Ohhhhhhh, love hurts

[hvindenm]

This story makes me feel sad.   I'm afraid that 10% of couples have magical, special brains, and that 90% of couples are doomed.  :(

On a related note, I listened to the Curious Case of Benjamin Buttons.  It made me feel sad.  Benjamin lusts after a beautiful chick and has a happy marriage... for a while.  But, after he gets "younger" and his wife

Comments

[jedimomma]

I'm very happy (believe me) to report that partners *can* grow with each other, and my marriage is evidence. My husband and I have genuinely grown with each other over the past 15 years or so (7 of them married). It does in fact take work, and it's not quite the same thing as "to grow together". More like two plants slowly intertwining, while retaining their own individual integrity. I wouldn't want to say that this will work out forever, but so far, so good!

[mantispid]

I don't know about about magical, special brains.. a 10% rate seems to me that it's a defect, no? 10% of couples contain some sort of mutation where the normal separation mechanism to increase gene mixing has failed, resulting in a couple that is stuck reproducing with the same partner, and thus fails to continue to mix with an increasing variety of gene stock...

[hvindenm]

I now have another reason to support gay marriage/civil unions. :P I'm curious if divorce/separation rates are lower among couples when producing babies as a couple is not in the cards. This might hold for heterosexual couples, too. Still, maybe homosexual peeps are still driven by the desire to reproduce, but this drive is misdirected.....and it would still lead to frustration, lack of babies/children, and a desire to sow in other fields.....

I bet this is known for other countries (states) where gay marriage / unions are legal.......will google it.

[gwyneth1362]

But we've known for a while (simply by looking at couples - my empirical evidence) that passion and love change throughout the course of a relationship. Those other 90% aren't doomed - they (should) love differently. The trick, to me, is to find someone to love in such a way so that when that initial burst of passion fades, you have the rest of the relationship - and you value it just as much.

[hvindenm]

I wonder what the rate of separation / divorce is for couples who have a long-established relationship, who then enter into marriage. Say.....5-7 years pre-marital, sexual relationship. It would be neat if their divorce rates are lower than individuals who get married a year into their relationship.

[gwyneth1362]

I don't know about just having a relationship, but most older studies showed that cohabitating couples who married had a higher divorce rate than couples who did not, and that couples who cohabitated for longer periods of time (more than 5 years, I think) were actually less likely to eventually marry.

New studies indicate that there are many more factors, and that the results are not so dire. For example, women who cohabitate with a partner before marriage are less likely to divorce than women who never cohabitate, but women who have multiple live-ins are more likely to divorce than women who have only one.

There is some belief (two articles I read) that the prior studies were based on couples who cohabitated before it was socially acceptable (in the 1970's, say), and therefore had more pressure to actually marry whether they wanted to or not.