I'm leaving town for about five days tomorrow morning.  I'm road tripping it up!  I can't wait to get away.

This trip is the closest thing I have to disappearance...  I will embrace it with open arms.

A message to you all while I'm away:

Keep fighting the good fucking fight!  The struggle may be hard but it is soooo worth it.  Peace to you all.  ( Read more... )

A part of me that I thought was lost forever has been found.  :)

It was hiding in the first sunrise of the new year.  So beautiful.

Yep.  I'm pulling myself out of this ditch.  And who cares if I fall back in?  What's the worst that could happen?  I fall.  I fail.  I weep.  I hurt.  I pick myself up.  I breathe.  I walk.  Then if I'm lucky, I fall ( Read more... )

I want to post... so much has happened... within me and around me... but I cannot find the words.

I've been pondering the notion of ceasing my writing on my livejournal for awhile.  I just feel like all I do on this thing is whine and complain sometimes.  Lately the only time I've wanted to post was when I felt sad... so instead I called someone ( Read more... )

I've wanted to post so much lately... but all I've wanted to write is sadness and anger and crap. I know that I need to deal with these feelings but I don't want to always resort to dealing with them here. I've found that I carry a solemnity with me these days. I can still be happy and smile and laugh my ass off and have a great time... but I ( Read more... )

These are the things I want to remember always...

I received a phone call last night that I swear I have prayed for for like half my lifetime.

I fell asleep around 2 am... with a glass of wine to kiss me good night.  I felt a bit sad... a bit victorious... and a bit lonely.  It's the wee hours of the morning that hurt the most these days.  But ( Read more... )

I've decided that thinking too much will be the death of me.  I was sitting in my philosophy class listening to my teacher talk about the struggle between the will to love and the will to power... he was talking about how people love and such.  Well, I panicked.

That's right... I panicked.

I didn't let anyone around me know... but my insides were ( Read more... )

"miracles happen once in awhile, if you believe..."

i want to believe this.

i really do.

trying to take my mind off myself FOR ONCE!

how do i stop thinking so much?

MOVIES... is the answer lately.

i have been reminded of my love for films.... i need to sit and really watch more movies.  ive missed out on so much.

now its time for grilled cheese ( Read more... )

i feel tired but i don't feel like i can sleep yet.  i'm burning some CDs and i will not rest until they're through.

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i have resolved that i am in the anger stage of my mourning.  i also have been reminded that i have abandonment issues.  in order to deal with these ( Read more... )

And here I am... and I'm sad.  And what makes me feel even worse is that there is nothing to be done about it.  If I talk, I cry... If I write, I cry... If I cry, I cry some more...  everything lead to tears today.  DAMMIT WHY DO I CRY SO MUCH?!

I didn't call friends today to ask for help because I'm almost sick of doing that as well.  I'm sick of ( Read more... )

"I sewed it up...

Stitched all these dead ends streets into the sewn up seams of my heartstrings unwind...

Unwound like a petal pulled from an open flower surrounds

By fields where children sigh but don't make a sound...

And don't break it off, this searching for what we may never find and that says it all...

I hope that we can make it through...

( Read more... )