Masturbation causes servere problems...
All of the drama of the day has revolved around the fact that I, Jon Nunez, masturbate. I was in my room doing my thang and my little step sister walks in... without knocking. So I put my wanker (the best substitute word I could think of) away and cover myself up. I tell her to go away and knock before she comes in. 2 minutes later she walks back
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