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yeah...yeah...yeah
So, I saw them both. I cried with her. He was...ok, not completely ignoring me...better. I stayed up and cried with her...got my period the next day, no wonder it was such a hard day. I just so NEEDED to see her. Then we slept. He was just inches away. I woke up...couldn't sleep. I touched his back gently in his sleep...would he wake up? I ( Read more... ) -
thoughts...
Yeah, ok. So he is a shell, so he is a fucked up mess... why then am I having to struggle today to hold back, hold back from just wanting to touch him...to reach out. He is in my head. My love for him is not turned off like a light switch, it just isn't that easy for me. Fucker. Wish it were ( Read more... ) -
my sister and her king
So many thoughts swirl into and around my head... Vella...my Vella. Wish I could have her back the way I did, only so briefly. Too briefly. Amazing, but she never believed me. Her luscious lips, so gentle, so soft. Her creativity, her mind, her laugh and smile. Her fingers inside me, leaving me sore and wanting more. If only she could sit ( Read more... ) -
Healing
It's over. Beyond that, he has treated me so reprehensibly, I am simply shocked. It is his fears of truth that have misled me into believing him and his 'love' for me...bullshit. All of it. Total bullshit. I must learn to be wary, to hold back. To restrain myself, it's so difficult. I guess the saddest part of all of this is that I feel I ( Read more... ) -
hope...
I saw him tonight. I went to hang out with my redhead and to be with him. Even just close, all of us working a bit. I mean nothing fun, ecpect whatching some silly dance show and Grey's Anatomy and his smile and her hug. God she is fucking beautiful. Green scarf wrapped in her hair...no wonder he is in love. If only he would look at me. No ( Read more... ) -
Heather & Diana...what happened
This is pretty trippy for those who wonder how an eleven year loving relationship goes to hell in a handbasket. I am at least partially a One (Reformer) and Diana a nine (Peacemaker) as mention below. This is from an amazing website with FREE tests and cool stuff to learn about- www.enneagraminstitute.com ( Read more... ) -
Duncan
Oh my poor South African boy... his friend Pete IM'd me a bit ago and they did end having to do surgery on him yesterday finally to stop the internal bleeding. Pete says he will be fine now and I didn't get a ton of details besides that. Just a request for a cam shot of me so he could "see what all the fuss was about"...god I love it! Anyways, I ( Read more... ) -
Truth...
It is a shame that many cannot face their own truth...yes, sometimes it does hurt -
Alone
One of those too emotional days...damned birth control pills don't help, either. Feelings hurt, not included, blown off and forgotten about. Brian is gone. Told him I missed him today, to no reply. Spoke with Diana earlier, missed her. Told her so, no reply. Need to sleep, but want to IM with Steve...he's got to be sleeping still. Why do I ( Read more... ) -
LA....
Going to LA tomorrow with Krista and some gay guy we met at Hot Pink named Josh. Going to see 50 foot Wave tomorrow night, which is the latest band from the ashes of Throwing Muses. My fav band ever...Kristin Hersch is amazing. K and I are gonna shop the LA garment district for wholesale salon/shop stuff which should be fun! Yeah...See everyone ( Read more... )