Well hello, children. I was just enjoying the comfortable shade to be found under this bridge. No, that's not my abandoned fishing pole next to the stream, and of course I'm not hiding under here. What kind of disagreeable monster would I be to try to hide from such delightful and persistent children? Hmm...monsters who hide under bridges... ( Read more... )

Experience the Cave of Mystery! If you have never visited a cave before, then you are in for surprises! If you have visited a cave before, then rest assured that it was worthless garbage compared to the Cave of Mystery! The Cave of Mystery features the most magnificent speleothems ever constructed by nature - the drippiest dripstone, the ( Read more... )

Attend, humans! The grotesque meat engines that are your bodies require nourishment in order to function! Some portion of that nourishment could be provided by baked foodstuffs. This weekend we will be exchanging baked foodstuffs for local currency at the embassy/church/foothold we have recently secured in your vicinity. Some of those ( Read more... )

Am I in a better place to write things now that Second Chance has rolled around? Maybe? We'll see.

The last several weeks have not been at all conducive to writing the sort of darkly whimsical things that I like to write. Honestly, the whole season was kind of bad timing...I mean, I had to use a bye for week 1. Not a great start ( Read more... )

Mommy gave me a very important job today - I'm supposed to make friends with some monsters. Only Mommy said I musn't call them that, because it's rude, but I think if you have that many extra eyes or antlers or a skull that's always on fire or something then you really can’t blame people for calling you a monster. But Mommy says I need to be ( Read more... )

Throughout history, we have achieved what which had previously been thought impossible. We learned to fly. We put people on the moon. We reintroduced the triceratops into the wild. We domesticated the triceratops. We created a pumpkin spice version of every consumable substance in existence. We built a hundred foot tall tower out of human ( Read more... )

Good evening. I am speaking to you tonight to address the recent allegations that I have "gone mad with power." I want to assure you that I have not ( Read more... )

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Our story begins, as so many stories do, in the past. I mean, our only other options are to start it in the present or the future. There's very little present to work with compared to how much past there has been. There's some future left, but not as much as you might think, if those doomsday cultists are to be believed ( Read more... )