I think I would have to go with choice 2. Be reasonable, but don't take no for an answer. It's not ok for anyone to treat an employee like that, family or not. You deserve to know your hours ahead of time, and if they're taking money out of your check for a break, then say fuck it and take a damn break. Don't quit unless they really force you to, but please don't wuss out. If I have to drive my ass all the way to CT to set your brother straight...you're so paying for the gas ;-)
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