sleeping last nite was amazing. more comfortable than i can remember sleep ever being, more relaxed and content than ive felt in quite some time now. we drifted in and out of sleep, in and out of dreams, and for every waking realization of where i was, i was grateful. it was the first time in a very long while that i felt there was equal and mutual ( Read more... )

i wish you knew you what you do to me, what i'd do for you. all the ways you hurt me, and all the ways you melt my heart. i wish you had the slightest idea of how i care for you. i wish you knew how i love you so much that i hate you cuz you wont love me back. i wish i could tell you all the ways you are amazing and i wish you would believe me. i ( Read more... )

this morning i woke with a thought that i could find comfort in and i felt good about it all day. it made sense of everything, it fit, and i'm glad i finally found it. hopefully i can keep this happy little thought in the back of mind and continue to feel as good as i do today. also, noticed today that ive had this reaccurring thought of what itd ( Read more... )

i received a death threat for not updating, so here i go...

everyday i open this page and nothing comes out. stare blank white. im feeling so much, but i cant say anything. i feel like i cant be honest with even myself, nevermind all of you. but yknow...fuck compromise, fuck censorship, fuck you if you dont like it.

nah, forget it. youre too ( Read more... )

i went to visit jess at her apartment last nite. drove up with ricky. her place is really nice. i think i'd highly enjoy living in boston. i should look into it once i get some money. i realized last nite tho that the only person i can see myself living with comfortably is sampson. im sure id grow to adapt to whoever, but thats just how it seems to ( Read more... )

i miss you so fuckin much. i wanna go back and do it all over, fuck wishing it never happened. but since all that is impossible, i cant wait til summer 2009, to find you where we first fell in love and became everything to one another. i want to kiss you so bad, i want to touch your soft skin. i sit here sobbing and wondering what is wrong with me ( Read more... )

so im sitting here drinking by myself, waiting for sampson to come over. im angry and sad and lonely but i just realized that i shouldnt even waste my time feeling any of this because with enough time, none of these people in my life, except for maybe one or two, will even matter. they will all be replaced with new faces and new problems just as ( Read more... )

havent written in a few days...im slackin. it was inevitable. eventually i will abandon this all together...just you watch. i have so much stuff to say right now that i cant say anything at all. so all i'll say is...

1. xoxoxoxo
2. you can call me al is a great song
3. i love michael colin sampson
4. i miss you

( Read more... )

today was awesome. i got my license & then hung out with sampson for the rest of the day. he let me drive and we went to the baseball park in bellingham and took a bunch of pictures. i'll post them later. i love him soooooooooooooo much! <3 i went to cvs today too and got my job back since newbury didnt work out. cheryl said she'll put me on the ( Read more... )