the things i have with me now and the things i miss from before. ah, is there ever a balance? i suppose the grass will be forever greener. like dickens, i am the nonstop nostalgia junkie, the flava sava. i find myself thrust into experiences i am sure to find beautiful, changing, and fulfilling- and yet- i long for the chords of so many consonant ( Read more... )

 first of all, natalie portman's fiance is in for a rude shock when he finds out she's leaving him for me.

next, i wish i could be this perky in the morning. while thankful, i only feel this way at night. late at night. i could be dangerously productive if i had this much 'umf' in the day.

for instance- i'd like to see about 200 movies (10 of which ( Read more... )

  in twenty six years of life this is the second time i've seen a lunar halo. the first was in ithaca, on the way to late nite (the 'fourth meal' of college) by the towers, near the top of south hill. the ring of light appeared some distance away from the moon and shone with a crystalline intensity. so brightly and so perfectly round it hung there ( Read more... )

 aw, shit. i'm not even remotely tired. i should not be this awake at this hour. i feel pumped. i'm hopping up and down, without bending my knees, thinking about what meats and cheeses to combine for my late midnight snack, ready to take on any foul adolescent that crosses my call of duty black ops bad ass path. i have been on this earth longer ( Read more... )

 things that happened to me today:

i met with a woman from adult protective services today. we met at the house so she could evaluate mom. nursing homes are expensive, and dad and i don't really have any money left.

the application process involves a lot of questions about moms habits and medical history and was difficult. i couldn't remember her ( Read more... )

so....i need some feedback: 
----
-moving out-
i set the alarm clock across the room
so I’d have to rise to hush it.
instead I just learned to pretend 
or sleep through its crying out.

I hope the new york you find
is the one you were always looking for
it wasn’t when I was searching
but it should be now that I’ve left

----
-war and peace-
oh, the war is over. ( Read more... )

home made guacamole. shared terrible movie experiences. being a blues musician. cuban women. straight whiskey. long drives on curvy, familiar roads. autumn weather. being with good friends. writing well. staying up late. orange juice.

hope this is what being zen feels like. 

for the things i wear on my sleeve vs. the things i can't say to you, or on facebook, and hide in my heart and on this page.

damn longing. damn your eyes. damn alcohol. damn me.

damn trips we took and things we said. damn all the times i saw you without you knowing. damn all the songs i play wishing you were there to hear me. damn every day i've ( Read more... )

to know the hammer is coming is one thing.

to hear the hammer fall, and feel it's leaden weight, is another.

i can't sleep because i keep thinking of these things...

saw the professional marching music dci southeastern classic this sunday. i wish i could travel, by way of closing my eyes, back to that time and stick my head in that sound, feel it like a bucket of water, surround me. lean forward a little like there was a field suspended in space that when ( Read more... )