grown so attached to something that is gone i find myself disattached from everything now. not even restoring that addictive past may fill the hole that i find doveloping before me. When thinking back on every day i wonder if it was what i was suppose to be doing on this day, or if the road most travelled has passed me by completely. No more ( Read more... )

floating along getting by forgetting thoughts as they haunt my dreams ( Read more... )

my shakes are bad today, decided not to go out into public for fear that i won't be able to stop my hand from giving my flaw away to the public eye. I hate not being in control. Been at home too long now, almost two weeks, and i can't leave for 4 more days. Wish I were running away sooner, its more fun, and invigerating. People stop to tell me ( Read more... )

listening to my friend who is sitting to tell me his women troubles and life problems, i find myself feeling lightheaded, and tasting a metallic flavor in my mouth. My stomach turns and tells me of a problem with my body. I run for a restroom and throw up blood into the toilet. Stomach acid and what looks like a water bottles worth of thick red ( Read more... )

My mind constantly races these days. I ponder on subjects that get me nowhere, i worry about things that leave me nervous, and I make for the future that i never plan to keep. A phrase always comes to me whenever I write, and I always type it out, and realize that I never can finish it, I find that I will type "What time was it when..." and i ( Read more... )

When ever i talk to people who i have known for sometime, i see something in their eyes, disbelief. They know ilie, im a liar, i would lie my ass off. Its not the stories of my past though as most would believe, its my feelings. i keep the anger, and emotion, and hatred, and sadness caged, cause i don't wish to explain any of it to anyone.

i watch and listen to things around me, mostly just soaking it in and not spouting it back out like a regurgitating machine. People ask me to listen to actual monologues of their life as though it would make a difference from the other 99 percent of what i hear them say, its all meaningless, rarely do i hear something come out of a persons mouth ( Read more... )

The color reminds me of an amber running from the trees of maple, seeping out at an incredible rate as if time were sped up to accomodate the comparison and to apease the eyes. the essence is a sweet memory of the fields of oak and nature caressing the body nurturing it in the warm sun under the cool touch for 5 minutes in an april shower. To ( Read more... )

Isn't it funny how whvingen a person takes you from completely happy to completely miserable that everyone else says that its ablessing in disguise, or how everything happens for a reason. We all think that we are meant for something, or maybe we are all meant for something to someone, whichever it is, neither matters to me when i have been ( Read more... )

Maybe my standards are too high ( Read more... )