The past is chained around me and I don't believe there will be a point that I can ever truly shake it. I have worked hard at letting it all go, but I think it's time that I can only move forward wearing my past like a web around me, holding on forever. And I just need to figure out how to be okay with that. I am, absolutely, damaged goods and ( Read more... )

So I'm dating a guy who takes really good care of me, who listens to me, who does things no guy has EVER done for me before. Yet here I am fucking up, you know, that thing I'm really good at. I'm so damned broken, I don't know if there is even the beginning of a way to fix me. Humpty Dumpty can't be put back together again. I feel so damned much, ( Read more... )

What lessons do we learn in life? Or do we just continue making the same damn mistakes time and again? Do we move through life, thinking we are learning when really we are just fooling ourselves into believing we are ( Read more... )

I am just this poor, submissive, broken girl. It seems I always come back to this. Do we ever truly recover from trauma and become whole again? Then again, was I ever really whole, considering how my life began? It's hard to say. But time and again I find myself here, in this place, lost and feeling very alone. I can't seem to allow myself to ( Read more... )

So, I am definitely not good at taking my advice. There were three guys I was seeing, because they all pursued me, and I didn't want to disappoint. One I have completely ghosted, of which I am not proud, but it was the only way. He wanted everything, and he wanted it now. Or maybe he wanted it yesterday... it's hard to say. He was already talking ( Read more... )

So this year continues it's challenges. Wow is this year insane for me, and I am not exactly sure what to do with everything that has been thrown at me. Where does one start ( Read more... )

It's time to journal again. I guess is the place I will turn when life feels like bitch slapping me in the face yet again. These last few weeks have been especially rough for me. My mom had an accident while driving her belongings cross country and I got nearly no sleep and plenty of hard physical labor trying to help her clean up the loss of so ( Read more... )

Sometimes this life is very cruel in how it moves you. You think you are finally getting ahead, that all is well in the world, and boom, it strips away that illusion and leaves you bereft. I realize my problems are not the biggest in the world.... but it still hurts all the same. I try so damned hard and keep getting put back in place. I just want ( Read more... )

So my past has found me again, and so I did what I needed to do to take care of it. It was not easy, it does make so much come to the surface that I would rather continue to be ahead of rather than in the midst of. I guess the past is never going to stay fully in the past, and this is something I must accept and learn to adapt around. How does one ( Read more... )

Sometimes I just *feel* so much and I can't honestly explain why. A deep sadness just fills me, a melancholy all my own, for no explainable reason. Or maybe there is an explainable reason but I can't grasp it and articulate it out. Tonight is one such night. I feel... so deeply, so fully, a depth of sadness and pain that I cannot even begin to ( Read more... )