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howtokillmyself

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Feb 24, 2006 00:52

Sort of took an unplanned break from this place... it's been good for me. I went three weeks without binging. I'm getting out of that mindset although my actual consumption is slipping back into the old habit. I don't think of it as "binging" right now although I really haven't done so well this week. Week before my period... it's always such a ( Read more... )

Comments 3

asthinasher February 25 2006, 00:10:04 UTC

wow... three weeks? that is amazing.
the longest i went was seven days. and i was over the moon with it. recently, i've only been able to go for two days w/o binging and purging. goddamn.

do you really think that can happen? you can wake up and just not. want. to. do. it. anymore?
i actually felt rather... i dunno, i b/p'd today, but i felt more like i HAD to do it rather than wanted to because fridays are 'my days.'
i figured feeling like that is a step in the right direction? maybe?

Thanks. howtokillmyself February 25 2006, 04:07:54 UTC

I have to believe that it's possible. If it's not... then I do not know how I will be able to get through the rest of my life. The thing that scares me the most is the concept of being "in recovery" and never being able to actually call yourself recovered - like with alcoholism. Knowing that one, single drink could set you off again for the next three years. I've heard accounts of some alcoholics who've said that their desire to drink never changes, just what they do about it. But then I've also heard some e.d.'d people say that food eventually stopped being a big deal - it ceased to matter except when it came to fulfilling hunger ( ... )

Re: Thanks. asthinasher February 25 2006, 05:16:03 UTC

yeah my mom was a heavy heavy (2.5 packs a day) smoker before she had me, and to this day, she can't even touch a cigarette, not even a single drag, cuz she knows she'll get sucked back in that easily. freaky shit.

but you're right - i have heard about ed'd people making, well, a full recovery. and i have to hold on to that hope, otherwise... i just can't compare it to alcoholism. i can't. it would be failure all over the place.

you know, sometimes i think about ms. hornbacher's wasted and how at the beginning (or is it the very end? hah) she's talking about how now, even when she feels really full, she knows that the bathroom is only ten steps away but she refrains and puts up with the discomfort. and it's like, she was SO fucked, but she's managing okay, right? inspiration like that... that's the only thing that's gonna keep me sane, i think ( ... )