LJ Idol, Season 9, Week 19: Kindling

[i_17bingo]

Comments

[jexia]

Happy for some proof-reading?

[i_17bingo]

Sure

[jexia]

You left an "of" out of the link in the topic thread.

I'd use commas in "Kings too were" - "Kings, too, were"

"often chained their thrones" needs a "to"

"on behalf to" is usually "on behalf of"

Minor comment that you say "This story is not about witches" but it does talk about witches.

Those MINOR things aside, I REALLY enjoyed this piece, thank you!

[i_17bingo]

Thanks.

[bleodswean]

What a compelling way to deal with necessary exposition! You really set up a story here!

[i_17bingo]

Thanks! Exposition is so clunky, and history is so... vague. This is the only way to tell it that makes sense.

[shimmerdream]

Great premise, I'd like to read more.

[i_17bingo]

Teenage Gina is one of the two major characters in my Season 9 experience (and with the exception of Week 1, all of the other stories tie into this loosely at the very least) so you can always come back after the crowd thins out a bit.

[fodschwazzle]

This is a good mother to speak with her daughter with adult language. Even so, the nature of her story was relaxing as well as prudent. Us non-witches have much to learn from other places as well.

[i_17bingo]

And the food. Oh, Gods the food.

[fodschwazzle]

Yeah, I was wondering what the food in Byzantium is really like. Without other places, we'd pretty much be a salt and pepper country.

[i_17bingo]

I can tell you from experience that the food in Istanbul is amazing; I can only imagine what it was like several empires ago.

[adoptedwriter]

This must be part of a bigger story. The dialogue works well here. AW

[i_17bingo]

With the exception of my first entry this season, everything else in it has been set in this world. I'm trying to be as standalone as possible with each entry, but my mileage will vary.