sarah i read this whole thing, and i want you to know that you are not alone at all in any of these feelings. i can relate to everything you said to a fucking t. sometimes when i get depressed about everything i remember to grateful that i'm able to feel anything at all, considering so many people in the world today are too numb and apathetic and lost in their stupid lives to even cry or feel passionate about anything. but you, you're alive! and sometimes it hurts and it's confusing and it's unbearable, and yet, you still endure. and here you are, with an entire heart weathered by countless nights of pain that felt unbearable yet you survived. because you are strong. stronger than you realize
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This part of you that cries and gets angry is, like you said, just that, a part of you. and when you "fianlly" find that one that you are not angry at and doesn't make you cry because you concentrate on only that thought or that something he said then will you really be happy. or is that journey and the growth. the big question i have about this post is can you see yourself growing while you are attached, not growing together becasue that is inevitable, but growing as an individual person that loathes their own existence and we sometimes do... you are more profound then i could ever wish to be...
thank you nate. as always. i can see myself growing while attached. i cant describe it in detail cos its been awhile since ive grown positively while involved with someone and been completely sure of myself. hard to explain even to myself. we need to get together soon.
wow. This was incredible. It struck me hard, and right in the face. Keep living sarah, the world needs more people like you. There's so few left over, and we need all the help we can get. love, Ruth
yeah that was pretty badass, I would put that thing in a movie, not in speech or anything, but as some person is reading it on a computer screen with all the typos (no offense, but you took X's class you know all the Freudism's he gives) as the guy reading it finds the body of person who comitted suicide. Though I know you're totally opposite of that. Or rather you seem like it. (But hell I just like putting contrasting emotions in movies making the evil act of suicide.) Fuck I'm hella rambling, but I just got some blueberry and my head is spinning. Anyhow. Yeah I'm totally on the same page with you Sarah. You sound like me when I first decided to stay in Colorado. I have a poem I'll have to send you. I think you may find it to be true. If you're not doing it now, I suggest you take up art...even if you suck at it, take it up. It will really enhance this emotional high you're having. Because you'll get I guess what I call the artist's revelation, in where you discover that the whole world is a possibility for art and you
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oh nathan. as soon as you said "i just got some blueberry and my head is spinning" i remembered how much i miss you. im so glad that you responded to my manic rant. you must send me that poem. do you know my address? B405 Summit Hall, Fort Collins 80521. im really happy that you understand what im saying. i liked this: "i mean sure chase your dreams and all just dont get so wrapped up in them that you miss everything else along the journey." its like being obsessed with events in your life and not what else your doing. like hating your job and loving vacation. its not worth it to waste your days for a reward. make your days the reward. you introduced me to that when you started hitchhiking. you're such an awesome person. call or write soon. and thank you sooo much for replying. i love you nathan and i'd like to talk to you more and find how you're feeling. and what sort of art you are persuing.
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peaceavi@aol.com
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There's so few left over, and we need all the help we can get.
love, Ruth
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