there is so much that i have not written in here. Life went crazy on me for awhile and then i found myself somewhere i have never been before, happy ( Read more... )

It has been a long day and a long week. I am finally back in Seattle. I am more than disappointed that my boyfriend was shipped to the other side of the state for the weekend though. I am saddened by this. I was really angry at first, then after sleeping the whole plane ride home I was simply sad. I cannot help but miss him terribly and eating has ( Read more... )

It has been forever and a day since I last wrote in my journal. Scrolling through all of the entries from all of my friends I cant help but to be a little sad, though I suppose that many people are just like me and will come back when they are consumed again ( Read more... )

I hear the still soft voice telling me not to harden my heart, but i dont want to cry. But, then again i dont want to be left here either ( Read more... )

Things here have been pretty stressful. I just left Ryan tonight. Things have been so bad at home that I have been staying at his place and sleeping in one of his extra beds. But, I went over there tonight (its 3:30 am) right after I got off of work at about 3 am and he was being a jerk. All night I have been thinking about the whole battered women ( Read more... )

So the last few weeks I have felt like a huge cow, I have not been running like I used to because I work all of the time. I have still continued to lose weight but at the same time I also feel like I am the fattest lard ass around. So many people are comforted by the fact that their boyfriends find them beautiful. Me, on the other hand, still feels ( Read more... )

I really hate myself, I can't even explain the extremity of it all. I wish more than anything that I could fall asleep and wake up and be someone else tomorrow. Yes, I am dating a really great guy, but he knows nothing about me. I have been seeing him for three weeks now and he is great and I am sure that he would understand, but at the same time I ( Read more... )

Ever since i have been in Alaska I have hated myself more, and been more intense about how i dont eat. I hate it, I hate living at home and feeling like i am always being watched. My mother looked at the scale when I was in the Doc's office on Friday and exclaimed, 123 -- blah blah blah, no biggie right? Well then she is telling me that i have a ( Read more... )

I was watching some show today on the television and there was this girl (kirsten dunst) and she was saying what my heart felt. I know that I screw everything up and I know that I am not perfect but can't you just love me? -- is it so hard to do ( Read more... )

Oh that song reverberates inside my soul ( Read more... )