Don't Say Goodbye
i. story by: hydraheiress
ii. pairing: yunjae
iii. genre: romance, drama, slight-angst
iv. length: one-shot
v. rating: pg-13
vi. summary: The painful reality was, before he could take control over his heart, Jaejoong already fell- hard.
vi. prequel: why did I fall in love with you? |
don't say goodbye
Jaejoong clutched the plane ticket tightly in his hands, desperately willing the ache in his heart to go away.
This was for the best. For Yunho. For them both. The world was a cruel place to live in. Jaejoong knew this firsthand. Growing up in the hostile streets of Itaewon, he knew the kind of hate people harbored for those not like them.
Jaejoong didn’t know when it happened, didn’t realize just when he ended and Yunho began.
And the painful reality was, before he had any control over what his heart was saying, Jaejoong already fell - hard.
But loving a man was wrong. No matter how much the world has changed. Views may have progressed and society might have been a little bit more tolerant. But it was always the same bottom line, if two men were to love each other, it would only cause heartache and pain. Yunho had a family, Jaejoong did so too. And he didn’t want to disappoint them.
That was what he had fervently told himself, repeatedly, that he didn’t care about the feelings he had developed for one Jung Yunho. His friend, his colleague and the man that for the first time made his heart skip a beat.
He would allow his heart to break because he was his father’s heir, the one to continue the Kim line. He had to bury those emotions, put them inside a box, lock it and throw the key to a place he would never be able to reach again.
Jaejoong had plans for his future. A wife, four kids, a white picket fence with two dogs. The perfect picture. Or at least that used to be his plan, before he met Yunho and now all he ever wanted was to always be by his side.
Still, he had been successful of getting Yunho out of his head the time he spent overseas at the convention.
He was able to not think of the other man for a few hours. However, as if he was haunting him, Yunho's image would infiltrate his thoughts again, tempting him, reminding him of how much he wanted the other man's very presence near him, making him remember how those hands felt on his shoulders while Yunho sent him a breathtaking smile.
Jaejoong thought he was doing fine. Though he still wondered how Yunho would taste or if he loved him the same way he did, Jaejoong was confident that it would only be a matter of time before he was able to get Yunho out of his system.
Easier said than done. Because the second he laid eyes on him again, seeing the weary and exhausted look on his face, as if Yunho hadn’t had any sleep for months, Jaejoong’s heart ached and bled for him. And though he had resolutely told himself that he wasn’t going to let his feelings rule over his head, Jaejoong hadn’t been able to repress his true emotions.
And before he knew it, his hands were cupping Yunho’s face, worry coiling around his heart at the image of him.
“I had sleepless nights when you were away. I don’t really know what’s happening to me but I think it's because of you.”
It was like heaven and hell at the same time.
When Yunho admitted that he felt the same emotions for him all along, Jaejoong wanted to crush him to his embrace, to kiss those lips he had so badly wanted to ravish ever since he developed these feelings for shis friend. Jaejoong had wanted to shout at the top of his lungs those three words that he had silently and secretly wanted to tell the other man.
But only one word came out of his mouth.
“Actually-” That was all he ever said before he shook his head and bent his head low.
His family’s faces flashed across his mind, the reminder of his responsibilities rearing its ugly head out in the open.
That night, Jaejoong’s mind could be compared to a car running at top speed. So many things infiltrated his head, a lot of what if scenarios played out in his thoughts. What if he accepted Yunho’s feelings? What if he finally gave in to his heart? But then, the painful truth was, whatever his decision might be, in the end he would only hurt the people he loved.
**
A great fight at his house occurred and he was trying to escape the memory of his father’s lashing words.
And the clear disappointment in his mother’s eyes.
Jaejoong was on his car driving the highway, shaking hands gripping the steering wheel, tears blurring his vision.
He was breaking inside.
In the end he chose to be with Yunho. All his life he’s always listened to what his parents had to say, they always had to give the last decision in everything. Yet the one time that Jaejoong asked for something that he wanted, what his father did was spat into his face of how much of a disgusting little fag he was.
His father, his mother, the two people that he hoped would understand, only pushed him away.
And before Jaejoong could realize what was happening.
Pain exploded in his world and everything went black.
**
“Yoochun ah.”
The sobbing voice of his girl friend on the other line, stirred a deep worry in his heart. “Boa. What’s wrong?”
“It’s my brother, Jaejoong, he-” she trailed off, her cries muffling her words. “Jaejoong’s dead.”
Yoochun's breath caught in his throat. Jaejoong? But he just saw him a few days ago entering Yunho’s office.
“He got… he got into a car accident… a week ago Yoochun ah. And… and now, as I was watching over him, he was in a coma and though… the doctors said he had a very small chance of survival, we still hoped… he’d push through but…" she trailed off, her broken cries and sobs infiltrating Yoochun's ears.
And then later on, as he was contemplating wether he should ring his best friend and inform him about what happened to Jaejoong, he received another phone call. Yunho got into an accident an hour ago - and was announced dead on arrival.
His best friend was gone.
Jaejoong was dead.
And as soon as the words finally sunk in, Yoochun himself… finally broke down and cried.
**
Every word that came out of Jaejoong's mouth, his heart was pleading for Yunho to understand.
“I had a head on collision with another car a week ago.”
And now I’m afraid we can’t be together.
“I was… transferred to one of our branches.”
I didn’t get transferred because I asked to, Yunho… I’m not of this world anymore.
“Aren’t we going a bit too fast Yunho-yah?”
Yunho… I beg you, don’t speed off the highway. I don’t want you facing the same fate.
“Please, Yunho-yah. Don’t make this any harder for me.”
I won’t be here for long. Please, don’t let my last memory be of seeing you in tears.
"I hate you for making me feel this way.” Yunho’s voice dropped to a whisper as he sobbed. “I love you Jaejoong."
I love you too Yunho. And I... will hate myself forever for letting this happen to us.
“Jaejoong... please… don’t leave me. I love you… too much.”
If only I could… I wouldn’t leave you Yunho. I wouldn’t leave you.
“I have to leave, Yunho ah. I’m leaving because… because I love you.”
But you have to move on. Forget me… because… because we can never be together.
Yunho-yah this is wrong. We’re… we’re two men and… and we’re getting nowhere.
I know my words are harsh, but this is for the best. Yunho… just, please just forget me.
“I’ll get off here. I’m sorry for ending it like this.”
But I know in my heart I don’t want it to end like this.
“I’m going home.”
I don’t know where I’ll go Yunho ah. What people said about following a white light is not true.
**
“Yunho.” Jaejoong sobbed, falling to his knees as tears streamed down his cheeks, a hand covering at his mouth as he wept, eyes fixed on Yunho's bleeding and broken form in front of him. “Yunho… you stupid… idiot.”
“Pabo.” Strong arms were wrapped around his waist and Jaejoong’s tears intensified as he sobbed louder. “Jaejoong.”
“Why did you do that?” Jaejoong sobbed. Yunho had a full life ahead of him, so why? “You’re an… idiot.”
“It doesn't matter anymore. You're here and that's all that matter to me.” Yunho whispered into his ear, holding him tight in his embrace. He looked at his dead form on the cold ground, bleeding and battered before asking in a soft murmur. "I'm dead aren't I?" But strangely, Yunho felt more alive than ever, with finally having Jaejoong in his arms.
"Idiot." Jaejoong muttered, not really knowing what to say.
Turning within Yunho's hold, Jaejoong buried his face on Yunho's chest, his whole body shaking.
A part of him was happy and a part of him detested himself for feeling happiness for Yunho's death. But Jaejoong realized that if their deaths meant that they would be spending eternity in each other's arms, then he was going to embrace it.
"Jaejoong... we can be together now." Yunho muttered, filling Jaejoong's heart with so much love. "Forever."
Society couldn't hurt them anymore.
They could love each other without a care in the world.
Jung Yunho and Kim Jaejoong.
They were finally free.
END
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A/N: Okay. They're both dead. Again, I don't think it was angsty. Hmmmm. *rubs chin* Anyweiz, I'm currently working on Project Yunho and dang, I'm stuck on a scene. O_O *eats chips* Agh, I need a break. I'll log in again and work on the chapter after an hour. Oh and I hope this is a better ending ^^ hahaha! Especially for you chloe-unnie!!!!
Ugh, I think I'm catching flu again. *groans*