job, too. Yet I don’t feel I can burden anyone with that since they’re already dealing with shit. So, I carry my own burden AND theirs with no help for mine.

So, I’m supposed to start a journal again says therapist and I figured this one already exists. But the app is no longer supported!? Frustrating.

Never finish a good book at bedtime. This being just one of many pieces of advise I still haven’t learned. I always feel…empty, when I finish a book. But also invigorated? I want to disappear into that universe, be those characters or maybe just be around those characters?

It’s a lot like how I’ve always been. Do I want to fuck that guy? Or be that ( Read more... )

An interesting thing seems to be happening. While I am out with my family and Christopher isn’t with his, the level of acceptance seems to be shifting. Unsurprisingly, I think it may be down to parenthood. Parenthood is all the rage these days when it comes to division, and it seems to be the subject that shows how people really feel.

I have brought ( Read more... )

Had the talk again tonight. About marriage. And the result was the same. No resolution. He shuts down. Doesn’t respond. Doesn’t reply. I do all the talking, leaving places for him to interject, to give his side, anything. And instead, he just clams. So, we continue with the status quo until it becomes too much for me again and I bring it up again ( Read more... )

Just a couple thoughts. Thoughts built upon a recurrent theme.

A birthday celebration for my older brother, organized and invited by my mother. Can’t say the last time that happened for me. Years and years.

A late night text thread, a family thread. Awaken to long messages from my brother from far away, in hospital with COVID. He was released so ( Read more... )